A/N - now, a few of you might not like this chapter but all hope is not lost, I promise! Don't give up! Hope you all had a wonderful happy and safe Christmas and have a fantastic and equally safe New Year!
Chapter 3 - St Mungo's
Stepping out of the Floo into a crisp, white ward at the wizarding hospital, Harry saw he was at the end of a long, stark corridor, its blankness disturbed only by a small group of chairs and people standing about half way down from where he was. It wasn't how he remembered St Mungo's and its usual haphazard wards and corridors, but it must be the right place as the others were already there. Quickly, he made his way to a very worried looking Ginny, Neville and Arthur.
"What's going on," Harry spat out, "what's wrong with her?"
"Healer Gower will explain once she has…"
"Why can't you explain," Harry interrupted Arthur, "why can't some one tell me what's going on!"
"Because it's better if Healer Gower explains…"
"Did she know this was going to happen? Did you know it was going to happen?"
"We thought it might," Neville answered, "we were ready just in case…"
"Is this because of me?" Harry watched as the trio exchanged uncomfortable looks, confirming his suspicion. Deflated, Harry sunk into a chair.
"I shouldn't have come back," he said dejectedly, "this is my fault." But Harry's self pity was interrupted by a female's scream coming from behind the doors that were in front of them. Once again he was on his feet looking at where the scream had come from.
"What are they doing to her?" he asked, not really expecting a reply.
"Believe it or not, they're helping her," Ginny said gently, leading him back to the chairs. Wearily he sat down and closed his eyes - this was all too much.
"Ah, the usual subjects, here again I see." Harry looked up from he was sitting to see a woman in her late thirties come out from behind the doors and walking towards them, a subdued Ron following close behind her.
"Did we make it time?" Ginny asked, "is Hermione…"
"We got to her in time Miss Weasley," the Healer replied, watching as Neville enveloped his girlfriend in a comforting hug, "she has survived once again."
"Survived?" Harry asked, frowning, "she nearly died just now?" The Healer noticed Harry for the first time, stepping back slightly as Harry rose and towered above her.
"And you are?" she asked.
"Sorry Healer Gower," Arthur said quickly, "this is Harry Potter, an old friend of Hermione's."
"Mr Potter, I've heard a lot about you," the young woman said, holding out her hand in greeting. Harry shook it, still frowning and still unsure what was going on.
"Er, I've got to get back to Luna and Lenny," Ron interjected, "the little guy was in a right state. Thanks Healer Gower. I'll see you around Harry." With that, Ron turned and quickly left.
"It's best we get going too," Neville said, holding Ginny's hand but looking at Arthur and the Healer, "let Hermione know we'll see her tomorrow."
"Good to see you again Harry. We…we should catch up," Ginny said hesitantly as she hugged the shocked man, "when things are back to normal maybe." Harry just nodded. She hugged her father briefly before she too turned and followed Neville down the corridor.
"Tell Molly Hermione is resting and will be able to see visitors tomorrow," Healer Gower gently said to a tired looking Arthur, "I will have a few words with Mr Potter here, explain what's going on."
"Righto," Mr Weasley replied sadly, "give Hermione our love, will you? Harry," the two men looked at each other, "Maggie here will explain everything. Sorry this happened tonight but, well, these things can't be helped. Just Floo back to The Burrow when you're ready, I'll tell Molly not to wait up." One more hug and Harry was left standing alone and confused with the Healer at his side.
"Well, I would think tonight's events have come as a bit of a shock," the young witch said eventually, drawing Harry's eyes from the blank spot he had been absently staring at, to her face.
"What happened?" he asked simply as he fought all the emotions that were bubbling away inside of him. With a small smile, the Healer indicated to the group of chairs before leading Harry there and sitting down.
"Hermione was cursed with something that had not been used for nearly 150 years, is extremely powerful and rare."
"But I was told she was alright," Harry said, "I was told I was okay to leave."
"And I thought you were, as I was the Healer assigned to Hermione when she first arrived. But unfortunately her condition wasn't established fully until a month after your departure. By that stage you were unreachable." Harry sat and thought for a moment, guilt welling up inside of him.
"What is her condition," he asked, "what's wrong with her?"
"She was struck with the Cancitotallus Curse by Lord Voldemort, moments before you defeated him. It is a curse that can only be cast and cured by extreme power…"
"Extreme power?"
"Yes, which is why it is very rarely used. It calls on a lot of magical reserve to cast it. We think that Lord Voldemort realised he wasn't going to win and decided to…"
"…to take away someone close to me. Hermione was fighting by my side." Harry's mind was whirling with a mixture of anger, grief, guilt and horror as he remembered the last fight; he and Hermione separated from the others, she helping to distract Voldemort allowing him to use Godric Gryffindor's sword for the fatal blow. He had seen Hermione fall and had been by her side as she was taken to St Mungo's…his thoughts were interrupted as Healer Gower continued.
"It can only be reversed by the person who cast it originally, who thankfully is now dead, but of course that doesn't help Hermione. I can only delay the full strength of the curse, however I cannot cure her. "
"The full strength?" Harry repeated, his heart beating widely - he didn't like the direction this conversation was going.
"Harry, Hermione is dying. Every day she gets that little bit weaker. We think she only has around one, maybe two years of life left. Collapses, like the one she experienced this evening, are caused by stress and anxiety and take a lot of the remaining strength she has…"
"Hermione is dying," Harry whispered, not really a question but more a realisation of what he was being told.
"Yes. I'm sorry…"
"You said it was okay for me to go!" Harry yelled suddenly, standing up and turning from the woman in front of him, totally unaware of the red glow that began to surround his body, "you said that it was fine, that everyone was fine," he continued before squaring back onto the Healer, his eyes blazing, "but everyone is NOT fine! I can't believe this! Hermione is dying!" As he said those words, Harry's anger quickly ebbed away, replaced swiftly by grief.
"Hermione is dying," he repeated, slumping back in his seat.
"Your staying would not have prevented this Harry," Healer Gower began, "in fact, it probably would have made things worse."
"How?" He looked into the unfamiliar face of the woman who had been looking after his friend for the last five years. He saw intelligence, compassion and understanding - a combination that reminded him so much of Albus Dumbledore. He didn't remember her, though he is sure this wasn't the first time they had met. Her next words confirmed that.
"Because you were broken and Hermione would have spent a lot of her energy to try and fix you. You did an admirable job hiding the pain you were in after the Last Battle for the weeks you remained, but you could not have done that for ever. If you had tried, then your pain would have consumed you and we would have lost you both." His pain had consumed him anyway and for longer than he cared to admit. If he had stayed, he would have been no help to anyone. But he wanted to help now.
"Tell me everything," he said finally, "tell me everything you know about this curse and what has been happening to her since I've been gone."
"When Hermione woke at first, when you were still here, her condition was thought stable by us here at St Mungos," the young Healer began, "all her vital signs were normal, she just showed extreme tiredness, which was thought to be a result of her injuries. As time progressed it became apparent that we were wrong. The wounds on her abdomen became infected and her loss of sight was less temporary than we thought…"
"She lost her sight?"
"Hermione was blind for two years. After the correct diagnosis was made we had staff working around the clock to find a cure. When it was determined that a cure was beyond our capabilities, we moved our attention to making the years she had remaining with us as comfortable as possible. She remained in St Mungo's for six months as we worked out the best way to treat her condition and between us here and her friends, we have looked after her ever since.
"She is a courageous and extremely strong young woman who has continued to live her life as fully as she can. She wanted to study to become a Healer, keep her mind busy I think she said, so we made allowances for her and she is now in her second year. She has a nice flat in central London and I think she is writing an updated version of 'Hogwarts: A History' as well as her memoirs. She has learnt to cope with what life has dealt her but, as you have already witnessed, she tires extremely easily and if she is stressed, her body shuts down protecting only her core organs. If I do not perform a counter-curse within ten minutes of her collapse, she dies."
"Which is what happened tonight."
"Yes. The Weasley's notified me after your return, warning me that she may not take things too well. A plan of action was put in place to protect Hermione and in the days between when she was told last Sunday and now, her condition deteriorated…"
"Why didn't you stop her progressing this far?"
"Because we didn't know she had digressed to the point of collapse until she arrived at the Weasley's this evening. Hermione too, is good at keeping secrets."
"No wonder she hates me," Harry sighed, "all the times she's been there for me and when she needed me the most - I wasn't there. I've really fucked things up this time." Healer Gower smiled at the young man's lapse of language before continuing.
"I don't think Hermione hates you Harry. We have talked a lot over the years both professionally and as the friends that we have become. She has never mentioned your name with hate - disappointment, anger and hurt maybe, but not hate. She has dealt with your absence the only way she knew how."
"How can I make this right?"
"Patience," the woman replied before standing, "would you like to see her?" Harry nodded his acknowledgement in silence as once again his heart began beating heavily in his chest. Taking a deep breath, he followed Healer Gower through the doors and into a single room, as white and stark as the corridor they had just left. A bed was in the middle, its head against a wall with bedside cabinets on each side. The only other furniture was a large cupboard - otherwise the room was empty.
His attention was then taken by the fragile looking figure laying on the bed. Walking over to her side, Harry was unaware of anyone else as he looked down onto the pale, waxy face of Hermione. Her hair lay in wet clumps and dark circles bruised the skin around her eyes. Gently, he moved some of the hair from her forehead, slightly startled when her eyes began to flutter, then open. He watched as she focused on him, a small smile touched her lips.
"Harry?" she questioned, her voice barely a whisper.
"Yeah Hermione, it's me," Harry replied, returning her smile.
"This is a nice dream," Hermione continued, her smile growing, "I've wanted to wake up and see you by me for so long now…"
"I wish I had been here the other times too…" he began but was cut off as he watched her face contort with a grimace of pain, her eyes closing tiredly.
"Nice dream," she continued, "but only a dream. Harry can't be here. Harry's dead…left me on my own. I miss him. Just a dream…"
He couldn't believe what he had just heard and looked down at the seemingly sleeping woman in shock. She thought he was dead? She had just seen him, spoken to him - why would she think that he was dead?
"Let's let her sleep Harry," Healer Gower said softly as she rested a hand on Harry's shoulder. Harry looked at her and frowned.
"I don't understand…" he began.
"I can explain if you like," the Healer said, "but not here." Numb, Harry nodded and turned back to Hermione. He looked at her once more and frowned, wondering if he could ever fix the mess that he had made. Sighing, he stood and followed Healer Gower out of the room to return to the chairs in the hall way.
"Hermione's survival mechanism to your disappearance was to convince herself that you had died," she started wearily, "even though we spoke of you and told her that you were alive - to her, you had died in battle. She has spent five years believing that."
"I need to make this right," Harry said, just as wearily.
"And you will Harry," Healer Gower said, handing him a small, ancient book as she stood. Harry turned the book over in his hands and saw the title - Cancitotallus Curse - A Manual, "here is the only known case study of Hermione's condition. The author lost his brother to the curse and spent the rest of his life finding all he could about it. Read this Harry, try and understand what you are dealing with." Harry nodded silently, with so much happening in such a small space of time his brain didn't seem to want to think anymore. Sighing, he took one more look at the doors that hid Hermione from him.