Title: Hier, Aujourd'hui, Demain… Toujours
Chapter Un: Je Ne Sais Quoi
Author: ItsLily2u
Disclaimer: I so, so wish I could tell you that I owned my own Harry Potter world, and had all my own little patents and what not, but I don't. Heck, I sure wish I could tell you that this is how Lily/James came about… but it certainly wasn't. This was just a little idea that came to me while I was babysitting last summer, and I've been chipping at it a bit since.
A/N: The French is kinda new to me, so I'm not entirely sure it's correct. But hey, I'm learning! As for the title, yeah. It… well, it's bad. But it looks okay, if you dunno what it means. I think. The translation-things are at the bottom of the chapter. Don't throw things if they're wrong! Please?
*
*
Lily narrowed her eyes suspiciously and bit her lip. She knew the question was coming- she just didn't know when… Of course, she'd "known" that for the last twenty minutes, all of which had been exactly the same.
James was silent.
And staring.
Naturally, it was the only thing that could get Lily to talk (silence and a good, old-fashioned stare-down), and they both knew that… especially James.
But then, he'd always known exactly how to get Lily to say or do whatever he wished. Always. Lily had, at one point, wondered if she was just that obvious, that transparent, if someone she hardly knew- and didn't even really like- could get to her like he did… But then, as she got to know him better, she realized James (or Potter, as she so stubbornly called him at that time) just knew things about her that even she didn't know about herself. It positively irked her to no end that someone so… arrogant and big-headed could know her like that.
Then again, she couldn't help but like it… a little.
She remembered quite well the day she first noticed James… Noticed him as someone other than Jamie the Quidditch Star, Prongs the pranking Marauder, Potter the overconfident git…
It was in seventh year- only just after Lily's parents and younger brother had died. Two weeks after, in fact. Fourteen days. Fourteen days in which Lily refused to speak in class (or anywhere else, for that matter). She barely even ate.
Until James.
It was two weeks to the day since Voldemort murdered her family… She still hadn't said a word to anyone- even her best friends. She wasn't sure why exactly she couldn't bring herself to speak. She thought it might have been that anything she and her friends had talked about before didn't seem important anymore. Nothing did. And yes, she knew that everyone (even people who'd never been very close to her before) were trying to help her… She knew it, all right. It was almost annoying the way they tried to help, with their apologies and looks dripping with "sorrow" and pity. Oh, if Lily hated anything, it was pity…
No one knew how to help her, though, and she wasn't the only one who knew that.
Until that day, fourteen days after she found out, James plopped down at her table in Transfiguration. He simply stared, not even offering an explanation. When the bell rang, he got up and left, like nothing was out of place.
Oh, yes, she remembered that day… it seemed like it was yesterday to her.
He continued to sit and stare every chance he got (which was pretty often, as they had every class but one together, plus meals and the rare occasion when Lily was in the common room), never saying a word, always returning.
After only three days, Lily felt she couldn't take it anymore. She felt ready to explode, ready to yell, ready to cry… anything. She wanted to feel something other than the numbness.
James made her feel that.
So that night after dinner, instead of going up to her room in the Head's Tower, Lily went to the common room, though she sat back in a quiet corner near the fire, away from everyone else.
She had only just gotten comfortable in an armchair, when James came in, joining his friends on the couch. Of course, he'd followed her up from dinner, walking far enough back that he wasn't breathing down her neck, yet close enough that she knew he was there.
As soon as he was settled in the very middle of the couch, next to Sirius Black, he propped his feet up on a table and looked over in Lily's direction. This time, instead of diverting his gaze, she looked straight back.
But only for a moment… She took a deep breath, got to her feet, and went over to sit by him…
Immediately, everyone stopped talking and turned to watch… Lily Evans, Head Girl, girly-girl, Charms-genius, and all around good student- and person- had just willingly chosen to sit by James Potter, of all people- and after two weeks of complete silence?
If that didn't shock them, then the hug that she gave him did… She stared into his eyes for a moment, then wrapped her arms around him and cried. He even looked like he'd expected it.
No one had ever seen Lily Evans cry.
It may have been early, but everyone left early, to go up to their dorms, anyway. It didn't seem like something they should hear, bewildering as it was.
So Lily was left alone, with James and the Marauders, crying, talking about anything and everything, and just… feeling.
Not only did James help Lily get back to her normal self, but he gave her a friend… A friend that would turn out to be more loyal, more true than anyone she had ever known.
And she loved him for it. He soon became her confidant, her mentor, her shoulder to cry on… her best friend.
Even once they were out of Hogwarts, they remained inseparable.
Which was the exact reason Lily felt guilty. She didn't want her friend to get in the way of the most perfect relationship she'd ever had, nor did she want to lose him.
Either way, she would need him, and she knew it. She only hoped he knew it, too.
"Will you just… stop with the bloody staring thing?" she asked irritably. Thinking of her newfound layer of guilt had been making her very agitated in the last few weeks…
James blinked. "Oh, was I staring, Lils? Had no idea. Je suis dé solé , ma ché rie." He nodded slightly, smiling.
There was a long pause. "What have I done this time, then?" she asked, frowning.
James thought for a moment and looked like he was about to answer, but didn't.
"You can't keep doing that!" Her frown deepened to a scowl. "It isn't fair."
James laughed lightly. "Told you, I'm doing nothing." He smiled innocently.
Lily rolled her eyes and went to sit on the side of his armchair. "Fine. Lie to me, if you want. But I know there is something bothering you."
"I could say the same."
Lily blinked. Did he know? She almost hoped he did, it might make things easier. "There's nothing wrong with me, except that I can't figure out why you're gawking at me like you are!" she cried.
As she expected, he only blinked back in response. Rolling her eyes in frustration, Lily threw up her arms and got to her feet.
She made it all the way to the door, when James's voice stopped her.
"You don't want to marry him…" he said softly.
Lily barely heard him over the cackling of the fire, but she had heard him well enough. She swallowed nervously and closed her eyes, still facing the door. "Why do you say that?" she whispered, afraid of the answer.
"Lily, don't play dumb. If you're anything, you're not dumb. You don't want to marry him. Everyone sees it."
Lily made a soft noise of protest, but still didn't turn to look at her best friend.
"Okay… maybe not everyone, but I see it… Remus sees it, which is to be expected, I suppose, as observant as he is- but that's not the point… If you don't want to marry him, no matter what the reason is, I'm sure he's going to figure it out eventually. You won't be able to always be the perfect wife to him, just because you loved him at one point. Your life…. It… it'll turn out to be nothing more than a lie." James swallowed awkwardly. Oh, how he wished she would just see it…
"James…" Lily worked up her courage as best she could (she hadn't been in Gryffindor for nothing!) and slowly turned to face him. "I have a wedding tonight. I can't just…" Her eyes dropped again.
James walked over and cupped her chin with his hand, forcing her to look up at him. "Do you love him?"
Lily pulled back slightly and exhaled deeply (had she been holding her breath?). "What?"
"Do you love him?"
"I- you- what… You can't ask me that!" Her emerald-green eyes went from wide-eyed surprise to narrow in the time it took for her breath to catch again in her chest.
"It's a perfectly stable question, Lily. Answer it." His eyes were boring into hers, seeking answers… But why? They had always been open with each other; neither ever suspected the other of a thing.
Lily's mouth fell open as she stumbled over her words. "I… am his fiancé!" She was ashamed to find that her breath was coming in short gasps; her entire body felt cold and numb, with the exception of the part of her face that James had in his hands. "He asked me to marry him. I said yes!" Now she was shaking.
He held her gaze for a moment before his eyebrows rose slowly. He wasn't hearing what she had said; he was hearing what she hadn't. "You didn't actually answer that," James breathed, looking more sympathetic now.
"I…I…"
James started to pull his Lily closer, to hug her, like he always had. She'd always teased him about not being able to cope without hugs. Maybe it was true.
But Lily pulled away sharply.
She may as well have slapped him or said hurtful words for the look on his face. "Look at me James Potter," she declared, her voice suddenly strong and powerful. "I made a promise. I may have skived off a lot of things, but I would never dismiss a promise. I made a promise to marry him." She sighed, and her eyes lowered again. She was back to his Lily again, still strong and powerful, but also weak and frail. "I will marry him tonight." She said this, as if to remind herself.
James nodded once. His mind was a tornado, his thoughts all on full speed. Wouldn't she ever see? Everyone else did… But no, she had to be noble…
Slowly, James turned in his seat and wedged his palms against his cheekbones, his elbows on his knees. Today was his last chance; he could either choose to be the best friend he had always been and let her go through with this or… he could tell her the truth about his feelings. It was shocking that she hadn't noticed in seventh year anyway. He'd always asked her out before then; it hurt him to see her hurting so terribly that year, and no one else knew what to do. So he did what he thought would help her.
And help her it did.
**
"Merlin, Prongs, would you mind calming down a bit? You're driving me up the wall,"
"Sorry, Moony," James Potter mumbled in response to one of his best friends, though he didn't really mean it. He continued to pace around the room, muttering something in French, and running one hand through his hair alternatively, an old nervous habit from his Hogwarts days. Lily always found it quite amusing when she noticed him doing so.
If she could only see him now.
But they had not parted in the best of spirits; she hadn't even gone to hug him like she normally did. For James, it was unnerving.
Remus Lupin set his drink on the table, the ice clinking in a merry way. James glared at it. "Look, mate," Remus began. "Lily is a very smart witch, she--"
"I thought she was, too!" James spat, rubbing his chin in agitation. "But…" He shook his head. "Well, look at her now…"
Remus narrowed his eyes, his heart sinking. He knew exactly where this was going. James had been smitten with Lily Evans since day one--he'd known there was something different about the spitfire the moment he met her. It was odd, really, because everyone that saw the two together knew they should be together but couldn't see how they ever could. Yes, James was more than willing to give it a shot, but Lily, much to his dismay, either was not, or didn't think about it anymore. No matter how many times James had asked, Lily had never given in to his demands. She just had not wanted to go to Hogsmeade with James Potter.
But, in her defense, she had never gone with anyone else, either. She had the opportunities, mind you, and if she had been like any other girl, she could have used the prefect chance to make Potter jealous… Only Lily Evans was not like any other girls.
Everyone knew that.
Remus sighed, watching James readjust his glasses. Maybe Lily thought James really had given up on her. Maybe, since she had actually gotten to know him, she had realized…
James had been the perfect gentlemen ever since their friendship. He hadn't referred back to his old ways even once.
All his friends commended him for it.
And yet… maybe just once, that was exactly what he needed to do. Maybe he needed to be daring and bold just this once.
Maybe Lily needed him to.
**
Remus walked slowly down the wide corridor, decorated merrily with it's yellow daffodils (Lily's favorite, of course) and moving pictures in brightly colored frames. This part of the manor had been decorated especially in her honor--everyone seemed to want this day to be just for Lily.
Everyone knew, it seemed.
He hesitated when he came to the door leading to her room, not knowing how she would accept him. He hadn't seen her since he'd arrived; but the last time they'd been together, she'd been very unwilling to let him part with her. Of course, it hadn't been his choice, and as one of the more active members of the Order, he was sent on more missions than most.
Wearily, he brought his hand to the door and knocked. Some time passed before he knocked again. "Don't tell me you're so busy getting beautiful you don't even have a spare minute for--"
The door flew open to reveal a wide-eyed Lily, still clad in a bathrobe. She had on no makeup, her hair was back in a messy braid, and her lip began to tremble when she saw her friend.
"Glad to see me?" Remus smiled.
"Remmy…" she whispered, taking a step forward, to hug him. "I am very glad you are here. I only wish you had been sooner." She sighed and pulled him into her room.
"So… how are you?" He touched her nose gently with his fingertip. "Ready for your big day?" He eyed her hair and bathrobe curiously.
"Yes."
The answer was correct, but the pause before was a beat too long. Remus knew her better than that.
"Now, I know I'm not a bride… or a girl, for that matter, but… shouldn't you be getting ready? Painting your nails or giggling with your friends?" He winked so she would know he was teasing.
"I thought that's what you came for." Lily laughed and threw herself into an armchair, trying not to let him see her looking down at her nails. Did they need to be done that badly?
"So, what--"
Lily sighed, like she didn't want to talk about it anymore. "I heard you went to Nepal on Order business, is it true?"
"I've been everywhere." He nodded. He watched her as she twirled a piece of stray hair, obviously trying not to show whatever she was truly thinking. Remus didn't want to press her, but he was dying to ask… he wanted to know if she knew James didn't want her to go through with it. He wanted to know if she loved James back.
There was a quick knock on the door and it opened a crack. Alice Longbottom's round face appeared. She already had her hair done and her makeup finished. "Lily…?" She said uncertainly.
"Mm?" Lily stopped playing with her hair.
"Your groom sent me with a message. And may I add that he has just been beaming all day long…"
"Oh?"
"Yes, but… He says…" Alice grinned. "He says that you'd better be surrounded by loads of your friends, doing everything for you, pampering you, because this is your day. He says you're not to be doing anything yourself and he wants you to have this." Alice brought Lily a small, yellow daffodil. She smiled proudly.
"Well, you tell him that I am fully capable of doing anything that I please. I am the bride, so today, everything must go my way." Lily smiled. Remus almost thought she looked happy… Except in her eyes. "But do tell him this is beautiful,"
Alice laughed. "I'll do just that." The door closed with a soft click.
Remus chanced a glance at Lily through narrowed eyes. "So why aren't you with your bridesmaids? Er… why aren't they in here?" He asked cautiously, summoning a butterbeer for each of them.
Lily smiled and took the offered drink. "I just asked for some time alone. They understand… I won't get much to myself soon, anyway, so it makes sense to them."
"Ah." Remus nodded, understanding only in the sense that it was a girl thing.
So he let her get away with a simple answer to a complicated question. There was more to it than that, right? There had to be.
"No--Remmy… I didn't mean I wanted you to leave--" Lily said desperately.
So she wanted to be away from her friends, who were bound to be excited and girly about the wedding; Remus had passed a room chalk full of them earlier, and had quickly passed it by. They were putting on eyeliner and flipping through magazines and filing nails. It was horrifying for such a young wizard.
"Lily. Your wedding is in two hours. Surely you need to be getting ready." He was serious this time.
She only twirled her wand between her fingers in response. Right away, Remus knew to be careful. She was leaving that white area of a good mood, and was shifting to the gray unknown that he had seen her cross only with other people. Lily's eyes never flashed at him, and she never lost her short temper with him, like she had with… say, James, in their Hogwarts days. He'd seen her do it on plenty of occasions then.
Remus's eyes grew wide as only a Marauder's could. He had an idea.
"Lily," he said suddenly, "you could always just put off the wedding. I'm sure--"
"Put off the wedding."
She was already agitated, if she had cut him off.
"Everyone would understand, you know."
"I'm not bloody putting it off!"
Remus pushed himself out of his chair. He kneeled next to Lily's. She was looking close to tears. Tears meant truth.
"Why does everyone… What do you want from me?"
Remus sighed. He hated hurting her this way. "You don't love him, Lily!" But she needed to hear it. "Why can't you see that?" He couldn't help but let the sorrow he felt seep into his words. He brushed the hair out of her face. "We can all see how you try, and we admire you for that-- not everyone would keep it up. But, Lily… you're independent. You need to be with someone who will let you be independent. Do you see that happening?" He had to take a deep, steadying breath to calm the burning in his throat. "I don't. Lily, if you marry him, you won't be you. Sure, he'll love you and adore you, but you'll also become his prize wife. You'll go to all his parties and games and things, just to be shown off. After a while, that's all you'll be! You'll be… someone else and we'll never see our strong, beautiful, independent, stubborn Lily-girl again. I can't have that… your friends don't want it… Alice doesn't want it. Your parents wouldn't have wanted it, Lils… And I know James damn well doesn't need it." Remus reached up to wipe a tear from her cheek.
"Wh--" She looked confused.
Remus kissed her forehead. "He just might miss you most of all." He saw something click in her eyes. With a sigh and a sad smile, Remus left the room, pausing for only a moment at the door to look back at his tear-stained friend.
**
One hour.
She had one hour left, and she'd never been so unsure of anything in her life.
Well, she'd been almost sure, until James had showed up… and muddled everything up. Didn't he see what he'd done?
Well, with the help of his friend, of course.
But what Remus had said… Did she understand him correctly?
She watched herself in the mirror. How could both of those wonderful men possibly want her? There was nothing special to her stubborn, red-haired, confused, freckled self.
She tried on her stockings and then her white shoes… But wrinkled her nose after a moment. She pulled both off and went to the closet. She found a pair of white slip-ons. Her shoes wouldn't be seen, anyway. And at least she'd be comfortable.
She went back to the mirror and found the necklace her mother had worn at her wedding. She'd given it to Lily on her fifteenth birthday, and Lily had loved it.
But here she was, at age twenty, and she'd never even tried it on.
She clasped it around her neck and began putting on makeup. She didn't usually wear a lot, preferring the natural look… But she knew her wedding was special.
It took a good fifteen minutes before she nodded her head in satisfaction, and moved on to her hair. She truly had no idea what she wanted to do with it. Before, she'd planned on having Alice do it for her.
But she'd asked all her girlfriends to give her a bit of peace.
Now what was she to do?
Lily swallowed and began clipping the top half back, twisting it as she went.
She walked over to the bed and stepped into the beautiful, silky white dress that would mark her as the happy bride for the day.
She zipped up the back and smoothed the front unnecessarily. After slipping on the slippers, and adding the white veil with it's silk trim, even she had to think…
"Damn!"
Lily smiled shyly and looked over at the doorway. Alice stood there, her hand over her mouth.
"Sorry," she said quietly.
But at Lily's meek smile, she hurried over to her and grabbed her hands. "Oh, Lils…" Her eyes had tears.
Lily squeezed her hand, but didn't say anything.
"He'll drop dead when he sees you in all this!"
Lily turned to look at herself in the mirror again. Yes… she looked good, but…
She felt wretched on the inside.
She tried to remember some point in time when she might have noticed that her best friend had feelings for her… But she couldn't think of one.
Then she remembered.
Lily's thoughts were finally drifting to something other than her parents, even if it was something as trivial as wandering what day it was, when she noticed someone heading towards her table. She blinked, hoping he really wasn't coming her way. He couldn't be…
James Potter slipped quietly into the seat next to Lily, pulling out his parchment and book as he went.
McGonagall was just calling the class to order when James settled his elbow onto the desk. He placed his cheek into his hand and simply stared.
At her.
But she willed herself not to look. She wouldn't move. She wouldn't acknowledge him.
But why was he staring?
Then, not long after, she'd done exactly what he'd planned: she'd broken. Since when had someone she refused to even talk civilly to know her so well?
Lily swallowed nervously and made her way over to the armchair she'd been in every night for the last two weeks. She sat in it, thankful no first years had tried to take it… It really was quite comfortable.
She'd only just settled into it, however, when she heard the portrait open again. There he was.
James made his way over to his friends on the couch, no different than he had in the last three nights. He propped up his feet and turned in her direction.
Their eyes met and that's all it took. Lily swallowed again and bit her lip. She looked down at the carpet, and met his eyes again.
She jumped from her chair and ran to him. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, tears already stinging her eyes.
She needed warmth, she needed friendship… She needed love.
And she'd found it.
"It was all my fault…" she sobbed.
James wrapped his arms around her without hesitation and began rubbing her back comfortingly.
Of course, there were all those times, when they were patrolling together, and he'd said those sweet little things to make her feel better…
Lily slowed as they neared a window and leaned upon it. She sighed heavily.
"Long day?"
Lily looked at him and smiled despairingly. "Very."
He walked closer, his hands in his pockets. "Tell me about it?"
"Oh… just homework, letters from Pet, the Slytherins, these Head Girl duties… oh, and I'm tutoring now."
James blinked. "Oh, is that all?" But he winked not a moment later, accompanied with a grin.
"I just… wish I could have a day off, like everybody else." She rose her eyebrows. "I mean, look at the second years! They have the easiest time of it!"
"Second?" He laughed. "Why second?"
"Well, because, they've already gotten through their first year of magic--they think they can handle anything. They don't have to worry about O.W.L.'s or N.E.W.T.'s or being Prefect or a Head… or anything, really. They haven't even started taking the extra classes yet, they'll do that next year."
James smiled at her wit. "True," he admitted.
Lily turned her head to look outside.
"But you know, Lily," he looked at her thoughtfully. "You wouldn't have been chosen for this job if nobody thought you could do it. You were chosen for a reason, just like I was. Sure, everyone thought I'd be terrible, because I'm a Marauder, but I've actually been a help to you, haven't I?" He nudged her with his arm, gently. "And don't worry about Pet. She's only out to make you as miserable as she is."
Lily looked at him a moment, then tucked her arms around his chest. "Thank you."
"Bien entendu."
How had she not seen it then? The way he'd been looking at her… And when…
"Lily! We're no longer the school's Heads!" James called out joyously, jogging over to his best friend.
"I know!" she squealed and threw her arms around him. But she grew serious for a moment. "But… what now? What are we supposed to do now?"
James laughed at her solemnity and ruffled her hair. "Oh, Merlin, don't make me explain it all over again. You're going to be that bloody brilliant Healer you've always wanted to be!"
"Oh, yeah." She smiled brightly, hugging him again.
"So. I'm going into auror training starting tomorrow. I know that you're going to be doing your Healing thing, but I want us to owl." He grinned. "All the time?"
"Owl?" Lily scoffed. "Please! We'll see each other all the time."
His smile widened.
And why hadn't she thought more into it when he'd become moody when she'd announced her engagement? She'd sanctioned it all on him feeling like he was losing his best friend.
He'd also been coming round to see her more, after her engagement. It truly was like he didn't want to lose her.
And there he had been, on the day of her wedding, practically confessing everything he'd ever felt, telling her not to do it. It was ruddy confusing.
Remus had been in on it, too. He'd not said it outright, but… neither had James. What was it he'd said, exactly? "He just might miss you most of all…" And what the hell did that mean?
Lily took a deep breath and blinked. She'd been looking at her reflection the entire time, Alice by her side.
She smiled shyly and looked down.
"Ready?" Alice asked. She had noticed Lily's eyes when she'd looked into the mirror. She was looking, but she wasn't seeing, if that made any sense. Her eyes were unfocused for a few moments, her mind clearly worlds away.
Lily nodded and gather her bouquet in her arms. "Ready." She smiled prettily, looking like the flawless bride she was.
"I already made sure the boys are out of the corridors and where their supposed to be, so they can't see you. You'll just have to hide in a room, until your turn to come out," Alice grinned. "And then, you can dazzle the entire room."
Lily nodded again and picked up her dress a little so she wouldn't tread on it, somewhat amazed by the long train trailing behind.
Alice watched her friend carefully. Lily definitely acted like she was in some sort of daze. She knew Remus and James were the only ones to really talk to Lily so far that day; they had to have something to do with Lily's dissolved state. She wasn't near as happy as a bride should be on her wedding day-- and it worried her… But, best friend as she was, she knew it wasn't her place to ask questions like that. Lily would talk to her when she needed it. She always had.
*
Lily knew the wedding hall would be stunning. She had picked the flowers and colors, after all. She also knew it would be packed, considering the number of people they'd invited. Neither had very many family members to invite--his being old witches and wizards who thought he was a blood traitor, not only for befriending mudbloods and muggle-lovers so long ago, in first year, but especially so for marrying one; Lily's only family was Petunia, and her terrible husband. But the two did have friends, and that was enough family for them both. She knew, too, that the entire bridal party would look magnificent, between the light green dresses that matched beautifully with Emma and Anna's brunette hair, the cheery yellow one for Alice that went with her gold locks, and the fact that all the boys did actually clean up very nicely, despite the fact that they just chose not to do it often. Yes, she was prepared for all of the good things. What went bad? The thoughts she had while walking herself down the aisle.
Yes, she'd chosen to walk herself. But that didn't mean it wasn't lonely. That was her first thought, how she wished she had someone walking her. She'd never been to a wedding where the bride didn't have a father walking her… But she didn't have one, and neither did her fiancé, so…
Her next thought was of how bright and cheery everything and everyone looked. Beautiful, yes, but too jovial. It wasn't right.
Not when she felt like melting through the rich carpet.
Her eyes drifted to the front of the room for the first time. Albus Dumbledore stood in the very middle, wearing a pair of very nice, expensive robes, and a bright smile. In a wizard's wedding, a prominent wizard does the marrying. The two had chosen him and he'd accepted. Alice was on his right, looking beautiful in her dress. Lily was admiring the color of Alice's hair with her dress, trying to think of something else, when she noticed Alice's smile… It was… sad. It was sympathetic. Lily met her eyes for the briefest of moments and smiled back, tears welling up in her own.
Lily flicked her eyes to the other side of the room, to the groomsmen. They all smiled at her, and one gave her a thumbs-up. At this, she gave a weak smile, willing the tears not to fall. They couldn't! She felt the urge to stamp her foot, if it would help.
She cast her eyes around the room, looking for some small comfort. She could see all her old Hogwarts friends in the pews… There was Anne, from Hufflepuff… And Sarah from Ravenclaw…
Her eyes landed on James Potter, next to Remus Lupin. Both smiled slightly at her expression. Looking at James, Lily felt her heart skip a beat. She felt odd wearing the dress now, whereas she felt beautiful before. She looked at Remus, instead. He smiled encouragingly. She knew that no matter what she did, he would always be there for her.
Lily drug her eyes around the room again. She looked at the flowers. She looked at the people again. Finally, she looked at the groom. She bit her bottom lip slightly, feeling more anxious than ever, feeling like he could hear her thoughts simply by looking into her eyes.
She blinked heavily and ignored the fact that her steps were beginning to falter. Although she wasn't looking directly at Alice, she knew she'd noticed, by the way she stepped forward.
Lily swallowed nervously and continued to stare at her fiancé, the man who had been so kind to her for so long. He'd helped her through so much… He knew her.
But not well enough.
Suddenly, she looked around at all the happy people twisted in their seats to look at her. They looked like they were watching some sort of muggle romance film, with those lovesick grins on their faces.
She stopped, almost to where he was. She glanced at him, wondering what he'd do.
"I… I can't." she whispered, looking down at the scarlet carpet. She dropped her arms to her sides, the bouquet in one hand. "I can't do it!" She shot a glance around the room. Everyone looked all right; no one looked terribly shocked.
Alice came a little closer, as if to comfort her.
She lifted her eyes from the floor to Remus's. He looked apprehensive. She knew he wanted to help her out in some way, but this was the one thing he couldn't help her with.
"I'm sorry." she said quietly. Tears were still in her eyes.
Her throat burned now, too. She was fast on the way to sobbing… Only, she couldn't do it in front of these people!
"Lily…"
She flinched at the sound of her name. He said it so softly, like something in his hands that might break. He closed the short distance between them to take her hands in his.
"Lily?" He was uncertain. He didn't know what to do, either.
"I just… I can't do this." she whispered. The first tear fell.
He blinked.
"I woke up this morning, so happy it was our day, and I knew it… All I could think about was how I loved you…" More tears. "But…" She swallowed. "Now, I…know in my heart that I can never do it." Her voice broke.
She looked slowly down at her right hand, and raised the flowers closer. She took a yellow daffodil from the center, where it was hidden under a white lily, and held it out to him. She smiled sadly, her bottom lip quivering.
"I am so sorry, Sirius."
She squeezed his hand gently, and turned to go, handing her bouquet to a little girl with bouncy curls on her way out.
Sirius Black watched his Lily go with a mixture of confusions and sorrow… Then it dawned on him. "She just…" He sighed, bringing his hand to his face. She's not my Lily anymore. Slowly, he turned to his best man and groomsmen, who were watching him sadly.
He looked at them all for a moment before resting his eyes on one of them. "We've been through it all, Prongs… But I never dreamed this would happen. Be the Best Man you are and tell me it didn't."
James could only stare after that confusing red-head, Remus next to him.
What had he done?
*
*
A/N: So, how bad was that? Hmm? Hopefully, it's bearable. I've had it for about a year, now, and it's just been collecting dust. I finally decided to polish it and see what people think. I added the French, and now, you can gimmie all that constructive criticism that'll make it loads better. Eh?
Anyway, here are the "rough translations": (Again--Please don't hate me if they're wrong)
Hier: yesterday
Aujourd'hui: today
Demain: tomorrow
Toujours: always, still
Un: one
Je Ne Sais Quoi: I know not what to say
Je suis dé solé , ma ché rie: I am sorry, my dear
Bien entendu: of course