Title: Hier, Aujourd'hui, Demain… Toujours
Chapter Deux: Mon Porte-Bonheur
Author: ItsLily2u
Disclaimer: Hmm. I'm 17. I'm poor. I've no job. I've no life. I've no husband, let alone a boyfriend--yes, he broke up with me. I know, I'm pathetic. I'm no JK.
A/N: *looks completely evil* Heh, I cackled like mad through every single one of your reviews. But I loved 'em. Thanks, guys. I only had one person who said he/she guessed Sirius: for that, I must commend you! Yay. It had to be Sirius. She couldn't be scared about marrying James, could she? Hmph. I wouldn't let our Lils marry a flippin stranger! And you were all shocked? Hmm. Dunno what to say 'bout that. I'm happy? Lol… I guess I should have mentioned beforehand how very AU this fic is? Sorry for any strokes, disappointments, tears, and/or offences caused. They were unintentional; seriously.
*grins* So! Who's up for round two?
*
*
"What are we doing here?" Sirius groaned. He'd not been in the best of moods.
"Getting completely pissed," James said dully, indicating to Tom that they needed drinks. Maybe it would be something strong. Very strong.
"Comme il faut," he added as an afterthought, knowing that at least Sirius and Remus would understand what he said. Peter blinked.
"Well…" Remus cast James a warning glance. "We're here to cheer you up a bit, actually. We haven't been here in ages." He said brightly.
Peter grinned. "I can't even remember the last time we--"
"Oh, I can. Lily came with us. We all sat in that corner booth over there. She was wearing a white sweater… and the necklace I'd bought her the day before. She was very pleased by it. Seemingly," he growled.
"Erm… I was going to say the last time we all went and got pissed drunk," Peter mumbled.
Sirius bit his lip. James couldn't help but notice how lonely he looked. "Souvent femme varie, bien fol est qui e'y fie…" he chuckled, looking round the bar, then at his mates.
Remus closed his eyes and sighed.
"Don't you think for a minute that Lily has never been mad about you, Sirius," James, who previously had his chair tipped back on two legs, slammed in down on all four. He wouldn't have Sirius hating her after all that. "Because she always has. She just realized she needs something else. It may just be a little time, you prat." James watched as Tom pushed four firewhiskeys onto the bar. He opened his eagerly and drank half in one go. "She does love you."
Sirius sighed and took the cap off his, but didn't drink. "I know… It just shocked me, I suppose." He closed his eyes. "We were together for two years. I imagined us together… no problems. Ever." He closed his eyes.
"Did you?" Remus said quietly. He sipped his firewhiskey.
Sirius looked at him uneasily. "What?" James thought he was about to punch him.
"You've voiced concerns before, is all." Remus didn't meet his eyes. Or James's.
Sirius looked at him for one long moment, then lifted the bottle to his lips. "A la tienne," He downed the entire bottle and motioned for another.
*
"Oh, Prongs. How did I know I'd find you here? You've become far too predictable in your old age, mate."
James looked over his shoulder at his friend. "I'm not predictable. You just… You lived with me for seven years. You're bound to know my habits." James said, before turning to look back at the three golden goalposts towering overhead.
"Likewise." Remus tipped his head forward.
James nodded and bent to pick up the broom at his feet. "Care to join me?" He grinned over his shoulder.
Remus smiled back, glad to see his friend look happy again, if only for a moment. "Wouldn't be here if I didn't." He summoned a broom from the closet and mounted it.
Once in the air, James smiled, closing his eyes. It felt so good to be here again. It had been too long.
"So, tell me what brought you here?" Remus asked evenly as they flew around the pitch.
James looked at him sideways. "Hmph." It wasn't quite an answer, but he knew Remus would know anyway.
"That's what I thought." Remus smiled knowingly.
"Damn you and your interpretation skills," James muttered. He paused a moment, flashing past the goalposts again, then sighed. "I dunno what to do, Moony."
Remus Lupin had never seen his confident friend uncertain about anything--except in the case of one Lily Evans. He'd always done the wrong thing around her, it seemed… especially at first. He would try to be a total gentleman to her, but would come off as a total prat, instead. He would constantly ask her for a date, thinking her next answer might change, but it never did, which only confused him, and annoyed her. He would try to do something nice for her but it would come out as piggish and big-headed instead.
The poor bloke.
But then, in the summer between sixth and seventh years, he'd somehow deflated his huge ego--he was still a Marauder, and still a bit of a prat, but he didn't have as hard of a time. Especially when he was the only one that knew how to get to Lily after her parents died in seventh year. It meant the world to her… which made him mean the world to her, if even in a friend-sense.
But she loved him, and that was enough for him, for the time.
Until Sirius came into the picture. They'd hung out in groups all along--the Marauders and Lily's friends, but after school ended, Sirius decided he wanted to try it with just Lily. James could only sit by and watch as the dutiful best friend to them both, pretending to be ecstatic as they went on date after date, sometimes with the rest of the group, sometimes just the two. It had slowly killed him to see them kiss… to fall in love… to be caught up in each other's embrace… then finally, be engaged.
And when he'd finally gathered the nerve, it was on their wedding day! The worst day imaginable. But he'd done it. He hadn't exactly said he cared for her, but he had said Lily had gotten the point.
Remus was proud of him.
He'd talked to Sirius since that day and Sirius understood now, at least. He even thought she might be right. Remus was proud of him, too. He'd grown up a lot, even since Hogwarts.
So far, the only person he had yet to talk to was Lily.
Remus looked over at James sympathetically.
"I really don't, mate." James said morosely.
"I don't know what to tell you…"
James ran a hand through his hair. Remus sighed--it really was bad if he was resorting to old nervous habits.
"Because I cant just fly in there and steal her away." He brought his broom to a stop near the middle of the pitch. "But I can't stand by and do nothing!"
Remus closed his eyes, wishing he could be more help.
"I mean… What if she doesn't want me? She may have just called it off because she needs… time or room… or something. Then things would always be awkward between us. But if I don't do anything, someday this entire thing will happen again. Moony, I lo…" He hung his head, to hide his eyes. "Je l'aime…" He looked at Remus for a moment, then took off--a corps perdu-- again.
Remus watched him disappear to the other end of the pitch. Trust James Potter to resort to another language when there was something difficult to say.
"Cela va sans dire, compé re," Remus called out, but he doubted James heard.
*
Lily took a sip of her orange juice, scanning the house listings in the back of the Daily Prophet. She was in a bit of a rough spot at the moment…
Mostly since she'd sold her flat. She and Sirius had agreed that she wouldn't need it, so a week before the wedding, she'd given her notice. Twenty-four hours before her big day, she was out of her place, and completely into Sirius's. It wasn't odd for them, really, because they were used to staying with each other anyway.
But now that she was home-less, boyfriend-less, and off work for the next week (for her supposed honeymoon) she had plenty of time to look for somewhere suitable while she lived in room number 13 of the Leaky Cauldron.
So far, she'd circled two to look into. One was a house, the other an apartment, both in wizarding communities.
She was just flipping to the front page, and paling over a large picture of herself in her wedding dress, running away from a very upset-looking Sirius, when someone slid into the seat across from her and took the newspaper from her hands.
"That is a load of rubbish, Miss Lily. You needn't worry your pretty little head over it."
Lily kept her eyes on the spot the paper had been moments before and didn't look up at the speaker.
How could he still speak civilly to her, even after what she'd done? She hadn't even forgiven herself yet.
"Lily…" He wanted her to look up.
She tried, but her eyes wouldn't quite move just yet. "Yes?" She said timidly instead.
He leaned across the table to lift her chin gently. "Look at me?" He was pleading. Lily's heart nearly broke. She slowly, cautiously looked into his eyes, fearing what she might find. Hate? Wariness? Disgust? But no… His eyes hadn't changed.
What did that mean?
He dropped his hand to hers. "How are you, Fleur-de-lys?"
Lily smiled gently at her old nickname.
He was more worried about how she was. She squeezed his hand and blinked. "I should be asking you that question, Sirius."
He smiled. "I'm… I'm okay." He looked honest.
"I'm glad." Lily whispered truthfully back. She was silent a moment, then swallowed and shifted in her seat. "I never wanted to do this. I never wanted to hurt you."
He nodded. "I know." He met her eyes. "I don't understand it fully, Lily, I'll admit, but… I think I'm beginning to." he looked sadly at the newspaper, then tossed it aside. "It's one of those things that just… is. Like love. You don't ask for it. I only came today to tell you I'm not angry or disappointed. I know you, Lily, and that's what you think I am. So… I want you to know I'm not." He smiled and started to get up, taking the newspaper with him. "Je suis derriè ve vous… toujours."
"Sirius?"
"Yes, Lily?"
"I… I'll still see you, won't I? Like at Hogwarts?"
Sirius looked at Lily, as she waited for him to answer. She looked so young and vulnerable. She looked terrified of his answer.
He touched his hand to the side of her cheek. "Sans doute, Lily-girl." He stared into her eyes, as thought trying to memorize something about her, then turned and left, with a nod to the barman.
Lily sighed wistfully. Hadn't she done the right thing?
With a shake of her head, Lily laid her head down on the table, pushing her plate away, deep in thought.
She'd been so sure it was the right things for all of them only five days ago… but what now?
Remus apparated into the Leaky Cauldron, intending to find his fiery red-head in her room upstairs and see how she was doing. It seemed he'd found her sooner, much to his glee.
She was sitting in the corner booth that the Marauders always chose, her head resting on the table. He couldn't tell if her eyes were closed or not, but he knew she was only deep in thought; it's what she always did when she was thinking--he'd seen it many a time in their Hogwarts days to know.
He walked over to the booth and stepped quietly into the side opposite her.
"Hi, Remmy." She said without looking up or turning her head.
Remus smiled questioningly. She was good, no doubt. "Well, good morning, sunshine." he said brightly, nodding to Tom, who immediately brought a glass of pumpkin juice.
"Thank you, Tom."
"So, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Lily sat up and smiled.
"I was just coming to see you, Lily-darling." He wasn't about to admit it to her, but from what he'd heard from Alice and her friends, Lily hadn't left the Cauldron--and had refused to stay with anyone until she found a place of her own.
"Oh, I'm all right, I suppose." she said. He was relieved to see that she was smiling, at least. He'd expected her to sigh after answering his question, or look sad… Maybe Alice was wrong; Lily looked fine. She was dressed, her hair looked it's usual perfect, and she was out of her room, eating breakfast.
"So what have you been doing, since… Saturday?"
Lily looked up at him. "Looking for a house."
"Ah."
"Yeah."
Remus fidgeted in his seat a little. "Lily?" He paused uncertainly for a moment. "Have you talked to, well, anyone?"
They both knew he meant Sirius. Or James… He meant Sirius and James.
Lily laughed quietly. "Sirius just left, actually, not even a moment before you got here." She stopped to look at Remus's wide eyes. "I was here, looking in the Prophet for a house and he came in… He doesn't hate me, Remmy, how cane he not hate me?"
Remus watched her for a moment. She looked so lost. "He loves you, Lils. Hasn't he always? That's why. He understands… he would rather you have done what you did than live a lie."
"'Live a lie.'" Lily repeated. She looked thoughtful, while biting her lip. "Have you spoken to James? About… anything?"
Remus hesitated. "Yes."
She opened her mouth, but stopped. She looked sad again. "This is all so blasted confusing!"
Remus nodded. "I know, Lils, I know."
"He probably thinks I'm a coward." She said suddenly. "But I did the right thing. I know I did. I don't care how many times they post that picture in the Prophet. I don't care how long I have to live here. I don't care… Because I realized something that day, Remmy. I realized it should be James I was walking to. I know it wasn't, it was his best friend, but I've been his best friend, too! I love him. That's what I realized. Can you believe that? I love James Potter! Even after all those time I turned him down in fifth and sixth years! I love him… And he probably thinks I'm a great twit for messing up his best friend's wedding." She smiled sardonically at Remus and threw a gallon on the table, preparing to leave.
"Lily," Remus said before she turned away. "Don't forget he was there that day, trying to talk you out of an unhappy marriage."
Lily smiled slowly and nodded. "I'll see you late, Remmy. Maybe you'll go see my new house when I pick it out?" Lily hugged him.
"Course I will, Lils."
***
James bit his lip and rubbed his palms together, staring around the busy shops of Diagon Alley. He'd been there for two hours, trying to make one of the seemingly biggest decisions of his life.
"A contrecoeur! What am I doing?" He smacked his forehead and turned around in the middle of the street. "I didn't come all this way, just to…" He stopped again. He threw his head back, frustrated. "Argh!"
"C'est fini á jamais! C'est de la folie!"
A little old lady walking by with her granddaughter overheard. "Young man, you seem to be in a tizzy," She looked concerned, cocking her little white-haired head to the side, as she leaned on her cane. Her young, dark-haired granddaughter looked at him through narrowed eyes.
"You're James Potter," she said simply, crossing her arms.
James wheeled around and looked at the two, blinking. He swallowed. "Yes, ma'am…" He answered both in one go.
"Aww, sonny, is it a girl on your mind?" The old lady looked at him kindly.
"Lily Evans, I'll imagine. He's fancied her for ages. She was engaged, but ended it when she was walking down the aisle."
James, upon looking closer at the girl, noticed she had red hair. Like Lily… And, it appeared, the attitude.
"You go to Hogwarts, don't you?"
She raised her eyebrows. "How else would I know you. You're not that well-known." She scoffed.
"I don't know about that, darling. I believe I have heard of him…" The grandmother had apparently taken a liking to James. He smiled at her.
"What's your name?" He asked the girl.
She snorted. "It doesn't matter. I was in fourth year when you were a seventh. You were a Marauder. And Head Boy. I'm Head Girl now." She tipped her chin up a little.
James eyes went a little dark. A red-head with an attitude that disliked him, as Head Girl. It was very familiar. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, wishing he knew what he was doing.
"Now you're thinking about that girl again." The old lady sighed. "Love can be so hard at first. It just takes getting used to." She smiled and patted his arm. "I think you should go see her. Isn't that why you're here?"
James went to answer her, but when he looked up, he was distracted by a whirl of red hair flashing by. He gasped and swallowed nervously.
"That would be her." Snorted the Head Girl.
James closed his eyes.
"Oh, honey, you'll understand someday… come along, now, we'll let this handsome young man go talk to that beautiful girl." The woman smiled again. "It was quite lovely meeting you, James." She winked.
"And you, ma'am." He said sincerely.
She walked away and James heard her talking in very fast French, "…une belle histoire d'amour…"
He sighed and pushed the thought from his mind, though he really did wish less people spoke the language. It would make for easier outbursts.
But… what was Lily doing in Diagon Alley? James groaned. Of course! She was staying at the Leaky Cauldron, she was free to walk around in the Alley if she wanted.
He sighed, ran an hand through his hair, and ran to catch up with her. When he did, he tugged gently on her hair, like he used to do at Hogwarts.
Lily spun around, grinning, recognizing the gesture. "James." She looked at him, sizing him up, as though determining his well-being, but only for a moment. Then she hugged him fiercely. "James," she repeated.
"Hi, Lily…" James bit his lip awkwardly. He was her best friend, yes, and always would be, but… this was just a little bit weird. He hoped it wouldn't always be like this. "How are you?" He just wished that would push her in the right direction.
"I'm all right." She smiled… but it wasn't her brightest. "You?"
He smiled back in response and shoved his hands in the pockets of his robes. "I'm… I'm…" He couldn't say it! What was wrong?! "Je ne sais quoi."
James could have kicked himself. Why couldn't he just speak in English, like normal people? At least it wasn't gibberish… Or Turkish.
That would be odd.
Lily smiled politely and looked at the pebbles on the ground, probably wishing she were anywhere else. James bit his lip, then sighed.
"So what are you here for?" He grinned brightly. "We can make a day of it, like we used to do, before Hogwarts…" He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Though I don't supposed you and I have ever done that, technically. You would have cursed me into next week if I'd ever approached you in Diagon Alley before we were friends."
Lily smiled… And James was proud to see that yes, it was a real smile this time. He grinned, too.
"I'm going to the bank. I'm afraid I'll probably be there for a least an hour. It will be quite… tedious and boring." She giggled. "The Hogwarts-you would definitely not be interested." Not that she'd tell him, but she was going to purchase a house. She'd decided which one she wanted, thanks to Remus.
"Oh… well… all right, then." He felt somewhat deflated, at hearing this. It was like Lily telling him she didn't want him along.
"But I'd love you over for dinner?" Slowly, she brought her eyes up again, to meet his. She looked exactly like her seventh-year self… so sweet and timid. James could have gathered her up in his arms, but for the fear of breaking her.
Immediately, there were a thousand snitches in James's stomach. "O-oh… Dinner? Yeah, alright. That'd be nice."
She blinked. "Are you sure? Did you have other plans?" He knew, from her face that she thought she'd offended him.
"No!"
They were both silent for a moment. Why weren't they at ease? This was just plain torture.
Lily bit her lip and played with the hem of her muggle jacket. It was so quiet between the two of them that she could almost swear she heard the galloping of a horse in the Alley; but that could very well be in her imagination… anything to take her far away from here. Sure, she knew how she felt about him now, but that didn't make it any easier to deal with it…
And she couldn't very well do much about it only five days after breaking off a two-year relationship. Not to mention a wedding.
It would be simply cold-hearted.
Though it would be nice to hear him say what he felt. To hear him say he wanted her…
No. That would make it harder to wait. But what could she do?
James seemed to recover from the stillness first. He held out his arm for hers and grinned. "Mademoiselle?" Lily couldn't help but think how incredibly charming he looked.
She laughed and looped her arm through his. She couldn't even begin to count the times they'd done this in seventh year; they'd started out doing patrols at night, arm-in-arm, just playing around, then it just became something they did every night.
"I'll walk you to the bank, then, since you need no assistance on your tedious work. Afterwards, however, you may tell me all about it at a most charming dinner."
"Oh, the one that I cook myself?" Lily winked at him.
Those comments were the ones he loved. The ones that made him feel they were what they used to be.
James sighed, watching her as they walked. She looked away as she laughed, and her eyes closed as she did so, her hair coming down over part of her face.
It was beautiful.
Lily fretted nervously around her kitchen. The closer dinner time came, the clumsier she got. She already spilt her drink, nearly dropped a pot of scalding water, and almost burnt the main dish in her haste to pick up the apartment--and trip over herself in the process.
So far? She was a mess.
She really didn't know why she'd invited him over for dinner. It was such a coupl-y thing to do. She was almost committing friendship suicide. Not that she wanted his friendship…
She sighed, wondering how she was supposed to go about this. Was she to act like the cruel heartbreaker? Or the pathetic, sad, lonely girl who needed her best friend? Or… maybe she could just disappear.
But Lily froze in the middle of dropping her dish towel--was that a knock on the door? She held her breath, and pushed the bottle of dish soap out of sight. Deep breaths were the key. Why wasn't she breathing?!
She shook her head to clear it off any anxious thoughts, and peered through the peephole in the door.
Oh, no. There he was.
Lily gasped for air, blinked heavily, and smoothing her jeans. She looked down to check her sweater, deeming it acceptable.
But she couldn't make him wait all night.
Slowly, she reached her hand forward, and opened the door. "Hello, James." she said meekly.
He grinned, looking just like his old self. "Why, hello, Miss Lily." He pulled a bright sunflower from behind his back and held it in front of his face, so that only his eyes were visible.
Lily blinked, then smiled shyly. "Pretty." She giggled softly; it was barely audible.
His eyes looked even more hazel, next to the cheerful yellow of the flower.
Even if James didn't hear her laugh, he saw her shoulders move, and he knew the indication; he quirked an eyebrow at her, and she knew he was still smiling. "You know what you have to do if you want it."
Lily sighed; she couldn't have even counted the times she'd received flowers from James, and heard this very same thing. She smiled sweetly. "You're too tall, Mr. Potter."
"Ah." He bent down, the flower no longer over his face; he was clearly trying to fight off a laugh. At least he was having fun. And Lily noted she was no longer nervous.
She looked him in the eye for a moment, smiling, before leaning forward, and kissing him on the cheek. Her lips lingered there, but neither made a move to pull away.
When she finally, did, however, she noticed his eyes were directly on hers, trying to calculate and understand that move. But she just laughed and plucked the flower happily from his grasp and ran to the kitchen with it. "It needs water!" she explained. That, and she needed to get away from that possibly-awkward moment.
Unbeknownst to her, James was still in the very same, half-bent, half-standing position in the doorway of her apartment, only now, he smiled slowly and traced his left cheek lightly with his hand, hardly daring to believe it.
After dinner, they settled onto the couch--close, shoulders almost touching--to flick lazily through the programs on tv. Maybe there would be something decent on.
There wasn't.
"How 'bout a game of--"
"Wizard's chess?" Lily grinned. "Oh, all right, only if you want me to beat you."
James scoffed. "Right. Didn't you say that last time we played?"
"Last time?" Lily's eyes went hazy as she tried to remember. "That was months ago… no, years! It was seventh year!" Her eyes grew wide, and she laughed out loud. "How do you remember that?"
But James just smiled mysteriously in reply and crossed his arms over his chest. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
Lily rolled her eyes. Yes, she would, but… she wasn't one to pry. In an obvious way. "It seems like so long ago, doesn't it?"
James nodded, smiling wistfully. "It's like that a lot of the time." He sighed. "Ah, what are we getting all weepy for? I thought you were going to show me up at chess?"
"I am."
"All right, then."
But thirty-seven minutes later, the two nineteen-year-olds found themselves laughing, talking, and flipping through old photos from a box on the mantel, all thoughts of chess forgotten. The chess board lay two feet away, the game half-played, as the two laid on their stomachs on the large, comfortable rug near the fire.
Lily giggled, reached out to touch James's arm. "Look at this one,"
James lowered his eyes from one of eight-year-old Lily and her ten-year-old sister, both laughing. It was a muggle picture, so neither were moving, but James liked it nonetheless.
He leaned over to see a picture of the seventeen year old Marauders, all standing in Diagon Alley, in front of Quality Quidditch Supplies, snow swirling around their billowing robes. The four boys were each leaning forward, their eyes wide, jaws dropped, noses and fingers pressed onto the frosty glass. James smiled at seeing the picture; he looked up at Lily, wrinkling his nose.
"I never knew you took that."
"Oh, I know." She snorted. "You were all too distracted by the new broom inside. Or was it that saleswitch…"
"The broom, definitely." He smirked, looking for another picture.
"You started calling me your… what was it? Your poor--"
"My porte bonheur," James supplied, smiling. He picked up his glass of wine.
"I never understood when you boys spoke French."
"Really?" James choked. "I thought you did!"
"Well… I understand a few phrases, now, after hearing them from the four of you after all this time, but…" Lily blushed. "Anyway, I remember you had asked me to stay with you for Christmas… And even bought me presents. Your mum was so nice, James." Lily smiled fondly, looking down at the picture, ignoring the crimson on her cheeks. "You were all so good to me that year, even though I'd been terrible to you before." She looked shyly down at the rug, running her hand over it.
James touched his fingers to her cheek, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Lils…" he breathed, sounding a bit more husky than intended. He cleared his throat. "We wanted to be friends with you… So we were." He blinked. "If we were ever good to you, it's because we wanted to be, and because you were good to us, too." He dropped his hand to her chin, tracing her jaw line. Oh, Lils, how beautiful you are…
Lily swallowed nervously. They were close. Very close. And James's hand was tracing her cheek, softly… intimately. She wanted him. All she had to do was say so, and… But they were friends. What if he didn't want her after all? And what about Sirius?
Oh, Merlin.
"Lily, what are you thinking?"
Lily's eyes went wide. She wanted so badly to just lean in that short distance and kiss him. It wouldn't be hard to do.
She looked away quickly, hoping for a distraction. Her eyes fell on a picture of the two of them, in the very first stage of their friendship. It was the first time she had been outside the castle, for something that was not required--she had been out for Herbology, and to leave for the funeral, but that was it.
But James had taken her outside--for a walk. They were later joined by Sirius and Remus, and between the four of them, had a grand time…
Leaves were falling on the beautiful October night as the group walked along the edge of the forest, until dark grew so close that they made their way up to the castle. They paused in the courtyard, when James took Lily's hands, and began twirling her round and round, in a beautiful sort of dance.
They didn't even notice when Remus took the picture.
"Lils,"
Lily's eyes jumped to James's. Had he moved closer? She looked away quickly, her stomach full of knots. "Hmm?" she muttered absently. She reached for the picture.
"I asked what you're thinking."
"Do you remember this day?" She slowly lifted her eyes to his again, holding this picture so he could see it. He watched for a moment as they danced in circles, laughing.
He smiled. "How could I not? I… only had eyes for you, look,"
Lily swallowed again. The knots were gone, but now there were dozens of snitches loose in her stomach. Merlin. She opened her mouth to reply, but what was there she could say to that…? She closed her mouth again.
"Lily," James bit his lip. "Can I ask you something?"
"O-of course…"
Lily could just feel her heart speeding up.
James looked thoughtful. "Do you ever think about seventh year? I mean… If I hadn't known how to get to you, do you think we would be friends? If I hadn't sat down at your table that day in Transfiguration, would we know each other as well as we do?" He started making circles on her palm, which Lily knew he did on his own palm when deep in thought. "You know me better than anyone ever has…"
It was Lily's turn to bring his eyes to her. "No, James," She tilted her head to the side, as she so often did. "I think we were…meant to… to…" What the hell was she supposed to say now? To be friends? Like hell. She didn't want to be friends anymore. To… what? "know each other so well." Hmm. That fit. "Whether or not it was in school," She shrugged. "I'm just glad you were there to help me when I needed you." She smiled gratefully and took his hand in her, giving it a squeeze.
"I'd always like to be there when you need me." His eyes were there, boring into hers, seemingly hearing her every thought. She almost wished they were, just so that… So that what? The suspense would be over? No, the suspense was half the fun…
So that he would know how she felt. Yes.
"I'm not worried about it, James." And she wasn't. She knew James wasn't the type to forget his friends or run away. He was brave. Strong. Kind.
Lily looked down at his hand, which she still held in her own.
"Lily, I--"
"James, I w--"
They both held their breath.
A dazzling smile came over Lily's face. "You go first."
James looked shy, for the first time. He peered down at the floor. "Ah… okay." He grinned for a moment, deciding to get it over with. "You drive me crazy, Lily. You always have… I wanted to desperately to know you at Hogwarts… And you have no idea how much it hurt me to see you hurt when… when… your parents died. I saw that no one else knew how to help you, so I did what I knew how. Then, somehow, you were my friend! I couldn't believe it, Lily. I thought surely, I'd gone mad. But no, the angels were just kind that day." He paused, looking back up again, gauging for a reaction. He took her smile as encouragement, and continued. "We were friends at first. Then, we were best friends. I loved it! We did everything together--you even loved the Marauders, which you've been known to swear against. It was amazing, Lily, to see you so happy, around us. I… I've never been happier since I've known you." He sighed. "Then we graduated. Sirius came to me one night and said that he… fancied you. And had asked you on a date. I… could only be supportive of my two best friends as they dated… and were engaged. On the inside, though… I was heartbroken. I loved you from the first moment I saw you, Lily… I always have… And… I could say that it doesn't matter to me what you say to this, but it does. But I couldn't go on without at least telling you once. I had to. So if you'll tell me one way or the other, we can at least pretend---"
Lily threw her hand over his mouth, shocking them both.
Her green eyes were wide, the smile gone. "I don't want to pretend." she whispered. She leaned a little closer. Had they ever been this close before? "We don't have to pretend anything." Slowly--very slowly-- she slid her hand off his mouth, softly over his cheek, and round to the back of his neck to pull him closer.
And, just as slowly, he got the message.
*
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A/N: Well… That's that. What do you think? Yes, it's only going to be two chapters long, I don't plan on doing more (unless my readers attack me with reviews, saying it sounds unfinished. Then I'll consider doing another chapter. Hey! It's happened before! Like… five seconds ago. *wink* s'okay though. Anything for my readers, mm?)… But I hope you enjoyed it? I had a bit of fun writing it.
Here's your translation:
Deux: two
Port Bonheur: (it's a charm that is carried in the pocket for happiness)
Comme il faut: as it should be
Souvent femme varie, bien fol est qui e'y fie: often a woman changes her mind and you're a if you trust her
A la tienne: cheers
Je l'aime: I love her
a corps perdu: at breakneck speed, really fast
Cela va sans dire, compé re: that goes without saying, mate (friend)
Fleur-de-lys: Flower of the Lily
Je suis derriè ve vous… toujours: I am behind you… always
Sans doute: without doubt
A contrecoeur: against the heart
C'est fini á jamais: it is over forever
C'est de la folie: it is madness
une belle histoire d'amour: a beautiful love story
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Wow. That's a lot.