The Unexpected Reply-Chapter 4
Harry was surprised at how well he was taking possibly the greatest embarrassment of his young life. They had spent half the year denying rumors that they had feelings for each other. He had even told Viktor that he and Hermione didn't have a thing going on between them. He'd said it in no uncertain terms. Harry almost felt relief come over him at the thought of Hermione giggling at a quickly scrawled letter that was obviously meant as a joke. That's the way he wanted it to turn out. There was no other positive outcome he could think of. Somehow he felt it was more serious than that and he couldn't understand why.
As that evening passed and Hedwig returned, Harry started to think that maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe he had not sent it. He couldn't bear to look again. Each letter he'd written would make him ache and spoil his illusion that it was for the best. He couldn't help himself. He read her letters without reading his. A brilliant thought popped into his head-write to Sirius. By now he'd become used to writing and it came second nature. He knew with Sirius he could just lay it all out there.
Dear Sirius,
I was wondering if you have any idea how I might get out of a fix I'm in. Right now, I'm numb…actually…numb and dumb. I wrote something that I never expected Hermione to see and somehow, I sent it. It's been just a few hours now, but I'm in agony.
I mean there is always the possibility that she feels the same way, right? Help me Sirius. This is a hard thing to deal with. I need my friends. And, right now I just need you to tell me I'll be okay.
If you have time, Sirius, send me a return owl with some words of encouragement. Maybe you have an idea of how to fix this so that she doesn't think I'm some blithering idiot.
Harry
Harry sat on the edge of his bed looking at the mad ramblings and realized that they did him no good sitting here. He'd send them. Surely, Sirius had had a crush and been crushed in return. He knew that probably almost every guy had.
"Hedwig, want to go see Sirius?" asked Harry thinking of how pathetic he was talking to his owl like that. "Take this to Sirius." Hedwig hesitated and then put out her leg. Harry opened the window. Hedwig moved the same way he felt, slowly and sadly. Finally, she took flight and went out of sight.
He felt better after Hedwig was gone for some reason. Something along the way in his life taught him that nothing is as bad as it seems and often the opposite is just as true as well.
"I have to remember, I'm fifteen and I've survived so much more than this," he muttered under his breath. Then he added, "Even if I got through it because of Ron and Hermione."
He knew that's what bothered him. He needed their strength that came from being friends with them. He didn't want to damage that.
By midnight, he'd settled down to what he hoped was an understanding of his predicament. He simply had to explain how he'd sent it and why he'd written it. For the first time in a while, he laughed. He couldn't answer those questions for himself yet. Telling Hermione was not going to be easy. He shut the light and crawled into bed.
Harry got more nervous as the day to leave for the Burrow got closer. He'd put away his quill and parchment vowing not to write down anything from now on that could get him in this kind of spot. He'd come to the realization that it was that `a spot' not real `trouble'. Hermione wasn't some monster, he'd reasoned. She'd get over it. He knew heartbreak. All he had to do was think of his parents or Cedric to put it in perspective. But he knew he might be missing out on a lot and that hurt.
With two days to go until his departure, he decided that he'd take a walk while Aunt Petunia and Dudley were gone. He liked to walk while they were gone because he didn't have to feel like a criminal leaving or returning. Sneaking out was no better than facing him, because he still felt like he was doing something wrong when he wasn't. He wished he had more pictures of Hermione. He had one that included all three of them. He knew that this feeling might be the only valid fear of the bunch. If she did feel uncomfortable around him, he'd never be able to ask her for a picture again. That was sad.
He'd seen his classmates. He knew what it was like when a girl or a guy liked someone who didn't return the same feelings. Life could be hell. People scattered. Conversation stopped when they entered a room. They stared. He had experienced all of them just for being Harry Potter, but now one of the people he cared about most might be forced to do the same thing. He was glad for the fresh air and the sound of the kids in the park. It reminded him that life goes on. He walked for hours that morning into the afternoon.
Finally, he realized he was getting dangerously close to the time that the Dursleys would come home and find him gone. They would just compound the agony. He got home and was climbing the steps to his room as he heard the three of them return. He didn't care how they had all gotten together. He didn't care about them at all.
At the top of the stairs he noticed that the door to his room was open. He never left it open. He became wary and pulled his wand from his waistband where he always kept it hidden. He peered around the door and almost crashed back into the other wall when he saw Sirius standing in his room. "Harry, where the devil have you been," he said.
"Sirius, you can't be here. You picture has been in the muggle news. My Aunt and Uncle would love to get you out of my life. They just came home," said Harry frantically.
"Sh," whispered Sirius. "I knew I should have sent Hedwig back to tell you to stay in the house. I've been here three hours and so has this ruddy bird."
He saw the owl but only worried about his godfather. Harry realized that there was less danger of discovery now that he was home than there would have been if he'd have been gone when the Dursleys returned. He also realized that Dobby's mere presence in his room had not bothered them until Dobby'd done magic to try to keep Harry from going to Hogwarts. Maybe, yes, the invisibility cloak was right there. "Oh, you've had the cloak out."
"Yes, Harry. I'm quite adept at figuring out how remain hidden," whispered Sirius. "Are you going to take Hermione's letter from the ruddy owl or what?"
Harry suddenly wanted to do something else. He hugged his godfather. "It's good to see you," he whispered.
"Harry, quit being a bloody blithering idiot and read the bloody letter," he whispered more forcefully and then smiled.
Harry smiled back as his words from his letter to Sirius woke him up. Sirius walked to the corner to give Harry privacy.
Dear Harry,
I'm writing this as I finish packing for Ron's. I won't be coming home after your party. I'll be staying in The Burrow. We just decided that on the telephone last night. I just realized that I never gave you my number, but it doesn't matter now.
Anyway, I hoped to hear from you one more time before I left home, but maybe I'll get it tomorrow. Since I don't leave until the next morning, I'll have to answer it probably when you get there. (hehe). I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to having time with you and Ron.
It really is like meeting a new friend when we can write to each other like this. I like the fact that I'm helping you overcome the nightmares. You're helping me too. I get lonely when no one writes to me either.
Harry, I'm really sorry, but I have to run. My parents are taking me to buy some muggle clothes to take with me. You know us girls. (hehe). Yay! New shoes! You must think I'm crazy. But if we're going to drive you guys crazy we have to look good. I'm really sorry; I'm in the goofiest mood ever tonight. Well as always…
Hugs and Kisses,
Hermione
Harry looked at the second one expecting the reply to his letters in that one. To his horror, it was his own unfinished rant with a huge pink question mark just below his last line. He looked closer and saw notes in the margin with arrows.
Dear Hermione,
I just received your letter. I've never been so happy in my entire life. I want to run through the streets screaming your name at the top of my lungs. ( -truth or fiction)
I had a dream too. We were standing together in a garden and you looked as beautiful as ever. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. We kissed. (sloppy or sweet)
?
Dear Harry,
The other letter was sweet. This one, I'm not so sure. The last thing I want you to think is that I'm mad at you, but if this is a joke-it's not funny. I mean, if it's a joke at least finish it so I can tell and laugh with you. As a matter of fact, I'm not going to tell you how I feel until you show me the finished version. I'm not being mean; I'm just not sure what to say.
So, I'll be looking for a finished version sometime while you're here. Okay? Is it a deal?
I won't be completely cruel. I will tell you this-- you mean the world to me Harry, but I'm not sure what you're thinking now…so…
?
Hermione
Sirius watched Harry closely from the other corner of the room. "What did she say, Harry? You look like you saw a ghost," he whispered.
Harry's face was indeed ashen. It should have been scarlet from the blood being pumped by his rapidly beating heart. He sat down as he handed Sirius both letters.
Sirius read them with a smile.
"What did you expect Harry?" he whispered. "Did you expect little drawings of you hanging from a noose? Or, maybe, you expected a confession of undying love and devotion? I think she's a very special girl," said Sirius.
"Oh, that makes me feel loads better. Now I get to feel like I screwed up a relationship with a girl my godfather thinks is special," said Harry shaking his head with his chin down.
"Well, I think you're a special young man, Harry. I think you're up for the challenge. And it is a challenge," said Sirius. "I'm not going to force feed you with information like you got for the Triwizard Tournament Harry. You may be angry at me for this, but I think you can figure it out with a simple analogy and a short story."
"What? Are you kidding me? Do you know what I would give to make sure this works out?" said Harry.
"Yes, and you're going to have to earn it. It's the only way Harry," said Sirius. "You are like the son I never had, Harry. But, I think your father would agree. He would have told you how he felt, but I can't do that. I can only tell you what I saw and give you the analogy. That's all you get, Harry. Do you want it or not? Your choice."
"I guess you leave me no choice," said Harry. "Go ahead."
"All you need to know is what I'm telling you now. The rest will take care of itself. Are you going to listen carefully or just wallow in self-pity, son?" asked Sirius. "I'm not going to tell you a formula. It doesn't work that way."
"I said go ahead," said Harry shaken with the directness of his godfather's comment.
"The analogy is the game of Cat and Mouse. Cat and Mouse in love is common. As long as both people play by the rules, it works perfectly. It's not done by talking it over, it just happens. One person is the aggressor, the Cat, and the other the prey, the mouse. The mouse wants to be caught and the cat wants to catch it. The key is the mouse doesn't want to be eaten. It wants its chance to be the Cat again. Both sexes play each role at some point in their courtship. Eventually, trust with each others emotions makes the game less interesting and they just stop playing and they are themselves," said Sirius. "Your dad and mom did that for a year. There are ways to do it. He learned the hard way and you need to learn the hard way too."
"So you're saying Hermione and I are playing Cat and Mouse," said Harry.
"Yes, but you just took on the role of the Cat and threatened to eat her. If she believes every word of a four line letter, she could be eaten. If you haven't guessed that is translated as heartbroken. Game over. So she didn't do that. She took over as the Cat and said, how do you like it? I can eat you now." Sirius turned and sat on the bed and Harry walked away from the door sitting beside him.
Harry sat in quiet contemplation of his godfather's analogy.
"Harry, this is where it's all you, son. It's your heart against hers. If I suggest things to you, it's not from your heart. The game is never supposed to be Win, Lose or Lose, Lose.
It's supposed to be Win, Win. You need to be honest with one another to get to the Win, Win. Jesus, I'm watching too much of that television crap," said Sirius with a smile.
Harry laughed louder than he should, but he didn't care. All the same he pointed to the invisibility cloak just in case.
"You're both scared and the reason is that you know that the stakes are high. She's a very nice girl and you're a very good guy. You don't run into those types of people in your life very often. Just be honest. I think you can appreciate this. It's like your letter has become `The Eight-hundred Pound Gorilla'. It's there beside you one minute and beside her the next. Hers is her decision about what to do about the letter and yours is what did you really mean when you wrote it. That's all I'm going to say. Neither of you is willing to say, `Nice Gorilla.'" Sirius laughed.
The picture in Harry's mind made him laugh too.
"Harry, I have to go. I'm going to take the invisibility cloak to get out of here, but I'll send it on to the Weasleys. Dumbledore is going to be furious if he finds out I'm away, but if he found out I was here. Well, you have no idea," said Sirius.
"Harry, it's tough. Love is tough. You're tougher and I think Hermione is too. She could have called off the game and ran already, but she didn't. If you truly think what you feel for her is love, then act like it and be a stand up guy," advised Sirius.
He through the cloak over himself and let Harry open the door. "Owl," whispered Sirius as he sneaked down the hall.
Harry thought he understood. He opened the door and let Pig out into the hall. Pig would have to go out the chimney as a distraction. Harry chased him down the hall and the stairs. "I'm sorry Uncle Vernon, truly I am. Won't happen again." The chaos lasted long enough for Harry to open the door and pretend to watch the owl soar into the sky. Sirius went out behind Harry.
"HARRY! Blasted owls, I should. No, you're not ruining our weekend. You're still going but I'll get you for this," said Uncle Vernon.
Harry heard Sirius whisper from the bushes. "Here's the cloak in the bushes. I changed my mind." He changed into Snuffles running off down the street.
Harry ran back inside. He'd sneak down later and get the cloak from its hiding place. He laughed at the imagery of him and Hermione with two monstrous gorillas ready to do battle. But he was right there was only one and it wasn't on either side. The gorilla was their feelings for each other. He had no choice. He saw it clearly now. He felt bad that he'd ruined the easy path, but since when had he ever been allowed to take the easy path anywhere.
First, he had to remember how the dream really went. He'd simplified it as he wrote the stupid letter in his hand. He began writing. He couldn't believe how easy it was coming. Then he realized that this was the rough draft. There could be no mistakes this time. No flights of fancy would work. It had to be cold hard facts. Did he think he loved her? Was it the kind of love that lasts forever? They were young. He reminded himself. She still had a partial crush on Ron and Viktor. His heart still jumped at the sight of Cho.
"Screw Viktor," he said to himself. "Sorry mate, but screw you too Ron."
"Cho, no one is like Hermione. No matter how cute you are, Hermione's beautiful in my eyes," he said softly as he wrote.
By four in the morning, Harry had written nearly three feet of parchment. He was tired, but willing to do it. He kept writing. Just before the sun came up he remembered the cloak. He had to move quickly. He got to the front door opened it silently. He got the cloak. He knew this was the moment of truth. He put the cloak on and closed the door. If it made enough noise to wake them, he would sneak to some point in the house and make an excuse. He hoped he could get to his room and pretend to be asleep.
He sighed when the door closed almost noiselessly. He scurried up to his room. He thought he might be finished, but he'd check it again later. He knew he was too tired now. He also knew that he couldn't bring nearly a full roll of parchment. Then he thought, maybe he could.
He got into bed and fell into deep sleep. The dreamed of Hermione sitting next to him having a pumpkin juice and laughing at the silliest things. He couldn't see himself, but a smile crossed his sleeping face.
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