The Reverse-Chapter 7
Harry had just heard all he needed to hear. It had been one of the most wonderful days of his life. He knew it could also be one of the most disappointing. He still wasn't sure what the letter would accomplish, but he knew that Hermione gave him enough to go on to figure it out.
His heart pounded, but somehow he knew why now. She was not going to come easy. She'd called him cute. She'd played along and, then gone back to a familiar pattern. She had gone back to the safety that Ron represented. He didn't expect her to fall madly in love with him in a short time. Hadn't Harry's letter hoped for that? He knew the night that he wrote it that it was something that could never get to Hermione. That was the reason. He didn't want it to sound that way. He couldn't waste time reasoning it out. He had to write.
Dearest Hermione,
I can't finish that letter. Every word written in it was true at the moment it was written. It is exactly how I felt at one moment in my life and still do as you will find out, but the dream faded after that. A whole new reality replaced it. I wish I had time to find funny lines or be cute, but I don't the future of my life lies in what I write to you tonight from the time we talked ten minutes ago until you finish the last word and last sentiment in this letter.
Here's what started it all:
Dear Hermione,
I just received your letter. I've never been so happy in my entire life. I want to run through the streets screaming your name at the top of my lungs.
I had a dream too. We were standing together in a garden and you looked as beautiful as ever. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. We kissed.
There is one line in it is false today as I explain it. Today is the day that I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. Each moment with you builds a new happiest moment. And every moment right now builds a new moment of fear. It's not fear of you saying that you don't feel the same way. It's a fear of not telling you exactly how much I love you in words that touch your heart.
Hermione, I'm a simple guy. I've lived with almost nothing for most of my life. You and Ron have given me almost every hope I have ever had. It started with a kiss.
Hermione, it was when you kissed me at King's Cross that my heart opened up to a different world. It wasn't a daydream about a pretty girl from Ravenclaw. It was a real girl I had known all my life. I hadn't lived really, until I met you. Ron, well, this isn't about Ron. Fill that in later if you wish. This is about you.
This is about the bossy little witch who made my heart sing a month ago. I hated that you kissed me for about two seconds. And then, I realized my whole life was walking away from me. Why didn't I kiss you back? Every fiber of my body schemed to kiss you then. I ran back hoping just to look in your eyes to see if they were still as beautiful as I remembered. They held out hope for me; hope in friendship and in love. Well, I gathered my courage and kissed you. Okay, so it was a peck on the cheek. Afterwards I felt like I ate an entire bag of caffeinated tea. My body buzzed with excitement.
I settled down and wrote to Sirius. He told me that my friendship with you was most important and that love would come naturally if it was true. I believed him even if it sounded cliché. Your letters came and I felt so good. I was alive in mind, body and spirit. God, how could I be fifteen and feel this way. I had no frame of reference. I had never seen love between two adults. Not normal anyway, if you understand what the Dursley's are like. I only had my love for you and your letters.
Then I had a dream about you. It's like…oh my God it's coming back to me. I could only remember the kiss and being happy and the garden till now… This is the dream Hermione.
You were standing in a garden full of fresh flowers with your hair done like you had it done the night of the Yule Ball. Your eyes were wide and inviting. Your smile was beautiful. Your lips were pinkish and full. I swear I remember thinking that you would sprout wings and fly away leading me to heaven…to Nirvana.
"Hi, Harry," you said.
"Hi, Hermione. You look spectacular," I said feeling as if I couldn't get the words out you looked so wonderful.
"Thank you, Harry. It's very kind of you to say so," you said softly.
"What are we doing here?" I asked.
"We're getting to know each other, of course," you said.
"But we've known each other since we've been eleven," I said.
"Not like we do now, Harry," you said.
"What do you mean, Hermione?" I asked.
"Don't you feel it, Harry?" she asked.
"Oh, you mean the excitement…the love," I surprised myself that I had nerve enough to say it.
"Exactly, Harry. It's been here all along and we didn't see it," she said.
"What do we do, Hermione?" I asked with no idea of where to go with the feelings of love I felt.
"Just what we're doing now, Harry. We enjoy our time together," you said.
"Will they bring food to us in the garden?" I asked to be funny.
"Who needs food when we have each other Harry?" Then you smiled and kissed me.
Hedwig woke me at that very moment with your letter. I read it and wrote what I eventually sent you by mistake. Maybe it wasn't a mistake to send it to you Hermione. Maybe it was the same fate that put us together in the first place.
I panicked Hermione. I thought for sure that you'd think it was some horrible joke. Thank goodness that that was only partially true. It was no joke. Nothing about the way I feel about you is a joke.
I need to tell you so much more than I can write. This is painful because I don't want to be seen crying over this parchment on my birthday. It's not the kind of crying that comes with self-pity or begging. It's the kind that comes when your heart fills up with so much love it forces the tears out. How do I explain that manly moment to one of the guys? (hehe).
Hermione, when I touched you today it was sweet and fulfilling to feel you stay close for just a moment. You have poured so much love into this day that I'm ashamed that all I have is this letter and you had to nearly beat me senseless to give it to you.
I'm not stupid enough or blind enough not to have realized that at our age there is a lot of life to be lived. Sirius taught me that when I asked him for help. (Long story) So I won't tell you that our love is forever and that there will never be anyone but you.
On second thought, I will say that. But I'll say it like this. If you will have me I will live like our love is forever and there will never be anyone but you. I will put every waking moment and breath into being the best friend you ever had. I will take up your causes because I believe in your goodness and out of appreciation for your love. We may not always agree (S.P.E.W.) but I will support you. Hermione, I want to be with you until the day I die. Which may happen ten minutes after your read this. (Hehe)(Heart attack claims life of 15-year old boy).
You bring out the best in me.
I love you, Hermione. For whatever that's worth, I only expect what you're willing to give.
Hugs and Kisses,
Harry
He folded it and addressed it to Hermione with a smile.
He looked at the clock.
Certainly, she couldn't be serious about finding Cho if I don't find her by seven, thought Harry. It was six-forty.
He ran down the stairs. He was starving. He grabbed a roll. Everyone looked at him.
"Have you seen, Hermione?" he asked Angelina standing with Fred.
"No, Harry. That's curious too. She wasn't at dinner. We thought she was with you from the look on Ron's face," said Fred instead of Angelina.
He asked several more people who answered almost the same way.
"Okay, everyone. Please listen. I need to find Hermione. Does anyone know where Hermione is? It's very important," he said as loudly as he could without screaming like a madman.
"Harry, I'm right here. Are you mad?" she said out of Ginny's window.
Laughter filled the backyard.
"Yeah, that's what the Ministry says, don't they?" he said with a smile.
"I just got an owl for Hermione. She's got to read it. The game stuff might be delayed a few minutes," said Harry.
Hermione smiled and burst out laughing. "Be right there, Hermione." Harry said running into the house. Ron was standing with Cho looking downtrodden near the door. He heard Ron say, "Told you."
He didn't care. He loved her and hopefully in about thirty minutes he'd be running up and down the street screaming her name.
Suddenly-as fast as his courage had grown-he felt the anxiety of what this moment really meant to him. He knew she would love the letter for his honesty. But did she feel the same way. Was what he described what she wanted from him?
He walked in the door and closed it. He kept his hands behind his back. Hermione, I promise to explain everything after you read it. It may not be what you think. He took his hands from behind his back and handed to her. She didn't look down.
She stepped forward and kissed him lightly on the forehead. "That is for being brave enough to do it. No matter what, I will never forget that."
She looked at it for a second, cocked her head to the side, and read out loud, "Hermione, meet The Eight-hundred Pound Gorilla."
"Please, read. I promised to explain," he said with an anxious smile.
He sat down in the chair while she stood by the window.
A few seconds later, her hand went to her mouth.
She stepped away from the window where no one could see her.
She cried silently.
Then she started smiling, mouthing the words.
She giggled.
Harry couldn't watch. He'd seen her lips moving toward the end. This was where it all started or ended.
She looked at it again. Never once looking at Harry. She reread it.
She snatched a Kleenex out of the box about half-way the second time through.
She looked away from Harry and out the window when she finished. Her shoulders heaved. She sat on the end of the bed.
The first words out of her mouth were, "You're crazy, Harry."
He was shocked.
"I am too, Harry. That's why I love you. That's why I made you write this. I wanted to hear what I waited a month to tell you," she said as she handed him a letter. "Please read it."
Dearest Harry,
A new phase of our lives is about to begin and I'm afraid that it will change everything. I know that Ron will probably ask me to be his girl this summer. But something happened tonight that made me wonder if I shouldn't hold out hope for something that I've prayed for before but given up on.
Why didn't you just let me and Ron walk off tonight?
I kissed you because I could never do it again with the feelings I have for you, if I become Ron's girlfriend.
I love you both. He is a wonderful guy, but you are…well, you are my knight in shining armor. You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me crazy.
You will get this on your birthday. It will be my offering of love. I will not answer Ron until you have the chance to decide if I'm worth your friendship…our friendship.
All because of a kiss, Harry. A lousy, `oh-God-I-hope-nobody-saw-me-do-that' kiss. Well, it wasn't all that lousy because I did it again after you kissed me.
Forgive me to presume that you like me more than Cho or maybe even one day, Ginny. I will never forgive myself if I don't tell you. I'm losing my mind tonight.
I will always love you as my friend. No matter what happens,
Hugs and Kisses,
Hermione
Harry stood up and shivered. He tried to calm himself. What he was about to do had to be done the right way. He was afraid of sucking her face right off the front of her head, but he tried to take it slow.
"Hermione, you have no idea what's going through my mind," said Harry.
"Oh, I do, because it's going through mine too," said Hermione.
Knowing full well what he wanted to do, he asked her anyway. "What do we do now?"
She smiled at him. "We enjoy our time together," she said with a smile and added. "Where have I heard this before?"
He smiled. "Will they bring us supper up here?" he asked playing it out.
"Who needs food when we have each other?" They waited to say it together.
They vaguely heard Mr. Weasley giving out the instructions for the three-legged race below.
Harry crossed to Hermione and took her hands softly. His hands shook until she took them. She ran them to his arms brushing them softly.
He put his hands to her waist and turned his head slightly. He brushed her lips with his.
She backed away just an inch. "You're sure about this?" she asked.
He did the same thing again. "Are you?" he said backing away a little.
"You're scared too, aren't you?" she asked.
"Yeah, a little," he said. "I'm more afraid to kiss you like an octopus tentacle than anything else."
She laughed. "Let's try this again."
She moved in slowly and kissed his lower lip first. "How was that? It's okay, Harry. I knew that would happen and don't get all crazy on me now. You try it."
He softly kissed her lower lip. Her mouth opened slowly inviting him to do more. He kissed her upper lip.
Slowly they repeated the process for several minutes until Hermione stepped back. "I wonder who won the race," she giggled.
"Not us," said Harry. "But I'm not good at that type of thing anyway," he lied.
"Well, I'm good you stayed here to do something you're good at," she said with smile.
He took a deep breath.
"Harry, it's rude to miss your birthday party," she said. "We can always hope the bottle spins our way in spin-the-bottle." She smiled.
"What happens if we have to kiss other people?" asked Harry. "I know what they're missing now."
"Yeah, well, you ain't seen nothing yet, my friend," she giggled and grabbed his hand pulling him out the door letting the letters fall to the floor.
When Harry and Hermione emerged from the backdoor, a familiar voice yelled at them. "It's about time there, Harry. You better be careful whose name and where you write with your quill, Harry. It's got ink in now."
The twins burst out laughing. Oliver Wood and Mr. Weasley laughed too. "Arthur, how rude!" said Molly.
Harry looked around and realized no one had seen who said it but most of the guys had heard it except him. Barely, visible in the fading twilight was a big black dog chasing its tail. "Harry, that wasn't…" asked Hermione with a grin.
He nodded then he laughed. He finally understood the joke. It was a caution to keep things to snogging and no more. Anything else could end up making his mark on life permanent. "You didn't get what he said did you?"
She shook her head and said softly, "But if you don't tell me, you just got your last kiss from me."
Angelina overheard Hermione and started the chant:
Harry and Hermione,
Sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G,
First comes love,
Then comes marriage,
Then comes Harry,
Pushing a baby carriage.
Hermione buried her face in Harry's shoulder. She wasn't really embarrassed because they were caught. "I wanted them to find out because we kissed a little too long during Spin-the-bottle. You know, like not waiting our turn."
Harry laughed.
As amused as most people were, Harry and Hermione looked over at Ron. They were aware of what Angelina's little ditty had probably meant to him. Somehow he would feel that the trust the three of them had was broken.
"Ron," said Harry.
Ron's face was a mixture of sadness, understanding and anger. But he said, "Hey, guys, whatever. Just don't go in my room so I find you." He waved his hand at them like someone who wanted to push them away. "Cho, where are you?" he said.
Harry and Hermione both felt a little ashamed. They hadn't handled that part of it very well at all. "It's my fault, Harry," said Hermione. "We should have walked straight to
Ron and said something instead of looking for the game."
"No way, is it anyone's fault," he said quickly. "What do you think he was going to do then? Ask us to show him how we kiss and ooo and aww at us like it was a Quidditch match? There was no way to tell him unless we just didn't do anything between reading the letters and telling him. And unless, you're going to tell me that you were going to fight me off all the way there to do that then, it's not your fault."
Harry and Hermione watched as Fred, George, Ron, Angelina, Katie, and Cho decided that it was a waste of time if they didn't at least give spin-the-bottle a go. Neville, Ginny, Alicia, and Dean formed another circle. "Come on Harry and Hermione, join us."
Mrs. Weasley stopped that quickly. "Ginny, you're not getting into that game at your age." Ginny stomped off. "Mom, I'm probably the best kisser in that group and Dean knows it." She was so mad she'd just confessed to having kissed Dean to her mother. Things were a bit tense for a while until Mr. Weasley settled her down.
"Molly, I'm not happy about it either," he said. "But you and I were their age and nearly got expelled for being out all night. Aren't we being a little hypocritical?"
"No, Arthur we are not? You people today sneak off to do all sorts of things you wouldn't dare mention. I'm not going to invite them over to do them under my supervision, are you?" she said angrily.
"Well, you have a point there," he said. He shrugged. "Okay, guys let's have Harry open his presents."
"Now that sounds like a more appropriate thing for the party at this point. I'll go get the cake. Ginny come help me with the cake," said Mrs. Weasley. "She started to ask Hermione but took a deep breath and expelled it."
"I'll help," said Neville.
Mrs. Weasley was about to refuse, but said, "Sure, Neville. I need help taking the paper plates out to the table."
Harry laughed knowing Neville would get nowhere near the cake till it had been cut and served.
Harry opened his presents. He got a cool assortment of Quidditch memorabilia since most of the people there were Quidditch team members. The gifts were all nice things that he would savor. When it came time for Hermione to give her gift, Harry wasn't sure what to expect. He had pretty much been surprised by her letter and every other thing she'd done. What more could she do for him?
She looked really nervous. Ron's expression hadn't changed much from earlier in the evening until now. He'd seemed rather resigned to the fact that his best friends were now a couple, but for some reason his face was redder than it had been. "I don't know how to say this," she fidgeted nervously. "I have to admit, I've given Harry part of his present already. But Harry, you don't have to go back home until next Friday when the Dursleys return from their trip. That part is Dumbledore's present to you."
Harry understood now why Ron was upset. Not only had Hermione decided on Harry, she was scheduled to stay the rest of the summer. To top it off, she had also worked out a way to keep her boyfriend under his nose for an additional four days. Ron had a right to be upset.
To make matters worse, Seamus said, "Yeah, Harry, it's a good thing Hermione wasn't wearing lipstick earlier or we could see exactly where she gave you your present."
Harry could tell that Hermione was a surprised as he was that they weren't getting more of that from people. He realized though that most people there understood that it was a blow to Ron and weren't in the mood for aggravating all three of them. "Gee, Seamus, if you wore lipstick I'd have lip prints on my bum," said Ron. "Grow up."
Seamus usually was an instigator and not one to try to keep things going. He liked to say stuff and then let someone else fight over it. This time it didn't work like that. Harry doubted he did it to get a rise out of Ron, but to have a little fun with Harry and Hermione.
"Sorry, mate. I forgot that it might not be cool because…" Seamus stopped short. "Well, someone has to say it. I mean, don't they?"
"Yeah, well let it me say it then. "Congratulations, Harry and Hermione. There it's said. Now shut up," said Ron as he walked away.
Fred looked over at the two of them. "He'll get over it," he said and Angelina nodded.
"That was my fault for not letting you guys talk to him first," said Angelina.
Without realizing it Ron had come back. "Aw, Bloody Hell, guys. I'm not dead and I'm not going off into the woods like an old dog to die either. How many of you knew that one day either Hermione would leave us both or one of us would be the loser for her affections?"
"Well, duh," said George. "It was either that or she stayed single her whole life."
"Exactly, so don't make it worse. She's my friend that I wanted to keep for myself for a very long time. I wanted it to be Harry who had to figure out how to deal with it, not me. And, I'd be lying if I said I'm not hurt or pissed about it. But Harry's my best mate and it's not like they snuck around for ages behind my back. Good thing it was now and not two years from now. So leave them alone and leave me alone about it," said Ron. "Don't be a prat, Finnegan."
Ron walked off again. "Just so you know, Harry. Might be a while before I want to hear this story," he said with a sarcastic grin. "Otherwise, we're cool."
Harry wasn't sure that was all there was to it. Six more days was a long time for a man to watch a girl he likes kiss another man while living under his roof.
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