Author's note: I am so sorry for the delay in updates. I lost my muse on this one and I've been busy with Heaven writing Last Dance. I do hope to be more diligent on my updates on this one and I promise you will not have to wait too much longer for another update! Thank you all so much for reading and to my friends and readers in the United States---Happy Thanksgiving!
Chapter Four
In My Life
There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
(The Beatles, In My Life)
It had been an extremely long day and Luke Reilly was storing some sports equipment from that day's basketball games. His mind hadn't really been on the work though and he felt guilty for not concentrating enough on his job.
This place had been his saving grace the last year. It was here that he finally felt he was doing something instead of hiding out. It was here that he tried to make a life for himself, even if it wasn't his.
Luke Reilly.
He wasn't even sure who that really was. Someone who was normal, but who hid a deep, dark secret? Someone who wanted to make up in some small way for the pain he'd caused his friends?
Not a day had gone by that he hadn't thought of them. He wondered how Ron was doing as a new father. Sean had been
able to get him the newspapers from overseas and he'd managed to find out that his best friend had married Luna
Lovegood. Who would have thought that would have happened?
To tell the truth, he'd expected to hear about Ron marrying Hermione. He'd known since fourth year how his best friend felt about their favourite girl. Though, Ron was loathsome to admit it. And Harry wasn't stupid enough to call him on it. And truth be told, he wasn't quite sure how he felt about his two friends becoming a couple. They were as different as night and day and fought so effortlessly it was as natural to them as breathing.
His biggest concern in those days had been that he'd be left out. And that if something happened where Ron and Hermione broke up; he'd feel like a child of divorce, alternating between mum and dad for visits. He was in the middle enough as it is whenever the two of them fought, with each of them expecting him to take sides.
But when everything had come to a head, Ron and Hermione were finally warming up to the idea of being an actual couple. And then they'd learned about the horcruxes and Dumbledore was killed and it put everything on hold. It was something else that he felt guilty about, but his two friends never wavered in their loyalty toward him. They'd followed him and stood by him without question.
He thought about them everyday---what they were doing and he even longed to be on the receiving end of one of Hermione's lectures. That wasn't something he'd ever thought he'd hear himself say.
There were so many things that he missed about his old life, but none more important than his friends. He knew the surface things, of course, because of Sean's research. For example, he knew that Dean Thomas was working as a graphic designer for some hip London magazine. He knew that Seamus Finnigan worked for the Ministry and he knew that Lavender Brown wrote a gossip column for the Daily Prophet.
And he knew that Ginny Weasley was currently interning for Madam Malkin's. She'd once confessed to him how she had no idea what she'd wanted to do with the rest of her life. She toyed with professional Quidditch, but in the end, her heart wasn't in it. One night in the common room, she'd even shown him some of her sketches and though he knew nothing about fashion, he'd thought she was quite talented and had told her so. That, of course, had led to a lengthy snogging session.
But when he thought about the past and all that he'd left behind, she wasn't at the forefront of his thoughts. Their relationship, if you could call it that, given how long it had actually lasted, was more of a physical one. And he couldn't help feeling that she acted as if she'd won a prize when they'd started dating. His feelings for her had come out of nowhere. One day he thought of her like a kid sister and the next he was jealous of her relationship with Dean and hoping that one day, she'd be his. Ginny was beautiful, of that there was no doubt, but he'd never felt like he could talk to her…really, talk to her.
And Dumbledore's death had confirmed for him what he'd known all along. Being with him was like a death wish for those he cared about. And he didn't want Ginny's death on his hands---or Ron and Hermione's, for that matter. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself. But, Ron and Hermione hadn't wavered in their devotion and loyalty to him and he knew that he wouldn't be able to get through what he had to without him. Yet, when he had faced Voldemort that last time, he had been completely on his own. And he had nearly died.
That wasn't something he really wanted to think about now. One day, if she was still speaking to him, perhaps he'd tell her. But right now, it was just good to have her back in his life again. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed her until he'd seen her that first time at the hospital.
He opened one of his desk drawers and pulled out the photo he'd kept with him. It was really the only memento he had of his former life. He looked at the three teenagers staring back at him. They had no idea what was to come. They had no idea what was going to happen.
This had been the beginning of the end----the last real moment of peace; the calm before the storm.
Hermione in the photograph waved at him before putting her arms around Ron and Harry pulling them both close for a hug. Harry couldn't get over how happy they'd looked on that day.
Fred and George were hunched in the corner of the garden plotting Merlin knew what to prank their big brother on his wedding day. Ron had tried to get in on it, but the twins had told him in no uncertain terms that the less he knew the better and that they didn't really want him stealing their glory.
The ceremony was now over and the happy couple was dancing together cheek to cheek in the middle of the makeshift dance floor Molly had transfigured in the garden.
"I guess I should be happy that they're not picking on me for once," Ron mused to Harry and Hermione.
Hermione laughed. "Don't worry. I'm sure they'll be back to you before too long. You are their
favorite guinea pig."
"I'm going to get something else to eat," Ron said standing up. "You two want anything?"
"As if you'd remember to bring us anything," Hermione said.
"I would," Ron retorted.
"Wouldn't," Hermione countered.
"Would."
"Wouldn't."
Ron rolled his eyes before walking away toward the buffet table.
Hermione shook her head and looked at Harry. "Mini-sandwiches. Those gherkin things he loves so much. And his mum's brownies. We may never, ever see him again."
Harry hadn't heard Hermione or Ron's argument. His eyes were on the red-haired girl dancing with Neville Longbottom. Neville looked as if he'd just won the lottery and Ginny kept shooting surreptitious glances at Harry.
Hermione smiled slightly at Harry. "You could ask her to dance."
"Hmm?"
"Ginny," Hermione said. "You could ask her to dance. You, um, really look like you want to."
Harry shook his head and took a sip of his drink. "I'm not much for dancing, Hermione."
"Why do all blokes say that?" Hermione asked. "I mentioned possibly dancing to Ron and he looked as if I'd ask him to run around the garden starkers singing the latest Weird Sisters song."
Harry finally cracked as mile and Hermione grinned triumphantly at him.
"You and your feet will be grateful for that later," Harry joked. "Truth be told, Ron's worse than me at dancing."
Hermione put her hand to her chest in dramatic fashion. "Trash talking about your best friend? Well, I'll have you know that Parvati is still talking about the damage you did to her poor feet during the Yule Ball."
"I danced with her ONE time," Harry said defensively.
"Apparently that was one time too many as she still has this slight limp when she walks," Hermione said trying to keep a straight face.
Harry looked at her. "Hermione! She does not!"
"Poor girl couldn't walk for a month…"
Harry nudged her. "Okay, you are exaggerating for dramatic effect. Very funny, Granger. Didn't know you had it in you."
"You and Ron don't give me enough credit."
Harry grinned before standing up and holding out his hand.
"What?"
"You are going to see firsthand that I'm not that bad," Harry said crooking his finger at her. "Come on."
Hermione laughed and shook her head. "I don't think my poor feet can take it."
"Chicken," Harry countered.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Okay, Potter. But the first time you step on my toes…"
"Just shut up and dance with me," Harry said pulling her to her feet.
Under Ginny's watchful eyes, Harry led Hermione out onto the dance floor. Harry honestly didn't know what he was doing. He was terrible at this and he would probably end up embarrassing himself and breaking Hermione's toes in the process. But, he had a feeling that this might be the last evening he would be able to concentrate on little more than having a good time. He was going to take advantage of it.
The band played a soft, romantic song and Harry awkwardly put his hands on Hermione's waist, avoiding her gaze. He could feel Ginny watching them and he wondered why Ginny just didn't let him go. This really was for the best. She'd be safe without him. She deserved to have someone in her life that would be able to love her like she needed. Someone who would have time to do all those boyfriend-girlfriend things that she longed for them to do. Harry couldn't do that and he was sorry he had ever led her to believe they could have something like that.
He was starting to wonder if perhaps that kind of normalcy wasn't meant for someone like him. He wasn't normal. He hadn't been normal and probably never would be. He had the fate of the wizarding world on his shoulders and he wondered how they'd all feel if they realized he was scared to death.
"Harry?"
Hermione looked up at him. "Where'd you go just then?"
He gave out a nervous laugh. "I uh---"
The way she was looking at him told him she could see right through him. She knew exactly what he was feeling. She really could read him like a book.
"You're actually not bad at this," Hermione said, surprising him because he had thought she was going to call him on his thoughts and ask him to talk about what he was feeling.
Harry shrugged. "You're just saying that."
"No," Hermione said softly. "I'm not. You're quite good, actually."
Harry laughed. "You sure you didn't have some of that punch Fred and George spiked?"
Hermione shook her head. "No. I'm saying this completely sober. Though, to be honest, I only have to compare you to Viktor since he's the only other bloke I've danced with. Well, him and my dad."
Harry hadn't asked Hermione how her parents took the news about her not going back to school. Given what little he knew of the Grangers, he had a feeling that they weren't too happy about it. But he hadn't brought that up with Hermione because every time he tried, she took it to mean that he didn't have any confidence in her capabilities and didn't want her along. Even though she had to know by now how much he thought of her. He knew he wouldn't have made it this far without her and someday he hoped to tell her that.
"You're quite good too," Harry said smiling at her. "Though to be honest, I haven't had that much experience with this either. And you had such a glowing review of my abilities from Parvati."
"Next time I see her, I'll be sure to tell her how you've improved," Hermione promised. She smiled up at him. "What?"
"Ron's a lucky bloke, Hermione."
Hermione blushed. "Harry---"
"He is," Harry continued. "I hope he realizes how lucky."
"I-I'm not really sure what he and I are really," Hermione admitted. "It's so strange and it's hard to go from---we, um, we don't have to talk about this now."
Harry nodded. He still wasn't so sure how he felt about his two best friends dating, but he didn't begrudge them one bit of happiness. He just hoped that if anything should happen to break them up, the three of them could remain friends.
"We have a lot ahead of us," Hermione commented. "We can figure everything else out afterwards."
"Afterwards."
Hermione nodded. "There will be an afterwards, Harry. You have to believe that."
And when she said that, he almost believed her.
"Oi, Harry!" Ron called out. "Hermione! Come on over here! Angelina's taking pictures!"
Hermione smiled and took Harry's hand. "Come on, handsome. Let's go have our picture taken."
Harry couldn't help smiling back at her. He'd think about the battle tomorrow. Right now, he was going to concentrate on having a good time with the two most important people in his life.
"Hermione, you get in the middle," Angelina directed as the three friends sat down on the bench. "And Ron, you have some icing on your lip."
Ron reached up and hastily wiped at his mouth with his sleeve. Hermione rolled her eyes.
"What?" Ron asked innocently.
"Nothing," Hermione said shaking her head and laughing.
Harry smiled as Hermione put an arm around each of them. Would they ever be like this again when it was over? His smile faltered a bit, but with one look from Hermione, he tampered down his doubts and smiled brightly for the camera.
You couldn't get away with much when Hermione Granger was your best friend.
**** ****
The next day, Hermione stood just outside the community center and contemplated getting back in her car. There was so much more she could be doing right now.
But she had promised Luke and she did have the afternoon off, a rare occasion in her line of work. She'd come straight from the hospital. She wondered if perhaps she was a little overdressed. Her grey trousers and periwinkle blue jumper were fine for the hospital but probably not for the community center. But then again, it wasn't as if she was going to play basketball or anything. At least, she hoped not.
This was crazy, Hermione thought.
Just go inside and get it over with and then you can go back to your apartment and work on the article.
"You planning on staying outside all day?" someone asked from behind her.
Hermione turned to see Luke smiling up at her from the bottom of the steps.
"Um, I was…well, I was, well…"
He grinned at her. "Waiting for me?"
Hermione blushed and nodded. "Right."
"Well, either way," Luke said. "I'm really glad you showed. I was worried that you wouldn't."
Hermione didn't reply to that. Truth be told, she'd spent most of the morning trying to think up excuses for why she wouldn't be able to come. But, in the end, she'd decided to just suck it up and go. She was a horrible liar anyway and he'd probably see through her.
Hermione let out a weak laugh. "I'm a little early."
He smiled at her in such a way that she felt a slight flutter in her stomach. She wrote it off to her lunch not agreeing with her. That was the logical answer.
Luke hurried up the steps past her and held the door open for her. "Ladies first."
"Thanks," Hermione said avoiding looking at him as she stepped into the community center. It was already bustling with activity. Hermione could hear the sounds of children talking and laughing and milling about.
"Let me just put this away and I can give you the grand tour," Luke said holding up the file in his hand.
Hermione nodded and followed him down the corridor. It was a small building but it felt quite homey, Hermione thought as she looked around. She realized that Luke was talking to her and she focused her attention on what he was saying. He told her about how he'd only been here for a year or so and that he felt as if this was what he was meant to do.
"Did you go to college?" Hermione asked conversationally.
"Not much of a student," Luke replied sheepishly. "They don't give degrees in slacking, do they?"
Hermione grinned. "If they did my friend Ron would be a Ph.D."
Since he was walking in front of her, she didn't notice the wistful look that came across his handsome features at the mention of Ron Weasley.
"I imagine I got on his nerves though always trying to get him to study and lecturing him when he and Harry would try to copy my homework."
"I'm sure they didn't mind," Luke told her turning and smiling at her. "In fact, I bet it helped them out more than they could ever tell you."
Hermione looked quizzically at him. "You think so?"
Luke nodded. "What is it they say? Behind every great man, there's a great woman kicking him in the ass telling him to get his act together?"
"I like that," Hermione grinned. The apprehension she'd felt about coming here was starting to ebb and she liked talking to Luke. "So you've been here a year?"
"About that long," Luke replied leading her into his office. It was quite small, but there was a plastic basketball hoop against the door and a number of pictures that some of the smaller children had drawn for him. A desk that was cluttered with files and some books was pushed against one wall. There was an old sofa that needed a bit of patch work, but the place seemed warm and inviting. "I can't imagine doing anything else."
Hermione smiled. "That's the way I feel about medicine, actually. I like the idea of helping people."
"We have that in common," Luke said smiling back at her.
There was something in the way he was smiling at her that unnerved her. "Um, so about that tour…"
"Right," Luke said nodding. "Right this way, Healer Granger."
Hermione followed him out and listened intently as he pointed out different rooms and explained about the programs the community center offered.
"Upstairs, we have a couple of spare rooms where the kids can get help on their homework if they need it," Luke explained. "A couple of neighborhood groups donated some computers and some books so that helps a lot."
"Do you have just Muggle children?" Hermione asked.
"Mostly," Luke replied. "But there are a few children who are magical. "
"Must be kind of hard trying to hide things," Hermione commented, causing Luke to stop in his tracks.
"Luke?"
"Um," Luke said scratching his nape. "Some secrets are necessary. You know, for the greater good…"
Hermione nodded. "Yes, but it would be hard to be on your toes all the time trying to make sure that you didn't slip up and didn't make a mistake. Believe me, I know. I was the only witch in my family. My parents didn't tell anyone outside of my grandparents what I truly was. So, whenever we had family gatherings, I had to remember all these little details we'd make up to cover it up. What about you? What's your family like?"
He didn't answer her at first and Hermione looked quizzically at him. He was hiding something.
"My parents were magical," he finally replied. "But I didn't grow up with them. Look, I really don't like talking about it all that much."
"Oh," Hermione said taken aback. "I didn't mean to pry, Luke."
He gave her a half smile. "It's okay. But, the family I did grow up with, they …they did like to hide it. They thought I was a bit of a freak, actually."
Hermione patted his arm. "That must not have been easy."
"It wasn't," Luke said. "But it made me who I am today so---"
She could tell he didn't like talking about this, but she couldn't imagine why. Unless it was something to horrible---child abuse, perhaps? Her heart went out to him. She'd seen firsthand how that kind of childhood had affected Harry. Every time she thought about those horrid Dursleys…
"I promised you lunch," Luke said interrupting her thoughts. "I know it's a bit late, but
"Oh, it's okay," Hermione said hastily. "I don't want you to go to all that trouble..."
Luke grabbed her arm. "It's no trouble at all, Hermione. Trust me. And the only thing you need to tell me is strawberry or grape?"
"I beg your pardon?""
Luke gave her his most winsome smile. "You are about to sample my world-famous peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches. We have two kinds of jelly---strawberry and grape."
"Oh," Hermione said with a grin. "I didn't realize that your sandwiches were world-famous."
"Just you wait until you try them," Luke said with a wink of his eye. Hermione followed him into the kitchen feeling something stirring inside her.
No. I'm not going to go there. This bloke is a patient. Former patient, but still it would not be professional. Besides, the last thing I want to do is open this can of worms.
"Have a seat," Luke said motioning toward a chair in the corner. "You can keep me company while I make them---but you have to promise that you will not sell my secret to the public."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't dream of it."
"Good," Luke said pulling a loaf of bread from the shelves. Hermione watched as he prepared the sandwiches. He was quite handsome, she thought. In the past few years, she'd been attracted to men, but she'd never pursued anything because she didn't think she deserved it. And she had her career to keep her busy. There really wasn't any room for anything else. But, there was something about this man that intrigued her.
"You know you have a nice smile," Luke said interrupting her thoughts.
"What?"
"You have a nice smile," Luke repeated, setting a plate down in front of her. "You should do it more often."
Hermione shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "I smile," she said defensively.
"Not enough," Luke told her, taking the seat opposite.
She didn't have anything to say to that so she just looked down at the plate before her.
"How about you take a bite and let me know what you think?" Luke asked her.
Eager for the distraction, Hermione did as he asked.
"Well?"
Hermione had her mouth full so she just gave him the thumbs up sign.
"Told you," he said smugly.
They ate in silence and Hermione could tell Luke was thinking of the best way to ask her something. He had an uncanny way of getting inside her head and she didn't understand why. She decided to cut him off at the pass and ask him a question before he could get to her.
"So, where did you go to school?"
"Rivercroft," he replied. "Small wizarding school near Tacoma."
"That's where you grew up?"
He nodded. "Yeah."
Even though he didn't want to elaborate further, Hermione wasn't deterred.
"Any brothers or sisters?"
"No," Luke replied. "Only child."
"Me, too."
"Ever been married?"
Luke shook his head.
"Did you ever come close?'
He laughed. "You ask a lot of questions."
Hermione grinned. "Answer the question."
He leaned back in his seat and studied her for a moment before answering. "If you're asking if I've ever dated anyone serious, the answer is no, not really. There was one girl when I was in school, but it didn't last too long. It was more infatuation than anything else."
"Did you ever make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for her?" Hermione asked.
Am I flirting with him?
"No," Luke replied. "I only make these for the special ones."
This time, it was Hermione who blushed. She pushed her plate away suddenly feeling like she just wanted to run away.
"Hermione?"
"I-I just remembered that I have something to do," Hermione said standing up.
"But you just got here---"
"I'm sorry," she apologized. "There's a patient….I need to see if his test results are in. I'm sorry, Mr. Reilly."
Luke stood up and reached for her hand. "Hermione."
"I have to go," she said trying as hard as she could not to cry in front of him. He probably thought she was crazy. This had been a mistake.
"Hermione---"
She hurried out of the kitchen, half expecting to hear footsteps behind her. But, he didn't follow her. She had a little trouble remembering how to get out of the building, but after a few false turns, she found herself out on the street and heading for her car. This had been a mistake---a mistake that she wasn't going to make again.
****
Harry watched from the window as she got into her car. They'd been having a good time. Why did she leave so suddenly? Had he said something wrong? Had he pushed her too far?
Perhaps Sean had been right. This was a mistake. But, he had a feeling that part of the reason she'd fled was because of her guilt. Guilt that she shouldn't have to bear.
He couldn't make up for the time she'd lost, but he was going to do everything in his power to make things right again.
He just hoped that she'd let him.