Chapter Four
Finding Allies
If I had known I would get so totally smashed at this 'get together' I don't think I would've come.
Well, I came at around eight and everyone was already here, Ron, Luna (Ron's wife!), Ginny, Fred, George, and so many others. When I came in everyone was all 'HERMIONE! OMIGOD!' and of course there was screaming and laughing and hugging, but that's inevitable. It was so great to see everyone again, I didn't even know how much I missed them. I had become completely numb to the magical world and all my friends that were still there.
I had walked into the flat and was greeted first by Luna and Ginny, they were squealing and hugging me like mad. Luna's the same odd, out-of-it character with a little more togetherness. Her wavy blonde hair is still very long and her eyes are still swimming and dreamy. Ginny's still the same as well, excited and kind to pretty much everyone. Her hair is a gorgeous shade of red, which I envy very much, and she still has freckles across her nose and cheeks.
Just as they were asking me if I had a boyfriend, Ron walked in from, what I guessed, was the living room, holding a bowl of pretzels.
"Do we have anymore-" he stopped once he caught site of me.
"Ron," was all I could.
He grinned and gave me a huge, rib-crushing hug, not letting me go for several long seconds.
"I need to talk to you later," he whispered into my hair then let go of me. His voice had been serious when he said it, as if he was angry, but then as he looked at me he was grinning, as if trying to cover it up.
I smiled unsurely.
"Now the party can start!" he shouted.
They had guided me into the living room and I said hello to everyone, catching up on what we had missed over the past nine years. I couldn't help but notice Harry wasn't present. I swallowed, had Natalie kept him at 'The Manor' away from me? Had she decided that she didn't want him near me anymore and made up some petty excuse that would keep him with her because she has him totally under lock and key. Had he then told Ron to go ahead with the party and to be sure it didn't get too crazy. My heart panged, he had forgotten to tell Ron to say sorry from him.
My thoughts skittered away from me, leaving my mind altogether, at the sound of a familiar voice.
"Guys! Does anyone give a shit that there's beer on the hardwood floor?!" I heard Harry shout.
I looked up, he was standing there holding a grocery store bag in his hands and car keys in the other. He hadn't missed my party. I smiled.
Ron feigned a look of surprise, turning to the first innocent bystander he came across, "Neville! Why would you do something like that?"
Neville looked at Ron, his eyes wide.
"Ron, clean it up," Harry ordered.
"Fine," he said, getting up and leaving the room to return with a roll of paper towels.
Harry set the grocery bag on a coffee table and sat down next to me on the couch, "Hey there Guest of Honor! How are you liking your party?" he asked.
My whole body grew warm and I was afraid I seemed flustered, he was sitting rather close. I could smell his cologne.
I looked around, "I didn't know it was going to be so wild," I laughed.
He looked around, smiling at me, "If you don't like it I'll kick them all out."
I laughed again, although his offer sounded truly tempting.
"No, no it's fine."
"Are you sure?" he asked, his emerald eyes boring into my muddy brown ones.
I loved the way he looked at me.
"I'm sure."
"All right," he nodded.
Then we sat and looked around, observing our hectic atmosphere.
"Why isn't Natalie here?" I asked, attempting to be polite.
He looked at me, having to talk louder over the noise, "Oh she couldn't make it, she's spending the night at her parent's house with her brother and sister."
"Oh," I replied, nodding. "It's too bad she missed it."
"Yeah," he replied and I have to admit, he didn't sound like he was so sorry about it. "Lee! Can you not climb on the bookcase?!" he shouted at Lee Jordan who had been indeed hanging from a bookcase shelf. When Lee didn't cease to climb Harry turned to me, "Sorry, damage control," he gave me a lopsided grin, my stomach flipped, and I smiled at him.
It was then I realized how utterly in love with him I actually was. Everything about him. The way he walked, the way he talked to me, the way his eyes were just the right shade of green and his hair the right shade of black. I loved the way he ate, the way he responded to things, the way his eyes drilled holes into my mind and made me feel like he could read my thoughts. I even loved the way he loved Natalie. The way he smelled, and how I wanted to just throw my arms around his neck and bury my face into his shirt everytime I was around him.
This was the man I wanted to marry, and I was certainly not ready to lose him to little Miss Bitch Natalie, no sir.
"Hermione," a voice had broken my thoughts.
Ron.
I looked up, "Hey."
"Can we talk now?" he asked.
I nodded, "Sure."
And he led me right out of Harry's flat, and out of the very building, so we were walking along the sidewalk.
We walked in an awkward silence, he had his hands deep in his pockets and I had my arms folded in an attempt to keep warm against the cold air. I watched him, wondering if he was going to say anything. He seemed to know what he was going to say, but wanted to figure out the right way to go about delivering the words to me.
Soon enough he spoke, "Hermione," he said. "I'm going to be flat out honest with you."
This sentence alone scared me. Honesty? Did I want him to be brutally honest with me? I couldn't be honest with myself half the time, and I just knew whatever he was going to say would have to do with my running away, something I didn't want to think about. I hadn't stopped regretting what I did.
"All right," I replied all the same, my voice shaking.
He stopped walking and looked at me, "You broke Harry's heart when you left."
I opened my mouth to say something but no words issued out, how could I possibly respond to that?
"You really did. The guy was head over heals, madly and deeply in love with you," he shook his head.
I felt as if I was going to throw up, I swallowed, "Ron, I-"
"You knew he was going to ask you to come with him and you left anyway," his voice was growing louder. "Did you ever think of him? About how much he loved you?! No. You did the selfish thing and ran away!" by then he was shouting.
I stayed silent then, afraid of him in a way. His words were sinking in, cutting at my heart. He was right, I had been selfish. Tears were burning in the back of my throat. And, to put it simply enough, I hated myself.
Anger boiled up inside me, tossing my stomach around, making my fingertips itch. But I wasn't angry at Ron, I knew that, I was angry at myself. I truly hated myself and everything I was at that moment. And that just made me want to break down crying.
"You didn't even care to write, you were too busy making a new life for yourself," his eyes are slightly narrowed on mine as his words come out in puffs of steam.
I'd never seen Ron look at me the way he did, as if he hated me.
The tears were threatening to fall, taunting me.
I opened my mouth to speak, I wasn't actually sure what I was going to say, but I tried to say something, and he cut me off.
"And where were you when Harry was moping around?" he shot the words at me and I took a deep breath, steadying myself. "Where were you when he was locked in his room, in bed for hours, in the dark, wasting away...."
I flinched, I didn't want to hear anymore, but I couldn't tell Ron to shut up either.
"Hermione, we were afraid to leave him alone," he tells me. "We were too afraid he'd hurt himself-"
I sucked in a deep breath, wishing he would stop torturing me this way. I blinked, a single tear dropped from my eye lid, I brushed it away quickly, I wasn't worthy enough to cry.
He didn't say anything, only stared at me, slightly enraged.
I decided it was time I spoke up, "I know it was selfish of me, and I know it wasn't fair to leave like that. But Ron you have to listen to me, I was scared-!"
"Oh for God sakes Hermione!" he threw his hands up in exasperation, I flinched. "Scared of what?!"
Looking back on it I can't remember why I ran. I was scared, but of what? of a relationship with Harry? something I wanted so desperately now.
"I don't know," I choked on the words as I said them.
I felt miserable, completely miserable.
We stood there like that, staring at each other, both of us thinking of what to say. Then, I realized, I needed to tell Ron the truth, even if he hated me even more for it.
"Ron," I whispered. "I love him."
He nodded, "I know." His voice made me feel like it was hopeless.
"What am I going to do?" I questioned.
He thought for a minute, then, "He doesn't love Natalie."
I stared at him for a second, taking in everything he had just said, "What?"
"He doesn't love Natalie, he's being stupid and rushing into this, he's using her as a band-aid, trying to cover up the pain he still feels from you leaving him."
I just stared at him open mouthed.
"So we have to show him he's making a huge mistake.... Are you willing?"
"Yes! Of course!"
"Good," he looked around. "I think we should head back."
I nodded and he started walking away before me, without thinking, I grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug.
"Thank you Ron," I whispered.
"It's good to have you back Hermione," he replied, squeezing my shoulder. "Now let's go back."
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So after that interesting talk with Ron we went back to Harry's flat. That's when they pretty much ganged up on me and somehow convinced me to start downing the alcohol. And that's where I am now. I don't remember how many drinks I've had, but who cares?
Harry wasn't around during this time but I hardly noticed. The room was growing fuzzy and I felt stupid and giddy. It's not long before I feel sick and dizzy though, that's when Harry comes in and I can barely sit up.
"Guys, what have you been doing?" he asks and now I notice my head hurts like mad.
"Just having a few drinks," Dean Thomas says and I lean against the arm of the couch.
Harry sees this and says, "Okay guys I think this party's over."
There are many arguments and I find myself drowning it all out and closing my eyes.
"Hermione," he nudges me. "Hermione wake up."
I open my eyes, "Huh?"
He laughs, "You okay?"
I shake my head but say, "Yes."
Do I always have to have this wretched feeling that I'm going to puke?!
He laughs again, "Let's get you home," he makes an attempt to get me up but his attempt falls flat.
Everyone's gone, I can tell, it's only Harry, me, and a extremely messy house. Although the flat is quiet and calm and the atmosphere outside is pretty much dead, my head is spinning and it's busy. I hold my head in my hands and swallow hard to keep myself from barfing.
"Hermione?" I groan in response. "Come on, I'm gonna take you home."
HAS HE GONE MAD?! I can't possibly go anywhere, or move for that matter, it'll only add to the intense dizziness and I'd pass out for sure. Hey, now that I think about it passing out doesn't sound so bad.
I can only shake my head, I'm going to sleep, right here, on Harry's couch, good night everybody.
I close my eyes and don't open them anytime soon.
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I wake up but don't open my eyes. I remember bits of what happened last night, Ron yelling at me then siding with me, coming back and getting drunk, then Harry telling me to wake up, but I didn't want to.
That's when I realize just how much my head is aching and how dry my mouth is. I lick the roof of my mouth and swallow hard, my throat is very scratchy and dry. I need water. . . . And a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich.
I lay there, beginning to wonder where the hell I am. Still on Harry's couch? No I couldn't possibly be, where I am laying is much too comfortable. In my own bed? My bed isn't this soft or warm and it doesn't. . . . Smell this good?
Oh. My. God.
I'm in Harry's bed. I open my eyes and look around, scolding myself for thinking for a split second Harry would be laying beside me, looking completely content. But there's no one there and I brace myself for the disappointment. But instead of sighing in sadness I listen for any sound of activity in the flat. And there it is, a shuffle of feet, a tap running somewhere in the kitchen, plates clinking, the mumble of voices. Someone else is in the flat? Ron maybe? I listen more closely, straining my ears which causes my head to ache even more. No the voice couldn't belog to Ron it's much too high. Maybe it's Ron and Luna.
I reluctantly get out of the bed and look around the room. It's white, with wood floors, his bedspread is white along with the sheets and pillow cases. There's a bookcase near a window with an iron fire escape outside of it and a desk that's hardly cluttered. I look at the desk and there are photos on it; One picture of Natalie (surprise, surprise!), one of him and Ron looking slightly drunk, another one of his mum and dad, and another frame that I can see under a stack of papers. I can't help it, I amble over to the desk and move the papers, lifting the picture and looking at it. I gasp, it's of me, just me, taken a few days before I 'ran away'.
I try to swallow past the lump in my throat.
I hear something drop with a 'clunk' in the other room and jump, hiding the picture under the papers as I had found it. I stumble to the door and open it unsurely, looking out, I only see a wall so I step outside and walk down the hall, the voices growing louder. I get to the living room, right in front of the kitchen, and stop. No that's not Luna's dreamy voice, or Ron either, it's much too -
Natalie. Shit.
They aren't talking anymore, do they know I'm standing there? I crept down the hall halfway and call feebly, "Harry?"
"I-In here," he calls back so I go into the kitchen.
Natalie's sitting there at his kitchen table with a mug in her hand and Harry's looking at her with his arms folded. He looks up as I walk in and smiles, "Hey."
"Hi," I croak. "I'm so sorry about last night, I didn't mean to get so-"
He shakes his head, "It's fine."
"It was so irresponsible-"
"No, Hermione really, it's fine."
I smile weakly.
Natalie turns and smiles at me, I can see through that smile, she's mad, "How're you feeling?" she asks, I watch as her lips form the words, her perfect lips moving against her perfect white teeth, her voice is sugary sweet again.
I laugh, "Like a million bucks."
She giggles.
"You want something to eat?" Harry asks.
I shake my head, "No thanks."
As silence falls around us I look at Natalie, then to Harry, there's a tension growing in the never-ending silence. This isn't good, she's probably mad at him for letting me spend the night, I need to say something, anything.
"H-Harry you should've just let me sleep on the couch - Or sent me home," I laugh.
"No, I couldn't do that," he shakes his head again.
"Yes you could've. Natalie if I were you I would've been furious with him," I look at her and gesture towards Harry.
She laughs again, "No, I think it's fine."
"So you're not mad?" I ask, trying to sound like I don't care, but in reality I hope she's fuming.
She shakes her head, and as she does I look at her eyes. Liar. She's seething.
"Isn't she great?" Harry asks, walking over to her, and kissing her softly.
I plaster a smile to my lips, this is painful. I advert my eyes to the clock on the wall and swear.
"What's wrong?" he questions, looking at me.
"I totally forgot I had work today! I have to go or I'll be late, thanks for everything," I say, not bothering to give him a hug or anything. "Bye Natalie."
"Bye bye," she waves and I bolt out of the flat.
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It's not long before I'm racing into my office building, immediately greeted by Robbie's way-too-cheerful face. Luckily before I came I ran a cold shower, pulled up my hair, and dabbed on some make-up, praying I look presentable.
"Hello, Cinderella."
I groan inwardly, "Good morning Robert."
He laughs and sits on the edge of my desk, "I know there's a reason you didn't answer your phone last night at all and that you're late for work now, and I know you are just dying to tell me."
I laugh despite the pain pulsating through my head, "Oh darn I was hoping I wouldn't have to tell you."
"Oh my gosh!" he puts a hand to his chest. "That party was last night! You stayed at his place last night didn't you?!"
"Yes but-"
"Damn girl! I didn't know you'd get him to dump her that quickly."
"No Robbie, you don't understand-"
"Yeah I do!"
"No you don't. I drank a little too much last night and passed out at his flat, I stayed there last night and woke up an hour ago, and hurried home to get ready."
"Oh," his face fell. "How boring," he walked.
And I was left alone with my thoughts.