Chapter 11- Healing and Truth
By the time Ryan got out of the shower, her three friends were awake. The three of them sat on her bed, looking at her expectantly. Kaitlyn and Meredith had already left to hide out in sixth year dorm, so it was just the four of them. Ryan walked over and joined them silently.
"How are you?" Lily asked.
Ryan shrugged. "I'll be okay. Eventually."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Alice asked carefully.
Ryan resisted urge to roll her eyes. That was a stupid question. If she had wanted to talk about it, she would've just come out and said so. "No, not really. Maybe later, but not right now."
"Where were you yesterday?" Morgan asked.
"Dumbledore's office. They're giving Dad an Order of Merlin for some bunch of crap. Dying in the line of duty or something, because he died fighting Voldemort." Morgan winced, Alice tensed slightly, and Lily frowned. "Oh, come on, you three. It's just a name."
"What about last night?" Morgan asked. "You never came in."
"I… slept in the common room."
"Why?" Alice asked, frowning.
"I felt like it. The couch in front of the fire actually isn't bad."
"Especially when you have extra pillows," Lily said, hiding a smirk. Ryan smiled slightly. At least someone was going to act normal. "Rye, did you know your right sleeve has blood on it?"
"Really?" Ryan lifted her right arm and looked at the underside of the sleeve. "Oh. It does. I forgot things don't heal as fast during… Oh, well."
"What happened?" Alice asked.
Oh, touchy subject. Ryan hesitated. "A dog bit me. While I was in the other form. He snuck up on me. There's probably blood on my back too."
"A dog?" Alice frowned. "I haven't seen any dogs-"
"I think I'm going to Pomfrey for this," Ryan said, pretending to not hear Alice. "She'll be able to heal it. I would get Remus to do it, but I don't think healing charms work well around this time or something." Remus was, unarguably, the best at healing charms among her friends. She stood up calmly. "If I'm not at breakfast by the time you three get down there, could you tell the guys I'm fine for me?"
"Of course," Lily said easily.
Ryan shot her a grateful smile as she threw her bag over her shoulder. "Thanks. I'll be down in a few minutes. I'll probably be there before you get there." She walked out of the room and closed the door behind her. Well, considering, that actually hadn't been too bad. They had asked touchy questions, but she could understand that. As much as it annoyed her. She shook herself mentally and walked down the stairs to the common room.
Madame Pomfrey frowned at Ryan when she walked into the hospital wing ten minutes later. The wing was unusually empty, and it looked like Pomfrey had been organizing healing potions. "What have you done now, Miller? I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow."
"Well, I meant to come yesterday," Ryan said easily, grinning as she set her bag down on one of the cots. "But I couldn't work it into my busy schedule. I didn't even have time for class yesterday."
Pomfrey continued to frown at her for a few seconds without saying anything. "Well? Your friends are not escorting you, so you obviously didn't faint. What this time?"
"Bites," Ryan answered. "On my arm and shoulder. I wouldn't bother you this early, but I didn't think healing charms worked. And it's rude to lower someone's ego just because your body doesn't like to cooperate."
"Hm," Pomfrey said, walking over to where Ryan was standing. "I thought I saw blood on your sleeve. Let me see the one on your back." Ryan turned and lifted her shirt high enough to let her look at the bite. "Hm. Miller, are you aware that your bite looks remarkably like a werewolf bite?"
"Really?" Ryan asked innocently. "I wonder why that is."
"Of course, you have no idea," Pomfrey said darkly. "Might I ask what bit you?"
"You could, but I can't tell you," Ryan replied cheerfully. "Marauders' honor, you know. It was while I was in Phoenix form, though, so no worries about me being infected. Besides, it would be a little weird if I could transform into two animals, don't you think?"
"Be careful what you say," Pomfrey said stiffly. "Someone might take offense-"
"Oh, Remus doesn't care," Ryan said easily. "Is it going to have to heal the Muggle way?"
"Even if it didn't have to, I ought to make you suffer through a natural healing as it is," Pomfrey said. Ryan grinned. That was one of Pomfrey's favorite threats whenever Ryan came in without an irregular or stupid injury. She rarely went through with her threats though. "Yes, it's going to have to heal the Muggle way. If it still looks bad in two weeks, I'll try to heal it then. If it is a werewolf induced injury, as I have reason to believe, it will have to heal the Muggle way anyway. You'll be stiff for a while, and I would try to avoid using that arm. No Quidditch practice until both wounds heal, or you'll make them worse."
"Yes, ma'am," Ryan said meekly, hiding a grin. Pomfrey also said she shouldn't be anywhere near a broom on her two week sick periods either, but that had never stopped Ryan.
"Don't yes, ma'am me, Miller," Pomfrey said sternly, walking over to her cabinets to find something to clean the wound. "We both know that you won't listen to me."
"I wouldn't want to deprive you of the joys of healing me," Ryan said cheerfully.
"Your mother certainly had just as much trouble behaving as you did," Pomfrey said without thinking. "I remember her well. I wondered if it was those American genes-"
Ryan's smile faded slightly. "Can we leave my family out of this, please?"
"Yes, of course," Pomfrey said distractedly. "All of you Gryffindors. I think I've healed more Gryffindors than students from all the other houses combined. It's ridiculous, how careless all of you are."
"We don't find trouble," Ryan said, grinning again now that they were steering clear of touchy conversations. "Trouble finds us."
"Yes, yes, as I've heard. Potter's favorite excuse." She walked back over to Ryan with a bottle and a roll of bandages in her hands. "Well, turn around. I can't very well wrap a bandage when the wound is on the other side of you."
&-&-&-&-&
"Morning," a cheerful voice said, plopping down into the seat next to Remus. All four Marauders' heads turned in her direction. They gaped at her in shock. "Oh, come on, guys. I wasn't the one that was attacked by Voldemort, was I?"
"How are you feeling?" James asked.
"That's a stupid question, Jimmy," she said, still looking reasonably cheerful as she put a waffle on her plate. "Even you should know that. I'm as well as can be expected. Just because I'm not crying all over the place doesn't mean I'm fine- Can you pass the syrup?"
Sirius handed it to her, smirking slightly. "So you wouldn't mind if we treated you like we normally would?"
"I'd like it better if you did," she replied. "Shoot. Bring it on, Black."
Remus shot Sirius a dirty look, which he ignored. "What did you do in common room last night?"
"Talked and slept. You want more in depth, ask Remus. He was there too. No, on second thought, don't ask for more in depth than that. There wasn't any snogging, if that's what you were asking."
"Tough luck, Moony," Sirius said sympathetically.
James cuffed the back of his head. They ignored Sirius' yells. "Why are you eating with your left hand?"
"What?" Ryan looked up at James, looked down at her left hand, and looked back up at him, smiling slightly. "Oh. That. Nothing important. I pulled a muscle in my right arm or something. And don't," she added, rounding on Remus, "say I told you so."
He shrugged, not looking at her. "Wasn't going to."
"Didn't you-" Peter started, but Ryan made quick motions with her hand to get him to shut up.
"Oh, that's right," Sirius said. "I forgot about that."
"Did you leave them all day yesterday?" James asked. "I hope you went to the hospital wing this morning-"
"'Course I did," Ryan interrupted easily.
"What did you do?" Remus asked suspiciously, having a pretty good idea already. When no one answered his question, his idea was confirmed. "Where?"
"My back and right arm," Ryan said carefully. "Pomfrey said they should heal by the end of the week, and-"
"And you can't get on a broom until they heal, or you'll only make them worse," Remus finished for her, smiling humorlessly.
"Remus, I never listen to her when she tells me that anyway," Ryan said, sounding slightly exasperated. "She's just over reacting- as usual. I'll be fine. That's the least of my worries, believe me."
"Will he get an Order of Merlin?" Peter asked suddenly.
"Who, Dad? Yeah, second or third class. Hopefully second. Not that it matters. And will you please stop looking at me like I'm about to explode or something?!? I'm still alive, aren't I? Nothing happened to me."
There was silence for a few seconds as the boys exchanged looks. "You know," Sirius said slowly, "she's right."
"I haven't seen her explode lately," James agreed. "She looks reasonably stable."
"No worse than usual," Peter added.
"I've never exploded, thank you," Ryan said.
Sirius snorted. "All depends on who you're talking to," Remus said.
Ryan grinned. "Much better, gentlemen. Keep up the good work."
&-&-&-&-&
"This is getting ridiculous," Morgan declared the next morning.
Alice looked up curiously. "What is?"
"Ryan." Morgan nodded to their friend, who was sitting on the other end of the table in the Great Hall with the James. "Have you noticed how many times she's moved back and forth between us and them?"
Alice looked down the table before looking back to Morgan with a nod. "Yes. Of course. Why do you think that is?"
"Lord if I know," Morgan said, shrugging. "Any input, Lily?"
"Nope," was the only answer she received.
Morgan shrugged. "Alright. Maybe she thinks we're being too emotional for her, but she's mad at one of the guys. Which one, though?"
"I don't think she's mad at James," Alice said. "When she is angry with him, she won't even look at them. The same with Sirius."
"She's usually mad at Peter, but that's certainly never stopped her," Morgan mused. "I've never seen her mad at Remus. Do you think she could be mad at him for some reason?"
"I wouldn't say that," Lily said. Morgan and Alice looked at each other before looking back at Lily expectantly. Lily sighed. "She slept in the common room the other night with Remus. No, not that kind of sleeping together," she said, exasperated, when Morgan's eyebrows shot up. "They were just sleeping. I'm not sure what was said or done, but she obviously feels awkward talking to him."
"How do you know?" Morgan asked.
"They were in there when James and I came back from patrolling."
There was a slight pause. "Oh," Alice finally said. "Well. That explains it."
Lily raised an eyebrow. "Does it?"
"Yes," Morgan said, clapping her hands happily. "It means that she realized something. She knows how she feels. Or how he feels. Or she could just be confused out of her bloody mind, which would be fun to watch just for the sake of watching it."
"Was she like this while Frank and I were solving our problems?" Alice asked Lily.
Lily smiled sympathetically. "Alice dear, she was worse."
"I would be worse if I didn't have at least partial faith in the Marauders," Morgan said cheerfully. Her face fell. "And if I wasn't worried about pushing too hard so soon…"
"I'd be worried about your sanity," Lily said, changing the subject before they could get too into it, "if I didn't have partial faith in the Marauders too."
&-&-&-&-&
"You should go back upstairs."
"Shut up and go away."
"I'm serious, Ryan."
"No, you're not. He's not down here yet."
"I'm glad we managed to get the match changed," James said, frowning at his friend. Ryan raised her head enough to send him a mock glare before putting her head back down on the table. "You'd fall off the broom before they even released the snitch."
"Only takes four muscles to raise this little finger and tell you to shove it," Ryan muttered.
"Only takes five minutes for you to walk from here to your dorm," he retorted.
"But it takes more energy."
James sighed. "Why did you even come down today if you were this tired?"
"I wasn't this tired when I got up this morning. You of all people know how quickly it changes. I can't help it."
"You shouldn't be this tired until this afternoon." Ryan made a noise of disgust. "Well, it's true. If you didn't waste all that energy running away from Remus-"
Ryan sat up immediately. "I am not running away. I do not run away from anything."
"Sure could've fooled me."
"Psh." She put her head back down on the table. "Don't go all deep and philosophical on me, Jim. You're not doing well enough in that department to talk."
"I'm not running away."
"I never said you were. I just said you weren't doing very well in the relationship department. So what?"
"If you're not running away, what are you doing?"
"Giving him space while I figure out how I feel."
"Thestral shit. You know how you feel. I know how you feel, and I'm a guy. One that apparently has the emotional range of a-"
"Flea. Yeah. I know. She changed it to tic later because you suck the fun out of her life or something." Ryan propped her head up on her left hand. "Besides, I'm avoiding potential awkward situations. If something goes wrong-"
"That's the stupidest reason I've ever heard."
"Then why haven't you asked Lily out yet this year, hm?"
"Because he lost his balls when he became Head Boy," Sirius said, plopping down next to James and starting to shovel food onto his plate. "What's wrong with you, Wheat?"
"Tired," she said through a yawn.
"Shoo'n't choo `e-" Sirius swallowed his mouthful. "Shouldn't you be fine until this afternoon?"
"Yeah. But it's all this stress, you know. Relationship issues and…" James opened his mouth but closed it when she shot him a warning look "…such. Makes me tired." She yawned again. "Where's Remus?"
"Helping Wormtail find his Potions book," Sirius said. He smirked. "Why? Do you need to talk to him about something?"
"No. Not about anything special. Just wondering."
"She's wondering if she should force herself to get up and move down to where the girls are yet or if she can stay here for a while," James said.
"Am not."
"Are too. He thinks he went and did something wrong."
"Maybe he did."
"Now that's being unfair."
"You just need to spell it out for him," Sirius said.
Ryan rolled her eyes, smiling slightly. "This coming from Senor Casanova himself. The person I never take relationship advise from."
"That's because it never works," Peter piped up as he and Remus sat down. All of them looked at him. "What? Sirius's relationship advice never works. Except for him."
Ryan grinned. "For once, I think I'm going to have to agree with Peter."
&-&-&-&-&
Ryan felt like beating her head against the wall. No, she needed to climb a tree. It was just a heights thing. Sometimes she just really needed to climb a tree. Not, of course, that she had the energy to do either. Banging her head against the wall or climbing a tree, that is. But if she did have the energy, she would have. Maybe she could settle for the table. She was sitting at a table by herself in the back of the library. No one would think to look for her there. Unless, of course, the boys got desperate and pulled out the map. Which was unlikely, since they were probably still at the match anyway.
She just needed to be alone so badly. But on the `day of death,' she could never get a moment to herself. They were so worried that she would faint and hit her head. Or get caught by Slytherins while she was all but defenseless.
Normally she didn't mind. She didn't mind attention. On a bad day, she even craved attention. She was an extrovert by nature and normally hated to be by herself. That was just how she was. But today… Today she just needed to be alone. To think. To figure out how she felt. To figure out what she was going to do now that she knew she felt that way.
It was an odd feeling, knowing you'd fallen for your best friend. It took more coming to terms with than it would had you fallen for just anybody. Maybe she had always liked him a little. She certainly couldn't remember feeling any differently. And now…
"Rye?"
Speak of the devil.
"Yeah?" she asked, lifting her head off the table and looking at Remus.
He looked at her, concerned. "Are you alright? You seem more tired than usual."
"Stress," she said lazily, stifling a yawn. "Shouldn't you be at the match? How'd you find me?"
He sat in the seat next to her. "I used the map. Why aren't you at the match?"
"James wouldn't let me go, and neither would you," she said, smiling slightly. "Besides, I didn't really feel like going. You didn't answer my question."
"I'm here because I needed to talk to you without someone interrupting."
She straightened a little, but not noticeably. At least she didn't think so. "What time is it?"
"Around noon."
Great. "Can it wait, Remus?"
"No. Sorry. It can't."
"Alright." She forced down another yawn. "Make it quick, though. I don't want to faint while you're talking."
"I'll be brief."
"I think I know what you're going to say anyway."
"Do you?"
"Maybe." She twisted the silver ring on her thumb without looking at him. She was being ridiculous, she knew, but she couldn't help it. She… was slightly relationship-phobic. She didn't really have a reason, but…
"Rye." He grabbed her hands in his. Ryan's head snapped up to look at him. "I need to answer a question honestly." She nodded uncertainly, and he hesitated. "Do you still… I mean, is he-" He stopped, looking like he was having trouble figuring out what he needed to say.
Ryan resisted the urge to roll her eyes and gently prodded his mind with her own to find out what he was trying to say. When she found it, she pulled back, blinking and giving him a startled look. "Where did you hear about that? That was two, three years-"
"Morgan told me. Two, three years ago."
Ryan laughed. She couldn't help it. He thought she actually fancied his best mate. Like she could ever fancy Sirius Black.! Remus looked slightly startled to hear her laughing. "Remus, I never liked him in the first place. I just told Morgan that so that she would leave me alone about it. Somehow, she heard that he'd kissed me, and she was just so sure that we fancied each other. I finally gave up telling her that it happened when we were six and arguing with her about whether or not I fancied him. It didn't help that I went to Hogsmeade with him that one time, remember?"
"You… didn't fancy him?" he asked. "Never?" Ryan shook her head, still laughing slightly. He looked slightly embarrassed. "Well, that makes what I have to say a little easier."
"Does it?" she asked teasingly. This wasn't so bad, she decided. Maybe the only reason he had held back was because he didn't want to if she liked his best mate. That would make sense, really. A lot of sense. Not the thinking that she liked one of his best mates (that made no sense), but the holding back because of it.
He smiled. "Yes, it does." She suddenly realized that he was rubbing his thumb over her left palm. It was extremely distracting, but she couldn't look away from his face. This was almost exactly like before, in his dorm, only this time…
He asked her a silent question with his eyes. She nodded. That little voice in the back of her head told her that that might not be a very good idea, especially considering how close she was to the `time of death'. She ignored it. That little voice could just shove it. It didn't know anything about relationships anyway.
He leaned forward and kissed her. It was a lot different having him kiss her instead of the other way around. She couldn't put her finger on it, but this time was definitely different. Not that she cared about putting her finger on it anyway. Especially not when he was kissing her. All was right with the world, as far as she was concerned.
He pulled away slowly, his arm still around her waist and her arms around his neck, no matter how awkward and uncomfortable it was when they were sitting in two different chairs in the middle of (at the back of, actually, if you wanted to be specific) the library. She blinked at him, at a loss for words in one of the few times in her life.
"I… That was… Holy…" She looked at him, trying to think of something to say. "I… Wow…"
He grinned. One of the make-you-go-weak-in-the-knees types that she was sure he had learned from Sirius combined with the Rye-you're-rambling-again type grin. Then he leaned forward and kissed her again.
Of course, he chose to do it at the exact `moment of death'. Which, naturally, meant she couldn't handle powerful emotions. And kissing usually creates a pretty powerful emotion. When faced with a powerful emotion near the moment of death, typical Phoenixes burst into flames and shoot a few feet into the air. When a person with the power of the Phoenix is faced with a strong emotion near their time of death, they… faint.
&-&-&-&-&
"Ryan Abigail Chelsea Madison Miller!" Lily exclaimed in shock. Ryan winced. Alright, so maybe she deserved it, but that didn't mean that Lily had to yell her name- her full name, all her middle names included- in front of the entire common room. The Quidditch match had just ended, with a win for Ravenclaw, so the common room was pretty full. People all over the room looked up with interest. It wasn't every day that you got to see the Head Girl yell at a Marauder. It used to be a regular occurrence, but it was happening less and less as the year wore on.
"I know, I know. It's just… And he just… And I…" It took her a second to realize Lily was laughing. "Oh, maledizion, Lily! It's not funny!"
Lily attempted to make a straight face. "Yes. Of course. It's very-" A tiny giggle escaped. "I'm sorry, Rye, but... You fainted?"
"Yes. But it's not my fault. He knew it was about to happen. I warned him not to."
"He probably thought you were just afraid of hearing the truth."
"Yes, well. Maybe so. But that's really beside the point right now."
"And what, pray tell, is the point?"
"I... I'm not sure."
"Okay, let me make sure I understand. You told him not to talk to you because you were near the `moment of death'. He decided to talk to you anyway. He told you he liked you...?"
"Eh, not exactly."
"Not exactly?"
"Well... He kissed me again, and-"
"Again?!"
"Yeah. Again. Don't look at me like that, we both know you already knew about the other day." Lily grinned. "Anyway, he was about to tell me that he really fancied me or something, but I... fainted. Stop laughing, Lily!"
"How did you get to the hospital wing?"
"I... He brought me? As soon as I woke up, I left. Pomphrey will have my head the next time, but- Lily, what do I do?!?!?"
"I would have thought that was relatively obvious. You go find him, and you talk to him. Find out what he was going to say, probably something along the lines of `I really fancy you', and then snog his brains out."
"LILY!!! If I wanted Morgan's advise, I would have asked her."
"I'm just kidding, Rye. Well, about the snogging his brains out part. The rest of it should work reasonably well."
"Reasonably?"
"Well, I never fainted directly before a guy told me he fancied me."
"Oh, shut up." Ryan stood up and hesitated a second. "This'll work, right? He won't be-"
"Ryan, he's fancied you since fifth year anyway. I think it would take a lot more than what you did to make him stop now."
"Well. You could say the same for James, y'know." With that, she turned on her heel and walked over to the potrait hole.
&-&-&-&-&
It's my turn then? Alright. Let's do a summary of this year so far, shall we?
Ryan is the same old Ryan with the tiny difference that she has now figured out that she has feelings for Remus Lupin. The events that brought her to that point… Well, let's just not talk about it. It's a little too close to home for me. I mean, if the Death Eaters have no problem killing Terrence Miller, then what will happen to my family? Is it only a matter of time?
I said I wasn't going to talk about that. And I won't. Remus… Well, Remus knew how he felt all along. That hasn't been a problem. It was just a matter of getting him to admit it and do something about it. I'm hoping that's what he's doing right now, but you can never be sure. Someone just needs to give Ryan a slight push and she'll fall into his arms.
Morgan is the same old Morgan. The same flirtatious, fun-loving, energetic Morgan. More inclined to try to hook people up, maybe, but she's always been like that. Alice really hasn't changed all that much either. She's still sensible Alice, and she still makes sure we all stay in line. She's happier, though. That credit can be given to Frank.
I've seen a different side of Sirius this year. I'm not sure what it is. He's still the pranking, rule-breaking Black, but it seems like he's changed. Maybe it's just my view of him that's different. Peter is the same way. I've seen a different side of him too. I can understand why he's a Marauder now, I think, but at the same time he's so different from all of the others.
Then there's James.
Oh, Merlin. James. That in itself shows the difference. Before this year, before I was forced to work with him, I never would have even considered calling him by his first name. He's shown me a different side this year. He's not the same Potter that I've known for the past six years. He isn't really such a conceited prick, he doesn't think only about pranks, he doesn't get good grades without trying. He's… normal. Normal for a Marauder, that is (just look at Ryan).
I… Well, I don't know how I think of him. I want to think of him as a friend, and I think I do, but at the same time… Maybe it's just the adjustment. Getting over the fact that he's not making fun of me or asking me out or… Well, it's adjusting to the fact that he isn't mean to me anymore. He acts like I'm just a friend, a far cry from what he used to do.
We actually get along pretty well, which shocked me beyond belief. Myself and James Potter? Able to sit around and crack jokes about Professor Clearing or Amos Diggory, able to plan almost an entire ball, able to try and plot how to get two of our best friends together? All without killing each other?
I hate it when Rye's right about those type of things. She's been telling me for years- But it doesn't matter. It's just the fact that I get along with him now. Next thing you know, I'll be admitting that I've started to fancy him or something.
Which I don't. I know Ryan's going to read this and take it the wrong way because she is just that optimistic, but it doesn't work like that. Sorry, Rye, but your best friend and I are never going to date each other. Never. Nope, sorry. Even if he starts asking me again, it's simply not going to happen.
…Right?
Of course.
-Lily
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AN- And I know you all probably want to kill me now. ^_^ I love you guys too. My goal is to get you caught up to at least chapter 14 before the book comes out, but that all depends on my mood and reviews and whether or not I actually work on my billion and a half summer assignments. Lovelovelove.
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