Author's Note- So I'm clearly an awful author that never updates anything. Woo-hoo. But this chapter is successful in multiple respects, so I think you'll enjoy, despite the wait. ^__^
Chapter 12- Trusting and Giving In
"Hullo," James said cheerfully.
Lily barely glanced up at him. "'Lo. Your best friend just left the common room in search of your other best friend. And your other two best friends have been wrecking havoc since the match ended. Did you know you had too many best friends?"
"I didn't know there was such a thing," he said easily, grinning. "I only have one more best mate than you do. Ryan has too many best friends. Say what you just said again, with names."
"Ryan left to look for Remus. Sirius and Peter are driving me crazy. Can you make them stop blowing things up?"
"I could, but then they might find something else to do. Like… Did you say Rye left to look for Moony?"
"Are Remus and Moony the same person?" Lily asked dryly. "I think she went to the library." She looked up at James. "He kissed her, you know."
James blinked. "He what?"
"Kissed her. Twice, I think she said. Or maybe she was saying that was the second time? I'm not sure. I was just trying to get over the fact that she admitted that he kissed her."
"She fainted, didn't she?" he asked. She nodded. "That figures. Did you say she went to library?"
"Yeah." Lily caught a look at his face and immediately knew what he was planning. "James Potter, you are not going to go and spy on them!"
"Why not?" he asked, trying to sound offended. "They're my best mates, like you said. Why can't I?"
"Because- Because it's rude. How would you like it if you were about to tell someone you fancied them and your best friends decided to watch you?"
"Well, they've seen me make a fool of myself enough times. It really wouldn't matter any more, would it?" Lily blushed slightly. He grinned. "I'm going to take Sirius and Pete with me. Do you want to come?"
"No," she answered darkly. "I am going to respect their privacy. But if you ruin it for them or interrupt them, James Potter, I will personally make sure that you fix it. After I hex you for her."
James grin widened as he stood up. "Me? Ruin something? No, not me. Oh, by the way, when are we meeting again? I forgot."
"Tuesday, just the two of us. Thursday with the prefects. Because you have Quidditch Monday and Wednesday, and Merlin forbid you move practice."
"Right. Thanks." He ignored the Quidditch jibe easily. "Do you want me to report back to you with how it goes or would you rather I let Rye tell you so that you can squeal over it with Alice and Morgan in the privacy of your dorm?"
Lily threw her quill at him, laughing slightly. "Just go, will you? Take the other two with you."
James grinned and mock saluted her. "Yes, ma'am."
&-&-&-&-&
Ryan hesitated at the door to the library. He was definitely in there. Was he mad at her? Or embarrassed? Would he ever want to talk to her again? She shook her head. She was being ridiculous. There wasn't anything to worry about, like Lily had said. She wasn't sure that he had fancied her since fifth year, but that was just a side note. The point was…
Well, it couldn't hurt to just test him, could it? Reach into his mind, find out if he was angry, and jump out again. It would take all of… thirty seconds. No harm done, right?
She leaned against the wall just outside the library door and closed her eyes. Anyone that walked by would think that she was waiting for someone to come and meet her. But she wasn't. She was going to meet someone else.
She cast out her senses, feeling her way around the library. Casting out your senses was a funny thing. For one, you could pick up on the strangest (and grossest) things purely by accident if you weren't careful. But she felt Remus' senses every day, so it wasn't difficult to find him. She could see him in her mind's eye. Pretending to be working at a table near the back of the library while his mind wandered. She just barely touched his mind, long enough to find out he wasn't angry or annoyed, before his head snapped up. She jerked back, and her senses snapped back to her.
"Ow!" She opened her eyes with a slight grimace and rubbed the back of her head where it had hit the wall behind her before breaking into a slight smile. He knew her too well, really. She just barely touched him, and he already knew she was trying to find out how he was feeling.
Well, if he already knew what she was doing, she might as well as go on in. She slipped into the library and headed towards the back. A few people called out to her, and she waved to them dully without really paying any attention to them. Almost everyone that saw her recognized the look. Ryan Miller was on a mission. Come hell or high water, she would accomplish her mission.
She stopped a bookshelf away from where she knew Remus was sitting. Well, this was it. She already knew that he didn't hate her. So why was she so scared? Why was she resisting the urge to fiddle with her ring? Why did she feel like heading for the hills-
She took a deep breath, shaking her head. She was being ridiculous and overly dramatic. Heh, when wasn't she both of those things?
Something cold and wet was pressed against the back of her knee. If she hadn't been so used to the feeling, she might have jumped and pulled out her wand. As it was, she merely mock scowled at the large, black dog behind her. "Prat," she whispered. "Can't a person have any privacy?"
"If you wanted privacy, you should have gotten it over with before we found out you and Moony kissed," a familiar voice retorted quietly.
She sighed. "Where's Pete then, if you three are so sneaky?"
"Don't worry about that right now," James' voice said quietly. She couldn't see him, but that's what invisibility cloaks were for. "Just get your arse over there and do it, would you?"
"Impatient much?" she teased softly. A pair of hands reached out of nowhere, grabbed her shoulders, and turned her around before giving her a slight push towards where Remus was sitting. She couldn't help a slight snicker. "Alright, I'm going. Sheesh. Violent prat."
She walked over to where Remus was sitting before she could stop herself and plunked down unceremoniously in the seat next to him. "I've decided," she announced.
He glanced up at her before pretending to work on his homework again. "Feeling better?"
"Much. Fainting really does refresh the body, mind and- Don't you want to know what I've decided?"
He sighed, trying not to grin as he put his homework aside and looked up at her. "What have you decided?"
"I've decided," she said dramatically, "two things. The first thing is that I'm an awful friend."
He blinked at her. "You're a -- No, you're not. Why do you think you're a horrible friend? And why-"
"You ask too many questions. I'm a horrible friend because I tried to avoid you for a week because of my own selfish reasons. No, Remus, they weren't perfectly understandable reasons. They were selfish, and I shouldn't have done that. Just because you saw me break down doesn't mean you'll hate me. I should know that, right? Right. The second thing I decided is that I've been in denial for the past two years of my life. And you have been too."
"No, I've been too quiet for the past two years," he said, trying to hide his smile.
She waved her hand. "Fine, fine. Minor details, Remus. My point is that it's un-bloody-believable that our friends put up with it for this long. Especially Sirius. Who, by the way, is watching us. Just in case you wanted to know. James is over there too. They're spying on us to make sure we finally start going out. Or something."
"So what do you propose we do about that?" Remus asked, a slight smirk making its way onto his face.
"I dunno," she said with a shrug. "I haven't had a real relationship in ages. All of mine are usually one time snog sessions. Wow. And you really didn't need to know that." She knew that Sirius and James were both wincing in their hiding spots. Well, that sure didn't make her feel any better about the situation.
Remus looked at her carefully. He didn't seem too bothered by her comment. There was an odd look in his eyes that she recognized from that morning. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? And he was smirking, almost exactly like he had been earlier. Oh, Merlin.
"If we were to go steady, it wouldn't just be a one time snog, would it?"
"'Course not. I tried that this morning, and look where that got me." He let out a tiny snort, and she grinned. "So? Any ideas?"
"A couple." And with that, he unceremoniously leaned forward and captured her mouth with his.
&-&-&-&-&
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you think you're doing? That is a very private scene there. Doesn't it bother you that you just walked in on a kiss?
No?
Oh, you're just as bad as James and Sirius. Really. They stood in the background and watched the- But you know that. Who am I kidding? You're probably sitting there, cheering right along with them. Seriously, all of you. It was just a kiss. So, yes, Remus and I finally started dating after all our friends' hard work. Aren't you proud of them? Of us?
You should be.
Not that I should be talking. If I'd just `given in' and `stopped fighting it,' things would've been so much easier. Or so they tell me. I argued that a relationship takes two people. I wasn't the only one `fighting it'.
What is it, anyway? Have you ever wondered about that? Just what is this little thing that we all like to label as `it'?
Is it love? Eh, I'm not sure about that. It seems a little strong to me. I like Remus a lot, sure. I'm bloody infatuated, if you want me to be perfectly, one-hundred percent honest. But do I love him? Well, that's where it falls into the gray area. I'm not really sure about that one way or the other. Of course, I'm the one that's been fighting this whole relationship thing from the start (apparently) so I wouldn't know.
It's not that I'm untrusting, you know. I trust people easily enough. But… I can't admit that I trust people. Does that make sense? I trust them, and I know I trust them, but I don't do anything to show that I trust them.
It's complicated. But isn't everything complicated when it comes to me?
Falling in love would be the sign of complete and total trust, wouldn't it? It's not that I think Remus would tear out my heart and stomp on it or anything, but sometimes I can't help it. Especially now. Not after all that's happened this year. Lord. If losing your little brother isn't a relationship killer, I dunno what is.
Wow. That's pretty deep for me. Normally it's all jokes and smiles. Huh. That was extremely personal. Don't be expecting something like that from me again. It's a once in a lifetime thing.
Anyway, I'm sure there's more I could say. Something about how the wizarding world is now, or how Voldemort's direct attack on my family changed my life. There are a lot of things I could try to explain, but they would all take too long and be too depressing. Right now I'm just enjoying the fact that I, well, finally `gave in'.
-Rye
&-&-&-&-&
Romance disgusted him. It honestly disgusted him, especially when it was between his best friend and… that girl. The one that tried to take his place. The one that wanted to replace him. The one that had been trying to steal his friends from him for two years and was actually successful in doing so. The one that he hated above all others. The girl that had all of them under her spell. Except for him, that is. He wouldn't let that… bitch control him too. He wouldn't let her. Because he didn't fall for her spell, she distrusted him. Fine. The feeling was mutual. He distrusted her too.
Peter crept down the stairs to the dungeons, the map stuffed in his pocket. He wasn't sure exactly who he was meeting, and it was good to have at least some advanced warning. Besides, the others might find it odd if they looked at the map and found his dot in the dungeons for no explainable reason.
Why was he going down to the dungeons, anyway? He had received a note from an anonymous sender requesting that he meet in the sixth year Potions classroom. Why had he decided to come? Well, it was either that or watch Remus and Ryan snog - No, the real reason was because the letter had mentioned something about people `receiving what they deserved'. Well, that was enough to catch anyone's attention, wasn't it?
Peter stopped at the bottom of the stairs and pulled out the map. There were a couple of familiar dots in the sixth year Potions classroom, just like he knew there would be. He knew that it was probably a group of future Death Eaters, but that hadn't stopped him from coming. He had faced these same people more times than he could count. Besides, it would be good to wave in Ryan's face that he had faced four Slytherins on his own and hadn't come out with a scratch.
He stuffed the map back into his pocket. Well, ready or not…
He walked down the hall and opened the door to the right dungeon. "Well, well, well," a voice drawled. "Look who came."
"Starting to feel rejected, Pettigrew?" another voice asked dryly.
"No, Cissa, he just finally developed some courage," a third person sneered.
Peter looked around the room at the group of people standing in front of him. All of them were Slytherins. Severus Snape, Narcissa and Regulus Black, and Rabastan Lestrange. Regulus was the only one who hadn't spoken, and he was looking at Peter with an odd look on his face.
"I told you, Reggie," Narcissa said, smirking. "Here he is. Power calls to everyone."
"Not power," Regulus finally spoke up, frowning. "Revenge."
"What you lot want?" Peter demanded, holding his wand in his pocket. His reflexes might not be the best, but he could probably beat Lestange if he needed to.
"Why did you agree to come, Pettigrew?" Snape asked snidely. "Why did you agree to come when you knew who it was that asked you to come?"
"And why didn't you bring any of your little friends?" Lestrange added coldly.
"How do you know I didn't?" Peter asked just as snidely.
"We know, Pettigrew," Snape said. Peter somehow realized that Snape wasn't lying. Somehow, Snape did know. He really was all on his own in this one. Better to get away as soon as he had the chance.
"Well, what do you want then? If you obviously just wanted me to come without my friends, what do you need?"
"We know how you feel about Miller," Narcissa said coyly. "We know how much you hate her."
"I don't hate her," Peter spat.
"Don't lie to us, Pettigrew. It never works. We know that you hate her. And the Dark Lord knows too."
"Is that what this is about? You want me to help You-Know-Who get rid of Ryan?" The others exchanged exasperated looks and nodded. "That's insane. Why would I betray my own house to help you?"
"Oh, certain things that might be able to change your mind, Pettigrew." Lestrange's smirk grew. "We certainly have ways of convincing you if you do not decide on your own. Do you want to find out about them?"
Peter was in over his head on this one. He thought he could take them, but he couldn't. Not on his own. And that fact disgusted him more than anyone would ever know. He glared at the future Death Eaters. "No. I'm not going to betray my friend. At least I have honor." He turned and walked out of the classroom, expecting them to follow him. He would never admit how relieved he was that they didn't.
&-&-&-&-&-&
"Remind me again why we let him get away again," Rabastan muttered, his fingers tightening around his wand.
"Because if we attack him now, we may not be able to convince him on our own," Narcissa explained patiently. "The Dark Lord only asked that we find out how he felt about Miller. We did that. That was all that was required."
"I still don't see why he wants Ryan so much," Regulus said. "She can burst into flames and read minds, but she can't do anything else."
"Shows how little you know, Black," Severus said coldly. "She has more than that. Besides, he wouldn't say no to-"
"We completed our mission, gentlemen," Narcissa interrupted. "That's enough for now. Let's not speculate on why the Dark Lord wants Miller so badly. I'm sure he has his reasons, and I'm sure he has no reason to tell us his reasons. Leave it alone."
Severus and Rabastan frowned sourly, but they didn't say anything else. Regulus frowned thoughtfully, thinking. What would make you betray your friends for the Dark Lord? He was almost positive that, no matter what anyone said or did, Peter wouldn't crack. The others would curse anyone for even suggesting the idea.
Why had Peter come down, anyway? He knew what was waiting for him. Why did he-
Regulus shook his head. Why should he wonder about the habits of Gryffindor? Blood traitors and mudbloods, all of them. Especially Sirius. Cissy had said that they would all pay one day.
Would they? Was he really on the winning side in this war?
Did he have any other choice?
-->