A/N: Definitely shorter than other chapters but given the intensity of where it went you'll understand why I refrained from putting any other scenes in there afterwards.
Chapter 8: Being There
Harry Potter couldn't sleep. His mind was filled with too many avenues and trains of thought to be able to sink into the peaceful world of slumber. So it was at that notion that Harry found himself sitting in a large chair in the master bedroom, leaning forward with his hands nestled underneath his chin, staring at the roaring fire. The grandfather clock behind him struck twice, an indication of the late hour. Harry let out a deep sigh, and simply kept his eyes firmly on the fire.
He was truthfully beginning to wonder if this was going to become an overt ritual of his: sitting and thinking as opposed to actually sleeping. He briefly contemplated meditating a bit, to try and use some of the mind-numbing calm that his Ravenclaw inheritance seemed to have given him, but he couldn't get his mind in an orderly state enough to begin the process. Not to mention that he still wanted to be alert. Though he was certain enough of wizarding law to think that Dumbledore couldn't touch him, and he was pretty certain that no one could find him here, a small part of him still wasn't sure.
He silenced his wrenching doubt and settled on another matter entirely. Hermione. The notion that he was in love with Hermione had replayed itself again and again in his head, and it was making more and more sense the more times it did. He went over everything about her in his mind, her cleverness, her inner and outer beauty. But more than anything it was simply her presence. It wasn't any one thing that Harry could pinpoint that made him want to be around her, it was simply the fact that he wanted to be around her. There didn't need to be any other reason.
Harry sincerely hoped that was what it meant to be loved. He also kept his feelings bottled up for now, he didn't want to put Hermione through anything further, especially if she didn't reciprocate his feelings.
Sighing, he walked over to the large desk that was set against the wall in the master bedroom and pulled out a sheet of parchment. He had been contemplating how to handle the possible situation brewing with the Weasley's, the closest thing he had to a family. He also wanted to get in contact with Remus, who was probably the only person he felt he could truly trust outside of Hermione.
More than once on the previous year Sirius had made it known, to him at least, that the things that Dumbledore was doing were highly out of bounds. At the time Harry just thought that his godfather had meant the Occulumency training with Snape. Looking back on it with new knowledge Harry realized that there was more to that. He idly wondered why his godfather hadn't mentioned anything to him in more specific detail, but figured that he would've if he could've. No doubt Dumbledore would have tied that loose end up as well. If it weren't for the old man's disrespect of the goblins, Harry would probably still be in the dark.
Thinking of Sirius again made him come to another realization. He no longer blamed himself for the man's death, at least not like he did just a few days prior. Simply looking at the problem from a disengaged perspective allowed Harry to see who the blame truly lay with. He deserved some of it, he reminded himself, for falling into that stupid trap of Voldemort's. But Bellatrix deserved most of the credit, she sent Sirius through the veil in the first place. Dumbledore had some of the blame for keeping Harry out of the loop for so long. He chided himself partially when he thought that Sirius might have been to blame himself for taunting Bellatrix as well.
Shaking his head, Harry put these thoughts aside and focused on the parchment in his hand. He decided to write Ron first, but not to let too much information out. He trusted Ron, but he didn't want all of this information to fall into Dumbledore's hands. He knew he'd have to borrow Hermione's owl as well, Hedwig was too easily recognizable.
Correcting himself, he remembered that nice little disillusionment charm he'd recently inherited, garnering a snort as Harry reminded himself he still needed to digest all of this information that popped up at random times. Sighing again he began to write the letter.
Ron,
I know I've probably given you a right scare about my disappearance, but I had to get out of that prison. I couldn't stand being there for a moment longer, the place just reminded me too much of the lack of control I've always had over my life. Also if you've heard about the attack on Hermione's house then rest easy, she's with me someplace safe. I can't tell you where right now, in case this letter gets intercepted. It'd be best if you burned it after you're done reading it come to think of it.
So much has happened that I hardly know where to begin. Needless to say I can't reveal everything yet. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that I don't trust all the people around you.
Dumbledore has been using me. Probably for years. I don't know everything he did to me, but I do know he placed a lot of curses on me long ago. One of these caused my muggle relatives to go mental just at the sight of me. I guess Dumbledore wanted me to look to him as a grandfather figure or something after years of being abused and tormented by the Dursley's. I also think he might have done something similar to Snape, but I can't be sure.
Furthermore he placed memory charms on me to keep me in the dark on a certain incident that happened when I was six, when Remus rescued me for a week from that hellhole in Little Whinging. I just now remembered about it when the curses were lifted. He also put power blocks on me, keeping me from using my full magical potential.
Finally, he kept me in the dark on a prophecy that was made when I was born between me and Voldemort. I won't go into all the intricate details, but the basic gist of it is that it's gonna come down to me and him in the end. Would've been nice to know that and....I don't know....train for a while.
Sorry, I'm venting. You can see why I'm a little hesitant to reveal too much. Rest assured when I think the coast is clear I'll tell you everything. I imagine if Dumbledore finds out you got this letter he'll say that I've been bewitched or I'm in trouble or something. Please keep all of this to yourself as much as possible. Write back if you think it's safe, but only use the owl I send you. Any others might be tracked (or they can't find their way).
Again, I'm alright and so is Hermione, for the most part. She's had a rough time of it, but that's to be expected when your parents get killed. I hope to see you soon.
Your Best Mate,
Harry
Harry re-read the letter again and, confident that he had been secretive enough while still being forthcoming, set it aside. He pulled down another piece of parchment and stared at it blankly for a few minutes, anger boiling up in the corner of his mind as he replayed the remembered scene from his newly revived memories.
He had been in a particularly nasty row with his Uncle Vernon. Harry had actually had the gumption to stand up to the man and Vernon had smacked him halfway across the room. To Harry's luck Remus had happened by to check on him, a fact unknown to Dumbledore. Remus found him beaten and bloodied and instantly took him out of the house. He spent a week with Remus, which Harry now remembered to be one of the best weeks of his life, and he had learned all about his heritage and his parents in the process. That is until Dumbledore showed up, took Harry back to the Dursley's and erased all knowledge of the event from his mind. Harry guessed that the manipulative old codger had done something similar to Remus, which is why it had never been brought up.
Harry decided he needed to talk to the man face to face, in order to get all his feelings about Dumbledore, the Order, everything that had happened out in the open. Remus was the closest thing Harry had to a father now that Sirius was gone. He only hoped he could get to the man without crossing Dumbledore. As certain Harry was that he could eventually take down the old man, he didn't want to play all of his cards just yet. He wouldn't put it past Dumbledore to have some last trick up his sleeve that even Harry with all of his newfound power couldn't deal with. Placing quill to parchment, he wrote a short note to Remus.
Mooney,
I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good. I also solemnly swear that I'm alright. I'm sorry to have given you a scare, but it's necessary. As you may now remember, you should know how I was treated at the Dursley's all these years and I had to get out of there, protection or not. Needless to say I'm someplace safe, someplace where Voldemort nor Dumbledore can get to me.
If you remember what happened ten years ago, then you should know why I don't trust the headmaster anymore. I ask you to please not tell him of my contacting you, or of the fact that Hermione is staying with me right now. There's a lot we need to discuss Mooney, and we need to meet face to face. If there's anyway we can secure Grimmauld I can meet you there, or once I have heard from Gringott's I can find another place.
Only send Hedwig with a reply. She'll know the way.
Harry
Harry rolled up the second pieces of parchment and walked over to the window. He quickly tied both of them to Hedwig's ankle and pulled out his wand, gently tapping her on the head. She let out a perturbed coo at this, and slowly vanished into thin air. Harry stroked where her feathers were, and imagined the glare he was getting.
"Go to Ron first and wait for a reply. I made it so that only he can see you. Be sure to go directly to his room, not to the main post area. Then go to Remus. Come back safe Hedwig." He heard the flutter of wings as the owl flew out into the night sky. Satisfied, Harry closed the window and yawned, his insomnia shattered for the moment.
He was brought back to the world by a loud scream coming from the room next door. His eyes went wide and he bolted out of his bedroom. He turned the corner and quickly yet gently opened the door to Hermione's room. There he found her tossing in her bed, screaming to non-existent Death Eaters and crying in anguish for her parents. Harry jumped onto the bed as softly as he could, and tried to wake her up.
"Hermione....Hermione it's okay! It's me...Harry! You're safe!" The cries didn't work, and Hermione continued to thrash about trying to hit Harry as if he were attacking her. Harry had to hold her down to the bed as she continued to struggle. He kept hold of her wrists, repeatedly speaking her name and trying to snap her out of it. Finally she seemed to calm down a bit, and her tear-stained eyes opened a small slit. She glanced up at Harry, who slowly released her wrists.
"H-Harry?" she questioningly asked, fear still gripping at the edges of her face.
"Yes 'Mione, it's me. You're safe now. They can't hurt you." He could see the tears start up again as she became fully awake. Harry merely picked her up off the bed to a sitting position and kept a steady embrace, letting her cry into his shoulder once more. After several minutes, he heard muted whispers coming from her.
"It's my fault," she kept repeating to herself. Harry pushed her away slightly and repositioned himself on her bed, making certain to stare directly into her eyes.
"Hermione, listen to me." She started to look away but he firmly repositioned her face in front of his own. "Don't look away, listen to me....please." She kept her head in position in front of him, her gaze not wavering.
"This. Is. Not. Your. Fault. I know where those thoughts can take you, and I'm not going to let you go down that path." He paused a moment, contemplating his words as she still appeared to be on the verge of breaking down again. She interjected to try and argue.
"Harry, I couldn't fight back. In....In my dream I just kept hearing their screams and seeing their faces. I couldn't...I just...." she fell apart again, and Harry held her as best he could, still whispering in her ear.
"Those were three trained Death Eaters. I doubt any 5th-year student, even me, could have taken them down if they got the jump on me like that. You did all you could." She pulled back and sniffed, as if she was going to protest again, but Harry stopped her.
"Hermione, these people are cruel, twisted, evil human beings. They did this to your parents, not you. You are nothing like them. You are a kind, generous, caring person who loved your parents and fought with everything you could to try and protect them. I know it hurts, it'll probably never stop hurting. But you have to remember the good times you had, and cherish those memories, rather than let yourself be consumed by one horrific moment in time." Harry breathed deeply, allowing what he had said to come over Hermione before he continued.
"And you're safe from them now Hermione. I promise you that I will never let them hurt you again. I will always be there to protect you, to help you, to be there for you." At this Hermione finally broke free of his grip and leaned back, her eyes still glistening in the moonlight.
"You don't have to say that Harry," she said timidly. "I know you're just trying to make me feel better. I am better now, thank you." She was avoiding something, Harry decided, and he pressed forward, shaking his head.
"No 'Mione, I'm not just trying to make you feel better." He sighed and stood up, suddenly unsure of where the conversation was heading. He leaned up against the wall, trying to collect his thoughts. He felt a gentle touch on his shoulder, and turned back to Hermione.
"Harry....I don't understand," she said with a hint of question in her voice. For the first time Harry saw the outlines of hope in the corner of her eyes, and he nearly raised an eyebrow at it.
"I mean that...." he trailed off again. If he was going to go all the way with his feelings, he had to do it right. "Do you remember the Yule Ball?" he asked, appearing not to change the subject. Hermione merely nodded, a bit of a frown on her face.
"I'm not thinking about what happened during but what happened after. I came back to the common room and I found you there, crying in the firelight." She began to smile at this. Harry had sat with her for a long time, not really saying anything or making any kind of overt gesture. He merely was there, letting her know that, even if Ron had been a right foul prat about the whole affair, he didn't think that she was "fraternizing with the enemy."
"Just being there changed something 'Mione. When I'm around you I just....I feel completely at peace. It feels like I'm almost...whole." He stopped short, surprised at his own words. "And seeing you like this I just...well I need protect you. It's not a matter of wanting to do it, or doing it because your my best friend even. I just have to....for my own sake." He turned away, his own countenance failing him for a moment. He could feel the tension in the room rise to permeable levels. Finally he sighed, adding in a hushed tone, summoning every ounce of his inherited courage to do so, "'Mione, I think I'm in love with you."
There was a deafening silence in the room, only broken by the slight chirping of crickets outside. Finally, Hermione spoke up, her words almost as hushed as Harry's. "You---You love me?" she asked, causing Harry to painfully wince as he fought back tears. He kept telling himself that he had just blundered everything, that she didn't feel that way about him and that he was going to be throughly smacked around for even saying such a thing. Holding back his emotion, Harry simply nodded, and let out a shuddered affirmation.
There was another long pause, and Harry could hear Hermione moving to directly behind him. He sighed, mentally resigning himself to whatever was going to come next. He slowly turned around, and waited for the worst.
Instead he saw wide-open eyes, with tears of joy hugging the folds of her eyelids, and an almost dumbfounded look of relief and joy settling over her, a far cry from the exasperated looks of fear and horror that had been there moments before. Harry's own countenance lightened greatly, as he allowed himself to hope beyond hope for just one brief moment. No words were spoken, as the two of them came closer together. Harry leaned forward slightly, cradling her head in his hands for a short while, and pressed his lips against hers.
The kiss lasted for a good several seconds, neither one wanting to break the moment. Sadly it did pass, and they broke away from each other, each one's breath coming in pants at the intensity of the emotions. Hermione merely stared deep into his brilliant green eyes, her face a little flush, and said behind enraptured tears, "I love you too."
A/N: I sincerely hope that I haven't rushed this relationship bit, but the fic has taken on a life of its own in terms of ideas and when that happens, pacing tends to go by the wayside. Fortunately there's a lot of innate trust and background to work with here, so it's not like I'm building it from scratch.
For those who read my other works, I haven't abandoned them, this one has just come to me quicker than the others and hence is the one I update more regularly. Rest assured the other updates will come soon.
And to those curious about my own loyalties as to which shippers I do or do not support, I pretty much am open minded to anything short of the slash pairings (just not my personal cup of tea) as long as the story is well-written. I tend to follow canon pairings and H/Hr pairings in my own works because, to me, they are the most interesting and the easiest to write.
Coming up next will be another split-character chapter as we get reactions from Ron, Lupin, some more with Caliban/Draco and a little humorous bit involving Harry/the goblins/Dumbledore.