You know how the best ideas come to you late at night? This one came to me at three in the morning. Please review!
*kisses*
lil_irish_girl
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Alright, Seamus. Tell me about her. What's her name?"
"Pavarti."
Harry Potter smiled. "I see, well girls like her- no, no, there's nothing wrong with her- but they like to be
flattered. What you do to get her to accept the first date is to fluff her ego, then turn and walk away."
"Well, what do I say?" Seamus asked, slightly confused.
"Say something about her hair," Harry replied, casually leaning back in the chair. "Say... it looks stunning today, as per usual. Then walk away. She will come and ask you why you said it. You say... say she's got great hair, and it was high time you said something about it. Then turn and walk away again. She will follow you again, and ask you why you didn't hit on her. You say... you didn't come over there to hit on her, you came over to tell her that her hair looked nice. Continue talking for a little bit about nonsense, but make sure you're paying attention. Then, when a silence hits, ask her to go to Hogsmeade with you this weekend."
"And you're sure this'll work?" Seamus questioned, apparently still skeptical.
"Of course," was the reply from the dark haired wizard.
"Alright," said Seamus as he got up from the couch in the Gryffindor common room. He shook Harry's hand and started towards the portrait hole. "Thanks, HP!" he yelled over his shoulder.
"Another soon-to-be satisfied customer," Harry murmured as he grabbed his backpack and began his Potions homework.
Haven't you heard? Harry Potter is the Date Doctor. He has never led someone wrong, and he never plans to. 3 dates- that's all he needs to set some lucky guy up with the girl of his dreams. He knows what women want, and he's all too happy to let other guys in on the secret: men need to flatter. They need to be sweet. They need to care. Apparently, men just don't see that. And Harry, otherwise known as "the Date Doctor," or "HP," takes it very seriously as his job to make men see the light.
THE NEXT DAY
Harry was lying on his four poster bed, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for Seamus to come in and tell him how it went. No less than five minutes later the door burst open and there was Seamus: a giant smile on his face.
"Harry!" he practically yelled. "It worked! She said yes! Everything you said would happen, happened!"
"Tell me what happened." It was more of a statement than a question.
"I told her everything you said to tell me about her hair," Seamus started. "And she responded in the exact way you told me she would. Then after the silence, I asked her to Hogsmeade and she said yes!"
"Yeah, that's fantastic," Harry said in a disguised bored voice as he sat up on the bed to face Seamus. "Now, during your date in Hogsmeade, walk around to random stores, like that one jewelry store that I can't remember. But, under no circumstances are you to buy her anything. I don't care if she begs you- buy her nothing. If she wants it bad enough, she'll pay for it herself. After the random walking, go to the Three Broomsticks. Order two butterbeers. Then talk a little- it doesn't really matter what about. Anything, really- what she wants to do after Hogwarts, her friends, anything. Just pay attention to what she is saying. Don't stare at her mouth. Don't picture her naked." Seamus blushed. "That way, when she asks for your say on the matter, you have something better to say than "you've got a great mouth," or "You. Me. My dorm. Now." After you're done with Hogsmeade, ask her to go dancing with you next week."
"But how will we go dancing?" Seamus asked, befuddled.
"I've got the hook up," replied Harry nonchalantly. "Just don't forget what I said."
"I won't," promised Seamus. "And I gotta split. Later, HP."
And he was gone.
"Date one is a go," Harry murmured as he lay back down and stared at the ceiling once again.
SATURDAY NIGHT
Harry was sitting on the couch, finishing up his Transfiguration homework when Seamus graciously walked into the common room.
"How did it go?" Harry asked, setting his homework down.
"Terrific," Seamus replied as he sat down in a chair. "Everything went just as you said. We went to the jewelry store, then the Three Broomsticks, and I didn't look at her mouth. Or picture her naked." he added quietly. "And then when it was over, I asked her dancing next week and she said yes."
"OK," Harry said. "Now when you're dancing, don't make a fool of yourself. None of the electric eel, or the slide, or the hand jive, nothing like that. At one point when she has her back turned to you, place your hand on the small of her back and whisper in her ear if she wants to get a drink, like it's a secret. Just be careful where you stick your hand. Too high says I just want to be friends, and too low says I just wanna get inside your knickers as fast as possible. When you're done dancing, take a little walk outside. Do not try to hold her hand. That is a sign of near desperation for women on the second date. Unless she knows you well, which isn't the case, so no hand holding. When you get back to Hogwarts, ask her if she wants to catch a Muggle movie with you on Friday night."
"Alright," Seamus yawned. "I'll do that. Have a good night, Harry."
"Yeah, good night," Harry replied. "More like bad night. Hermione isn't here." he muttered to himself in an undertone. Or haven't you heard? Harry is head-over-heels in love with Hermione, but it seems that whenever he tries to talk to her he a.) gets tongue-tied. b.) loses his train of thought. Or c.) babbles like an idiot. And, it seemed that lately she was a bit preoccupied. With what, Harry had no clue, and it drove him mad. But, seeing as he couldn't do anything about it, poor Harry was left to lay awake every night, wondering about what could be.
SUNDAY MORNING
"Wake up, Harry! I'm gonna burst if you don't help me!!"
Harry groaned as Seamus kicked him awake. Sitting up groggily, he mumbled, "Yeah, Seamus, I'm up. What did you want to tell me so badly?"
"About my date with Pavarti," the young man replied. "It went just according to plan. I placed my hand on her lower back and whispered in her ear, just the exact place you told me, and I swear to Merlin she shivered!"
"OK, Seamus," Harry said, now slowly pacing the room. "Second date. Muggle movie. Which one were you thinking of taking her to?"
"Something action-packed!" Seamus said enthusiastically. "Like Saving Private Ryan!"
"Good thought," Harry replied. "But no. Take her to something lovey-dovey... A Walk To Remember. Take her to that."
Seamus made a face. "But that's a chick flick!" he whined.
"Yes," said the dark haired wizard slowly. "And you are taking a chick to this movie. It's a tear-jerker. She'll be sobbing all over you the entire time."
"Haha, sweet!" Seamus yelled as he slapped Harry a high-five.
"Yeah, it is sweet," Harry thoughts were preoccupied with Hermione. "Just don't get freaked out by tears. Comfort her. Now, after the movie, you will walk her back to Hogwarts. Talk a little. In this instance, you can hold her hand. When you get back to Hogwarts, you can kiss her." Seamus looked at Harry in slight shock. "Most women believe that they can tell where a relationship will be by the way we, the guys, kiss them." Harry explained. "When you kiss her, don't appear tentative, but don't attack her mouth. Make the kiss sweet until she decides to either end it, or deepen it. Then just improvise from there."
"OK, HP," Seamus replied, apparently still trying to memorize everything Harry had just said. "I'm gonna head to breakfast. See ya!"
"'Bye," Harry mumbled as Seamus practically skipped out of the room. Then he smiled. "Ah, we are so close to my work being done. Then I can focus on what's been up with Hermione lately." Harry tumbled back into bed and fell asleep again almost instantly.
LATE SATURDAY NIGHT
Harry looked up from the chair he was currently dozing in to see Seamus and..... who was that with him?
"Hiya, Harry," Seamus said, walking up to the armchair, his arm around the waist of a pretty little lady.
"Hey, Seamus," Harry muttered. "Who's this you got here?"
"Harry, it's me!" Pavarti said, somewhat incredulously. "Seamus here says that you hooked us up."
"Yep, that's me." Harry's lips curved into a small smile. "How's it goin' for you guys?"
"Terrific," Pavarti responded as she tightened her grip on Seamus' waist. "I would have never gone out with him without help from you."
"That's my job," Harry said modestly. "I'm here to help."
"Yeah, well," Seamus was obviously anxious about something. "We're going up to my dorm now. See ya, HP!"
"'Bye, Harry." They both left quite hurriedly. Harry chuckled.
"I'm not going up to my dorm room for a while," he mumbled. Just then Harry's red-haired best friend walked through the portrait hole.
"Hey, Harry," Ron Weasley said casually. "What's up? Tired?"
"Very." Harry rubbed his eyes to prove his point. "But nothing's up. You might not want to go to the dorm for a little bit- Seamus just went up there with Pavarti."
"They got together?" Ron's face was that of complete shock.
"With the help of yours truly, the Date Doctor." Harry looked pleased with himself.
"Actually, Harry, I was going to talk to you about that..." Ron started, but was cut off by a bushy-haired woman walking through the portrait hole.
"Hey guys," Hermione Granger, the boys' best friend, said jovially. Harry's heart skipped. "What's up?"
"Not much," Ron said hurriedly. "We're not supposed to go up to our dorm for a little while."
Hermione looked confused. "Why not?"
"Because Seamus is up there with Pavarti."
"Oh." Hermione looked at her watch. "Well, I'm off to bed." she gave both boys a tiny peck on the cheek. "See you two in the morning." She walked up to the girls' dorm. Ron sighed.
"So Ron," Harry prompted. "You wanted to talk to me about something?"
"What?" Ron looked confused. "Oh yeah. I wanted to ask you if the Date Doctor could help me."
"The Date Doctor's willing to help any bloke." Harry replied. "Who is it?"
Ron blushed. "I'd rather not say at the moment."
"OK," Harry looked suspicious. "Tell me a little bit about her."
"She sweet, and funny, and bloody gorgeous. She's really intelligent, and I think I'm in love with her."
"What's her name?" Harry asked.
"It's Hermione."
Oh my God, Ron Weasley is a goddamn dead man.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What did you guys think? Liked it, hated it? I will update as soon as possible, I swear! Will Harry help Ron? Or screw everything up for him? Review and I'll update faster!!
lil_irish_girl