Unofficial Portkey Archive

I'm back from vacation! I got home early and typed this all up yesterday. After re-reading it, I'm posting it. Another thing: I broke 100 reviews! I broke 100 reviews! I'm soo happy! For the last chapter, I guess I should have made the clues a little more... elusive, maybe? Because most of you got it right, in one way or another... But who is our mystery interrupter? Let's read to find out! I love you all so much!!!

*kisses *

lil_irish_girl

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Previously on The Date Doctor;

"May I cut in?" a snide voice asked. Hermione turned around, and gasped in surprise and shock when she saw who it was. Ron looked annoyed beyond all reason.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

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"Ah, Weaslebee." Malfoy sneered. "Still sore at me, even though I saved your sister's life?"

"Don't take it personal, Malfoy." Ron glared at the pale boy. "I just don't like you."

"Draco, can't you just leave us alone?" Hermione was trying to keep the peace.

"Of course, Granger." Malfoy bowed and started walking backwards. "This isn't over, Weasley." he added, glaring at Ron. "You won't have little Miss. Know It All to fight your battles all the time." without another word, he walked behind a pillar and out of sight. He then casually put a hand to his ear and listened closely.

"Potter? Are you there?" there was a pause.

"Yeah, Malfoy, I'm here. Did you make them notice you're here?"

"They know I'm here, all right." Draco looked smug. "What should I do now? Anything potentially embarrassing? I just love to do things like that."

Harry laughed. "Not yet, Malfoy. For right now I think you need to keep a low profile. Just watch them, make sure Ron doesn't get too close to Hermione. If he does, create a distraction large enough for things to stop. You're a Malfoy, it shouldn't be too hard."

"What's that supposed to mean??" Draco asked indignantly.

"Nothing, nothing." Harry dismissed. "Just keep everything in check. I'll be there as soon as Ginny- ouch!- finishes making my face look like yours."

It was Draco's turn to laugh. "She's not killing you, is she? I mean, it takes a while to look as good as I do."

"Put the ego away, Malfoy." was the response. "You might- OW!- hurt someone."

"Fine." Draco sounded dejected. "I'll keep it all in check, so long as you get here as soon as you can! I don't like playing lookout." he heard a faint *click* that meant the microphone was turned off. Draco set to work. He carefully looked around the pillar to see Ron and Hermione standing by the bar. Ron appeared to have taken Harry's advice to heart and wasn't drinking much alcohol. Draco smiled to himself.

"This could be fun." Coming from behind the pillar, Draco jumped onto the stage, grabbed the microphone and spoke into it, addressing everyone.

"Hello, people of the club!" he yelled, receiving a cheer from the crowd, half of them seriously drunk. "I just wanna say this once: have as many drinks as you like, on me!" an even louder wave of screams erupted as most of the people ran to the bar, eager to get their free drinks. Ron, surprisingly, was one of those who was most eager, leaving Hermione to stand alone on the dance floor.

"Ha!" Draco looked triumphant. "I knew the poor bloke couldn't resist free alcohol! This is bloody brilliant!" he then sauntered off the stage and sat in one of the free chairs, sitting back to enjoy the show.

"Hullo, 'Mione!" Ron yelled, walking up to her. "Why are you standing there, not getting one of the free drinks Malfoy offered?"

"I don't drink alcohol, Ron, thank you." Hermione looked slightly annoyed, her arms crossed.

Why did I agree with this? Hermione thought as she watched Ron chug his whiskey.

"Fine, be a stick in the mud." Ron looked annoyed as the alcohol started to affect him. "Hey- does that mean I can have your drink for you, then?"

"I highly doubt you need it, Ronald." she was staring at his near-empty glass.

"They hell I don't." Ron confidently walked up to the bar and got three fire whiskeys. When he returned the two found a table and sat down. Draco followed, sitting at that table a couple behind them, but close enough so he could see them.

After watching Ron chug one of his drinks in three gulps, Hermione excused herself to the bathroom. Once the door was shut behind her, she let out a frustrated groan.

"Ron's going to be drunk before he's done with those fire whiskeys, and I don't know what to do! Why, oh why did I talk myself into this?"

Because you hoped it would get Harry jealous. The snide voice in Hermione's head was back.

"I guess that's right." Hermione moaned. "Why must these things have to be so complicated? Gods of love! OK, Hermione, you're going to go out there, be polite enough to Ron and then never go out with him ever ever again. Get it? Got it? Good." she strode out of the ladies room with a small smile on her face.

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How the fuck does he chug all that whiskey and keep it down? Draco sat in amazement as he watched Ron down his sixth drink. Just then Hermione came back and sat down.

"Ron? How many drinks have you had?" that smile was plastered to her face, though her eyes were livid.

"Does it really matterrrrr?" Ron's eyes were bloodshot. "Loosen up, Whiny 'Mione, take a shot!"

"No, thank you, Ron." she spoke through gritted teeth. "I've told you a thousand times, I'll tell you again, I don't drink alcohol."

"'I don't drink alcohol.'" Ron mimicked in a four year olds voice, his face screwed up like he had just eaten a lemon. "Suit yourself." he downed another drink in two swigs.

Draco was laughing to himself. Weasley should become a comedian, he thought. Draco then faintly heard a *click*, then static, then Ginny's voice.

"IS THIS THING ON?!" she screamed. Draco jerked at the sudden noise, then winced at the pain in his ear.

"GOD DAMN IT!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. Then he noticed most of the club staring at him. Acting quickly, he grabbed the butterbeer next to him and held it up in the air. "This butterbeer is just so DAMN GOOD!" he tried to appear drunk. Eventually people stopped looking at him. He sat back down and pressed the ear piece closer to his eardrum so he could hear. "Bloody fuck, Weasley, don't shout! What the hell do you need?"

"Sorry to scare you, Dracie poo." Ginny sounded in a high mood to annoy. "But I just thought you might want to know that Harry's on his way over there!"

"That would be nice to know, thanks." Draco tried to sound annoyed while loving the sound of Ginny's voice.

"Yes, well, I thought it'd also be nice for you to know that Harry kinda left without me finishing with his make up, so he doesn't exactly look like you."

"Oh, Merlin this is fantastic." Draco muttered. "How doesn't he look like me?"

"Well, he wouldn't let me put in his contacts, so he has glasses and green eyes."

"Oh well that's just wonderful. Bloody bloody wonderful. I'm making him take those blasted things off."

"Draco, there's one other thing you should know about..."

"Yeah? What is it, Weasley?"

"He's kinda... well, he sorta, you see we couldn't..."

"Holy shit..."

Draco had just looked towards the door while Ginny was rambling and saw just what she meant. Harry came striding in, and he would've looked exactly like Draco had it not been for the fact that he had green eyes, glasses, and a red silk shirt. The actual Malfoy was wearing a blue silk shirt.

"Malfoy, we have a problem." Harry came walking up, looking at Draco.

"You think? You've got green eyes, damn glasses, and a red shirt! What's wrong with you??"

"I didn't want Ginny killing me, thank you very much. This won't work if I'm dead."

"I don't think it'll work at all anymore."

"Why not?"

Draco looked smug. "Because Ron's a little.... tipsy."

"A little tipsy?" Harry looked afraid.

"More like...hmm, what's the right word... incredibly drunk." Draco started laughing hysterically, then regained some composure. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"How did Ron get drunk?" Harry was angry. "I told him not to."

"I jumped on stage," Draco explained. "And told the whole club that they could have all the drinks they wanted on me."

Harry hit him. "Draco, you idiot! Hermione's going to flip her lid!"

"Oh no, Harry dear." Draco smiled sweetly. "Darling Hermione is composing herself quite nicely. She's smiling and not yelling. You have good taste in girls, Potter, but I like one with a temper."

"Oh, shut up, Malfoy. I can't believe you gave Ron alcohol! Never listen to me, do you?"

"Not really, no." Draco shook his head. "But don't worry, Weasley's so wasted he can't even see straight. Surely he won't notice that I'm wearing a different shirt."

Harry sighed in defeat. "OK, you win. But I'm still not agreeing with you."

"I didn't ask for that." Draco concluded. "I only wanted to win."

"Yeah, whatever." Harry started looking around. "Let's just put this plan into action. Here, you go over by the bar and I'll go down by the dance floor. Just screw up the date at all costs."

Draco looked confused. "So how should I act?"

"You, Malfoy, should just be your normal mess-every-bloody-thing-up-because-it's-fun self." Harry looked rather pleased with himself. Draco shot him a glare then went to his assigned post at the bar. Harry started dancing his was across the floor when he ran into Ron.

"Malfoy." Ron tried to squint his eyes. "Stay away from Hermione, you hear?"

"What do you mean, Weaslebee?" Harry tried to sound as heartless as possible. "Why would I want... Granger?"

The red head snorted. "Pur-l-lease." he hiccuped. "I see the way you've been looking at her all night. But she fanciessssss me, so back the hell off!" with that he stalked away to the bar.

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"Hullo, Weasley." Draco said casually as Ron received his twelfth whiskey. "Enjoying your drinks?" Ron spun around to face Draco.

"Malfoy?" he pointed to the dance floor, confused. "Weren't you just over there? You were just- but then you- and now you-!"

"Huh?"

"Wha?"

"Hmmm?"

"Uh..."

"Come again?"

"Malfoyyyy!"

"You know, Weasley, you're really not making any sense at all. Do explain yourself." This is going to be fun.

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Where's Hermione? Harry scanned the dance floor from his post in the corner. He found her by the DJ, obviously looking for Ron. Harry strode over to where she was standing.

"Hullo, Granger." try as he might, Harry couldn't even act heartless towards her. She spun around.

"Malfoy, could you please just- did you change your shirt?"

Harry looked down. "Uh... no." he looked slightly confused. "I've been wearing this the entire time. Why?"

"Well, I thought-" Hermione shook her head. "Never mind. What did you come over here for?"

"Um... well, uh..." Harry fumbled to find words, then spit out, "Potter sent me."

Hermione's expression softened immediately. "Harry sent you? Is he-"

"No, he's not here. But he sent me down to the club."

"Why did he do that?"

"Because he's a bloody chicken." Harry muttered. In response to Hermione's questioning look, he explained. "He doesn't want to come here and face this himself. The truth is, he really loves-"

Just then there was a loud crash on the opposite side of the room. Harry heard someone yell "You hit me!" He rolled his eyes. Harry knew that voice.

"Oh, for the love of God." Harry turned to Hermione. "I'm gonna go see what's up." he started walking away.

"Malfoy, wait." Hermione walked up to him. "What were you going to say? Harry really loves-?"

"Harry really loves..." Harry thought about it. "...Kittens. Harry really loves kittens. And who wouldn't? So soft and fuzzy pretty kitties!" Hermione raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes, well," Harry murmured. "I'm... drunk! Really really drunk. Damn butterbeer. Bye!" he skipped away, trying to appear tipsy. Quite the sight awaited him when he reached the bar. Ron's face matched his hair, and his fists were raised. He looked up to gaze at Harry.

"...Malfoy?" Ron looked befuddled. "Why the bloody hell are you over there?"

"I'm over here?" Harry was trying to confuse Ron. "Why are you over there?"

"I'm hitting you." Ron blinked. "Wassss hitting you."

"Well how can you hit me if you're over there and I'm over here?"

I'm notttttttt sure, that's why I-" hiccup. "-asked."

"Why you asked what?"

"What you're doing overrrrr there!"

"Why would you ask that?"

"Becauseeeeee I can't hit you if you're overrrrrrrrrr there!"

"Why would you want to hit me?"

"Because you said that thing!"

"What did I say?"

"That 'Mione-" hiccup. "-would never-" hiccup. "-want an idiot-" hiccup. "-like me!"

Ahh, Malfoy; good for some things. "Why would I say that?"

"I DON'T KNOW, YOU SAID IT!"

"Don't shout. So that's why you hit me?"

"YES!"

"And where did you hit me?"

"...I DON'T REMEMBER! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER WHERE I HIT YOU?!"

"You're still shouting-"

"I DON'T BLOODY CARE!"

"-and it's getting rather annoying. I'll just head over to the loo, then? Ice wherever it was you hit me. Cheerio."

Harry strolled into the mens room to find Draco looking into the mirror, sporting a black eye.

"Weaslebee hit me." Draco muttered, more to himself than to Harry. "I told him the truth and he hit me."

"Lucky you." Harry smiled. "All I got to do was confuse the hell out of him."

"What did you do?"

"I asked him where he hit me."

"Sounds fun, what did he say?"

"He told me he didn't bloody remember, how was he supposed to know where he hit me?"

"Hah. So what are we going to do now?"

"Well, Ron's still confused as ever, and Hermione's just plain annoyed." Harry was thinking out loud. "So I think we should just continue to screw up the date, but we can't let Ron or Hermione see us both in the same place, that would cause too much confusion, and it would be way too hard to explain."

"OK." Draco said slowly. "So how are we going to make sure we aren't in the same place?"

"Accio walkie talkies!" Harry said, waving his wand. The things they were previously using to talk appeared in the bathroom. "OK, now take that ear piece over there, and I'll take this one over here, and that's how we'll talk to each other."

"Psh, whatever." Draco was on his way to the door. "So long as I get to mess up the date."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, just go, will you?" Draco walked out the door. Harry followed suit two minutes later, then pressed his finger against his ear.

"Draco, can you hear me?" he whispered.

"Yeah, clear as a whistle." was the reply.

"Where are you?"

"Over at the end of the bar. Ron's here, gloating about how he got a lucky shot."

"And where's Hermione?"

"Somewhere down by the dance floor, I think. That's where I saw her last. Or she may be down by a booth."

"Alright. Keep me in the know so we don't run into each other. Over and out."

"What?"

"It's Muggle talk. It means the conversations over for now."

"Oh. OK. Over and out!"

Harry looked around for Hermione. He found her all alone, sitting at a table in the corner. He walked over and gestured to the chair across from her.

"May I sit down?" he asked.

"You're not drunk anymore, are you?" she looked miserable, her head in her hands.

Harry laughed softly. "No, no. I'm not drunk anymore."

"Then go ahead and sit down."

Harry did so. "So where's Weasley?"

"Over by the bar somewhere, getting even more drunk then he already is." Hermione didn't look like she cared much where Ron was.

"I see. And how are you holding up?"

"I'm fine, it's just that- wait a minute, why do you care?"

"You look miserable, Granger. I'm not that heartless."

Hermione smiled. That smile that made Harry's knees weak. "Harry was right about you; you really have changed for the good."

Harry shrugged. "Apparently. And I don't plan on changing my ways anytime soon." she laughed. A thought struck Harry as he jumped up from his seat and walked over to Hermione's. He held out his hand. "Would you like to dance?" he asked.

Hermione's smile widened slightly as she took his hand. "I'd love to."

Harry led her out to the dance floor and laced her hands gingerly around his neck, his going to her waist. They gently swayed to the music.

A moment like this,

some people wait a lifetime

for a moment like this
Some people search forever

for that one special kiss
Oh I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime

for a moment like this

Hermione sighed and slowly lay her head on his chest. He knew it was only because she was tired, and Draco was a friend of Harry's.

"Granger?" he asked.

"Yes, Draco?" Hermione replied, her head still on his chest, listening to the rumble in his voice as he spoke.

"There's something I have to tell you." he said. Hermione looked up into his eyes, waiting to hear what he was going to say. "I-"

Just then the music abruptly stopped. The DJ took the microphone and began talking to everyone in the room.

"How's everyone doin' tonight?" there was cheering throughout the crowd. "I'd like to personally thank a Mr. Malfoy for buying the lot of us drinks-" there was a louder cheer. "-and I wanted Mr. Malfoy to come up here so we could all thank him together, eh? Let's call Mr. Malfoy up here!" Harry stood stock still.

"Draco." Hermione urged. "That's you. Go up there. Go on."

Despite his refusals, Hermione pushed him up the stairs and onto the stage. At the same time, Draco was pushed onto the stage from the other end. The two ran into each other, then glared at one another. There was mass confusion as a low grumble of chattering erupted from the crowd, all of them wanting to know what was happening. Draco took the mic.

"Uh... people of the club, I do believe I... um... have a long lost twin! I'm a twin!"

There was a pause, then clapping from the crowd. Harry and Draco ran up to each other in mock happiness and hugged.

"You're dead." Draco murmured while everyone was still clapping. "Dead and buried."

"It's not my fault!" Harry replied, annoyed. "I look like you, remember??"

They broke apart. Draco took the microphone again.

"Everyone," he said. "This will be a farewell party for my twin. See, he's traveling to America tomorrow, I just learned that. So let's party it up to say goodbye!"

The crowd started yelling again. "Walking on Sunshine" came on and everyone started dancing. Draco clapped Harry on the back, then both of them went back the way they came.

"You're Draco's twin?" Hermione asked when Harry returned.

"We're both named Draco." Harry replied.

"Well why didn't you tell me you weren't the Draco I've known?"

"I'm not sure, really. Draco's told me all about you and I wanted to kiss a pretty girl before I left." Whoa, too much!

"Well aren't you an arrogant little prick?" Hermione looked angry.

"No," Harry said. "I just know what I want. You know what I want. Why don't you just give it to me, then I can be on my merry way?"

"Oh, I'll give it to you all right." Hermione took a deep breath, then slapped Harry. Hard. He lost his balance and fell over. No one on the dance floor seemed to notice what had happened. Hermione folded her arms across her chest and smirked.

"That should teach you to mess with Hermione Granger, dumbass!" then she stalked away in the direction of the bar. Harry stood up and rubbed his cheek.

"That's my girl." he smiled, then began following her from a distance.

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"Ronald." Hermione tapped the back of the red head's shoulder. "Ronald...Ronald!" he turned around to face her. The scent of alcohol was strong. "I think we should go back to Hogwarts now."

"Psh. Yeah right." Ron laughed. "We're staying a bit longer."

"No, Ronald, we're going. Now."

"We're staying."

Hermione dug her nails into his arm. "We're going!"

"Ow ow ow ow ow! Fine! We'll go." Hermione released her grip on his arm. When Ron tried to walk, however, he stumbled and fell.

"Why am I on the ground?" he asked stupidly, looking up at the ceiling.

"Oh, great." Hermione groaned. "You're too drunk to walk. I'm going to go get Draco's help. The Draco we know. Stay here." she walked away, looking for Malfoy.

"Where the hell would I go?" Ron muttered, folding his arms.

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"Draco!" Hermione yelled, spinning Malfoy around. "I need your help. Ron's desperately drunk and can't move. Will you help me get him back to Hogwarts?"

"Wha?" Draco looked confused. "Oh, yeah, sure Granger. I'll help get Weasley back to school. Should my brother help too?" he nodded in Harry's direction, who rose cautiously.

"No!" Hermione quickly said. "Wait- ugh, fine. We'll need all the help we can get. C'mon, then, he's on the floor by the bar."

"Why is he on the floor?" Draco asked as they started walking.

"He fell over." Hermione explained, rolling her eyes.

They found Ron, hoisted him up, and began dragging him back to the portkey.

"Hey Weasley, how'd you get so wasted?" Draco sounded slightly amused.

"Twenty-three whiskeys...........will do that to you."

"Twenty-three?!" Hermione looked ill. "Ron that is far too many drinks in one sitting!"

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Hermione." Ron slumped in fatigue. "I think I could have guessed that myself, though."

They all traveled on in silence. When the four got to Hogsmeade, Harry excused himself, and when he was sure no one could see him, he sprinted all the way to the Gryffindor common room. He then charmed off everything Ginny did, changed his clothes so he looked like himself, placed a charm on his cheek so it wasn't red anymore, then slumped into an armchair just as Hermione and Ron came stumbling through the portrait hole.

"Hey, guys," Harry tried not to sound out of breath. "How was dancing?"

"Bloody awful." Hermione angrily responded. "If you don't mind, Harry, I'm going to leave you with Ronald and go to bed."

"I don't mind." Harry sympathetically said. "Go to sleep. G'night, 'Mione."

"Night, Harry." Hermione staggered up the stairs to her dorm room. Once she was gone, Ron groaned and collapsed on the couch.

"You're drunk, aren't you?" Harry sounded motherly.

"Yes." Ron whispered.

"Tell me what happened."

So Ron did. He told Harry everything: meeting Draco there, Draco offering drinks to the club, Ron getting drunk, Draco had a twin, the farewell party, Hermione killing Ron's arm, and Ron getting dragged back to Hogwarts by Draco, Draco's twin, and Hermione.

"Oh, I screwed up big time Harry." Ron sounded depressed. "What do we do now?"

Harry thought for a minute. "How about a triple date?"

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Oh my gosh, 14 pages on the document! That's a new record for me! So what did you guys think? Liked it, hated it, somewhere in between? Please, just take two minutes of your life and tell me what you thought of this chapter. I'll love you for it! Who do you think will be on the triple date? What will happen? You'll have to wait and see..... =]

lil_irish_girl

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