A/N: Hey guys! I know it's been a while since my last update, and I apologize, but I needed a break. I actually wrote this over the summer, but I didn't know if I was satisfied enough to update it as a chapter. I figured since updating something is better then nothing, that I would just update what I have, and then if I want to add more to it later I will let you all know. I finished all the books though, and I saw the fifth movie, which I personally loved, so that's good for me…I haven't been THAT big of a HP bum lol. My heart broke from the DH's epilogue though…I have to say that I thought that piece of the book was garbage. The rest of it was good though, IMHO. And I was one of the convinced Harmonians that thought we had a chance for our ship to sail in the last book…I was sadly mistaken. =[ It's okay because that's what good fanfics are here for lol. Hopefully my own will fall in the "good" category. What you need to know about this chapter is that it takes place in the present time of the story, which is right after the fight in Snape's class and McGonagall's office visit. Also the song in this chapter is called "Trouble" by Coldplay. Bear with me…It's been a while. Oh and don't forget to R&R!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friends? I'll Give You Friends
Breakfast in the Great Hall was something that Harry tried desperately to avoid lately. Strike that. Every meal was a meal Harry tried to avoid going to the Great Hall for mainly because he didn't want to have to sit and be tortured by Hermione's ever close presence. It only served to remind him that they didn't share that close bond anymore, and therefore couldn't just strike up a conversation like it was second nature. It was real agony to be right near her and not able to ask how she was or what her day had been like because frankly she was the only person Harry wanted to talk to about such trivial things. After McGonagall's office visit Harry told himself to stop wallowing and start living. That by holing himself up in his room to eat, or brood wasn't going to bring her back so he might as well get on with his once day-to-day normal routine. Walking into the Great Hall the morning after "the fight" as it was known to all of Hogwarts he tried his best to still his pounding chest by taking long cleansing breaths…time to start living he thought.
And then he saw her, and pretty much all his ideas of "living" were minimized to a small pile of goo on the ground, which is where his whole body seemed to have seeped. You can do this. You HAVE to do this he kept telling himself. Do this, and maybe you can start to be the guy she once knew. Do this and maybe you can start to be the guy YOU once knew.
He sat on the opposite side of the table from her because he had to take baby steps. After all he didn't want to totally invade her personal space, especially when "the fight" had only happened yesterday. He put some food on his plate, and placated himself with moving it around because he couldn't find the will to eat its contents. With his arm on his head he tried to nonchalantly look down the table to see her. She looked miserable, if that was to be any comfort to him, almost as miserable as he did except she forced a fake smile when people greeted her "Good Morning." She even tried to involve herself in meaningless conversation, but he could see her heart wasn't really in it. Just like your heart hasn't been in anything lately either, huh chap?
Then he saw Ron enter the Great Hall, and he watched his internal struggle with which of his friends he should sit with. On the one hand, Ron had really tried to be there for Harry, but on the other he had also been there for Hermione. He seemed to have put their petty differences aside to really be there for her when she needed him the most. Harry was a little resentful about it at first, but then told himself that it was better Ron then anyone else, and at least he trusted Ron completely. In the end Ron decided that Harry getting off his arse to enter any room with her as well was believable enough to be called a "miracle," as he put it, so he of course had to sit with the so called miracle himself. For that Harry was extremely grateful because he didn't know if he had it in him to watch Ron and Hermione sit together without him just yet, while he watched from the sidelines.
"Morning Mate," Ron greeted as he readied himself to a nice heaping of food…it was, after all, when Harry saw him the most elated, when he was eating. Harry stifled a smirk at this knowledge.
"Morning." Harry said watching his best mate shovel mounds of food into his mouth.
"So, how you holding up?" Ron asked nonchalantly between bites. Harry actually felt grateful that he asked him because usually his "feelings" were known as off-topic discussion. Even though Ron played off his questions, Harry always knew that he was more concerned for his well being then he let on.
"Ah, okay. Well as can be expected I guess. I was actually thinking about doing a few laps around the Quidditch pitch later. I haven't really flown since we got back, and I really can't wait to get up there. You want to come?"
"Sure thing…Good for you mate. Glad you're getting back to your old self." Ron said proudly. Harry reddened a little, and felt a bit uncomfortable at that.
"I wouldn't exactly call it that, but I am trying." Harry couldn't help but look down the table, and was surprised when he saw Hermione looking at him. She did, however, look away rather quickly, but it was still something. I'll take anything I can get he thought mournfully. He then watched her sigh, and look rather glum, and he thought maybe he was making her feel uncomfortable by just being around. He knew he shouldn't really be blaming himself for such things, but he felt rather like anything that made her look upset had to do with him. Yeah well maybe not everything is about you Potter…ever think of that? He opted for his sanity and told Ron he was going to take a walk for a bit, and that he would meet him on the pitch later. As he walked out he cast Hermione one of his best pleading, please forgive me, looks. He watched her eyes follow him all the way out. Progress, after all, took time.
As he walked around the grounds he decided to sit by the lake and think…something that very well could cause him to go barmy, but also something he couldn't really avoid. It helped to just remember, the good, as well as the bad.
O no, I see, I spun a web, it's tangled up with me.
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said.
O no what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done…
(Flashback)
The time had finally come to get on that beloved Hogwarts Express, but for Harry it was like a bittersweet truth he didn't know if he wanted to come yet…but it did, and it seemed much before he was ready for it. He smiled at the Weasley clan as they all greeted him with good spirits, especially Mrs. Weasley who hugged him like Mama Bear. They all said they had all missed him at the Burrow, and asked what he had been up to. After all the trivial discussion was out of the way Harry found himself searching for a compartment that had room for him and Ron to sit. It seemed the Fates had a funny sense of humor because the only compartment that wasn't full was the one that Ginny, Neville, Seamus, and Hermione were already in. Harry sat himself across from Seamus, who was, in Harry's opinion, a bit too close to Hermione for his liking.
But Merlin she looks good Harry thought longingly. Her white dainty skirt showed off a nice portion of her long, slender legs that could seriously haunt a blokes dreams for years. She had on a cute flowery tank top with flip flops that showed off her nicely polished toes, and Harry thought her new little ankle bracelet was the most adorable thing in the world. France really did suit her. As Harry was giving his greetings to Neville he couldn't help but eavesdrop on Seamus' discussion with Hermione.
"Wow Hermione, I really can't get over how great you look. Me mom is always saying how pretty she thinks you are because she knows your like the brightest witch in our grade, but Merci…you look great!" Seamus said a little bit too enthusiastically for Harry's taste. He cleared his throat a little loudly, as if to signal that Seamus was pushing it. Since Seamus had absolutely no idea he and Hermione hooked up that night last term, or that Harry had pined over her for a year he obviously didn't catch the warning. Hermione, however, who had blushed furiously over his compliments, simply thanked him and offered a change in subject. She also gave Harry a once over glare of what he could only guess was annoyance at his little "cough," but he wasn't about to apologize anytime soon. Doesn't she know that any bloke other then me gawking over her, and singing her praises is going to be a problem? Obviously not Potter…especially if her "birthday card" was any indication of how she felt for you. Oh sod off! Harry's subconscious was really becoming a problem.
That damn birthday card though…Harry would rather have not gotten one at all. Usually Hermione sent him a few dozen letters over the summer, plus a nice lengthy birthday card wishing him the best, and a gift. This year all he got was a "Hope You Have A Happy Birthday Harry." - Hermione. Harry hadn't really been expecting anything, but when he got that he searched the letter backwards, and forwards to see if there was more to it then meets the eye…but sadly there it was in black ink, the reality of their situation. Harry was tempted to rip the letter to shreds, but he just didn't have the heart to be so drastic with anything that came from her.
And now here he sat, across from her as she looked more like an angel then anything he probably would ever see in his life, and all he wanted was for things to go back to normal between them. But not normal, normal…normal like he knew that one blissful night that seemed liked centuries ago, before his big mouth got him in trouble. But those days were long gone, and who knew if and when they would ever be back. Harry sighed, and decided it was time to bring out his iPod, but before he had even gotten a chance to put his earphones in Hermione decided she was going to strike up a casual conversation like they were best buds who had no negativity looming over their heads.
"Harry…is that the iPod Sirius gave you?" She asked as if she didn't already know the answer, and they had been talking the whole ride. Harry bit back the urge to say something to the extent of What's it to you, but decided it was immature, even for him.
"Yeah" he said simply, deciding to take the high road, which was to do the least amount of talking possible so it couldn't get him in trouble.
"Oh." And Harry had thought she finished, but she began again after a few moments pause. "That was really nice of him to send us gifts, don't you think?" She asked, and he was surprised she even cared to ask what he thought.
"Yeah, it was. Little thing came in handy all summer, and helped me through a fair bit of emotional stress," he said before he thought better of it. He silently kicked himself for letting his mouth open to speak before he had planned out his words.
"Why, have you not had a good summer? Was it the Dursley's? Did they mistreat you?" She asked, looking concerned and it was a bit more then he could take, especially when he had a lot of pent up anger and frustration at her for deciding to forget everything that happened between them, while not really speaking to him at all.
"No, my summer was just grand. I have you to thank for that. Oh, and by the way…thanks for the birthday card. It really lifted my spirits." Harry said this while trying to maintain his pose of not being affected by the fact that he hadn't spoken with her in so long. He knew he had done just the opposite by voicing his irritation with her. He suddenly wished there wasn't a compartment full of other people, even if they were his friends, but as luck would have it they didn't seem to want to be there either. Ginny, and Neville looked around saying something about "maybe we should go," but Harry couldn't really process it. He felt like vocalizing his feelings at her was an outlet, and a good one at that. He stared right at her with a mask of triumph, arrogance, and blatant disappointment. Somewhere mingled in all of those masks was a mask of heart wrenching pain, but he thought he was covering it quite well. Hermione looked back at him, and once again he couldn't make out what she was thinking, but he could see her face was steeled with determination again.
"Well, I'm sorry you didn't have a good summer Harry. I'm also sorry you think it's my fault, but I don't know how they could have been the case, seeing as I was in France…But this is neither the time nor the place to talk about that. And about your birthday card, I'm sorry I didn't have the time to write you anything longer, but my parents and I were traveling all throughout France this summer so I rarely got the time to do much correspondence."
Harry actually snorted on a bitter laugh at that. She had to be kidding him. How was she going to act so calm, cool, and collected? Harry was about ready to crack underneath his skin for everyone to see, and she's talking about correspondence!?
"Of course you don't see how that could have been the case! You have purposely seen to have fit our situation into a separate case all together! One that you can put aside, and dig through whenever you feel like it…well guess what!? I don't even know why you sent me anything for my birthday, let alone a one liner! Why even bother at all? So I could mentally abuse myself ALL SUMMER? WHAT!? Is my summer with the Dursley's not punishment enough for all my wrong doings that I also have to endure stunts like that from you!? Harry had built this moment up in his head for so long, this confrontation he knew he had to face…this one with her. And now he was standing up and yelling for all of the damn train to see and hear, and frankly he didn't give a shit.
He suddenly realized that she was standing up as well, and her face was red from either from embarrassment, anger, or a mixture of both…he couldn't be sure. Until, that is, she gave it to him, BIG time. "What situation Harry!? The one that derived from one night that led to nowhere good!? I thought we both had the summer to think everything over and realize we were better off as friends! So I did the right thing in sending you a one lined card. And it wasn't a stunt! Anything else I would have written you could have been interpreted the wrong way, and frankly, I don't have time for anymore misunderstandings. Last term was filled with enough of them, don't you think?"
Harry vaguely registered that she had gone on to say something about doing the right thing, and misunderstanding, but he couldn't really hear it because there was a ringing in his ears from that one word. Something inside Harry had died from that word. That one syllable that could seriously render him speechless, and utterly powerless to the pain that it caused him. Friends. He didn't want to be just friends, but what's worse is that was what she had wanted for the both of them. He didn't even realize he had walked out of the compartment, past the many on lookers, until he had reached the loo and locked himself in.
How did this happen to him? His summer had been a complete and utter bust because he was in a constant state of utter despair because of her. But SHE seemed to have been getting her tan on, doing God knew what else, and taking a minute of her time to write him a one-liner for his birthday so he wouldn't misinterpret things. He was supposedly supposed to have been thinking that they should have remained friends…FRIENDS!? I'll give her friends!
He suddenly could hear again, as the ringing in his ears dwindled, and he made out that Hermione was banging on the door for him to "come out here right now!" "How could you walk out when I was not even done talking! That's very rude Harry!" So Harry opened the door abruptly, and did the only sane and rational thing left to him…gave her a taste of her own medicine.
"Oh I'm sorry if you thought that I was rude, but I was done talking. Seems to me that your wanting to be "friends" isn't going to happen because I don't! I got enough friends, but thanks for the offer. If I get bored of them I'll be sure to keep you in mind, but in the mean time…I'll be going this way." He said pointing in the opposite direction of the compartment he had sat in before. Before he was out of ear shot he turned around to see a bunch of people crowded and obscuring Hermione's view from him. That makes it easier to walk away…leave it be. He saw Ron's presence looming about, and told him to be a friend and take his things off the train for him, than he turned and walked down the hall to find another place to sit, preferably alone.
(End of Flashback)