A/N: Hey guys...thanks for all the reviews. Hope you like the fast updating because that will come to an end once I have to resume writing lol…although I will try to keep the updates rolling as quickly as I can. This scene takes place after Harry was in McGonagall's office, and the whole Time Turner scene will be rehashed as well. Just sit tight, read & review! The song in this scene is "I Still..." by the Backstreet Boys. Also the chapter after this is a long one...so I think you will all be happy to know that.
One
"Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?
Baby
No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go..."
And Harry couldn't...he just couldn't. No matter how angry he had been at her in that instant in Snape's class he knew then that he could never possibly let her go. Even if she wasn't around him like she used to be, and even if she refused to speak to him, or acknowledge his presence...he knew.
The thought that kept crossing his mind was that she didn't.
She probably assumed, and rightfully so since you were a complete prat he added, that he had regretted everything from those nine dreadful words he had said to her that played through his head night after night. "I don't know what I ever saw in you." And her face, her eyes that rimmed with tears just from those nine little deceitful words he wished so hard had been nine different ones. Nine words that could have told her the truth of the pain, and hell he was going through without her. But no, he had wanted to get her back. HA! Backfired didn't it you bloody git?
"...I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you
Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last (to last)
I try to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know..."
She didn't know...how could he expect her to? After what he had said to her he regrettably admitted to himself that he wouldn't blame her for never speaking to him again. And then he thought if he were in her shoes nothing she could ever say to him would change what he felt for her, or make him turn her away. So in turn he decided that she didn't care for him that way anymore, or in anyway anymore. He hated the torture his subconscious mind put him through, but he hated the feeling that settled uneasily in his stomach, and made a knot tighten in his throat more that his fears may in fact be true...she doesn't care.
Sitting in the common room on the couch by the fire, and listening to his music Harry thought about his visit to McGonagall's office, and how she had in fact helped a fair bit. She had gotten his iPod back from Professor Snape for him, which had helped in itself because music was somewhat of a therapy for Harry. Aside from that he had told her everything...well, not everything because...well, let's face it, he couldn't. But he had told her the importance of everything that had happened in snippets, and how it had made him feel. She told him that women were simpler then men would ever imagine...they just asked for honesty, and more then likely they put up a front of being strong-willed just so they didn't disappoint their gender. They didn't want to cave first.
Harry had pondered that he didn't care about disappointing the world if it meant he could be with Hermione again, and have her feel the way he felt for her...he would surely do it with no questions asked. It wasn't about being the stronger one to him because he knew whole-heartedly that she had reduced him to a weakened blubbering buffoon, and he didn't care. No...his issue was that if he were the first to breech the subject, or pour his heart out to her she would down right reject him if she didn't punch him in the face first like she had down to Malfoy in third year.
He was scared. Harry Potter was scared of being rejected by a girl. Petrified, if he let himself be honest because she was the girl in his opinion. The alpha and omega of everything in his world. He knew if he wanted to win her back he would have to go bigger then words. He would have to go above and beyond, and embarrass himself like he had never done before. And he was going to...his name was on the sheet, and all plans were a go...well except for the train wreck that would proceed if she wasn't won over by his grand gesture. No, she had to be... there was just no other options for him. There was no plan B.
He stared into the fire as if to ask it how did it all come down to this? How did we get here? He knew because it was the sole memory that kept his blood flowing, and his brain functioning. It kept his heart beating, and his soul inside. It kept giving him the will to wake up every day even when he would rather lay in bed to block out the world. One memory of one night had kept him going for months with no sign of a second coming.
One.