A/N: Hey guys…I just wanted to tell you that a lot of this story is going to contains songs, and I know that most people just quickly dismiss the song lyrics and read the fanfic, (I being one of them) but I just wanted to say that if you can you should really try to listen to the songs I put in here because they really set the mood and show what Harry is feeling. Okay, thanks! Don't forget to R&R! And I know the last chapter, and this one are a little short, but I wrote this a few months ago so the first few chapters aren't that long. The good thing though is that they're already written so the updates will be very short. Oh and the song I used in this chapter is "The Scientist" by Coldplay.
Gone
"Come up to meet you, Tell you I'm sorry, You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, Tell you I need you, Tell you I set you apart.
Tell me your secrets, And ask me your questions, Oh let's go back to the start.
Runnin' in circles, Comin' at tails, Heads on the science apart.
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start..."
And as Harry lay on his bed with his headphones jammed into his ears listening to his favorite band, Coldplay, he let his mind go back to the start…where it had all began.
If he was going to be honest, for him, IT had always been there. Like an underlying tumor that's been covered for years that all of a sudden has spread to every part of your body like a cancer… Well that's what it had been like, and that's exactly what that IT did to Harry.
To call him daft would have been an understatement, for how he had never realized his feelings before after all the times that he had been around her he didn't know. He would feel little stomach flutters when she complimented him, or when he would see that etched brow of worry for him cross her features. It was like she placed him above others, and as her top priority. He couldn't lie and say that he didn't love it because he very well did, but anytime he felt those tingling sensations he just pushed the feelings aside and never set much to dwell on them. Until, that is, they were in their third year.
I guess it had started when Hermione sent her beloved birthday gift to him the summer before third year, and he had realized then just how well she knew him. He had simply loved his Broomstick Service Kit, and he loved it more knowing that it came from her. Then when he had finally seen her again at the Leaky Cauldron with Ron…he couldn't deny that he had felt utter joy at the sight of her at the bottom of the steps, and how her smile widened when she saw him. At the time he just told himself those were all friendly feelings that he felt. He had missed her, and Ron for that matter…that was all. Right?
Oh how daft he had been. He wished he could go back a year ago and just shake himself out of his utter daze of bewilderment. He never was the sharpest tack when it came to feelings or girls.
Another flash of memory fled into Harry's mind as he listened intently to his music…it was as if he was watching a movie of their history. It was of Him, Hermione, and Ron walking through the train to Hogwarts as he explained the story of blowing up his Aunt. Ron had found it amusing, but Hermione, as always, was in the same range of thinking as he was. Come to think of it they were always on the same page…even then in all their naivety.
He had remembered how worried she had looked when he told her and Ron about Sirius, when he had thought he was out to kill him. Her face was filled with utter fear for him. And then the way their eyes met each others when the train had come to a stop and the lights went out, whilst their cold breaths mingled in the air. They had looked at each other because as he now understood they had both wanted to protect each other.
All thoughts came back to her. Her being the first face he had awoken to after he passed out from the Dementor. Her handing him his glasses, and making sure he was all right. Her calming him when Malfoy belittled him about passing out. Her voice cheering from the stands while he was on his broom during Quidditch. Her being the closest to him, sitting on his bed, when he woke up in the hospital wing after falling from the sky, asking how he felt. Her kneeling before him, drawing him out from his invisibility cloak when he was so vulnerable.
He remembered the little things now as he engraved them into his mind…those little things that were all warning signs of what was to come. They were forever etched into his memory, to his heart. He was just thinking of their times over and over in his mind because they were what kept him going. The past kept him going because as of now they didn't have a present, and he surely wanted, no, needed a future with her. There was just no other option for him. She was his answer to all the unasked questions he had never known to ask himself. She was just, simply put, everything. Everything that reminded him of the aching in his heart, the pounding in his head, the void of warmth in his soul. With one kiss of her lips, and touch of her skin she had completely and utterly ruined him. He didn't fathom a way to go back at that point... Back down that road where she hadn't been in his every waking moment and memory.
So he was stuck…stuck in complete misery day after day.
He had found that nothing he did seemed to take the pain of her away from his mind. Nothing…except for music. Sure it seems strange for a powerful wizard like himself to take a liking to something so trivial, but that was only because he hadn't taken the time to appreciate its enormous impact. At the end of third year after he and Hermione had helped Sirius escape with Buckbeak he had sent them both owls, with letters and gifts. Hermione's gift was a book on advanced spells, for Sirius knew she was quite the reader being the brightest witch of her age, as he had called her. Harry's however was an iPod. Sirius' letter said that it was quite popular in the states, and he had even cast a spell on it so that it could be listened to in Hogwarts and not go haywire. Sirius told Harry that he thought it would help him to take his mind off of things when he got stressed. It definitely did indeed.
Everywhere Harry went so did his iPod. They were inseparable. Funny how he and Hermione used to be just that, and had barely spoken in weeks. Everyone around Harry had noticed the dramatic change in his behavior. He was usually alone, and always had those earphones shoved in his ears. It was as if he was escaping into a different world, and avoiding life at Hogwarts. People especially noticed that he and Hermione seemed to be on rocky terms since the train ride to school that summer.
Oh how he had dreaded that day, but secretly anticipated it as well. It was a nice paradox of irony. He dreaded it because he knew he would have to face her again, and the way they had left things last term he knew he wasn't ready. But at the same time he couldn't wait to see her again, and hope against hope that maybe, just maybe she had forgiven him. There was also the added fact of getting as far away from the Dursley's as possible, which he didn't even seem to mind much that summer because he was already in more pain then he knew he could possibly have been in. He had never, and would never intentionally hurt her, and that is what made him so angry now. How could she have not known that? That it was something else entirely, and had nothing to do with her.
Well of course it had to do with her you prat he thought to himself. He didn't know what he was angrier about: her, him or their whole dire situation… probably the latter. He couldn't stand it anymore… the silence, her absence. The tension when they did see each other. The bloody tension was enough to drive him to drink. He had gotten to be quite the self-pitying bloke latley, even entertained suicidal thoughts. That is what he hated about himself most. How had he, HARRY BLOODY POTTER, become SO pathetic!?
He knew.
Because she was gone.