A/N: Hello again. It has been awhile since I have written any fanfic and I would be lying if I said I just wrote this one after Deathly Hallows. I wrote this after Half Blood Prince, while I was still forging my way through "Crescent Moon" (my first ever fanfic). I came across this story last night while cleaning out some folders on my computer and thought it'd be appropriate to post for all of us Hermione/Harry shippers. I altered some details to try and reflect what happened in Deathly Hallows (it may be helpful if you had read DH before reading this, though not necessary. I just don't want to spoil anything for anyone) in reference to people who died, who lived, who married whom. A few details aren't canon such as childrens names as I chose these before DH came out. I was going to post this as a one-shot but the first two "chapters" were about 5,000 words a piece, and I don't have an ending written yet, so this may end up being a fanfic of only 5 chapters or so. I edited this myself, so any errors are mine and as usual, the HP-verse is all JK Rowling's. I thank her for letting us play with her characters.
I just started a Myspace site where I'm posting some outtakes (such as this story) and some from my other stories: www.myspace.com/jazzygeorgie
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CHAPTER 1--Nudge
Harry sighed and ran a hand through his unruly hair, then buried his face in his arms, which were crossed and lying on top of Mrs.Weasley's kitchen table.
He was so tired, a bone draining, 'need toothpicks to keep your eyes open' tired. He laid his forehead on the table and heard a clock somewhere strike two (in the morning) and wished Ginny was there. How much easier it would be to raise their 18 month old daughter with her next to him; how much easier it would be to get through the day to day challenges life brought.
How the hell was he supposed to know how to braid hair? The baby doll looked fine to him with the two little pony tails, but not to Janie…his little Janie had to have it her way, or no way. Then, her nightmares had kept him up from midnight until about 15 minutes ago. Harry swore she must remember the night Ginny died; Janie was only six months old, when it happened, but she still cried and would babble about big lights and scary people.
Harry felt a hand on his back and he lifted his head. He had been so deep in thought, so thoroughly wallowing in his sadness that he hadn't heard anyone come down the stairs.
"You ok?" Hermione sat down next to him, her hand still on his back and a look of concern in her tired brown eyes. Harry nodded and saw the familiar set of her mouth when she knew he was lying, so he shrugged and laid his head back down.
"Just very tired; too tired to even sleep right now," he mumbled. "I'm sorry if Janie kept you and Ben up; nightmares…."
He heard Hermione sigh, as she rubbed his back.
"I was already awake when I heard her cry. I was going to go get her, but you were there first."
"I fell asleep with her," Harry admitted. "What are you doing down here?"
Hermione stopped rubbing his back and sat back in her chair. "I just couldn't sleep…last year was running over and over in my head."
She looked down at Harry who had turned his head so his was looking up at her, still resting on his arms. He nodded for her to keep talking.
"I still keep wondering if there was anything I could have done differently to help…."
"Hermione, you saved our children's lives by hiding them." Harry sat up and looked her straight in the eye.
"I know, but what if I could have apparated them here faster, then come back? I could have been there in time to stop-,"
"'Mione, no. You know that wouldn't have worked. You put up a shield around you and the babies that deflected everything the Death Eaters threw at you, which gave you time to apparate to safety."
Hermione looked down at her hands; they had had this conversation before and it was always the same. She would feel guilty, he would tell her for once she had done what Ron told her to do and it saved her and Ben's life. Then they would hug and she would ask him what Ron had said to him right before the trip to St. Mungo's and he would reiterate to Hermione that when the right time came, he would tell her.
Tonight should be the right time, one year ago yesterday the Death Eaters that everyone thought had been defeated, with the death of Voldemort, paid a surprise visit to Hogsmeade, taking advantage of the beautiful Spring day and the amount of people out and about…they wanted Half-Bloods, Mudbloods…which was why Ron had practically forced Hermione into the alley and told her to stay and protect the babies.
She succeeded.
Ron and Ginny died…with Ron and Harry trying to protect Ginny and not being able to hold off the sheer number of them. They kept getting pushed around by wizards and witches fleeing the street. A spell had made its way past Harry and hit Ginny before she could retaliate. As he had turned around to look for her, they had hit Ron, who had jumped in front of Harry as he was checking on Ginny. Harry and a few other brave wizards, some former aurors among them, managed to drive the Death Eaters away and had placed a shield around him, Ron and Ginny.
They had only hung around another few minutes, killing nine other people until the aurors managed to kill every last one of them. Usually, Harry would have gone right after them, but his wife lay dead in the street and Ron was well on his way; he didn't even know how Hermione, Janie or Ben were because he couldn't see them with the rush of people all around.
"Harry-are you ever going to tell me what Ron said to you? " Hermione asked quietly, looking up from her hands.
Harry was still for a moment, and then nodded. He stood up and told her to follow him out into the night air. It was early Spring, albeit a warm and rainy one that followed on the heels of a cold and dry week previously.
Harry led Hermione onto the wet grass and up towards the fence where there was the everlasting sign saying "THE BURROW". He stopped and leaned against the fence then Hermione stopped and faced him. Harry began to talk, launching right into the story.
"Before you got to us, he pulled me down so I was nose to nose with him. He---," Harry swallowed and blinked back the prickling in his eyes. He thought he was getting good at keeping his emotions in check, so he chalked this feeling of sadness up to tiredness.
He felt Hermione take a step towards him and he opened his eyes, reached out and grabbed her hands, feeling them shake a bit. He squeezed them and didn't let go.
"He told me that I was to take care of you; to be a father figure to Ben and to promise him that I would watch over you and his son."
Harry blinked back tears at remembering those words and the feeling of utter helplessness he had while cradling Ginny and listening to Ron. He heard Hermione let out a sob and he pulled her to him, hugging her tight. She felt so thin under her robe…they were barely in their twenties and yet felt so much older. Harry heard the sobs against his chest and realized this was only the second time he had seen her cry like this…the first being at the double funeral, so eerily mirroring the double wedding that had taken place on December 28th, two years ago.
"I didn't tell you before because I knew you be mad he said that and I knew it would upset you more at the time…," Harry said feebly. She had quieted down and still had her head on his chest. He felt her reach into her pocket and then wipe her face with a tissue. She nodded against his chest.
"Is that why….is that why you haven't gone back to work?" Hermione asked hoarsely.
"Yes, but please don't be mad I didn't tell you the real reason."
Harry shut his eyes and waited for her to lash into him. After tracking down the remaining Horcruxes then finding Voldemort and finishing him off, Headmistress McGonagall had asked if he wanted to come and teach Defense Against the Dark Arts since he excelled at it, obviously. He was one of the youngest teachers at Hogwarts. But, like so many teachers before him, he didn't even last two years.
That Spring when Ron and Ginny died, Harry had told Hermione that he didn't feel like teaching and talking about the DADA anymore and that he needed to be here to raise his daughter. Mrs. Weasley (even Fleur) had offered to watch her while he taught, but he couldn't be away from Janie; he had to protect her and had never felt that need to be so strong. Plus, he had made a promise to Ron and he needed to follow through on that no matter the cost.
Hermione and Ben had moved back in with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley right after Ron and Ginny died, but Harry and Janie stayed at number 12. Often, Mrs. Weasley would stay a night, letting Harry get caught up on lost sleep or to give advice about a six month old baby, but usually it was just him and Janie trying to make it together. Hermione would bring Ben over a few times a week, or Harry would pop over there, and the cousins would play happily while their parents watched, took pictures or just sat silently, each lost in their own thoughts.
Hermione pulled away and looked up at him. She reached up and touched his cheek and Harry leaned into her touch.
"You should know that I'm not mad!" Hermione said with emotion, "and I'm not surprised Ron would have said that, being as possessive as he was, but I am surprised at myself for not guessing sooner. I thought he might have told you something about the Order or something to say to his mum…," Hermione wiped a tear away from the corner of Harry's eye. He wasn't wearing his glasses; they were still up on his dresser in the room that he and Janie were sharing for the night, and without the glasses to hide part of his eyes, he looked as tired as he was.
The moon reflected long shadows off his face and Hermione quietly took time to look at the one man in her life that she knew would be there for her. Ron had seen to it that she would be taken care of, not that Hermione needed to be coddled, but it was still nice to know that if Ron was watching, he would be happy. Their eyes met, held, and for a second Harry and Hermione forgot about the tears and the heartache and just gazed at each other openly, her thumb caressing his cheek and his arms around her waist.
It had been such a long time since Harry had felt the familiar warmth of Ginny curled up next to him on the sofa or Hermione feeling Ron's arms around her as he spun her around the house to their favorite songs on the radio.
Harry cleared his throat quietly, "Do you think we should go in? The babies…," but he didn't let go, wanting to feel her soft robe under his hands a bit longer.
"We probably should…," Hermione's hand dropped to his shoulder as their eyes stayed locked, neither one moving. For a split second, Harry almost felt like he was about to have his first kiss; but that had happened years ago. Still, there was a slightly familiar tug in his stomach. Harry masked the feeling that she had probably read in his eyes by leaning down and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. He laid his arm around her shoulders and they started back towards the house, going in and heading up the stairs as quietly as possible. Hermione gave his hand a squeeze as she left him off at Fred and George's old bedroom, and she continued upstairs to Ron's old room.
Harry entered the room quietly and set a silencio spell on the door to help Janie sleep better, and longer. He saw her curled up in her little camp bed, a lump under the covers with her doll, known as "Wendy" tucked under her arm. Harry knelt on the floor and lightly touched her dark curly hair, then backed up slowly until he hit the bed. Taking off his shoes, he climbed in and lay back, watching the moonlight dance off the ceiling.
He felt a bit better after FINALLY telling Hermione what Ron had asked; he wasn't used to keeping secrets from her and that one he had been keeping until she could understand (and not blow up saying she could take care of herself) was now out. He turned towards the wall and thought of Hermione and how different things were from two years ago; he missed her and their talks. Something inside of him was telling him it was time to try and reconnect that bond they had always had; not the parent bond, or the bond of losing a spouse, but the one they had for most of their time at Hogwarts. He missed joking and laughing, talking about the latest plans to save the world over butterbeer…he didn't get any further on that thought as he drifted off to sleep.
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When Harry awoke the next morning he experienced a moment of panic when he saw that Janie wasn't in her bed. He stood up and reached for a piece of parchment that was on top of her bed.
"Harry,
Molly and I took Ben and Janie to town with us to get some food. You were so tired last night, I didn't want to wake you. We should be back around noon.
Hermione"
Harry looked at the clock and was surprised to see it was 11:30. He never slept this late and he could already feel the difference that a full eight hours sleep made. He took his time relaxing in the shower and tidied up the room. Yesterday was a hard day with the family visiting the grave site of Ron and Ginny so he had spent the night, knowing how much Mrs. Weasley liked people around her. She missed the sounds of children running around her and Mr.Weasley's home.
Harry made his way downstairs and heard squeals and laughter coming from the garden. Peering out the window he saw Ben and Janie running around chasing garden gnomes and Hermione and Molly walking up the walkway with bags in their hands. He hurried out to meet them taking two bags each from them.
"Daddy!" Janie shouted launching herself at his knees. Harry laughed as Ben joined her. He couldn't move with his hands full and two children locked around his knees. He looked up as Hermione hurried back out of the house and relieved him of the bags by floating them back into the kitchen. Smiling his thanks he bent down and picked up the children, threw them over his shoulders and walked around, pretending to throw them in to piles of hay, or shove them in the chicken coop.
Screams of "Noooooo" coupled with happy squeals drifted towards the kitchen as the Weasley women put the food away. Molly gazed out the window then turned to Hermione who was cutting up carrots for the children's lunch.
"When was the last time that you, or Harry, went out with adults and didn't spend your evening playing hide 'n seek?" Molly asked.
Hermione paused and thought.
"Not for over a year, Molly," she answered quietly, going back to manually cutting carrots, something she always did the Muggle way. To her left was a knife, magically cutting up the sandwiches into small pieces.
"Well, I think it's time you two go out. Go get something to eat, go walk somewhere and try not to talk about the kids."
"That's so much easier said than done, we've been around them for a year non-stop."
"There are other things going on in the world. I'd like to watch the kids tonight and you two should go out, even if it's for a butterbeer." Molly said firmly and shushed Hermione when she made a noise to protest. Molly waved her wand in the general direction of the refrigerator. The door opened and a pitcher of juice came out and proceed to fill up the children's cups with the lids fastening themselves to the top.
Just then Harry came through the door with Janie hanging onto his back and Ben clinging to his front.
"I have two children here who just decided to attack me!" Harry winked at Molly and Hermione who started laughing. "Anyone want them or should I just throw them away?"
"NOOOOOOOOOO," Janie and Ben shouted scrambling to get down. Hermione reached over and pulled Ben off of Harry's chest. She gave him a hug and ruffled his strawberry blond hair before letting him down to follow Janie to their toys.
"Ben is a very fast runner, Hermione. You need to let me teach him how to fly when he gets older so I can keep up with him." Harry sat down, smoothing out his hair and graciously accepted the sandwich and carrots Molly held out to him.
"He is. Maybe when he's older and I'm blind then you can take him up." Hermione set the kids sandwiches onto a plate and called them over for lunch. Harry and Hermione lifted them into the booster seat which automatically buckled around them and slid the tray onto the seat.
"BOOK!" demanded Ben who was mashing bread between his fists. Hermione had discovered a few months ago that Ben would actually sit quietly and eat if she read him a book at lunch time. Otherwise he would babble incessantly and watch food drop to the floor, laughing as Hermione would magically clean it up. Harry reached into the basket on the table and handed Hermione a book, one of her Muggle favorites which Harry had to admit was fun to read and then mess up on purpose, just to see if Janie would catch the mistakes.
The whole kitchen was quiet as Hermione The Cat in the Hat until Molly mumbled about how a mother leaving her children alone in the house should be locked up in Azkaban.
As Harry watched Hermione read he realized how quickly life's plans can change.
Five years ago he never thought he would be sitting here watching his daughter and Hermione's son eat lunch in the Weasley house.
Three years ago he never thought that he would live to get married, fulfilling the promise he had made to Ginny. He never thought he would have a double wedding with his best friend, then again he never thought he would see his best friend and wife die on the same day.
Now, here he was without both of them, but with reminders of them right in front of his eyes. Ben was the spitting image of Ron, except his shade of red was a little lighter, and Janie had his own unruly hair, but Ginny's hazel eyes, mouth and freckles.
He felt a wave of happiness seep through him as he realized that his friends didn't die without leaving anything behind.
But, more recently, he could see Hermione was getting antsy. After Ron and Ginny had been killed, Hermione had quit her job as a healer to stay home, but Harry knew she thought that she would soon have to go back to work to make ends meet, unless she stayed here (or with her own parents) forever. Harry was fortunate enough to have enough money that he didn't have to work. To help out Molly, Arthur and Hermione (without handing them money he knew they wouldn't take) he would always visit with his arms loaded up with food, or other things that he felt they needed.
"Harry-," Hermione kicked him under the table and he blinked, bringing himself up out of his memories.
"What?"
"I was saying," Molly cast an amused glance at Harry, "that I am watching the little ones tonight and you two are going out. Do something as adults and try to have some fun."
"Great!" Harry agreed, shocking Molly and Hermione. "I had the same thought last night that I couldn't remember the last time I had gone out without a toddler." He stood up and grabbed a towel to wipe Janie's hands. She was done and if he didn't act quick, then she would throw the whole plate on the floor. He cleaned her up and held her to him for a moment, then set her down. He caught Hermione's eyes as he put his daughter on the ground and for a moment his breathing stuttered until she quickly looked at Ben who had hurled his fork to the floor.
"Hermione, let me deal with them and you go take a nap." Harry began cleaning up Ben as she grabbed his plate. "You let me sleep in."
He picked up Ben who immediately squirmed to get down and join Janie with her toys.
"Thanks Harry, I think I will." Hermione smiled at him then went to change Ben quickly before her nap.
The hours after lunch passed quickly as Harry played with the kids and managed to get them both down for naps, in the same bed, but still they fell asleep; he didn't care where they slept as long as they did.
He and Molly played a few card games and received a quick visit from George who was now married to Katie Bell and running a very successful second business renamed in honor of his twin "Fred's Fantastic Fireworks".
Around five, Hermione came down, showered and dressed up a bit more than usual. Ben and Janie were playing with Uncle George on the floor.
"Hermione! You look great…going out?" George asked before Ben jumped on his uncle's head.
"Your mum is watching those two terrors," Hermione laughed as Janie sat on George's back and bounced up and down, "While Harry and I go out without children."
George glanced up at Harry and winked at him.
"Have fun you two, don't worry ab---," George was cut off by two children attacking him, quickly Harry and Hermione headed outside.
"Those kids are so loved," Hermione stated as they stopped outside the gate.
"Very." Harry agreed. "So, where do you want to go?"
"I have no idea…you?"
Harry gave a genuine smile.
"We can't keep going back and forth or else this will be where we stay the whole night. Do you want to walk through Diagon Alley for a bit?" Harry suggested and Hermione agreed.
A moment later, they apparated into a small alleyway and stepped into the busy street. Harry laid his hand on Hermione's back and guided her through the crowd. They stopped at many of the stores along the way, talking a lot about the past and remembering when they shopped there with their friends. Hermione spent most of her time going through some books and discovered a few she didn't own. As the evening wore on, hunger got the best of them and they decided to try and see if they could go and find a place to eat.
As they walked further up Diagon Alley, more memories flowed through both of them. Harry felt Hermione's hand slip through his as they walked up the street, passing Olivander's and taking in the sites in front of them.
"It's hard, Harry." Hermione said softly, leaning her head on his arm.
"It sure is." He bent down and laid his cheek on her hair for a moment, each caught up in their own personal memories.
"I know they would want us to be happy and move on, but…," Hermione sighed, stopped and gazed into a store window.
She felt Harry's hand leave hers and go around her waist. He didn't say anything, knowing that she understood that he felt the exact same way. For a moment they held each other then continued walking towards one of the many restaurants, and entered Florean Fortesques. They both received waves and some people would glance at Harry and automatically glance at his scar. After a few minutes, they were seated at a table in the corner of the room and began to examine the menu.
As the evening wore on and dinner was served, their conversation became easier and much freer. Of course, they still
talked about the kids, but that led into other people they knew were married (Luna and Neville; George and Katie; Bill
and Fleur and their second daughter about to be born) and then to the years at Hogwarts.
Harry and Hermione couldn't remember the last time they laughed, without the feeling of guilt. It was almost like being 15 again and it was exactly what they needed to get over that hump in their lives of feeling guilty every time one of them had fun and their spouse wasn't there to share.
It was late when they finally decided to leave and see if Honeyduke's was still open so they could grab some candy for their children. Walking hand and hand up the street, they saw that it was closed.
"Two eighteen month olds don't need anymore candy," Harry laughed. "What were we thinking?"
"We weren't! And," she glanced at her watch, "it's almost midnight!" Hermione laughed with him. She spun around on her heels as her hair streamed out behind her. She usually had to keep it up with Ben's sticky fingers, but for the first time in a long time Harry saw the old Hermione. It was very quiet in the street and it seemed very peaceful. They both stood there with their backs to the candy store, gazing up at George's second store, also closed. He felt Hermione nudge up against him.
"We should probably head back."
"One more walk down the street?" Harry offered and she accepted by tucking her hand through his arm and walking silently next to him. They walked slowly, as if they didn't want to hurry home. Getting to the end of the street, they turned around and started back the way they came, Hermione's hand leaving his arm and clasping his hand. Harry loved the feel of someone else walking next to him, one that was taller than his knees and one that could hold an intelligent conversation and it didn't hurt that she was female. He realized that he had missed this closeness and as he thought more about it he was glad it was Hermione. It felt right…like he was still looking after her. Hermione turned into the alley that they had apparated in hours before and stopped. She turned and looked up at him, her hand still holding his.
"This was so much fun, I am really happy Molly kicked us out." Hermione smiled and looked down as he took her other hand in his.
"Me too. I get so wrapped up in myself and Janie, it's hard to think 'outside of the box' so to speak." Harry held her hands, wondering where this conversation was going.
"Harry, you really think more about other people than you give yourself credit for. We both have been through so much that it's hard to shift gears and move ahead."
"Merlin, you're good Hermione," Harry said admirably and she just shrugged.
"I think you feel the same way I do so I just said it out loud." She looked at him and her eyes searched his face. He began wondering how much he should read into that last sentence. Harry could feel that familiar rush of blood roar in his ears, much like he felt when he first realized he loved Ginny. Though, at this moment he was with his best friend, the one who helped him survive through just about everything, and now he felt the urge to kiss her. Gently he pulled her closer until they were touching and Hermione had to tilt her neck back to look at him. He removed his hand from hers and placed it against her cheek, brushing hair away from her eyes as he did so. He felt torn between possibly pushing their friendship too far and wanting to just kiss her.
"Harry, what are you thinking?" whispered Hermione, holding his one hand tighter.
"Honestly?"
Hermione nodded slightly.
"I am struggling with the emotion of wanting to kiss you, but then possibly ruining the one thing that has kept me going the past year." He slid his hand down her arm and caught her hand again.
Hermione was quiet for a moment.
"Now, you just said what I was thinking."
She took a step closer and was pressed up against him and heard Harry take a deep breath in and let it out slowly.
"So, we could just do what we feel for once and see what happens…," she trailed off and gave a slight shiver as she felt his hand move around to the small of her back. She didn't remember who made the move first, but she did remember how sweet it was to feel his lips on hers. It was a soft, tender kiss and one that Hermione hadn't experienced in a long time. When neither one pulled away, they deepened it, tongues touching while the sense of just being with someone; someone they deeply cared about totally overwhelmed the need for rational thought. As Hermione's hand went around to the back of Harry's head to pull herself closer, it wasn't a rational thought that broke them apart; it was the sound of a cat knocking over the garbage can. They jumped apart, each trying to calm themselves by looking for the source of the noise. When nothing else moved or crashed, they turned back to each other, and without speaking they apparated back to The Burrow.