Chapter Three - Lunchtime
===============================================================
A couple of hours later, Harry's stomach was growling; he had not really eaten this morning due to losing his appetite after arguing with Ginny. He left his office and headed down to the Ministry cafeteria to grab something to eat.
Most days, Ginny made his lunch and he would usually head outside to sit in the courtyard during his break or he and Ron would go to a nearby Muggle cafe. But today, in his haste to get to work on time (and away from Ginny's nagging) he forgot to take his lunch.
The cafeteria was busy with Ministry workers standing on lines at the various food-stations. Harry got in line at the sandwich station and ordered a turkey club sandwich with a bowl of potato soup. Once he paid, he looked for a quite corner table to enjoy his lunch in peace.
As his eyes scanned the crowded seating area, his targeted table was already occupied by a very familiar looking
witch. Hermione was reading a book, dressed in her legal robes, while absently munching on her club sandwich.
"This seat taken?"
Hermione looked up at him. "Harry! What are you doing here?"
"Um, I work here and I'm hungry?" Harry said, bemused.
"I know that," Hermione replied, rolling her eyes. "What I meant is that I hardly ever see you eating here." She looked around, looking slightly paranoid.
"Don't worry, Hermione, Ron's not with me. He took the rest of the day off to think." Harry said as he sat down opposite Hermione.
Hermione raised her eyebrow. "To think? About what?"
Harry cleared his throat, feeling a little uncomfortable. "About you."
Before Hermione had the chance to respond, he glanced at the title of her book: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
"What are you reading?" Harry asked, anxious to change the subject.
Hermione blushed. "Oh this? My mum sent it to me because she knows Ron and I are having problems, and she thought a book might help me understand him."
"Is it helping?" Harry asked as he sipped his soup.
"No, it sounds like a bunch of double talk and makes too many generalizations about men and women. But there is some truth in the dross, it says here that `When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom.' That's just it - the biggest thing missing from my relationship with Ron is respect."
"You don't think he respects you, Hermione?" Harry couldn't imagine anyone disrespecting her.
She shook her head, putting down her book and her sandwich. "No, he doesn't. Whenever I worry or am anxious over something, instead of comforting me, he tells me that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill or makes light of it. You know I take things very seriously and he just doesn't get it. And he hardly ever praises me anymore, except when he wants something."
"Do you respect Ron?" Harry asked.
Hermione sighed. "Always with the tough questions, Harry. I try to, but he doesn't do anything to earn my respect. He doesn't help around the house or anything. I work my butt off here all day and then I come home and he expects me to cook dinner and maintain the house. And when I ask him to help, he refuses because he thinks I will tell him he's doing it wrong."
"Well you would say that, wouldn't you?" Harry asked, suppressing a chuckle.
Hermione rolled her eyes again. "I suppose so, I do like having things done in a certain way. But it would be nice if he offered to help once in a while." She paused.
"I don't know, Harry, this marriage is just so hard. When do you know when it's time to give up?"
"Maybe when you stop picturing yourself growing old with them?" Harry mused.
They finished their sandwiches in relative silence, each pondering the state of their marriages.
"Hermione, what time do you have to be back at your desk?"
She looked at her watch, "Um, not until 1:30, why?"
"Do you want to take a walk with me to the courtyard? It's a nice day, and I'd love to get outside for a while."
Hermione smiled. "That would be nice, I hardly get outside during the day."
Harry and Hermione left the busy cafeteria and headed to the center of the Ministry. Outside the center of the huge structure was a large, circular courtyard. At its center was a large fountain, surrounded by carefully manicured trees and stone benches. Harry looked up at the blue sky; looking at it made him feel peaceful and reminded him of his school days flying on his broom way above the Quidditch pitch. His thoughts ran to James and Al and he was willing to bet that they both were practicing at this very moment.
"A sickle for your thoughts?" Hermione asked, as she fished one out of her bag and tossed it into the fountain.
"Just thinking about the boys. I bet they've got Quidditch practice about now. Al made the team, his very first year."
"Sounds like someone I know." Hermione smiled. "Yeah, Ginny told me last week, she's so proud of him. She thinks he's going to be a professional when he grows up, just like her."
"Yeah, I'm proud too. Ginny's buying Lily her first broom today."
"Isn't she a little young to be flying, Harry?"
"Yeah, but Ginny's been filling her head with stories of her days with the Harpies and Lily wants to be just like her mother, so she begged and pleaded and I gave in. But of course I will make sure that Lily is safe and never rides unsupervised."
"Good."
The pair became quiet again. One of the things Harry liked most about his relationship with Hermione was that the silence between them was hardly ever awkward. They never felt the need to fill in the gaps with meaningless chatter. He knew that if Hermione had something to say, she would eventually say it.
"Harry?"
"Hmmm?"
"I think I'm gonna take that job."
"I thought you would."
She turned to him. "You did?"
"Yeah, I just had a feeling. It seems like a perfect fit for you."
"Thanks. I think I'm going to love it. Even if it's just for a year or two, it's a great opportunity….it's just that I know Ron will be unhappy."
"Well maybe he won't." Harry said.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I talked to him this morning about your argument last night. I asked him if he'd be willing to put his needs aside to make you happy. That's what he's thinking about today."
"You did that for me?" Hermione asked, her eyes filling with tears.
Harry nodded at her.
"Oh, Harry." Hermione leaned against his shoulder and Harry put his arm around her as she cried softly. Harry looked around and noticed that they were completely alone; the few people who had been sitting on the benches when they arrived had finished their lunch and had gone back to their desks.
Harry looked at his watch, it was almost 1PM. They still had a few minutes to just sit and talk.
"Do you think I'm being selfish?" Hermione said, pulling away from Harry and wiping her tears.
"Honestly?" Harry asked her. "Yes, I do."
Seeing Hermione's dismayed expression he quickly added, "But I think it's okay. Hermione, you've spent nearly the last twenty years taking care of Ron's needs and then your children. Maybe it's about time you did something just for yourself."
"So it's okay to be selfish?"
"Sometimes I think it is, especially if you aren't happy with the way your life is going and you want to do something to change it."
Hermione noticed sadness in his expression. "Sounds like you know just how I feel."
When Harry didn't respond, Hermione reached over and took his hand. "Harry, are things okay with you and Ginny?"
Damn, she could always read him. He turned his head to face her and wouldn't you know it - she was looking at him with that patented Hermione-ish look of tender concern. The one that could nearly melt his heart if he dared to let down his well practiced defenses.
He looked away and sighed. "Not really. Ginny wants to have another baby."
"I see, and you don't?"
Harry let go of her hand and got up and started to pace in front of her. After sitting still for a while, he felt the need to move around.
"I suppose I don't. Ginny and I have three great kids. James, Lily and Al are more than I could've ever wanted. I love them so much, but I just don't know if I want another. And Ginny's reasons are that she's afraid she'll be lonely once Lily goes to Hogwarts. She's used to being in a house full of kids, I guess. But she just wants to fill a gap. She hasn't been very happy lately and I suppose she thinks a baby will fill that."
Hermione shook her head. "That's not really a good reason to have a baby, because you're unhappy or feel lonely. That puts a lot of pressure on a child."
"I know! But Ginny has her heart set on this. Frankly, I'm afraid to touch her because she might stop using her birth control charm and deliberately get pregnant."
"So, I imagine you and Ginny haven't made love in a while?" Hermione asked briskly.
Hermione's blunt observation stopped Harry in his tracks. He hadn't meant the conversation to get that personal.
Flushing slightly, he sat down again. "Yeah, and that just adds to the tension."
"I'm sorry you and Ginny are having problems."
"Yeah, thanks, Hermione." He paused. "What do you think I should do?"
"I don't know, Harry. Only you can figure that out…but I am going to ask you a question that you asked me last night…do you still love Ginny?"
"Of course I do, she's my wife." Harry blurted out, just as Ron had did this morning.
Hermione shook her head. "No, I mean do you really love her, Harry? Is her happiness the most important thing to you, more important than your own? Are you willing to sacrifice your own needs so she can be happy?"
Harry had to chuckle at the irony; Hermione was giving him exactly the same speech he had given Ron earlier.
"Harry, what's so funny?" Hermione asked, looking perplexed.
He shook his head. "Nothing….listen Hermione, thanks for listening to me. I'll think about what you said. But I think it's getting late and we should get back to work."
Hermione looked at her watch and jumped to her feet. "Oh, thanks for reminding me, I have to get back for a 1:30 meeting with a client! And then I'm going to tell the IWR department that I've decided to accept their offer."
"I'm really happy for you, you deserve it." Harry said as he and Hermione made their way back into the building.
Before they parted, Harry gently squeezed her shoulder. "Good luck with Ron tonight."
"You, too. I mean with Ginny." Hermione replied as she hurried down the corridor with her robes billowing behind her.
Harry watched her disappear into the throng of Ministry workers and then made his way back to his office. Once inside, he closed the door and reflected on their conversation.
He had enjoyed talking with Hermione, even if it was to commiserate about their love lives. Time always flew when they were together and their talks made him feel like he was still the most important person in her life and vice versa.
Then he remembered her question about loving Ginny. Harry closed his eyes and tried to picture the girl he fell for at age sixteen. The Ginny he lived with now barely resembled the funny, sporty beauty she once was. Motherhood had aged her and every day she was becoming more and more like Molly Weasley, not only in personality but in appearance as well.
Could he give her another child? Of course he could. But did he want to? That was another matter. He didn't want to bring a child into the world for the wrong reasons. He wanted to have a baby for the right reasons, because he loved their mother more than anything in the world.
Once again, the image of holding a baby girl in his arms popped into his head. It was the same beautiful little girl with the curly brown hair, although this time her eyes were green, like his. In his vision, he lovingly handed her back to her mother.
The baby girl's mother was Hermione.
TBC
-->