Disclaimer: Not mine. You know how it would have ended if it was, right?
A/N: My response to the "Kissing Santa" Challenge by leochick, which can be found here: http://talk.portkey.org/index.php?showtopic=26200 . Hope you'll enjoy it, and please leave me a comment if you read, so that I know what you think of it.
Kissing The Wrong Santa
Chapter Four: Uncharted Territory
"What will happen now, Harry?"
Harry sighed. "Honestly? I don't know" he admitted.
She looked up and met his green eyes, just for a moment as he stared once again ahead of them, toward the village.
"You know, if someone had asked me yesterday if I ever thought of you as girlfriend material, I'd have said them they were nuts"
"It's good to know how high you think of me" she said, faking to be offended.
"Oh, come on" he huffed, not understanding she was teasing him. "I have just snogged you senseless twice in few minutes, I'd think it was pretty clear what exactly I meant with that!"
She just giggled. "You should have seen your face" she said, smiling.
He grinned. "Ok, ok, stop with the funny stuff, though, Granger. You came here for a serious talk, I shall give it to you"
"Fair enough" she commented, resting her head once again on his shoulder.
"Well, I've had two girlfriends till now, Cho and Ginny, and with both of them something was wrong. I don't honestly know what was missing in them, but something did, and I never felt as at ease with them as I feel whenever me and you are together. No awkward silences, just pleasurable company. You are the only one who can understand me at any time, the only one who has seen me both at my best and my worse, and I'm actually terrified at the thought of giving a relationship with you a go, because we both know how these things go, there's no assurance that the friendship would remain intact if the relationship went wrong. So…I'm scared, Hermione. I don't want to lose you as a friend, nor I want to lose Ron as a friend, for the matter"
Hermione was attentively listening to him, still on his lap, still resting on his chest, as his arms were wrapped around her waist. To anyone looking at them, they would give the impression of being a couple, and a well matched one at that. But they didn't care at the moment.
"But, you know what? As scared as I am," he continued, "I'm willing to give this a try. There was a Muggle philosopher, Erasmus of Rotterdam, who once wrote this sentence in his Praise of Folly, "Observe with how much previdence Nature, mother of humankind, thought of spreading into all
things a bit of madness, and gave Man more passion than reason, so that everything would less sad. If every mortal would keep away from any relationship with wisdom, "old age" would not exist. Human life is nothing but a game of Madness. The heart is always right""
"I've never guessed you'd know Erasmus of Rotterdam, Harry" Hermione joked.
He snuck out his tongue at her, but then sobered up again. "In the end, this is all what I can say. I have no idea if this would work, how hard would Ron be affected by this and how this would change our relationship with him. It's completely uncharted territory for me, but I'm willing to try"
Hermione straightened up, seeing he wasn't speaking anymore. She took that as an hint that it was her turn to do the talking now, so she moved from his lap, sitting near him and joining him in his gaze toward the distant village.
"Harry…I admit I kind of fancied you some years ago. But then, when I realized you fancied Cho, it told me what kind of girls you were after, sporty, popular, stunningly beautiful. So, I guessed I'd never catch your attention, and decided to help Ginny get you. She was Ron's sister, and she was better looking than me. She loves Quidditch, and doesn't nag you about work, plus she's always fancied you. Unconsciously, I decided that for me, Ron would do. I mean, he's a bit immature, but I've grown used to it and in the end it's also endearing, in a way. Through our many attempts at being together we've learned that's useless to try and change the other, so we stopped trying, and now we are doing just fine. I don't have it in me to hurt him this badly, Harry. For what, anyhow? For a possible relationship based on three heated kisses, although I must admit they were quite good? No, thank you. If I was sure there was love between us, then maybe. But with, as you put it, an "uncharted territory" in front of us, especially about the feelings involved, I'm not willing to take the risk. You said it yourself, till yesterday, you didn't think of me as a possible girlfriend, and now suddenly you do? Doesn't it seem a bit rushed, and feebly based to you?"
She finally stopped talking, and sighed. She hoped it would all work out well in the end, although she guessed Harry must be hurting at the moment. She was, after all, rejecting him, and anyone would be hurt by that.
After some time, Harry hoarsely spoke.
"Please, go" he said.
"Harry…" Hermione started, but he just spoke louder.
"Please, just go" he said again, and his cold tone hurt Hermione, so she just left, walking back to the Burrow, much sadder than she had hoped to come back.
Once she left, he let the tears fall. That had been the reason he had sent her away, he just couldn't let her see his tears. He had been stupid to hope. He knew he would just get hurt, and it happened. But he was used to this. He was strong by now, years of having to face a madman did that to you. He would just go back to his role of the happy best friend, and everyone would be ok.
Hermione and Ron would have their happy life together, he would not come into their way. Those three kisses he and Hermione had shared would be locked into his memory, and they would never happen again. He would cherish the memories, but nothing more than that.
He stood up, and with a last look at the peaceful, beautiful snowy village, he sighed, and started walking back to the house himself.
The territory in front of him wasn't uncharted anymore. He had a route now, and he would not strain from it.
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