Harry Potter and all characters, etc. belong to J.K. Rowling, not me.
The Time Meddlers
Chapter Twenty-one - Lockhart Being a Pain
"How does that look now?" asked Hermione. She and Harry were in the process of redecorating the legendary Chamber of Secrets, and she'd just transfigured the statue of Salazar Slytherin's head into Mrs. Pac-Man. Neither could stand looking at that ugly, crazy wizard. She was answered by loud laughter.
"Looks much better," Harry said in between laughs. "You do realize what trouble we'll be in for ruining this hysterical, er, historical monument if someone ever finds this place."
"That's highly unlikely. In the past thousand years, only you and Tom Riddle were able to open the passage and we are now the only people alive who know this location. Besides, I set it so a simple finite will change it back, and I'll probably do that once we leave Hogwarts. Even if I do forget, the spell should wear out in ten years."
The couple then changed all the snake statues into the Pac-Man ghosts and animated them so they were constantly switching places. They had decided to use the chamber as their private headquarters, and had spent a lot of time cleaning it up and putting shag carpeting on the stone floor.
Harry had felt like an idiot when Hermione suggested he try speaking Parseltongue as Tox. Since he'd always been a Parselmouth before they traveled back in time, he'd never thought of transforming in order to do that. After he'd tried and it worked, he'd commented on how much easier it would've been to obtain the ring Horcrux if he'd have done that. Consequently, he didn't have to carry a thought sphere around to open the doors, but Hermione kept it with her so she could get there alone.
They'd added more light to the chamber and made it warmer and less damp than before. They also warded it against rodents and insects. They even added a full bathroom like they'd done to the cabin they'd lived in before they started meddling with time, along with an office and bedroom, just in case they had to hide down there for an extended period of time. In the office, they wrote down what little information they had about the `Shadow of Pain.' Mainly it was a list of crimes they suspected this person had committed.
--TM--
"Er, welcome everyone to the Practical Defense Club," announced Cedric nervously at the first meeting. They were in a large unused classroom in the Charms corridor of the third floor that Professor Flitwick, the staff sponsor, had recommended. In fact, the Head of Ravenclaw was present, leaning against the back wall. Harry and Hermione, who were standing near the front, were pleased to see nearly fifty students had shown up.
Diggory continued, "As you know, instruction in Defense Against the Dark Arts has been…"
"Uneven in the past," interrupted Gilderoy Lockhart, who'd just entered the room, clad in periwinkle blue robes that would've matched the gown Hermione wore to the Yule Ball perfectly. "Fortunately, with me now teaching the subject, instruction is at a much higher level." He grinned and posed for a moment, showcasing his perfect teeth. "However, I certainly understand the need for all of you to practice hard to get up to the level where your performance in my class will be satisfactory, considering the terrible teachers you were subjected to in the past. Although I must commend you for realizing this problem and working to solve it, Mr. Diggory, you should've come to me so that we could address this problem together."
Harry whispered in Hermione's ear, "Do you think that the crimes that idiot has committed warrant execution?"
"Possibly," she hissed back, "but not here."
In the meantime, Cedric answered the Defense professor in a complimentary tone that anyone with a brain could tell was sarcastic. In other words, Lockhart ate it up. "I realized how busy you must be and how fortunate that we are to have you teaching us at all. I didn't want to add extra burdens to you, so I asked Professor Flitwick to help me, since I knew he has been a dueling champion, and therefore could help us almost as much as you. Certainly enough to get us to the level where our classes should be."
"And I was only too happy to help," added Flitwick, stepping forward. "However, since you're here," he added with a grin as he brandished his wand in a way that would later be reminiscent to Star Wars fans of Yoda brandishing his lightsaber, "we could treat the class to a demonstration duel between two experts." The predatory look on his face showed that he was more than ready to mop the floor with Lockhart.
For a moment, a look of fear flashed across the fraud's face as he swallowed. "No…I mean, as Mr. Diggory pointed out, I am rather busy." He had begun backing up toward the door. "I, er, just wanted to commend Mr. Diggory for his efforts and…wish you luck. Five points to Hufflepuff. Good day." He turned around and walked out the door as fast as he could, closing it behind him.
"As I was saying," Cedric continued as though there had been no interruption, "Our defense lessons have been uneven. Lately, all we've been doing is listening to obviously…embellished tales praising Professor Lockhart instead of actually learning how to defend ourselves properly, and we are definitely not learning what we need to pass our O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s."
"Are you saying that Professor Lockhart is lying?" asked a younger girl who appeared upset. She obviously had a crush on the fraud, like so many others.
"I don't want to accuse anybody of anything," replied the Hufflepuff, trying to keep the peace. "I just want to practice Defense Against the Dark Arts. The first spell I'd like to go over is…"
Having avoided a conflict, Cedric continued the lesson, proving to Harry and Hermione that they had made the right choice. Hermione did notice one problem, though. While Harry was practicing spells, he was completely oblivious to the fact that Cho Chang was checking him out with longing in her eyes. Another thing Hermione noticed was that Miss Chang was far more developed than she was in this young body. Hermione had hoped the Asian girl would've kept her eyes on Mr. Diggory, but one can't have everything. Besides, Cho had seemed to like Harry before she showed interest in Cedric. The brunette couldn't wait until next year, when she could officially claim Harry as her boyfriend and tell all the other girls in Hogwarts to back off.
--TM--
"I'm sorry, Harry, but I really don't think it would be a good idea for Lockhart to drop dead at Hogwarts. It would get too much attention and would be investigated. Maybe during the holidays…" It was the next morning while the young couple was training in the Room of Requirement. They were discussing what to do about the joke that was currently occupying the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. They really missed Remus teaching them.
"How about if we Obliviate him?" asked Harry.
"No," replied Hermione, "that would…what if…" Harry grinned as he watched his partner in time getting an idea. She began to laugh.
"What?"
"I've got a brilliant idea of what to do to Lockhart!"
--TM--
It was a few days later that the young couple began implementing their plans against Lockhart. After dinner, he was walking toward his quarters when he heard footsteps close behind him. He stopped and turned around, seeing nothing in the hallway. He also noted that the footsteps had stopped. His eyes darted around for a minute, obviously not seeing the invisibility cloak, and he turned back around and continued on his way.
After saying his password (Gilderoy Lockhart has the most charming smile), he opened the door to his quarters and began to step into the room until they appeared - flaming red letters in midair - delivering a message that made him sweat.
You may have Obliviated our minds, but our souls still remember, and we will follow you until you confess what you've done.
In a moment, the letters vanished and the door shut behind him, making him jump. He stood there taking deep breaths for a few moments before calling out, "Elf!"
With a loud pop, a house elf appeared. "What can Goopty be doing for Master Locky?"
"Get me a glass of Firewhiskey."
--TM--
And so it went that every day, Harry and Hermione would do something to Lockhart from under Invisibility cloaks. They were pleased to see that he was beginning to show a bit of paranoia by the end of the month. During the Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff Quidditch match, Lockhart was too busy looking around himself to enjoy the game, which Ravenclaw won. His classes actually became more bearable as he didn't make students act out his `heroics,' instead talking about the spells mentioned in the assigned chapter. It was too bad the near-squib couldn't actually perform them for the class.
Cedric was continuing to lead the Practical Defense club with more success than even Harry and Hermione expected. She had even commented to her boyfriend that Cedric was, "almost as good a teacher as you."
"Oops, sorry," said Cho Chang after she'd `accidentally' rubbed up against Harry on the way out, making sure he was very much aware of her assets.
"That's okay, Cho," he said nonchalantly, doing his best not to show any reaction. "Hermione and I were in your way." He then took his unofficial girlfriend's hand in his as he turned toward her and away from his first girlfriend of another life.
"She looks upset," Hermione whispered while watching Cho leave.
"I just wish she'd get together with Cedric already. Can't she see I'm in love?" he whispered back.
"You are making our agreement difficult to live with," she chided while grinning at him. "I nearly kissed you when you said that."
"Well," said Harry with a smirk, "You are thirteen."
"But you're still twelve," she sadly replied. "Let's go." She didn't dare tell him how close she'd come to caving in under the gaze of those piercing green eyes.
--TM--
The weeks passed quickly, and before they knew it, Harry and Hermione were sitting at the Halloween Feast. Thankfully, Harry had avoided getting invited to Sir Nicolas' Deathday party. Over the years, the Boy-Who-Lived had gotten mixed feelings about this particular holiday. While there were some good things associated with it, the fact was that his parents had died on this day. Not to mention the incidents that had happened at Hogwarts on his first four Halloweens there. He did remind himself that he had become friends with Hermione on that same holiday as well. In any case, his choices were to brood all day or enjoy the feast, along with the later plans for Lockhart.
Harry would've enjoyed invisibly haunting Lockhart during the feast, but Hermione had reminded him that Dumbledore could somehow see through his Invisibility Cloak and wouldn't appreciate him terrorizing a teacher. They knew the headmaster still hadn't forgiven Harry for making him act like a headmaster and firing someone who abused his authority.
After Harry had stuffed himself with enough treacle tart and other dessert items, he pulled out his latest comic and read while he and his secret girlfriend waited for `Gilderoy the Great' to leave. He had just reached the climax of the story when Hermione whispered, "He just got up."
"Let's go," he said as he stood, folding up the comic and stuffing it in his pocket. They quickly made it to the entrance hall, up the stairs and to just outside Lockhart's quarters where Harry threw his cloak over them both. He then put the time-turner around both their necks in preparation, and then waited about ten minutes because he was always changing his password. "Maybe he's been walking slowly and looking around to make sure he's not being followed."
"Either that, or he was stopped by silly fan girls asking for autographs," commented Hermione.
With a smirk, Harry commented, "Yes, he does have a lot of them. I seem to recall a bright young Gryffindor girl who drew hearts around all her Defense lessons on her schedule a long time ago."
Although she was turning red, she declared, "That never happened."
Before Harry could react, they saw the fraud arrive in the hallway. He declared, "Gilderoy Lockhart is devilishly handsome," to open the door. Before he stepped inside, Harry pointed his wand behind Lockhart and performed a spell to make him pause and turn around, giving the young couple time to rush into the room before the Order of Merlin - third class recipient. Once they were inside, Harry turned the hourglass on their time-turner once.
After glancing around to make sure they were alone, the two time-meddlers began to cast the appropriate charms on various items in Lockhart's quarters, with their extra wands of course so the spells couldn't be traced back to them. Harry also freed a magical creature Lupin had taught him about in another life that he'd kept trapped in an extra compartment of his watch/trunk for just this occasion. Nothing inside the trunk can affect the outside of it while in watch form. They finished just before the door opened and rushed out a moment before the professor entered and closed the door. That's when the fun began.
First, Lockhart heard an eerie melody playing and a female voice singing,
Memories, all alone in the moonlight…
Gilderoy moved all over the room trying to locate the source of the sound, but it seemed to be coming from everywhere. What he did find were more words in flames floating in mid-air, telling about how they would never leave him alone until he confessed everything.
When the song was concluded, the letters faded as well. He went into his bathroom to splash water on his face, only to find the man who'd really defeated the Yeti he'd written about. He was six feet five inches tall with a muscular build, wearing ragged robes. In his right hand was his wand and in his left, a machete.
"It's your fault I'm so poor I can't afford decent clothes. I was going to be rich when I collected my reward, but you…"
"It was only business!" Lockhart replied nervously as sweat was pouring down his forehead. "It wasn't anything personal!"
"My memories were personal to me!" the intruder growled as he took a swing at Gilderoy with his machete.
"NO!" Lockhart shouted as he moved backward, falling on the floor.
CRACK!!!
Suddenly, the Yeti slayer wasn't in the bathroom anymore. He'd been replaced by an attractive woman in her late twenties. She was wearing tight-fitting exercise clothes, with her long, blonde hair in a ponytail. She was also pointing a gun at him and had a look of pure hatred in her eyes. If Harry and Hermione had seen this Boggart, they'd have killed Lockhart.
"Did you think I couldn't hurt you back after what you did to me?" she growled. "I spent months trying to figure out how I went from a treadmill at a gym to naked and alone in a hotel room, but I found out." She moved the gun lower to point at his favorite body part. "Now, I'm going to kill you slowly, you…"
"NOOOO!"
CRACK!!!
The teacher didn't wait to find out what he was facing this time. Instead, he got up and bolted out the door of his bathroom and headed toward the door of his quarters, only to be confronted by literally everything in the room floating toward him. First, he was hit with a cushion from his sofa, which wasn't so bad, but then one of his own shoes kicked him in the face while the other kicked him in the crotch. He doubled over in pain before one of his many portraits slammed into his head, breaking the canvas. The end result was it appearing like he was wearing the frame as a necklace.
Despite his tremendous pain, he crawled toward the exit, getting spanked by each of his books along the way. He grabbed for the handle, only to find it wasn't there and he was trapped in the room. He began crying as he made his way to a corner and assumed the fetal position as his own extra robes began whipping him.
At precisely seven a.m., all of the items in his room moved back into their original position, except the portrait frame that still hung across his neck. Lockhart glanced around to see there was now a handle on his door again. He rushed toward it and wrenched the door open, running out of there, leaving his room open for anyone to visit.
An invisible Harry and Hermione rushed in to destroy all evidence of what they'd done. He collected the boggart while she began removing the enchantments. Once the dark creature was back in Harry's trunk, he began helping her. They left about a minute before anyone got back to this room, without even using the time-turner.
--TM--
While the evidence was being destroyed, a completely disheveled Gilderoy Lockhart with rips on his clothes, messy hair, a portrait frame around his neck and bloodshot eyes burst into the Great Hall during breakfast. Every eye was on him within moments.
"MONSTER! In my quarters!" he announced in his panic.
Dumbledore rose to take command of the situation. "Everyone, please remain calm. I, along with some of the teachers will investigate whatever creature has attacked Professor Lockhart, and the rest of the staff will secure you in this room until the crisis has passed.
The headmaster, McGonagall, Flitwick and Lockhart made their way to the area in question, and the doors sealed themselves. Harry and Hermione had taken a round-about route to the Great Hall, to avoid being caught by Dumbledore. When they arrived at the locked doors, Harry swore.
"Language!" chided Hermione. "Think. All we have to do is go back an hour and we'll have no trouble getting into the Hall."
Harry grinned at her. "Brilliant! It will even establish our alibi."
"Precisely."
--TM--
"I'm sorry, Gilderoy," said the headmaster in his grandfatherly tone, "but I'm afraid I can find no trace of whatever attacked you. Are you certain you did not dream this?"
"Do you think I broke this beautiful portrait over my own head?" he yelled back, while finally removing it from his neck. His whole face was red with fury or embarrassment. "Something attacked me!"
"What did it look like?" asked Minerva, trying to hide her amusement.
"First, in the bathroom, it looked like a…giant about to attack me with a sword." He was trying to change the story a bit so as not to reveal his past crimes. "Then, with a loud crack, it changed into a…a…some kind of seductress, possibly a Veela, that I ran from before she could seduce me."
"It sounds like you met a boggart," said Flitwick with a smirk. "Of course, if that had been the case, your legendary skills would've easily dealt with the situation."
"Of course it wasn't a boggart!" the red-faced man shouted back. "It was much more dangerous than them. It was a foul, dark creature, worse than Dementors, the like of which has never been seen by anyone who survived to tell the tale, before me." He was now standing a bit taller, showing pride in himself.
"Of course, Gilderoy," said Dumbledore. "Then what happened?"
"When I left the room, all of my things attacked me, including that painting."
Looking around the completely organized room, Minerva asked, "What exactly attacked you?"
"M-my clothes floated out of the closet and…and whipped me." He now paused, seeing how unbelievable his story was, considering that everything was back in place. "The door handle also had disappeared."
"It's here, now," said Flitwick.
"I KNOW! It kept up all night until suddenly, everything moved back to its original place and the door handle returned. I ran out to the Great Hall and found you."
"You were fighting with your clothes all night?" asked Minerva.
Not long after that, students were released from the Great Hall and informed that the creature that attacked Professor Lockhart was gone.
--TM--
A week later, Harry, clad in his red Quidditch robes, found himself flying once more onto the Quidditch pitch.
"It's Gryffindor versus Slytherin!" announced Lee Jordan to the assembled crowd, which cheered wildly. Harry searched the crowd for Hermione while the names were announced. He did notice, however, that Draco Malfoy was not a member of the Slytherin team, and they did not have brand new Nimbus 2001s. He hadn't even thought of that consequence when he targeted Lucius, but was glad of this change in the timeline for the most part. However, now he would have to (as he did the previous year) face an opposing Seeker who'd actually earned his place on the team rather than the pathetic ferret who, truthfully, didn't know which end of a broom to sit on. He'd never forget the way Draco crashed and landed on his bum during his first match once upon a never.
Once the balls were released, he flew up to his usual position away from the action and began scanning for the Snitch while listening to Lee's commentary.
"It's Katie Bell with the Quaffle as she streaks across the pitch. Looks like Flint's about to tackle her. She passes it to the lovely Angelina Johnson, who still won't date me…"
"Jordan!" interrupted McGonagall, causing Harry to laugh as he looked around. He noticed that his opponent, Terrence Higgs, was actually looking for the Snitch instead of following him. It really would be a challenge. He moved toward the center of the pitch so he'd have a decent chance at the Snitch no matter where it appeared.
"Johnson scores! Wish I'd score…"
"JORDAN!" McGonagall's face was red.
"Sorry, Professor. The score is now 10 to nothing with Gryffindor in the lead. Flint gets the Quaffle. Ouch! That's gotta hurt! Flint was hit in the head by a Bludger sent by Fred or George Weasley - can't tell which. He drops the Quaffle straight into Alicia Spinnet's waiting hands. It looks like Flint's alright. Too, bad. Sometimes Bludgers to the head can…"
"Jordan!"
"Sorry, Professor. I'm sure we're all glad Flint's skull wasn't cracked like it should've been."
"Jord…"
"Spinnet is hit by a Bludger sent by Bole, and Flint's got the Quaffle again. Hope he…wow! Johnson comes up from the side and grabs the Quaffle right out of his hands before he saw her. She is so talented and beautiful…"
"Jordan!"
At that moment, Harry noticed that both Slytherin Beaters were targeting Angelina, and each had a Bludger. She wouldn't be able to dodge both, so he dove toward one.
"Potter is going into a dive! Has he seen the Snitch? Higgs has just started to follow him. Potter nearly hits Slytherin Beater Derrick who moves out of the way. Angelina avoids a Bludger sent by Bole. Potter pulls up. Angelina shoots the Quaffle right past Miles Bletchley. Potter was feinting to distract Derrick! Good job, Harry, Angelina!"
Harry was still grinning when he glanced at Higgs' angry face and began to chuckle. When the opposing Seeker did a certain hand gesture, Harry laughed out loud. Terence following Harry had made sure Derrick couldn't regain control in time to hit his Bludger at Johnson, so Potter had manipulated him into helping Gryffindor.
It wasn't long before Slytherin realized yet again that they had no chance of winning the game fairly, so they started playing rough, finally scoring points. Naturally, Madam Hooch, who Harry suspected was a Slytherin herself, turned a blind eye to the cheating, even while it was announced by Lee.
"Flint, a Chaser, grabs a Beater's bat from Bole and rams a Bludger into Wood. The Quaffle isn't anywhere near him, the bloody cheat!"
"Jordan!"
"Sorry, Professor. Flint obviously got the Quaffle confused with a Beater's bat. It could happen to anyone. Looks like Wood is barely hanging onto his broom. I can see blood coming from his forehead."
Harry suddenly felt something move behind his head and ducked reflexively, barely avoiding the other Bludger. Yet again, the Slytherins assaulted someone who wasn't doing anything at the time.
"Why do I even play this game?" he wondered aloud as he thought of his many Quidditch injuries. As he finally glimpsed a bit of gold, he remembered. The Snitch was about 50 feet from him, but 40 feet from Higgs. If he tried to sneak closer, he'd run the risk of Terrence noticing and getting there first. If he tried a feint, he ran the same risk. His only chance was to push his Nimbus 2000 for all it was worth.
"Potter is shooting across the pitch as fast as he can. I think he's really seen the Snitch this time! Higgs looks around and starts speeding, too. I see it right between them. They're flying from opposite directions. Come on, Harry!"
The Boy-Who-Meddled-With-Time saw that he was headed straight toward his Slytherin counterpart, but couldn't do anything about it now. He had only one goal - catch the Snitch or die trying. He was closing fast. Ten feet away. Five feet. Harry reached out his hand and grabbed the Snitch out of the air just before Higgs' hand touched the top of Harry's. Potter moved so that he was flying upside-down right below Terrence.
"Potter's got the Snitch! That's incre…Ouch! That's gotta hurt!" announced Jordan as the two Seekers crashed. "Higgs' left foot banged into Potter's left shoulder! Now Harry's left arm is hanging down - probably dislocated, but he's staying on his broom, holding tight with his other arm and legs. Higgs fell forward on his broom and smacked his face on the front. Looks like a broken nose. He's flying like he's Cunfunded now, but he's in the air. Oh, Gryffindor wins 220 to 50. And Madam Pomfrey had better get to the pitch."
Harry was breathing hard as he tried to ignore the pain. His left shoulder was definitely dislocated. He righted himself and began to descend…until he caught sight of Gilderoy Lockhart in purple robes headed toward the middle of the field. Harry, gritting his teeth, shot back up, determined not to lose all the bones in his arm. A second later, he was really glad he had. He got to see the still dazed Terrence Higgs crash his broom into someone in the stands, but not just anyone - Draco Malfoy. The broom handle hit him square in the chest, but not hard enough to break anything since Higgs wasn't moving that fast. Of course, Draco was loudly moaning about the pain.
"My chest is caved in! I'm dying thanks to you! You bloody idiot! You fly worse than a Mudblood! When my fath…mother hears about this…If I'd been Seeker I would've gotten the Snitch!"
Harry was laughing through his pain when he glanced down to see Lockhart headed toward the Slytherins, and that Poppy had arrived at the pitch, looking frustrated. He flew down right in front of her. "Hi, Madam Pomfrey."
"Hello, Mr. Potter. Why do they even allow this stupid game to be played," she muttered while pointing her wand at Harry's shoulder. "Dislocated. Hold still." She performed a silent spell that painfully and quickly corrected his shoulder while it glowed blue. "There. Don't do any heavy lifting for the next twenty-four hours and you'll be fine."
"Thanks," he said, only to be ignored as she rushed off toward the Slytherin stands.
"Harry Potter!" came a voice from behind him that he'd always recognize.
"Hermione, love," he said while turning around, still on his broom.
"Are you alright?"
"Good as new," he said while moving his left arm to demonstrate.
"Then get off that thing,"
"Yes, dear." He dismounted his broom, only then realizing that he was still holding the Snitch in his right hand. He stuffed it in his pocket without comment.
"Why did you insist on joining the team? Do you enjoy scaring me like that?" She lowered her voice. "How many times have you been injured during a game?"
"This technically was after…"
"You know what I mean, Harry."
Shrugging his `good as new' shoulders, he replied, "I will think about it, especially next year when Ginny could join the team. I don't actually enjoy being injured."
"Do you really mean that?" she asked, gazing into his eyes. She seemed genuinely surprised he'd even consider giving up Quidditch. Truthfully, he'd never heard of any student quitting their house team once they got on, except for Higgs when Malfoy bought his spot, and that wasn't voluntarily.
"Yes, I do. I plan on having a girlfriend next year to occupy a lot of my time."
She blushed slightly before asking, "Anyone I know?"
"I think so. This rather attractive Gryffindor girl who does a lot of reading…"
Suddenly they heard an angry shout of, "EXPELLIARMUS!" coming from the direction of the Slytherin stands. They turned to see Madam Pomfrey pointing her wand at Gilderoy Lockhart while catching his wand with her other hand.
She was still shouting, "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TREAT AN INJURY HERE!?! I'M THE ONE QUALIFIED TO DO THAT! Now, I'll have to re-grow all the bones in Mr. Higgs' foot."
Although they knew it was terrible, both Harry and Hermione burst out laughing as they saw Terrence's obviously boneless foot hanging from his broom. The shoe had slid off.
Harry managed to tell Hermione, "I am so glad I avoided Skele-grow this time." After a few seconds, he added, "Too bad it's not Draco," causing them to start laughing all over again.
--TM--
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