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Chapter 13
I Don't Want To Live Without Your Love
"I ask myself but there's no explanation
For the way I feel
I know I've reached the right destination
And I know it's real
I'm longing for the time
I'm longing for the day
When I'll be giving you this heart of mine
Believe me when I say
I don't want to live without you
I don't want to live without you
I could never live without you
Live without your love"
"I Don't Want To Live Without Your Love"
By Foreigner
As I approached Lupin and Ron, I had an overwhelming feeling of uneasiness sweep over me. What exactly did Ron know? Did he know that I had been with Hermione when this happened? Did he know that I'd snuck out of school, not once, but twice to visit her, all without him knowing any different. When I put it all out there like that, it sounded terrible. It made me feel terrible.
Lupin spoke first. "Harry, how's Hermione?" he asked me. Ron didn't look angry. He looked scared and anxious and unsure. The look on his face reminded me of the same one he wore when we'd seen Hermione petrified in our second year.
"Uh, her mum just came downstairs a few minutes ago and said that she'd just made it out of surgery," I said, with a slight smile.
"So, she's okay?" Lupin asked.
"Not exactly," I said, looking at Ron. "She had some internal bleeding that the doctor was able to stop, but they are still worried about her not having regained consciousness since the accident. Her mum said that the next 48 hours will be critical."
"She'll be okay," Ron said stoically. "She has to be. Can we see her?"
I shook my head. "Her mum said that they'd put her in the Intensive Care ward. She's only allowed to have her immediate family visit while she's in there."
Ron nodded, but looked disappointed.
Lupin noticed my apprehension and spoke up.
"Well, that's good news, anyway," he said. "She made it through her surgery. That's the hard part. She's going to be fine. She's a strong girl. She'll pull through this."
"Yeah," I said.
"Dumbledore wanted you to come back with us, Harry," Lupin said.
"Not before I see her, Professor," I said firmly.
"Me, too," Ron chimed in.
"Well, I don't know if there's any way around it," Lupin said. "I'm going to go and check in on her parents. See if there's anything I can do about it. You two will be alright here?"
We both nodded. I watched as he stopped a nurse, who happened to be walking by at the time, and asked her where he could find Intensive Care. She told him to take the elevator to the third floor. He thanked her and asked us that we stay here until he returned. Ron and I both watched as he walked away from us. We were now alone, save for the handful of people in the waiting room.
There was an awkward silence between us that I wasn't used to. I wished I'd been able to talk to Lupin alone to find out what exactly Ron had been told. My guess was that it hadn't been everything, otherwise, he'd have greeted my angrily.
"What happened, Harry?" Ron said, as we sat down on one of the couches. "Have you been here this whole time? The last I saw you was in Divination. I was worried when I woke up and your bed hadn't been slept in. Dean, Seamus and Neville and I looked all over for you. Then, Lupin comes to me in the Great Hall and tells me there was an accident in America with Hermione and I should go with him as soon as possible. When I asked where you were, Lupin said you were already here. How did you get here? How did you find out?"
I looked at him, not really sure how I was going to explain myself.
"I was with her when it happened," I said, looking down at the floor.
"You were what?" Ron asked, confused. "How did you get here?"
"The Floo Network," I said. "After Divination yesterday, I went to Professor Lupin's office and asked him if he'd help me out so I could come see her."
"You didn't tell me you were going to do that," Ron asked. "Why not?"
Because I'm a selfish bastard who only thought of himself---not of his best friend Ron and what it could do to him. This is what I thought, but didn't say.
Instead my response was the standard, "I don't know."
"You don't know?" Ron asked me, sounding incredulous. "Didn't you think I would have liked to see her, too? I mean, I told you how I felt about her, didn't I?"
I nodded dumbly at his words.
"Were you worried that if I got caught, it might be a little harder for me to get out of it than it would have been for you? I mean, I know you don't ever use it to your advantage, but it's there, Harry. That "boy who lived" thing has saved you a number of times. I don't reckon "the boy who lived's best mate" would have as easy a time getting out of a jam like that."
There it was. He'd given me my out. I could just take it, couldn't I? What he didn't know, couldn't hurt him, right? I didn't have a chance to respond because a girl stood ogling at Ron and me. She looked to be about our age. She was of average height and straight, shoulder-length brown hair. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans and trainers with a grey sweatshirt that had the words "Georgia Bulldogs" embroidered on it in red letters.
"Can we help you?" Ron asked crossly.
"I'm sorry to interrupt," she began, in a southern drawl. "I know who you are."
"Good for you," Ron said.
"You must be Ron," she said, looking at him, somewhat scathingly.
"And you must be--?" Ron retorted sarcastically.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, putting her hand to her forehead. "I'm Kit Reilly. I'm Hermione's next door neighbor."
"Nice to meet you, Kit," I said, standing up and shaking her hand. "I wish it was under better circumstances."
"You must be Harry," she said, letting go of my hand.
"Hermione's talked about us then?" Ron asked.
"Loads," Kit said. "I feel like I know you both already."
"Is that how you knew I was Ron?" Ron asked. "She tell you about my red hair?"
Kit shook her head. "No, she said you were an annoying prat and you kind of lived up to her description."
Ron looked taken aback.
"Just kidding," Kit said, with a small laugh. "It was the red hair. She didn't say you were a prat."
Ron looked relieved at this. He finally stood up and extended his hand for Kit to shake. She hesitated for a second before taking his hand and shaking it.
"How is she?" Kit said. "My parents told me as soon as I came home."
"She's just out of surgery," I said. "They've moved her to a room in the Intensive Care ward. She had some internal bleeding, but they've managed to stop it for now."
"Oh, Thank the Lord," Kit said.
"We're waiting for our, um, chaperon, to see if we can find a way around that immediate family rule thing so we can see her," I said.
Kit nodded, but seemed somewhat confused.
"What?" I asked her.
"It's just that I don't understand how you were able to get here so fast from London. I mean, she just had the accident last night, right? And here you are. What did you do take The Concorde?"
Ron and I exchanged looks of apprehension. Obviously, Hermione hadn't filled Kit in on what she was, what we were, and the kind of world we lived in.
"We were actually coming to see Hermione as a surprise," Ron said. "We found out about the accident as soon as we got here, actually. We did take the compact thing."
"The what?" Kit asked.
"The Concorde," I chimed in. "We took The Concorde. You know, Ron, that airplane that can travel really fast. You remember, don't you?"
"I do?" Ron asked. "Oh, yeah, I do. I, um, slept most of the way here, though."
Kit looked a little unsure.
"Why do I feel like you guys aren't telling me everything?" she asked, looking back and forth between Ron and me.
"Tell you what, Miss Kit," I said. "When Hermione wakes up, we'll tell you the full story. You have my word on it."
"I'll hold you to that," she said.
"I have no doubt that you will," I said, smiling at her. I liked Kit immediately. I was glad that Hermione had someone like that in her life here.
Lupin came walking toward us a few moments later with a smile on his face. He started to speak when he noticed that there was a person sitting between Ron and me.
"Hello?" he asked.
"Hi," she said.
"Professor Lupin," Ron said. "This is Kit Reilly. She's a Mug-, I mean she's a friend of Hermione's from here in the States."
"Nice to meet you, Kit," Lupin said, shaking her hand.
"Did you talk to her parents?" Ron asked. "Can we see her?"
"Her father was against it," Lupin said. "Her mother, though, helped change his mind. She's told the nurse at the nurse's station that you two are her brothers. They'll let you see her, one at a time, but only for a short while."
Ron and I exchanged smiles.
"I'm sorry," Lupin said to Kit. "I would have tried to get you in, too, if I'd known you were here."
"It's okay," Kit said. "I understand. Will you just tell her parents that I was here?"
Lupin nodded. "I'll see you out, Miss Reilly. Why don't you boys go on upstairs. Take the elevator to the third floor. They're expecting you."
We nodded and said a quick goodbye to Kit before heading for the elevators.
"This is a lot different from St. Mungo's," Ron said.
I nodded.
"My dad would love to come to a place like this," Ron said. "You know how crazy he is over Muggle stuff."
I nodded.
"I hope she's going to be alright," Ron said.
We didn't have time to talk to each other anymore as the elevator finally made it to the third floor. We stopped at the nurse's station and asked where Hermione Granger's room was. The nurse told us "Room 312" and we walked down the hall until we came to the door. I prayed that it wouldn't be Hermione's dad that opened the door. Ron knocked softly at the door. To my relief, it was Hermione's mum who came to the door. She came outside of the room and closed the door behind her.
"Hello, boys," she said. "Ron, I'm glad you could make it. You both have meant so much to Hermione."
"Where's Dr. Granger?" Ron asked.
"He was a little upset. I asked him to go and get some coffee in the cafeteria while you visited with her."
"How's she doing?" I asked.
"Still hasn't woken up, yet, I'm afraid," her mother said. For the first time, I noticed how exhausted she looked. Her hair was a little out of place and her eyes were puffy and a little bloodshot. In one hand, she clutched a tissue. "Well, Ron, why don't you go in first?"
Ron nodded and asked what he should do.
"Just talk to her," Dr. Granger said. "It may not seem like it, but she can hear you. It's the best thing for her."
I watched as he turned and hesitated before turning the knob of the door and closing it behind him. Dr. Granger smiled half-heartedly at me. She asked if I wanted to sit down. There were two chairs situated right outside the door.
I shook my head no.
"I've sat enough," I said.
She laughed. "I know what you mean. It's a terrible thing to feel so helpless, like this. You wish there was something you could do, but all you can really do is wait and pray."
"I know," I said.
She smiled.
"Thank you for doing this," I said. "I know you didn't have to."
"I know," she said. "But, I think we need to think of Hermione's happiness and wellbeing. That's something that I'm afraid her dad and I have neglected out of our own anxiety. Someday, you'll know that nothing will ever be as hard as raising a child. It's the most difficult job in the world. You know you make all these decisions and sometimes you know that your child isn't going to like you very much for them. She must have been so angry with us. I mean, I know she was. I could read it on her face. She must have hated us for this."
"She didn't hate you," I said. "She was unhappy with what you did, but she didn't say she hated you. She'd never say that. She loves both of you very much."
Dr. Granger gave me a hug. She reminded me a little of Mrs. Weasley at the moment as she hugged me tightly.
"Thank you, Harry," she said, finally letting go. "I needed to hear that."
Ron came out of her room a few minutes later. He looked somber as he sat down.
"How is she?" I asked.
"Just so still and quiet," he said. I saw that it looked as if he'd cried a little as he'd visited with her. "No response at all."
"Harry, why don't you go on inside, now?" her mother said.
I nodded and walked over to the door. My heart seemed to speed up as I turned the doorknob and walked into the room. My heart seemed to fall as I saw her lying in that bed, hooked up to machines and tubes. The only sound came from the monitors.
I didn't think I had any tears left in me, but they came flowing out as I looked at her, bruised and injured.
"Hermione," I whispered, sitting down at the chair at the foot of her bed. I took her left hand in mine.
"I'm so sorry for what happened," I said softly. "I hope you can hear me. I want you to wake up and start telling me that I need to start studying for my N.E.W.T.S. or finish studying for my potions final. I never thought I'd be begging for you to nag me about that, but here you go. Are you happy now? You went to extreme measures to get me to say that, well here you are."
I stroked her hand.
"I can't believe that just a few hours ago, you and I were dancing under the stars. Do you remember that? We were under the stars and it was cold, but I felt so warm with you, you know? I know it sounds crazy, but it just felt right."
"You deserve better than me, you know that? I've been a fool. All along there was this beautiful, smart, clever girl right under my nose and I didn't even notice until after she was a thousand miles away. I'm sorry for that. If you wake up right now, I promise you I'll make up for that."
"I don't have much time, Hermione," I said. "I don't want to leave you. I'd stay with you forever if I could. I hope you know that. Your mum said that we could only stay for a few minutes, though. She really stood up for us, you know."
Reluctantly, I stood up from my chair and let go of her hand. I leaned over her and placed a kiss on her forehead.
"I love you," I whispered. "I love you, so much."
I took one last look at her, before turning on my heel to leave the room. I opened the door and was preparing to step out of it when I heard a soft voice whisper hoarsely, "Harry?"
Author's NOTE: I'm sorry for the cliffhanger. You guys probably want to push me off one with all of them…but I mean, I had to end the chapter someway….forgive me please! Bad, bad, writer…I think I'll go put myself in Time-out.