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On My Own by papermask
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On My Own

papermask

This story is set a few years after the infamous epilogue. I don't know if I'll continue it or not. Not the best story, I know. I might end up deleting this later.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Harry Potter world, JKR does. :)
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I look out of the window at the pouring rain. It's late, but I can't sleep. All I can do is think.

It was something that was always on my mind. How could I forget it? It's too deep. It runs through my veins now. I love him - I always have. But only on my own. I've always kept it to myself. That was my mistake. I should have told him, I should have shouted it from the highest tower of Hogwarts when I had the chance. But no, I had to play the best friend. I had to keep my emotional distance. I knew what he was facing, the hardships that he had already dealt with. I had to be the support. There was no room for romance. I had to be the brains. I had to be the loyal friend when he had none. I knew my place and I stuck to it. This is what I resigned myself to....so why can't I accept it? Why do I hang on to that glimmer of hope when I know good and well that my dreams will remain only dreams?

He's found his comfort. I should be happy for him. I should finally breathe for him, knowing that he has the life that he's always deserved. So why does it always pain me to see him in such a manner? Is it because he's not living that life with me? Sometimes my own selfishness severely disappoints me. I should know better. He's finally happy and at peace, and that's the way it should be.

But, I can't let it go. I can't let go how it's no longer my job to give him my famous bone-crushing hugs. It's no longer for me to comfort him when he needs it, or to solve problems for him when he can't figure them out for himself. No, I can't let it go. I'm not sure that I want to. I laugh bitterly. If only I was this passionate with Ron. But then again, I would have to have really and truly loved Ron for that to happen. Don't get me wrong, I love Ron....but I was never in love with Ron. That's the reason that our marriage failed. Not for a lack of trying, mind you. We tried so very hard, but it was just never meant to be. Needless to say, Rose and Hugo were less than pleased when we announced our divorce. But they learned to accept it. A year or two later they would learn to accept their new step-mother, Luna Lovegood, and her two children. I have to admit, I was rather surprised when Luna broke it off with Rolf Scamander. However, I wasn't surprised when she and Ron fell in love. I knew she had always held a great deal of emotion for him in her heart, and to tell the truth, I wish them both the best of luck. They're an example of true love prevailing through all costs. If only I could be so lucky. There I go, being selfish again. I let a single tear fall.

During the war, he was so scared. Scared for all of us. More scared than he needed to be. He worried so often, and slept so little. I was so frightened for him. But afterwards he was still so sad. For a while, I left it up to myself to help him, in whichever way that I could. As bad as it sounds, I revelled in those moments. Those precious moments where I could be close to him, where I comforted him and consoled him. Those times when I could simply be with him. When he was still my Harry.

I wonder if he remembers. He used to be my Harry. In some ways he always will be. But, I suppose I have to let some of that go. I have to let him be Ginny's Harry now. He's happy, and safe. That's all I can really ask for, isn't it? I can't hold the tears in anymore. I can't live like this anymore. I have to change. I have to. I make a promise to him.

I promise Harry, I'll be you're best friend again. I'll be the chipper Hermione again. You won't have to worry over me. I'll let you be happy. But, I'll always love you. I'll keep my love in check, I promise. I'll keep it locked up inside my heart, where no one will ever find it.

The rain pours down in sheets. I sigh heavily. I love you, Harry Potter. I always will. But only on my own.