Unspoken
Part two
The days became easier after that first one. Indeed, after a time, I began to believe I'd only dreamt it. And if I had not dreamt it, surely it was a delusion formed by my shocked and exhausted mind. How could I feel for you in such a way? Or you for me? We're best friends and that's all.
So, it was almost a shock, a year later, to feel it again.
After a long day of celebration, we sat in a Muggle pub, escaping the ongoing parties our fellow witches and wizards were holding. Your eyes were tired again, but bright with the wine you were sipping. He sat next to you. She sat next to me. It should have been perfect.
A year of relative peace had passed and still there was no danger on the horizon. We laughed and talked and reminisced, happy to be detached from the adoring public. Happy just to be with friends who understood everything, without a word. Happy to be… happy.
But a lull in the conversation had Ron kissing your cheek before he declared a desperate need for the loo. Ginny finished her own glass of wine before standing and following. And there we were.
You stared at the table. The familiar, thoughtful frown played between your eyebrows. Absentmindedly were you fidgeting with a paper napkin. It tore between your ink-stained fingers.
You stared at the table.
I stared at you.
Silent again.
And then… then did your eyes flicker toward mine. I blinked and you were staring at me, eyes bright, and there was the pain, the curiosity, the longing I had not seen in a year. There it was, all of it, staring me in the face. And the feeling I thought a distant dream born from sleeplessness and shock, stirred again. Stirred and intensified so that I felt winded.
In your eyes I saw the recognition. You knew I felt it, too.
You bit your lower lip. And your eyes… oh, your eyes, moist with… something. Regret? Resignation? What was it? Was there even a word for it?
Never in my life have my arms wanted so badly to wrap around someone. But how could I? How could I have been of any comfort to you? Wouldn't it just make it hurt even more?
My eyes, just as pained as yours, held the gaze. I could not look away from you. I never wanted to look away from you.
For the first time in so long, I wished for your old Time-Turner. I wished to go back and change things. Consequences be damned! I just wanted a chance. A chance to start over and never, ever cause you this pain.
A tear slipped from your eye. My hand twitched, but you caught it quickly, wiping it away. Your eyes closed.
"Hermione," I whispered, pain choking my words.
But what could I have done? We made our choices. This was the consequence. Damn it.
And you opened your eyes to welcome him and her back. I looked up with a smile, acting as perfect as it should have been.