A/N: Well this is it (drum roll) part 1 of the last chapter!! I apologize for the long wait for this chapter even though it was finished weeks ago. Lets just say that I got a little distracted by an idea I had for a new fic…hehe. Well anywhoo I want to thank digitallace, my awesomely awesome beta. Oh yes and my sister for helping me with this chapter. I hope it answers some of the questions that you guys have.
Hope you guys like it and please review
P.S. I still don't own Harry Potter, my life sucks
With the song's echo slowly fading off each of the walls I was soon left with silence -the great, wonderful sound that I needed so much. The state of absolute stillness. I slowly let out a shaky breath and proceeded to lean against the cold, hard doors of the Great Hall. I was afraid: afraid that my legs wouldn't be able to hold the rest of my body up any longer, afraid that Harry would follow me; and I was afraid that Neville would realize why I was acting so unlike myself these past few hours.
I slowly looked up at my forgotten partner and smiled, hoping that he would take the hint and act as if nothing had happened. "Thanks Nev-" I slowly stopped when I realized that Neville was and had been staring at me for quite some time.
"Neville?" I looked around for anything that could be making him act so ludicrous. "What's the matter?"
He kept looking at me as if he were trying to figure out the hardest enigma in the entire world. If I didn't know Neville so well, I would have thought he was well maniacal.
"We need to talk Hermione," he finally said as his eyes left mine with a determined glare.
"Oh," I slowly replied as I tried to find a way to excuse my behavior in the Great Hall. "What about?"
"Hermione, don't try and act like all of the other insignificant, deficient girls in there," he said while pointing to the Great Hall and slowly moving towards the stairs. "I know you much better than you think I do, Hermione."
I was stunned, speechless even. I had never seen him act so commanding since he tried to stop Harry, Ron, and me from leaving the common room in first year.
"Neville, I can explain," I replied as if I was a child that had just been caught stealing from a cookie jar.
"How can you explain it?" he exploded before sitting down on the step that was just recently under his foot.
"Well I-I." I stopped mumbling since I realized that he had actually made total and complete sense.
I couldn't explain any of it, I mean how does one tell their date that they have secretly been watching their ex boyfriend all night and had barely paid any attention to them? That answer is simple, they don't.
"I can't," I decided to finish my sentence at last when I reached the stairs and pulled at my dress so I could sit.
I began to feel horrible; I had mistreated Neville all night when I should have been grateful that he had actually wanted to take me to the ball that I had secretly wanted to attend. My eyes were beginning to water as I thought about the past month.
This felt like déjà vu; here I was sitting on the stairs after a ball, crying. I was just waiting for Neville to just stand up and walk away. I had treated him like Harry and Ron had treated their dates at the Yule Ball. I was wiping my eyes when I felt a sudden movement to my left so I turned fearing that he had heard my thoughts. The stairs were empty; he was gone.
I sighed and slowly continued to wipe my eyes as I turned back around only to find Neville kneeling right in front of me.
"And why should you have to explain?" he quietly asked in a caring tone.
"What?" I replied as I tried to catch my breath from being surprised and I would have thought he would have wanted an explanation as to why I acted as I did.
He looked at me curiously while he placed his hand on my knee. "Why should you have to explain something so simple to me?" he said while patting my knee.
"Simple," I hotly replied. "How could any of this ever be simple?"
"Yes, Hermione, it is simple," he said as he stood. "You're still in love with your best friend." He smartly smiled at me while he slowly ascended the stairs.
He figured it out; Neville figured it out. I sat there alone on the stairs for five long seconds until I called after him.
"How did you figure it out?" I whispered
"Just a guess," He replied at the top of the stairs. "And besides, it wasn't that hard to figure out since you were staring at Harry quite an awful lot tonight."
I quickly ducked my head as my blush began to spread and just replied by shrugging.
"I still don't get it though," he said while tapping his fingers on his chin. "Why haven't you talked to him?"
I looked down at my hands refusing to answer this question, I couldn't even tell Ron. So why did I feel like I could tell Neville?
I stood up and turned around "I do-" Neville was gone.
"Why can't you talk to him?" a voice behind me asked.
I turned around and quickly regretted it when I saw whose voice it was.
"Hermione, you can't keep running away from me." He stared as he took a step forward.
"Harry, running would have to consist of someone actually chasing me," I explained to him.
"I have been chasing you Herm-"
"No you have not, Harry Potter!" I quickly interrupted him. "You haven't uttered a single word to me for the past month and you suddenly miss me and just expect me to run into your arms?" I screamed at him.
"No, Hermione I -I didn't expect everything to be perfect I just, I don't know I just didn't realize…..that you would be this upset with me."
"Ah!" I yelled as I sat back down disgruntled. "Okay, Harry I'll tell you why I'm so upset with you if you tell me why…if you tell me why you acted like Ron; like a child, why you yelled at me with such stupid and hurtful words," I whispered to him my energy suddenly spent.
Harry looked at me with wide doe eyes as if he had just been caught by Voldemort himself. I didn't understand why he couldn't tell me why he had had that sudden burst of hatred for me that day and it was beginning to concern me.
"Hermione, I don't think I can do that," he slowly whispered.
I started to rise unable to stop the tears that came to my eyes.
"No, wait Hermione," He was suddenly at my side holding my arm refusing to let go.
"Harry, I can't wait anymore, I've been waiting for too long." I wiped my eyes as I tried to wrench my arm free.
Finally, giving up I looked him straight in the face. "If I mean anything to you at all ,Harry, you'll tell me."
"Okay fine, but you should probably sit down," he said as he pulled my arm down with him so I had no choice but to sit with him. He took a deep breath.
"All of my life I've been the 'chosen one', Hermione, and for half of my childhood I didn't even know it. I was left in the dark for several years but ever since Dumbledore finally decided that I should know my own fate I've put up with it and whatever else I had to without complaining too much. After the war though, I thought that I wouldn't have to be that person anymore; the leader, the person who has all the responsibility and pressure hanging over their head all the time."
"For the first time in my life I had no responsibilities, nothing to worry about," He suddenly looked up at me his eyes begging me to understand. "That was the first time in my life I was actually normal for a while. I didn't have to be the 'chosen one' or the boy who lived; I was able to be me."
"I was actually fooled into thinking that after everything I've been through I deserved to have a normal life and things would just calm down. I was able to have hopes for the future and thought I would be able to concentrate on making it as perfect as I could without anyone trying to meddle in it. But then the ball was announced and all those dreams were shattered the instant I realized I could never be normal. That I would be forced to continue life as the boy who lived, forever, and I would never be able to have a life like the Weasley's have. I could never be normal and because of that my life will always suffer," he finally admitted almost unwillingly. "Do you know how it feels to never realize you can have a future and when you do you realized you aren't allowed to have the one you want?
I waited a while to make sure I had understood him correctly before I began talking.
"I don't understand, why couldn't you just explain that to me? Why couldn't you tell me?"
"I don't know," he regretfully said. "I was just scared; scared of how you would have reacted, scared of losing you and Ron."
"I was so frightened that you would have dismissed my thoughts as foolish and would have told me that I was just overreacting. I couldn't handle that, Hermione I care so much about what you say and think if you had said anything remotely close to that I would have gotten even more frightened especially after you had mentioned fourth year. I didn't want to have to experience that again."
"So, I just didn't give you that chance to hurt me and I vented all of my anger on the closest thing to me, which just happened to be you." He looked down as tears began to shine in his eyes. "I was just so frustrated and distressed that I just hurt you the easiest way I knew how; since Ron has hurt you plenty of times before."
He looked up at me, his face screwed up as he tried to fight the tears that slowly started cascading down his face. "I just felt like the walls were closing in all around me and I reacted in irrationally because of it. I know it was wrong, Mione, and I am completely regretful for hurting you."
I turned myself slightly and looked at Harry. I knew deep down he was also afraid to lose himself in all of this madness; he probably had been afraid for a long time and the ball just brought it out of him. I slowly took his hand and tried to get his attention but he wouldn't look at me.
"Harry," I said as I squeezed his hand. "It's never a bad thing when you cry, it shows me that you're still the same you and you should never be ashamed to be that person."
His gaze was still captivated by the floor so I decided to distract him. I quickly pulled him into my arms and began to run my fingers through his uncontrollable raven hair as I'd done so many times before. He continued to softly cry and soon buried his face gently into my hair. I didn't want to disturb him so I rested my head on his shoulder and took a deep breath to gather my thoughts.
I quickly stopped thinking as Harry's smell captivated me and my thoughts. I had forgotten how addicting and intoxicating it was.
After a few more minutes Harry had apparently gathered his thoughts and emotions enough to talk. He slowly detached his arms from my body and I obstinately lifted my head from his shoulder and smiled sheepishly to myself.
"Okay," Harry started with a deep breath. "Now it's your turn."
Still slightly recovering from being this close to Harry I defiantly stayed silent, not wanting to admit how childish I had acted while I had refused to confront him.
"Why won't you talk to me Hermione?" He whispered as he looked intently into my eyes almost like he was trying to look into my soul.
"Because Ha-"
We were interrupted as the giant doors of the Great Hall opened up and we were soon swallowed by a crowd of fellow Gryffindors trying to be the first to the Common Room. I soon lost sight of Harry as even more people started ascending the stairs as I stood trying to find him. I walked down the stairs attempting to find him but with no avail. I slowly walked down the empty hallways trying to get where I needed to go almost desperately.
I was hoping Harry would remember where we used to always go when we needed to talk to each other alone or we just wanted to be in each other's company.