Chapter Thirty-Five
"Not it on three!" Jack said, raising a hand for silence, "One-two-three not it!"
"Not it!"
"Not it!"
"Not hic it!"
"Not it!"
"Katy's it!" Jack said, hiding a snigger at Yasmine's unfortunate predicament. "Right, everyone gets five seconds. If Katy tags you, you're it too, and so on until we're all it."
"It's late, though!" Adrian reminded them, "Harry said to be back before seven!"
Jack shrugged.
"Jackie, still got the Galleon?"
Jackie held up the shiny, pulsing gold coin. Jack nodded in satisfaction.
"Harry knows where we are, you lot," he said, in a superior tone, "it's a tracker. He told me so. If he wants us home, it'll heat up. All right, spread out, everyone! Katy's counting... now!"
Everyone dashed off the path in different directions-- Jackie, Dusty, and Adrian ran toward the playground; Jack and Yasmine ran toward the river.
"Don't follow me!" Jack hissed, but Yasmine stuck out her tongue and put on an extra burst of speed.
Scowling, Jack caught up with her, stopping short at the riverside. Yasmine looked around. They were out of view of the playground, and just at Yasmine's feet was a thick pine log, lodged securely across the river.
"Called it!" Jack whispered, bounding in front of Yasmine and darting across the log. "Katy'll never get me over here-- I told you not to follow me!"
"You can't hic call it!" Yasmine snapped, balancing carefully on the log, "I don't think we should go very far hic into the foresty area, though-- it doesn't look hic safe."
"Just like a girl," Jack said scornfully, looking around at the darkening forest in front of him. "You can go where you like; I'm hiding in here for a bit. Don't follow me!"
She stuck out her tongue again and raced away to Jack's left, weaving into the forest and disappearing. Jack made a face at her retreating back, adding a few fake hiccups for good measure. There was a steep incline of grass just in front of him, so steep that he had to inch down it, but after a while Jack was at the bottom and at the forest's edge. Motivated more by curiousity than concern for the game, Jack hurried into the forest in front of him.
It was a fairly wet forest, Jack soon realized, despite the trees. This led to a rather unpleasant odor of old things, of rotting things... he shivered, and before he could stop it, a voice in his mind whispered, dead things...
He stopped running in the middle of a clearing, realizing his shoes were filled with murky water.
Maybe Yasmine was right, he couldn't help but think, maybe this was a bad idea...
He looked back, wondering how far he had gone into the forest. A good distance, he decided, but not far enough. He could still hear the river.
Ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of his wet socks and heavy shoes, Jack hiked on, noticing that he was now walking at a sort of slant.
"The soil's not wet anymore," he said out loud, and was rather chilled to hear how well the silent forest muffled his voice.
It was still, and getting darker by the moment-- Jack chanced a look over his shoulder, debating whether he should turn back.
Just as he did, a wind swept through the pines around him, and they gave a loud shhh above and behind and all around him...
"Time to be getting back," he said out loud, trying to sound cheerful and nonchalant. But his voice seemed to make very little sound at all, and the sound that he could hear was the whistle of wind struggling furiously in the trees.
And then, so suddenly Jack wondered if he might be dreaming, a sheet of rain flooded down on him. Within seconds, he was completely doused and struggling backwards under heavy, wet clothing.
He stopped struggling in the mud, making a loud noise of frustration.
"That's right!" he shouted angrily at the rain, at the little patches of dark sky he could see, "That's right, go ahead and rain! See if I care!"
Jagged streaks of lightning sliced the darkness around Jack, illuminating the swaying forest around him, and seconds later a great rumble of thunder clapped in Jack's ears. Deciding to wait out the storm, and seething at himself for getting caught, Jack sat down in the mud.
After twenty minutes of sitting in the flood of rain, Jack began to shiver. Curling up and hugging his legs to his chest, he closed his eyes and pretended not to hear the constant roar of thunder.
He wasn't scared; that would be stupid. The storm wouldn't last forever. The others would find him. Yasmine would find him. She knew where he was.
The forest only grew increasingly darker, and the storm intensified. The mighty pines around him bent, groaning in protest, and the formerly still forest seemed to be screaming in pain.
I shouldn't have thought of it that way, Jack thought, his teeth chattering even in the warmth of spring, it's just a bunch of trees. Merlin, where have the others got to?
Another crack of thunder, and Jack realized then that he was afraid.
What have I got to be afraid of? I've been in storms before.
Another thought he shouldn't have allowed himself to think. There were storms he'd wanted very desperately to forget.
That's stupid, Jack thought, that was different. Or was it?
No, it wasn't very different at all.
Your parents abandoned you, you know. You were very lucky, weren't you, when that new Ministry official got lost in the woods?
"They died in the storm!" Jack raged at the sly voice in his head, "They would have come back for me if they could have!"
They were ashamed of having a wizard for a son. You were `dangerous', weren't you?
"I was three!"
Old enough to be a threat. Isn't that what your mother said?
"I never had a mother," Jack yelled at the wind, who seemed to have given voice to the thoughts in his mind, "or a sister either!"
Who said anything about a sister?
Jack buried his face in his knees, shivering and swaying the violent wind. He hadn't thought of Those Three since he'd arrived at St. Mungo's. He was angry, angry enough to banish them forever from his thoughts and memories, glad to have found others like him in the hospital wing.
Face it, whispered that voice of doubt, no one is coming to find you. You'll still be here, wet and alone, tomorrow morning, waiting for someone else to find you by accident, just like last time. You have no one else.
Jack's fists clenched so tightly that his nails dug into his palms, and he gritted his teeth, ignoring the water on his face that was far too warm to have been the rain. He shuddered, and he thought of what it might be like to be lost here forever-- to never see Dusty or Jackie or any of the others again... his stomach writhed within him and he realized how terrible that would be--
Something like defiance flooded through him, hot and proud, and Jack struggled to his feet in the mud. Throwing back his head and glaring at the flashing skies with brilliant eyes, he bellowed, "I have got someone! I have a mother and a father and brothers and sisters-- six of them-- and they're looking for me right now, and they're going to find me!"
A great burden seemed to tumble off of Jack's shoulders as he finished, a burden he had never noticed before. Breathing heavily, he grinned, tasting the rain in his mouth and feeling it roll down every inch of his body. An exhilarating joy had swept over him like a flood, and he hugged himself, still grinning.
Being lost didn't seem half as bad when you knew someone was looking for you. This, he thought, is what it will be like, when I get back and I see them- when I see my parents--
Suddenly a high-pitched scream cut through the storm, and Jack's joy turned to ice in his veins. Struggling to turn around in the thick mud, he heard the scream come again.
"Yasmine!" he howled, "Yasmine, can you hear me?"
No reply.
Jack's heart pounded madly against his heaving chest; terror had suddenly gotten a hold of him, terror beyond the fear he had felt in the storm... suddenly the storm seemed inconsequential, and he yanked his foot out of the mud. His shoe stuck as his bare foot came free.
Freeing both his feet from his shoes, Jack found himself hurtling through the forest at what seemed to be a maddeningly slow speed-- the rain continued to flood down from the skies, impairing Jack's vision. Many times he slammed into trees, and somehow he managed to scramble back up and run doggedly on, unable to feel the pain in his legs.
As he neared the edge of the forest, he heard his feet splashing through water. Within moments he was knee-deep in water, and water rushed down the incline just beside the river... stumbling in the water, Jack was horrified to realize that this was the river, overflowing and seeking space.
"Yasmine!" he choked again, "Scream again, you little fool!"
"I'm here!"
He could see her scrabbling about on the top of the incline-- something seemed to be wrong with her leg, for she was sobbing and clutching it in pain.
"Jack, I can't swim!"
The water was up to Jack's neck, and it pushed at him furiously. He choked on the water swirling about his chin, and struggled to find his footing. If he could just make it to the bank--
He spotted a log stuck in the middle of the deluge, caught upright in the ground. He flung himself forward and, by mere inches, managed to catch its jagged top. He hissed in pain as it cut his fingers, but managed to grip it with his legs. Breathing heavily, Jack eyed the bank, covered by the river flow, and aimed for its top, that bare space where the flow was gentler, where Yasmine was barely holding on.
He climbed to the top of the log, wobbling dangerously, and jumped.
For a few terrifying moments, Jack knew he had not mustered enough force. But then, just as he was sure he was going to crash, he suddenly felt indescribably light, and he landed gently on the bank beside Yasmine.
"Yaz!"
"Jack!" she gasped, her face screwed up and swollen, "Jack, I'm so frightened!"
"We're going to be okay," Jack panted, seizing her arm and bracing himself on the bank, "Look, Yaz, we're going to be all right-- we've got parents looking for us, haven't we?"
"I think I broke my leg," she sobbed, "And it keeps moving--"
Jack managed to get an arm around her and held her tightly, hoping to keep her still. If she kept moving like that, they were bound to go careening down the bank again.
"Breathe, Yaz!" Jack said through gritted teeth, "You won't get us anywhere by holding your breath!"
"It doesn't hurt as much then!" Her hands fisted his shirt tail. "If we die--"
"Don't be stupid; we're not going to die!"
"But if we do-- I want you to know that I-- well, I'm glad I almost had a brother like you, Jack, that's all!"
He gripped her waist even more tightly.
"You will have a brother, Yaz, we're getting out of this."
The thunder boomed, and it was becoming increasingly hard for Jack to see Yasmine's face. He closed his eyes tight, suddenly aware that he was sobbing, too. He was sorry-- sorry to have missed the family they'd almost had.
Suddenly a silver glow pierced the darkness, and two figures came into Jack's vision, unwaveringly clear despite the rain-- were those figures galloping, or was it just him?
"Jack, look--"
"I see them!"
Suddenly Jack felt something warm on his back, warm like sunlight-- he looked up and saw the most magnificent sight he'd ever seen in his life.
"A stag!"
"That's not a stag-- that's a doe-- she hasn't any antlers--"
"No, this one's a stag-- wait-- what--"
"Jack, what are they--?"
Suddenly Jack was sitting astride the silver stag, bathing in the silvery warmth and clutching at the soft neck, and he could hear Yasmine next to him-- he looked, and saw her stretched out on the doe's back.
Jack couldn't feel the rain any longer; he sat up straight as the stag bounded across the river, the doe at his side.
He didn't know how to describe how he felt, riding that stag-- almost as if he were flying, but not quite. He could feel the stag's slender hooves touch the ground, and he could feel them streaking across the dark, abandoned playground at what would have been an alarming speed. Light emanated from the two creatures and created a misty cover of light wherever they touched ground and disappeared when they soared into the sky. Jack felt safe on this creature's back, safe like he had never felt before.
He looked to his side and realized that the doe was looking at him.
She looks almost... loving.
He smiled shyly, for he felt shy. It had been a very long time since Jack had felt bashful, but then-- it had been a long time since Jack had noticed someone loving him.
"Jack!"
In an instant Jack was being seized in a rough hug, a tight hug, a hug of relief and concern... and as Harry held him tightly to his chest, Jack realized that he was crying and smiling.
"Thank Merlin you're all right, Jack," Harry was saying with fervent relief, "oh, Godric-- this is all my fault-- Godric, Jack-- if we'd lost you-- are you okay? How did you-- I've been looking everywhere--"
"Yasmine's leg--" Jack heard himself say faintly, "it's broken, I think--"
But Hermione was there, too. She seated on the ground, holding Yasmine gently upright and holding the tip of her wand to her leg.
Still in Harry's tight grasp, Jack looked around. The stag and the doe still stood beside them. From their light, he gathered they were a few miles away from home, standing in the middle of the little road.
"...couldn't find you, mate," Harry was still mumbling hoarsely, "I should have noticed you were gone, but when Yasmine finally asked-- when Yasmine asked-- and then she left to find you-- I still don't know how she managed to when I told her to stay at the house..."
"The river-- it flooded-- we got stuck on top of the opposite back-- could barely hang on--" Jack was hardly aware of what he was saying. "But I knew you'd be looking for us, Dad-- I knew it-- and Mum, I knew Mum wouldn't leave me-- wouldn't leave us, I mean-- you sent those deer, you sent them to look for us..."
"I was so worried," Hermione said, and her voice trembled as she helped Yasmine to her feet. "Oh, Jack-- come here--"
And he went to her, allowing her to hug and kiss him and stroke his hair, just as she always did to the others. And it no longer bothered him or made him uncomfortable-- she was his mother, after all, and this is what mothers were like with their children... he smiled into her shoulder and she kissed his hair, and he felt as though he could not bear any more happiness-- his heart was overflowing... he was accepted, he was wanted... he was worried about...
"Harry, we had better be getting back," Hermione said at last, "Apparition, do you think?"
"Yeah, we had-- you take Jack, he's a bit stronger..."
"Wait!" Jack blurted, "What about them?"
Hermione pulled back and surveyed the two deer. The doe was nestled up comfortably against the stag, her silvery glow making his even brighter.
"They're Patronuses, Jack. They'll disappear eventually."
The doe paused at that, leaving the stag to stand directly in front of Hermione. She bent her graceful neck and pushed her nose gently into Hermione's hand.
"Yes," Hermione murmured, her eyes shining in the soft light, "and I'm honored."
With that, the doe and the stag's images seemed to shiver, and then disappear. The four of them simply stood there in silence for a moment, the rain still falling fast and thick upon them.
Finally, Hermione and Harry instructed the two children to hold onto them tightly, warning them of the discomfort they might experience on their way back home.
"You weren't kidding when you said it was terrible," Jack mumbled, stumbling to the couch in the living room. Yasmine followed suit, collapsing beside him.
"Yeah, it's not exactly pleasant," Harry agreed, "the couch is convenient, though, isn't it?"
"What did you mean, Mama? When you said you were honored?" Yasmine said immediately.
Hermione sat down on the arm of the couch, fingering her wand and putting her hand on Jack's shoulder as if to make sure he was still there. Jack surprised her by turning and smiling at her.
"I mean that the doe chose to become my Patronus, Yaz. My Patronus used to be an otter," Hermione said after a pause, and, seeing Harry's quizzical expression, added, "The Patronus chooses who they defend, Harry. They choose wizards or witches that are intimately connected to the natures and virtues they stand for, and in some cases, the relationships that define the wizard in question. People and relationships change-- and so do Patronuses."
"So... it changed to show you and Harry are...?" Jack's voice trailed off, but Yasmine jumped in.
"To show you're in love?"
"More than in love," Hermione said, turning slightly pink, "it's a bit more than that. Connected, I suppose, is the better word. Patronuses only change for very important reasons."
She paused.
"I think you both should be off to bed," she said, "I would tell you to be quiet on your way up, but I expect the others are still awake. Katy and Jackie are beside themselves with worry."
Yasmine got up and hurried off, calling, "Katy! Katy! It's us! We're all right!"
Jack stood up, as if to follow her, but didn't move. Instead, he simply stood there, looking at the rug as if he were very anxious to avoid look at either of the others.
"Are you all right, Jack?" Hermione asked gently. He nodded.
"I'm okay."
"Better head to bed." Harry said, "You've gone through a lot today."
"Yeah," Jack said, "Yeah, I'll do that."
He paused, then added at a rush, "G'night, Mum-- g'night, Dad!"
He looked up, looking defensive, as if he expected them to say something scornful. Hermione merely said, "Go on, Jack-- mind that you brush your teeth properly."
A huge grin lit up Jack's face.
"Yes, Mum," he said, and, with an embarrassed laugh, he turned and ran upstairs.
After Jack left, Harry sank into the chair with a heavy sigh. There was a long silence.
"I know, Hermione," he blurted out, "this was all my--"
"We're not going to pursue that, Harry," she said evenly, sitting beside him and taking his hand. "They're both safe, and that's what matters."
He leaned forward, covering his face with his hands.
"When I think what might have happened..."
"It didn't happen," Hermione said, very firmly, "we've learned for next time. We're new to this, Harry, you can't expect us to--"
"They could have died," Harry said in an agonized whisper, kneading his temples with his fists, "Merlin, Hermione, we could have lost them!"
She put a hand on his knee, squeezing tightly.
"Look at me."
He looked up into her face. She cradled his face in her hand, fixing her eyes steadily on his.
"Jack and Yasmine are both upstairs right now-- Yasmine's upstairs in her room with all of the others, retelling the story right now, exaggerating almost everything, and Jack is sitting right next to her, correcting almost everything she exaggerated, and right now they're having an argument on whether or not the water was two meters high or three-- right now. They're safe."
Harry closed his eyes as she removed her hand, saying, "Do you understand, Harry?"
He shook his head slowly.
"Were you afraid?" he whispered to her.
She leaned up against him, shuddering.
"Of course I was, Harry. I was absolutely terrified. When I saw the Patronuses coming back--"
"You felt as though you could finally breathe again," Harry finished. She nodded in agreement. "Did you know they could do that? Carry people?"
"I've read about..." she paused. "I've read that in times of great distress, Patronuses do have that ability. But only certain Patronuses, really powerful ones..."
"Might have been useful if we'd found this out earlier," Harry said wryly. "Prongs might have been able to knock down a few Death Eaters himself."
"I don't think it works that way, Harry, and anyway, our Patronuses wouldn't have been strong enough then."
"How do you know that?"
Hermione paused again.
"Patronuses are created out of your happiness-- out of your need to protect your happiness. That instinct alone is extremely powerful. But even more powerful--"
She smiled and kissed him.
"Even more powerful is the need to protect others' happiness, your love for another person. And that's not instinct, Harry, that's a choice. We conjured those Patronuses for someone else."
"For Jack and Yasmine."
"Yes," Hermione said, "for Jack and Yasmine, and in a way, for each other."
Jack met Yasmine just before she started to brush her teeth.
"Hi," he said, uncomfortably.
"Hi," she returned, turning toward the sink and wetting her toothbrush, "Hermione said we're supposed to get ready for bed. You haven't even changed yet."
"Your hiccups are gone!"
"Yes," Yasmine said, "I suppose that's what happens when you break your leg."
"What did it feel like?" Jack asked curiously. He had never broken a bone before.
"Just imagine," she said, "if someone seized your leg and bent it just to the point where you thought that perhaps you could bear it, then bent it just a little bit further until you begged them to stop, and then, just as you were about to faint from the pain, they snapped your leg in half like a twig. Then imagine what it would feel like to have your shattered leg burned from the inside out, and you have a good idea of what it felt like."
She stuck her toothbrush in her mouth and calmly began to brush.
"Gosh," Jack said.
"You have no idea." Yasmine said through a mouthful of toothpaste.
"I shouldn't have asked." Jack pulled a face. "Why do you have to describe things so well?"
"You did ask," Yasmine said. She paused, and added sheepishly, "I may have exaggerated a little."
"Well, anyway..." Jack cleared his throat. "You were brave, Yasmine. And I'm sorry I yelled at you this afternoon."
"That's okay," she said after a pause. "But you were the brave one, Jack. You... well... you saved my life, I think. Thank you."
"You're welcome," Jack said, "What are brothers for?"
Her eyes brightened at that.
"Weren't those Patronuses the most beautiful things you'd ever seen?"
"Yeah, I guess so," Jack said,"They were pretty cool."
She sighed.
"Boys," she muttered, putting her toothbrush away, "good night, Jack."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Jack demanded as Yasmine hurried away to her room.
"Jack, please quiet down!" Hermione scolded. "It's late!"
Jack smiled to himself as he brushed his teeth.
While he was glad to have a bit of an adventure, he was happy to have everything back to normal.
Not that he'd tell anyone.
A/N: I think these two chapters might have been a bit rushed, personally, but I've been editing thse for so long I doubt I have a very good perception of them.
One thing:
Having Hermione's Patronus change is a very overused cliche in our fandom, and one I usually dismiss as entirely unnecessary; however, looking back on Hermione's development as a character, I really thought this transformation was a justified one. I did my best to explain why within this chapter, but in case anyone needs any clarification-- This story is really Hermione's. In my opinion, she has sacrificed a lot for her family and for her upcoming marriage, and in the process, her priorities have begun to change. Obviously she still has goals and ambitions where her career is concerned, but they're no longer as crucial as they once were. Mothers must give constantly of themselves, without expecting any praise or reward, and often this means they must be the ones to perform daily chores that others dismiss as mundane or inconsequential. Hermione has never been one to shy away from work, but she always enjoyed the work-reward system of school, and it shows great maturity, I think, that she has taken on a role that does not always reward you. Does are unassuming creatures, in my opinion, typically thought of as nurturers (a la "Bambi"). Perhaps this is why Jo chose the animal to represent Lily; or, perhaps, it has to do with her affiliation to Prongs, obviously Harry's father. So in that way it represents the unity that Harry and Hermione have experience as they've grown together in love.
Yes, this was quite an essay, but I'm feeling contemplative. I hope you didn't feel obligated to read this, but if you did, I hope it helped you find your bearings.
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