A/N: I promised myself that at least once during this story I'd post three days consecutively! Don't ask me why…I just set weird challenges for myself as a way of motivating myself to strive harder!
Please Enjoy!
A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain.
-Abraham Cowley
Chapter 8 - What You do to Me
"She thinks I'm pitiful, Ron," said Harry morosely to his best mate.
"She said that?" Ron asked semi-interestedly as he moved his knight to take Harry's rook.
"Yeah," said Harry, rubbing the palms of his hands into his eyes. "She also said I'm arrogant, conceited, and selfish."
Ron grinned at him. "She may have a point there, mate…well, except for the selfish part," said Ron thoughtfully.
Harry let out a weak chuckle. "Yeah, she might."
Ron sighed and ran a hand through his hair before saying, "So…are you going to try and change who you are? For a girl?"
Harry clenched his jaw. If Ron called Hermione 'just a girl' one more time he was going to be seriously injured. "Yes, Ron. For Hermione. I've actually been trying it for a little over a week now. It's tough, but if I do it enough, I think it'll eventually become my nature."
When he was sure Harry was focused on the chessboard, Ron rolled his eyes.
After the game (in which Harry absolutely demolished Ron as usual), Harry slowly walked back to his dormitory, deep in thought. He wished he could stop acting like such an idiot when Hermione was around, but it never worked out because she made his brain go all fuzzy when she was around.
The nargles must attack me when I'm at my most vulnerable, thought Harry, then laughed as he realized how much Luna had rubbed off on him.
Harry stopped dead in his tracks. Luna, that was it! Luna was the nicest, most caring, most innocent person he knew! Who better to learn how to be nice from than the epitome of the definition of the word?
His pace picked up and a grin grew on his face he realized how perfect and flawless his plan was. Luna would show him the light-he was sure of it.
His grin nor his step faltered the whole way to his dormitory until he entered the common room. Hermione stiffened up, shoulders tense, and Harry immediately followed suit.
He readjusted his bag over his shoulder so it was sitting in a less precarious position on his shoulder, then lowered his head a little and started walking toward the door of his room. He loved talking to and teasing Hermione, but what she had said to him the night before would have to result in a few more days of wound-licking before he was ready for her cool responses to his come-ons.
But with his hand on the door, ready to push it open, a thought struck him. What would Luna do?
It was quite obvious that Harry was at least partly to blame for Hermione's outburst last night, otherwise she wouldn't have been so very angry at him. He must've done something to hurt her…again, after he had promised to never do so again. But what could he have possibly done to have hurt her?
Hermione must've wondered why Harry had been standing staring at his door for so long, but she didn't say one word about it, choosing instead to search her feelings for what she needed to do in a situation like this. She knew deep down that no matter how angry she was at someone, she had no right to inflict emotional pain upon them. Her words had been cruel, cutting, meant to cripple. Hermione found that despite how much she fervently wished Harry would just leave her alone and stop confusing and annoying her all the time, she felt incredibly guilty and ashamed that she could so easily degrade and be so mean to her fellow man and not have enough courage to properly apologize to him. Funnily enough, it was for the same reason Harry didn't sincerely ask her out that she wasn't apologizing. Even (or should it be especially?) when it came to Harry, she was afraid of being rejected and having her faults flaunted in front of her own eyes.
Hermione opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to get her vocal cords to work. Harry stood there, head hung and hand flat on his door. Finally, he found the will to do something. Just as Hermione finished completely building up her courage to speak his name and apologize to him, Harry sighed loudly and pushed open his door before slipping inside.
And Hermione now fully understood what she had done to him. She had rejected him, flaunted his faults in front of his eyes.
Wounded him so deeply with a few sentences that he found speaking to her and mostly likely teasing her, which was his favorite thing to do, frightening and impossible.
And her mum had told her she didn't have even one tiny drop of maliciousness in her.
***LFLS***
Harry walked through the castle the next morning on his way to breakfast whistling his favorite tune, which happened to be playing on his walkman. Ever since a seventh year a few years back figured out how to charm electronic objects to work despite the anti-Muggle wards around the castle, electronics had been all the rage. Boomboxes, walkmans, and among the first years an interesting invention called a Game Boy, were seen all over the place, and the professors for the most part didn't mind (unless said electronics were being used in class or had picture-taking capabilities). In the common rooms, there were quite a few TVs along with video game systems and VHS players. Technology truly was amazing, the power to run it all with magic maybe just a bit cooler.
It was a Monday, which would've normally meant school, but it was the first day of December, which ended up meaning that there was no school that day due to what the international wizarding world viewed as Merlin's birthday.
Which meant that today was the perfect day to have Luna teach him how to be as nice as she was.
So when he walked into the great hall, he stuffed his headphones into his robe-pocket and scanned the Ravenclaw table for Luna, sighing in relief when he spotted her. You never knew when she might be doing something like waiting in the hollow of a certain forest tree for the glimpse of a wrackspurt as it passed through morning sunlight diluted by exactly three leaves instead of eating breakfast.
"Hello, Harry," she greeted him with her normal dreamy voice as he sat next to her, causing all the Ravenclaw girls to either faint in delight at being in such proximity to Harry Potter or glare daggers at Luna, who was oblivious to the maliciousness of her peers.
"Hey Luna," said Harry a bit nervously. Why he was nervous he didn't know. "H-how's your breakfast?"
"Delightfully delicious," said Luna sincerely as she took another bite.
"Can you help me?" Harry asked her after taking a second to process the .
"Yes, I can help you," she said after swallowing her bite and smiled at him. "Follow me," she said simply before standing up.
"Wait, now?" asked Harry as he slowly stood up. "And how do you even know what I want you to help me with?"
"I've been waiting for this for a while now, the first step to bettering yourself as a person was admitting you needed help," said Luna thoughtfully. "If I just told you that you needed to become nicer, not only would you have most likely not heeded my advice, if you had it wouldn't have worked."
They started walking out of the Great Hall, and as soon as they were out of it Harry said, "It's not that I'm not nice, I just act like a complete git when around Hermione."
"You act like a complete git unless you're talking with me or Daniel," said Luna knowledgably, leaving no room for argument. Harry still looked at her like he couldn't believe what she said. "Don't give me that look, Harry. Lying to yourself accomplishes nothing."
Harry pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and sighed as they entered an empty classroom. "I really am conceited and arrogant, aren't I?" he asked miserably.
"Everyone is a little conceited an arrogant, some just show it a little more than others," said Luna, trying to cheer Harry up a bit.
"You never think you're the best at everything, do you?" asked Harry a little more harshly than he intended. He was angry at himself yet he couldn't stop himself from taking it out on Luna. Which made him even more confused and angry at himself.
"See?" said Luna, deciding to not answer Harry's question. "You have plenty of kindness and more humbleness than you think you do. You only hurt yourself by taking out your anger on others, Harry."
"I know," replied Harry, squeezing his eyes shut in frustration and shame.
"If you didn't know that, it would mean you have no kindness or feelings for others in you," said Luna. "That's why I told you that you have plenty of kindness. You just need to work on making that your primary demeanor."
"How?" asked Harry desperately. "How can I be nice at all around Hermione?"
"Well, if you're only nice around Hermione, she'll see right through and continue thinking you're arrogant while simultaneously thinking you're a transparent poser," Luna politely informed Harry. "You have to be nice to everybody, Harry. You need to practice being humble around everybody, not just Hermione. She will recognize when you've bettered yourself as a person, and not just put on an act when you're around her."
Harry took in a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds before letting it out. "I can do that…whatever it takes," he said with conviction.
"Good, because the lessons end as soon as you begin slacking off," said Luna.
"I understand," said Harry, not at all surprised by the level of maturity his best female friend possessed.
"Good," said Luna with a smile. "Let's get started then, shall we?"
***LFLS***
Harry exited the classroom an hour later consciously focusing on what Luna had taught him over the last hour, the primary lesson being the Golden Rule.
Treat others how you want to be treated, Harry repeated in his head. He also learned to treat the opposite sex with respect and not just flaunt himself in front of them. The third thing he learned was to stop acting like he was king of the world when he was around Hermione. Compliment her, romance her, but don't smirk and casually ask her out as if it meant nothing to him. Women wanted to be appreciated and respected, and wanted a guy who would care for them, not for themselves. Luna said those were Harry's three biggest problems at the moment.
Oddly, the first person he bumped into was none other than Hermione herself. Unfortunately, he literally bumped into her, sending her books tumbling to the ground. They stood there looking at each other for a second, Hermione's right eyebrow slowly arching up until Harry thought about Luna's lesson and quickly squatted down to pick up her books. The old Harry would've never bothered with something like that, instead using his wand to quickly gather their belongings up (only if it was a female) and telling whoever it was to watch where they were walking.
But he picked all of her books up (they were surprisingly heavy) and stood back up with them, placing them into a shocked Hermione's arms.
"Sorry about that," said Harry, switching his natural smirk into (what he hoped was) a non-charming, perfectly normal smile. "I should probably pay more attention to where I'm going."
Hermione's lips parted a little in shock and she squinted up at him as if verifying that he was indeed Harry Potter. When she saw that it was indeed him, she quickly shook her head and said somewhat absent-mindedly, "Not at all, I can barely see over this pile of books," said Hermione.
Things became a little awkward after that due to the little incident in the library and Harry cleared his throat and almost asked, 'Why don't you just levitate them alongside you?' Instead, a better idea crossed his mind. "Do-do you want me to help you carry them to wherever you're going?" he asked helpfully (and hopefully).
And Hermione almost retorted with, 'Don't you have some girls' hearts to manipulate?' before realizing that he wasn't being arrogant at the moment and didn't need to be knocked down a peg. Instead, she thankfully said, "S-sure."
Harry took three-quarters of the books, leaving a much smaller load for Hermione to carry. "I'm headed to the library, though. It's probably out of your way," she said.
"That's alright," said Harry nonchalantly.
They walked in a semi-awkward silence for the first bit, Hermione growing more and more suspicious by the minute. Was he going to prank her, or wait until they were completely alone and try to play with her feelings again, or turn into a complete, insufferable prat?
Apparently it was none of the above. Instead, he surprised her yet again by saying, "Hermione…I…I'm sorry."
Hermione blinked, swallowed, and asked, "Sorry for what?"
"Whatever I did to make you so angry last night," he replied. "Whether it was because I was being an insufferable prat, or because I hurt you somehow, or…or…or whatever I did to you, I'm sorry I made you so angry yesterday," he said, looking at her the whole time.
Hermione looked down at the floor, still ashamed of herself over how she spoke to Harry the day before. "No, you did nothing wrong," said Hermione, though that wasn't the complete truth. But telling Harry the whole truth would result in nothing but another let-down…no matter how he was acting at the moment, she had only ever known him as an arrogant prat. Five minutes of something different wasn't going to change her opinion of him. "I was just having a bad day and took it out on you," she said.
"I know you're lying," said Harry, shocking Hermione again. "But if you don't want to tell me the real reason, it's okay. I understand."
I'm dreaming, that must be it, thought Hermione. There was no way Harry was ever this nice, and he had never 'understood' anything on an emotional level. But when Hermione bit her lip so hard that it almost bled, she continued in her day of surprises as she discovered that this was, in fact, not a dream.
They arrived at the library at that moment and put the books on what was known as 'Hermione's Table'. "Thanks, Harry," she said, giving the boy that she fervently detested a small smile.
"Anytime," he replied with a smile of his own.
They stood there for a second, Harry unsure what to do at this point, but Hermione decided to finally ask what had bothering this whole time. "Why are you acting so weird?" she asked. Well, that didn't exactly come out right. She cleared her throat and said, "I mean, why aren't you teasing me and inflating your already overinflated ego?" Harry knew she didn't mean that last question to be offensive, she was just honestly asking him shy he wasn't acting how he normally acted. She finished with, "Why the sudden change?"
Harry's smile turned into a small one and he let the truth shine through his eyes as he softly said, "For you."
"For…me?" Hermione asked incredulously.
Harry just shrugged, reaching a hand out towards her face. Her mind told her to move her head backwards and her body wanted to move forwards, which resulted in her not moving at all. She almost leaned into the hand as it went for her cheek, but a flashback of what happened the last time she had allowed Harry to see her vulnerable side it only resulted in pain for her.
It turned out, though, that Harry was never going for her face. Instead, he flicked a bit of her hair and said, "Your hair is gorgeous, Hermione," before walking away without another word or gesture.
Hermione sat down heavily in her chair and just sat there looking at the books, trying to understand what just happened as she willed the blush staining her cheeks to go away. Harry had been nice…for her. What did that mean? Was he only being nice to her? Did he think being nice to her was the only thing that mattered? Did he not realize that she valued a good personality and that you needed to be a nice, kindhearted, humble person to even be her friend?
Hermione clenched her jaw and squeezed her hands into fists as she realized she was played for a fool.
She shouldn't have let Harry help her, or pretend to be nice to her, or let him in.
All it would lead to was more pain in the end.
A/N: Getting closer to some key, life-altering moments for the two of them! And I think the next chapter is going to be very enjoyable for Hermione gets some more insight into the psyche of Harry!
I hope you enjoyed and please review!