Unofficial Portkey Archive

Author's Note: I just keep bloody doing this. This was so meant to be a standalone but then someone suggested that I keep going and said that I had so many possibilities, which got me thinking and thinking lead to a non-ignorable plot bunny. Despite meaning to spend the time writing the next chapter of Fear or Screaming on the Inside (which I swear are coming) but this happened. Which I'm so excited about. Kay enough excited author rambling. Thanks to Jamie my beautiful beta who gives me massive ego boosts. It's not mine, its J K Rowling's, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Enjoy!

I hadn't moved. Time seemed to have no meaning for me now. I stared blankly at the wall, the covers pulled up to my chin, the comfort I usually found from them dissipated.

Neville's words were mocking me as they swirled around my head. As much as I tried I couldn't forget them. I couldn't deride them. I couldn't shove them aside as unimportant.

Ever since he had come to visit me I had started asking myself questions that I'd always laughed off whenever someone else had even suggested them to me.

"Knut?" Ron's voice shook me out of my stupor.

I turned to him dazedly. He was watching me carefully, concern etching his features.

"Huh?" I ask blankly.

"Knut for you thoughts?"

"Oh," I answer slowly, not sure whether I want to voice what I'm thinking. Especially not to Ron.

"It's Harry isn't it?"

My eyes widen in shock. I didn't think I was that obvious. I never do.

"I wasn't asleep when Neville was here."

"Oh," I answer even more slowly. I turn slightly in my bed ignoring the pain shooting through my chest as I did so.

"That saves a lot of explaining and quite possibly some embellishment of the truth." I try for some light heartedness, missing dismally.

Ron pulls himself up in his bed. He has his serious face on, scaring me. Maybe I didn't want to hear what was coming.

"Can I tell you something?"

I feel my eyes widen again.

"Do I have a choice?" My voice squeaks slightly and my stomach sinks. I have a definite feeling I didn't want to hear this.

"Not really," he shrugs before grinning at me slightly maniacal. "At a time like this you need brutal honesty."

I nod slowly at Ron. This couldn't be of the good. Not with how jealous and protective Ron got.

"I had a thing for you."

I splutter in shock. I hadn't expected him to be that honest. Or that blunt. Ron holds up his hand indicating that he doesn't want to be interrupted.

"I'm not sure when it started, maybe third year, maybe fourth year. Whatever, there was a definite thing involved."

I cock my head to the side scrutinising him.

"You're not talking in past tense just to make me feel better?"

He was the one who started the honesty stick. The question had to be asked.

"No. That's the point. Or isn't the point. I don't know." Ron pauses for a second, cocking his head to the side giving me a strange look. "How is it that you always have words to say stuff?"

I chuckle. "You're changing the subject."

Ron nods, a look of determination crossing his features. "Right. My thing. Well, the thing is -"

"Are you sure this isn't a penis metaphor?"

Annoyance flares up behind Ron's eyes. He was just too easy sometimes.

"No! Bloody hell Hermione! I'm trying to be serious here."

Something in his tone actually made me feel guilty about baiting him. "Sorry," I mumble, looking down and picking at my blanket.

"Do you remember the day Harry first kissed Cho? You tried to explain why she was crying to him and then you quite rightly told me I had the emotional range of, what was it, oh yeah, a teaspoon."

"Of course," I answer cautiously unsure where he was going with this.

"That's the day I knew. For certain, one hundred percent sure. I knew."

I look at him. Ron wasn't one to ramble like this. He preferred the pointy end of the stick as opposed to the cryptic.

"Whatever I felt was going on between you and me - it wasn't going to last."

"Ron," I immediately tried to soothe.

"No Hermione," Ron cuts in harshly. "This isn't about me and my pity parade."

I stare at him completely confused. This is an entire side to Ron that I rarely see. The one he likes to hide behind his snappy one-liners and practical jokes.

"You and Harry, you share this bond. It's been there since about second year, I just never wanted to admit it. Turned a blind eye. That night I couldn't deny it. You always seem to know what the other is thinking. One glance and you speak volumes. Heck, I should know. I'm the one who is left behind trying to fit the pieces together."

I snorted. I couldn't help it. "Ron," I chuckle. "I do not know what Harry is thinking ever. He's just as much of a mystery to me as he is to you."

"Bullshit."

Ron was certain.

He wasn't done either.

"Do I need to spell out the evidence for you? Just look at the way Harry reacted after the vision of my dad. He was so shut off. Even Sirius couldn't get through to him. You walk through the door and within ten minutes he's talking. He respects you and your opinion more than anything."

I stare at Ron utterly bewildered. He spoke with such conviction, such compassion. It was almost like he was desperate.

"Why are you telling me this?" I whisper. He'd shaken me. He'd shaken me a lot more than I would have like to admit.

"You have to know," he stated simply. "You have to know how important you are. Harry needs you. Especially after Sirius… The hell he's going through is far worse than he is letting on."

My cheeks start to warm as tears track slowly down them. I look up at Ron blinking. I don't know what to do.

"You know Harry, he's going to push us all away. Including you. Especially after seeing Dolohov… He's not going to get through this alone." Ron looks down at his bed sheets. I almost miss his next words. His voice cracks. "I just want to make sure I still have a best friend."

Tears are flowing freely now. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. How does one person repair years of loveless existence? There were wounds there I didn't even know could have existed until I had met Harry. I knew without a doubt there were more.

"I didn't ask for this," I whisper. "I never wanted any of it."

Ron nods sadly. "I know. But if you could, would you change it?"

"No." I don't even think about it.

Ron smiles sadly. "Neither would I."

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