Author's Note: This chapter is unforgivably short and I'll admit… not exactly my best work. Its not betaed yet because… well its late and I just wanted this posted. And after that stunning introduction… Enjoy.
"Hermione?"
"Hmm?" I answer Ginny, staring blankly through the dark as we lay in the twin beds. Both wide awake sleep not coming easily for either of us.
"What's up with you and Harry?" Something in her tone made me forego my standard denial. Gone was any trace of teasing, lost that irritating glint of knowing. She was genuinely curious.
"I don't know," I sigh. "Why do you ask?"
I wait for the exclamation, to be told it was so obvious. Clearly to me it wasn't. It doesn't come.
"You just seem… I don't know… different," she answers thoughtfully. "Closer somehow." She pauses for a second. "You were always close but now… you seem kind of untouchable."
"I saw Harry a couple of weeks ago." I find myself suddenly blurting, like it was some dirty secret which had been weighing on me for days.
Next to me I hear Ginny's bed creak as she sits up to peer at me through the dark.
For a few minutes neither of us say anything. Ginny starting at me, trying to figure me out.
"Why?" she whispers slowly and finally. Of all the questions Ginny could have asked that was the last one I expected. She knew I was worried about him, but that was no different from any other year. After what had happened the Order had been keeping a very close eye on him, so I knew he was safe.
She knew it was more than just worry. Maybe she just wanted me to admit it out loud.
"Neville came to visit me in the hospital wing."
Ginny raises her hand and brushes her hair away from her face. "Don't change the subject," she huffs.
"I'm not. It just seems like the best place to start." I pause, slowly trying to put my thoughts in order. "He said something and it got me thinking. He said… that in the Department of Mysteries she I got," I gulp, "hit. Harry… apparently he lost it. Basic thought patterns, everything was instinct. Neville said… he said that Harry couldn't even remember the most basic first aid. And then when Neville found a pulse, Harry was okay again. And then Neville… he said something which," I pause feeling tears well in my eyes. "He said that I may have to sit back and watch everything happen because Harry won't be able to fight him if anything happens to me."
"Hermione," Ginny starts but I cut her off.
"No Gin. I've got to tell you and if I stop I don't think I'll be able to start again." I pause slightly, taking a deep breath before launching straight into my story… not thinking about it, just letting the words come to me. "What Neville said got me thinking. What if I can't? What if I can't let him go off and face this on his own?" I pause again, a shaking breath rattling through my chest. "And then I imagine trying to live with myself if Harry died trying to protect me. Or if Harry didn't because I didn't follow. Or if -"
"Don't." Ginny cuts across me, ignoring any protests I put forth. "Don't do this to yourself. It's all what if."
"I can't help it. I've got all these thoughts in my head and I just don't want them to be there." I could feel the desperation in my voice and I hated it.
I look up at Ginny, my eyes finally adjusted properly to the dark. The moonlight glistens off her pale face, her eyes wide with concern as she sits on her bed studying me calmly as she waits for me to continue.
"Then Ron, he heard the conversation with Neville… and, Merlin he was just trying to help… he told me how much Harry needed me. I didn't want to believe him but suddenly it was staring me blank in the face." I pause again to stare at Ginny, my voice dropping to a whisper. "I've never been so scared in my life. I'm not even sixteen and what do I know about anything. And if it is true… if he does need me that badly… I… I don't think I'm ready for that."
Ginny tilts her head down, staring at the mattress in front of her, biting on her bottom lip as she raises both hands to tuck her hair behind her ears.
"None of that matters," she suddenly announces. "All of the questions you've asked yourself. They don't matter. Not yet. You still haven't asked yourself the most important question… until then… it doesn't matter." She pauses, raising her head slowly, moonlight catching her baby-blues shining with intensity; her words whispered, I don't have to strain to here them. I almost expected them.
"Do you love Harry?"
The words still somehow managed to shock me. Maybe because they made everything so simple. Like one answer could solve all my problems. That if I did love him it would be enough.
"I…" I start, chocking on my words. "I… I don't know."
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