Authors Notes: This chapter still hasn't been beta (Jamie the darling girl is busy with HSC (High School Certificate) stuff) and I don't want to bug the darling girl. I've read through this again without being drunk, I will update it again when Jamie has betaed it.
"Hermione, honey?"
My head snapped up from my plate immediately. Mum was using her serious tone. Not her `I'm-so-angry-young-lady' serious tone. I could have dealt with that.
This was far more scary.
This was the `I'm-concerned-because-your-acting-so-strange' serious tone.
There are some things a mother is just not supposed to know.
I struggle to keep my face neutral. Trying desperately not to give anything away. She had been shooting me the same concerned look since I'd gotten off the train. I was surprised it had taken her this long to call me on it.
"Yeah." I let the word slowly roll of my tongue with a purposeful wariness. She had to know I was onto her.
Maybe then she would stop.
"Is there anything you want to tell me?"
I blink up at her, hoping to look innocent.
"I'm fine, mum." She shots me a sceptical look. "Honestly."
Not waiting for a reply I turn back to my plate, absently pushing a piece of carrot from one side to the other.
Mum sighs.
"Are you sure? If there is any…" she pauses slightly looking for her words. "You can tell me anything… I won't be angry."
My fork stills and I look up at mum again. Concern fills her eyes, hopelessness written on her face.
"I know," I tell her gently.
I turn my head back from my plate. I place my knife and fork across the plate before pushing it away. Steak and three veg suddenly didn't seem so appetising.
"You need to eat, Bub."
She hadn't called me Bub since I'd first gone to school.
"I'm not hungry."
I hated the insolence which had crept into my voice. I'd never been one to partake in teenage secrecy.
Mum sighs again, running her hands tiredly over her face. After a day of telling screaming kids on holidays to brush their teeth and cut back on sweets this was the last thing she needed.
"This is about Harry isn't it?"
Her words hung in the air between us. I didn't look up, my eyes still focused on my hands. She'd whispered each syllable. So tentatively she was afraid they would break.
I had no idea what to say. It was the last thing I expected her to say.
"I'm not blind honey."
I look away from her. An inexplicable dose of shame running through my veins. I can't face her right now.
I swallow, the lump in my throat starting to grow.
"Can you just tell me what happened?"
There was something about the way she said that. Each inflection driving her point home. I had to tell her. I had to tell someone.
I don't look at her, preferring to stare at the fridge door.
"Harry's godfather…Sirius. His name was Sirius." I pause slightly. "His name was Sirius." I pause again. She had to know he wasn't just Harry's godfather. She had to know he was important to me too. "There was an accident…" I swallow. It was hard to tell her. I had to be so evasive. If she knew the truth I would never go back to Hogwarts again. "Harry was there…" I feel my first real tears for Sirius warm my face. "Sirius didn't make it."
I feel the shock coming off mum in waves as she sits there staring at me. It's a few seconds before she comes out of her revere, rushing around the back of my chair to hug me, mumbling soothing words in my ear.
"I miss him so much," I whisper, reaching up to grab mum's arm, still draped around me in a hug. Her chin resting on my shoulder as her other hand strokes my hair soothingly we both stare straight ahead, fixated on the same nothing.
"I don't know what Harry is going to do," I confide before I realise what that I'm speaking aloud. "He loved Sirius, he was like his father, brother and favourite uncle all rolled into one. He was so lost at school. It was like he was dying on the inside."
"It'll be okay, `Mione," I hear my mum soothe. "Maybe not at first but it will be okay. Eventually."
"No mum, you don't get it. Things are about to get a whole lot worse."
That's when it came out. Everything I had been keeping from them, knowing that if they knew I would never see Harry or Ron or anyone from Hogwarts ever again. Everything from the Mountain Troll to the Department of Mysteries came pouring out burning fear in my mother's eyes.
Explaining my chest injury, not the simple result of a misfired curing during a classroom experiment but something far more sinister. Sinister enough to land me in the hospital wing for a series of days as opposed to hours.
I watched the shock appear on her face as I told her how Harry had saved our world, barely more than a year old. How he had the knack of doing it repeatedly. How everyone, including himself, expected him to continue doing so.
I watched the shock mingle to horror as I told her that through all this Harry manage to still be the best friend would ever hope to meet. Always there for me, no matter what I needed he would try. How life at Hogwarts without him, without Ron, would be exceedingly dull. How no matter what danger Harry might find himself in I would be there, simply because I know he would do the same for me.
Finally I run out of words, sitting back to stare up at mum, I wait for her to speak, to say something. I wait for the information to sink in. For her to forbid me from going back to school. To pick up the phone and enrol me in Kent College as she always planned.
She doesn't. Instead she just stares at me, obviously not knowing what to say. At a loss of what else to do she reaches out, pulling me into a crushing hug. I let her hold me, offering what little comfort I could.
She finally pulls back and I'm shocked to find tears glistening in her eyes.
"I don't know what to say," she tells me slowly. "You can't tell dad about this."
The sentence doesn't shock me, the fact that mum actually voiced it did. I always knew that dad would be the more active of the pair when it came to keeping me from Hogwarts. I had never expected mum to keep something this huge form him. Those two never had secrets.
I finally nod slowly, watching mum's expression carefull.
"So, what do you think?" I ask her after a long pause.
"I think this Harry-fellow is blind not to see what a beautiful girl is sitting right in front of him."
I can't help but roll my eyes, as mum smooths back my hair a wistful expression crossing her features.
"Mum," I tell her. "I'm not in love with him. It's just Harry."
Mum smirks slightly. "Oh, `Mione, if you just heard yourself talk about him. You became alive."
I let that sentiment roll in my mind considering it for just couple of seconds.
"I need him, mum," desperation cracking my voice. "I don't know. I just need him."
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