A/N - Well this took longer than I expected. This chapter was surprisingly hard to write. I knew what I wanted to do but the characters just didn't want to do it. Well anyway… that's all from me. Chapter is still not betaed - but I hope you enjoy.
It had been three days since my conversation with Ginny. Three horribly long and awkward days. It was a relief to finally be allowed out of Grimmauld Place. I think we had all been living on the vague hope that once we were at school things would be better. It was naive but it was all we had.
So now I stood nervously biting my nails, trying desperately to listen to what my dad was saying y eyes consciously tracking Harry's movement across the platforms. My mum had insisted that they meet us at Kings Cross before we left. I think knowing exactly what had happened since I was at school had gotten her more worried that she had let on.
"It's going to be okay," I hear her whisper in my ear as she bends down to give me yet another hug. Over her shoulder I see dad shoot her a very confused look. He'd known mum a long time and he wasn't stupid, he knew she was acting funny. She was never this clingy.
I shake my head, refusing to be comforted by her. "No, its not. Things are about to get a whole lot worse. Its no use pretending they aren't."
"Hermione?"
I release mum and turn around to find Harry a few feet away, glancing nervously at the station clock. Slowly his eyes fall down as he goes to say something. For a second I completely forget where I am, who's around me. There was just the two of us and there was so much we needed to say.
It was Harry who remembered himself first. Or maybe he just hadn't felt it. May it was all my imagination.
"We've gotta go. The train leaves in five minutes and Mrs Weasley's freaking out." There was something behind his words, something I couldn't put a finger on.
Actually that was a lie. I knew what it was, I just didn't want to admit it to myself. Ever since the Department of Mysteries Harry's voice had taken on an edge. The edge of someone so desperate, someone drowning in grief. It was like every breath sent a shock of pain through him.
Silently I turn back to my parents.
"Mum, dad, I've got to…"
"Go." Mum finishes heavily. "We know, honey. Just be good, work hard and be careful." I look down with her last words, desperate not be meet her hard and pointed gaze.
"Don't study too hard," dad adds, earning a small snort of amusement from Harry.
Dad looks at Harry, a smile playing on his lips. "Make sure she actually has some fun. All that time with her nose in a book and she's going to miss out on being a teenager."
I feel Harry's eyes bore into my back and I turn my head to catch his gaze.
"I'll try," he barely whispers. I know he's not talking about stopping me reading. I know he blames himself. It never occurred to him that Voldemort was the sole reason for such an abhorrent loss of innocence.
"Harry! Hermione!" We both look up to find Tonks impatiently tapping her wrist, a smile plastered on her face.
"Sorry," Harry winces to no one in particular. "'Mione, we're really gotta go."
I can feel my parents exchange an amused glance behind me. Ever since I was little I'd never let anyone call me that, if they tried, well, lets just say it wasn't pretty.
Quickly I hug my parents, not wanting the goodbye to last any longer than necessary.
"Bye Mrs Granger, Mr Granger," Harry tosses as I let both of them go and move to follow the others onto the platform.
Together Harry and I slide through the platform barrier, racing to where the Weasley's had gathered.
"There you are!" That was Mrs Weasley. I grin as Harry's pulled into a crushing hug. "Now you all be careful, no running around after dark or stumbling into the forrest." I quickly turn my gaze to the ground, afraid to look at any of the Order members who had accompanied as in the eye fearing I would burst out laughing. It was near impossible for any of us to spend a whole year at Hogwarts and not end up in the castle. No whatever anyone told Mrs Weasley she still tried to lay down the law.
"Now, on the train - all of you". Finished with her lecture she begins herding us all towards the Express. Spotting me just before I step on the train Mrs Weasley grabs my arm, leaning down to whisper in my ear.
"Look after him. Just look after him." With that she gives me a quick hug before shoving my onto the train, tears evidently about to spill over.
Ron, Ginny and I quickly help Harry haul the luggage into a separate compartment before rushing off toward the prefect carriage almost flattening Neville and Luna in our haste to make the meeting on time.
Sliding into a seat between Ginny and Ron just as the meeting started I finally allow myself to drop the guard I was unaware I had even erected over the past few days. The guard which was constantly aware of Harry's present and constantly careful not to allude to any subjects that I had deemed untouchable. It had been more than exhausting.
I barely noted what was going on around me, relying on Ginny to fill me in later. From the little I had seemingly absorbed via osmosis it was pretty much the same as last year. All too soon I find myself being jerked out of my catatonia as those around me begin to stand and move toward the exit.
"Hermione," I look up in a dazed state at the sound of my name behind me. "Hey Hermione!"
Ron, Ginny and I stop suddenly on our way to the exit, turning to search the crowd for the source of the voice. I can't say shocked is an adequate description as to what I felt when I spotted Cho waving grimly at me.
Pushing past Ernie, I find Cho standing in font of me, "Can I have a word?" she asks, almost shyly, thrown an uncomfortable look at Ginny and Ron.
"Yeah, sure," I answer curiously, desperately trying to keep my voice light. "I'll meet you two back at the carriage." Ron shoots me a concerned look, but makes to leave on a quick shake of my head. Ginny, however, is not so easily convinced.
"But…"
"Its okay Gin. I know you wanted to go see Dean." I ignore the dirty look Ginny shoots me as they leave. I couldn't blame her, a comment like that was bound to have her brother questioning her furiously for the next half an hour at the very least.
Regarding each other with unashamed curiosity Cho and I wait silently for the room to empty. Soon we find ourselves the only two people in the room yet Cho still seems unable to broach whatever she wanted to say to me. I would be lying if I didn't already have a pretty good idea of what that would be.
"What's up?" I prompt, with what has to be the lamest phrase in human vocabulary.
"Your friends," she starts with distinct discomfort, "they really care about you."
I smile slightly, recognising her stall. "Yeah. A bit over protective at times but that's them."
"Especially Harry."
My stomach turns to ice. I knew this was coming. I don't know why its such a shock, but Harry's name falling from Cho's lips and I felt a jolt through my entire body.
One solid fact that I never like to enter my thoughts suddenly was driven home with such brutal clarity. No matter what anyone said or did, nothing could take away the fact that Cho was Harry's first kiss.
It wasn't jealousy. I was pretty sure of that. There were no violent rages inside.
It was more a feeling of disappointment for Harry. Harry's life was complicated and messy as it was. His first kiss should have been full of sweetness and light. One bright spot of innocence. Something he could look back and cherish. Instead it was bombarded with awkwardness, grief, angst and an unhealthy dose of fighting.
Unconsciously I cross my arms over my chest as I star up at Cho, waiting quietly for her to continue. Her voice takes on a slightly rushed squeak as she senses my demeanour.
"I heard about what happened at the Department of Mysteries," she pauses, nervously tucking her hair behind her ears.
"Well, actually, not really. I read the Prophet and when we tried to ask Luna about it, well… she got right pissed off about it."
Slowly I feel my eyebrows rise. Luna may be many things and as completely unaffected as she is I seriously doubt she would ever go as far as becoming pissed off. Certainly not at a group of gossiping teenage girls. Tetchy or slightly annoyed I could imagine but pissed off seemed such a foreign emotion to associate with Luna.
"We were pretty surprised too," Cho comments off my look. "I've never seen her so up - well, I've never seen Luna upset. She practically screamed at us." Cho pauses, adopting the air of what I assume to be a pissed off Luna. "'Someone died, its not something to gossip about'."
That was when the cogs clicked. This wasn't about Harry at all. This was about squeezing what little information she could before running back to her friends with it, creating the most outrageous story they possibly could. Every single part of me, from outer epidermis to marrow, seethed.
"Well, she was right wasn't she?"
Cho's eyes snap wide as she brings her head up to look curiously at me.
"Yeah, she was," she answers quietly, her mouth quirking around the edges like she was trying to suppress an ironic smile.
Confusion floods me. If Cho wanted to talk about Harry, why bring up the Department of Mysteries? Not only that, why then state outright that she didn't want to know what happened there?
"The guy who died," Cho states carefully, testing for a reaction. "Harry knew him?" Uncertainty fills Cho's face as she watches me with trepidation and I try to keep my face neutral.
It was such an obvious conclusion to come to. She knew someone had died and anyone with eyes knew that Harry was just not himself at the end of last year.
Cho nods as she shifts uncomfortably under my gaze. "Is he okay?" she suddenly blurts, the words coming out as one.
I stare blankly at her unsure if I had heard correctly. All of this time and she just wanted to know if Harry was okay.
"I know its weird, especially after how Harry and I left things, and you're probably the last person who would tell me anything, especially after what I said, but I figured you know Harry best and are far less aggressive than Ron. And even though I know Harry and I had no chance from the start, I, well, I still care about him." She pauses from her ramble for just a second. Watching my face as I try to take in what she has just said. "You'd know how hard it is not to."
Cho suddenly stops, a stunned look on her face as if she hadn't really intended to say half as much as she had.
"Sorry, she stumbles. "I didn't mean, I, um…"
"It's okay," I find myself soothing. Something in Cho's voice was so genuine there was no way I couldn't trust her. More so than I ever had anyone except Harry and Ron.
"Harry," I start, choosing my words carefully. "He's okay. Not tip-toe thorough the tulips, hills are alive okay, but he's dealing."
Cho gazes at me for a second as if trying to weigh up her next words, choosing them with the utmost care.
"It's going to take awhile isn't it?"
I sigh nodding. "Harry and -" I cut myself off before I can say his name "-this person, they were very close. He was Harry's father figure of sorts. Actually more like a father, brother and favourite uncle mixed into one. I think its going to take more than awhile.
To my surprise Cho shakes her head. "That's not what I meant, but you just proved my point to perfection."
I take a step back in slight shock at the hard edge her voice has taken on.
"You're never going to trust me are you?"
My jaw drops in shock. "Cho, this is my second conversation with y-"
Cho holds up her hand cutting me off. "No that's not what I meant. I'm not sure what I meant but it wasn't that." Cho sighs, impatiently brushing her hair behind her ears. To my surprise Cho begins to pace, biting her bottom lip as if she is arguing something with herself. Suddenly she stops and turns to face me.
"I'm jealous," she states simply, looking as if a large weight has been lifted from her shoulders.
I stare at her in total disbelief, my jaw hanging open at an utterly unattractive angle.
"And obviously Harry didn't tell you about our last fight otherwise I wouldn't be getting that look."
"He mentioned it but at that stage we had a few more things to worry about and then he seemed to think it unimportant." I wince at the look Cho's face takes on. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
She shakes her head. "The fight was about you." I don't really know what to say to that, I suppose I should have known. Cho hadn't really thought that much of me after her and Harry's disaster date. "It started off about Marita but the important part, well that was about you." Cho suddenly stops, gazing at the expression on my face. "My God, you really have no idea do you?"
"I, ah." I've got no idea how to answer that, but somehow it seemed important that I say something.
"You're the most important person to Harry. Everyone sees it. Its not something anyone can deny. You to have your secrets, we all know that, but when Harry and I were together I suddenly became aware how many you had and how closely Harry guarded those secrets. When we started fighting about Marietta, I knew I was being stupid trying to defend her but she's my best friend, she deserved my loyalty. So I turned it around on you. I don't know what I wanted more, for him to admit or deny it. He defended you and it was clear that if it ever came down to it, he would have chosen you over me. He just confirmed what everyone already knew."
Cho pauses, as if waiting for me to say something. To reply. I don't know what to say. What she wants me to say.
"Cho, those secrets Harry and I have, they're not all that simple. We've been friends since we were eleven and you know how dangerous Harry's life is. Most of those secrets if they get out could end up having someone killed. It doesn't mean he didn't trust you."
Cho looks at me with wide eyes. "That's the thing Hermione, I don't know how dangerous Harry's life is."
"Maybe its time you learnt."
"No." Cho states quite simply. "That wasn't me begging for information. To be let in the loop. You don't have to."
"I know. I trust you. You don't want the information but I think you need to understand."
I had meant to only tell her the abridged version of events. To leave out anything that might incriminate the Order or anyone in it. But as I watched Cho's eyes widen as I began tales of our first and second years I found myself trusting her more and more and slowly every single detail slipped from my mouth, explaining why Harry was so hard to get to know. Why he always seemed so closed off. Why we had such huge secrets.
"Wow," Cho stumbles as I finish. "I knew you guys were close, that you had been through a lot but… wow."
"I know," I tell her as I laugh humourlessly. "Sometimes it just seems like one giant nightmare." I pause staring at Cho. "Sometimes I wish it was," I whisper.
We both sit in silence, lost in our own thoughts trying to make sense of everything I just said.
"Hermione?" Cho questions slowly, her voice quiet yet strong. "Just promise me one thing. You and Harry - don't run from it because you're scared. It's not going to end the world. If anything, it's probably going to save it."
And then, as if she hadn't just made such an important proclamation, Cho turns on her heal, the door swinging closed behind her leaving me to my own thoughts.
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