Title: Screaming on the Inside
Rating: R.
Summary: Tragedy strikes Hermione. How will her friends react?
Disclaimer: The characters of this story were created by the genius that is JK Rowling. This fic was not written to make money of any kind but merely for the enjoyment.
Authors Note: Thanks to all who have reviewed. You are my gods/goddesses. A huge thanks to TzAmZ for betaing and allowing me to bounce ideas. Well read, review and as always enjoy.
A few people have mentioned that I forgot that Dobby was the Malfoy's houself. I didn't. I specifically remember in the fourth book when Hermione first finds out that there are houseelves at Hogwarts someone commenting that the sign of a good houself is that you don't know they are there. Sure Lucius had seen Dobby but maybe Dobby was such a good houself Draco never saw him.
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Harry's POV
"Fine. Except we swap Ron and Malfoy's positions. I want Malfoy with me." The words come tumbling from my mouth before I realise I'm saying them aloud. I just know its right. I keep my eyes on the map, unable to look Ron in the eye. Some things hurt so much but they need to be done. I can just imagine the look on Ron's face right now.
I never want to see it.
I can feel everyone's eyes on the top of my head but I still don't look up. Next to me Hermione loops her hand through mine letting me know that she knows what I'm doing. The simple action makes my feel slightly better. Very slightly.
"Malfoy!" Ron explodes. "You want Malfoy?" There is no way I can't look up. I raise my eyes to Ron's and hate myself.
This is Ron.
The same Ron who has stuck by me through almost everything. His face is a mask of anger but his eyes betray his hurt.
"Yes," I tell him by way of finalising the subject. We don't have time for this. I turn my attention back to the map but Ron's not going to let it go that easily.
"Seven years means nothing to you but Malfoy sweeps in and something happens that you won't tell anyone about and now he's the hero of your day," Ron spits bitterly.
Jealousy's a bitch.
"Don't mouth off about something you know nothing about." The words came out harsher than expected. Ron comes to his feet in a challenge. I don't bother; he's acting like a child.
Malfoy however wasn't going to let it go any sooner than Ron. "It's a wonder anyone can stand you," he sneered advancing slightly on Ron.
"Because you're such a people person," Ron snapped back sarcastically.
"You think this about being a hero? Grow up. There are more important things than heroics. You have no idea." Draco turned away from Ron.
I know he's thinking of his father. As Draco takes on the nervous air of a nicotine junkie dying for a cigarette I'm amazed that he has managed to keep that information from the entirety of Hogwarts.
"What? You going to go running to daddy?" Typical Ron never knowing when to shut his mouth and this time he had inadvertently hit the incredibly wrong spot. I stand up. This could get incredibly bad.
"Do not talk to me about my father," Draco's tone was low and extremely dangerous.
"Shut up about Lucius, okay," I tell Ron quietly hoping he will understand.
Ron's head whips around to look at me. I meet his glare. I'm so sick of all his shit. "Hit a sore spot Malfoy?" Ron asks his eyes still on me.
Malfoy looks at Ron coolly, his composure scary. "Why wouldn't it be?" Malfoy laughs coldly. "You think you're such a big man. Strutting around with Potter. Really you're clueless."
"Clueless? I've spent seven years fighting this."
I can't stand it anymore. Ron thinking he knows everything because of what he's seen. He's never had to go through it. Tragedy happening all around him but Ron was never in the thick of it.
"You still don't understand what you're fighting for," my voice is low and sounds strangely unlike my own, detached.
"How the fuck can you say that?" he yells all reason going out the window. "Just because you're Harry `bloody brilliant' Potter."
"I never asked for this," I can't believe him. The entire world is about to blow up and he's jealous. "You think I want to be killed?"
Around me I feel tension rise. Ron's voice wraps around the common room, leaving no corner unaffected. "Always with the melodrama."
I stare at him, not understanding. Ron's never been one for brains but he knew Voldemort was serious to the nth degree.
"Fuck," Malfoy exclaims next to me. "Do you have a brain? These are your best friends. Granger's a sodding mess and Potter is about to be in the fight of his life and you're worried about your jealousy? Screw that."
Through out the chaos I realise that Hermione has been strangely quiet for some time. As Ron begins to yell back at Draco I look down at Hermione. Everything about her has changed. Hermione's staring off into space, tears shining in her eyes. Not making a single movement. After a few seconds she seems to she seems to feel my eyes on her.
"NO!" Hermione's voice cuts clearly through the noise. The sound of Ron and Draco's voices fade out of my hearing. I can still see Ron's lips moving but I hear no sounds, except for Hermione.
"No, no, no, no," she repeats shaking her head, running her hands through her hair. "I won't, no." Hermione looks up at me her eyes wide, tears slowly trickling from them as she backs away from me. "I won't listen to this." She pauses again, and continues to look at me; the look of a scared child. "You're not dead. Don't talk like you are."
Finally her resolve breaks and her tears come streaming down her face. Silently she turns and walks up the stairs. Staring after her I come to the decision that I have to follow her. I'd be stupid not to. As I leave I don't think anyone else noticed us, if they did they didn't say anything.
I find Hermione in her room. For a second I stand at the doorway just taking her in. Her back leaning against the headboard of her bed Hermione brings her knees up to her chest. Unchecked tears stream down her face as she stares at nothing at the foot of the bed. Her body language suggests she knows I'm there.
I knock gently on the doorframe so as not to startle her. Hermione nods as I approach. I sit next to her, my back against the headboard. We stay there in silence for awhile. I'm waiting for her to talk. She will when she is ready.
"I'm scared," Hermione states simply not looking up. I remain silent. "I don't want to be scared but I am." Hermione pauses again. "Strange how one moment, one simple moment you can comprehend what's been staring you in the face for years."
I'm lost. Welcome to the inner workings of Hermione Granger.
"I never thought about it really. Then it hits you. Bam! Its there. You want to make it go away but you can't."
I still have no idea what she is talking about. Hermione turns to look at me, her brown eyes searching.
"I can't lose you."
That sentence, that phrase, it all becomes clear. I lean forward and press my lips to Hermione's forehead. Lost in our thoughts we stay that way. How had it gotten so far with neither of us noticing? I suppose it had been in the back of my head for awhile but I had dismissed the thought thinking it would never happen. It was Hermione.
I pull back from Hermione and just look at her, tears still streaming down her face. Gently I reach down and wipe them away with my thumb.
"This will change everything," I whisper and she nods. Leaning forward I brush my lips against hers.
Slowly and gently the kiss deepens. This is different from the kiss at Hermione's parents place. Not as urgent, not as lost. I knew exactly what Hermione was trying to do then. I'd want to forget too. Hermione pulls herself up and places herself in my lap straddling me. I'm only just grasping coherent thought.
"'Mione," I groan as she kisses down my jaw line finally ending to flick her tongue against my ear lobe. Oh God! This is entirely unfair. Burying my hand in her hair I pull her lips back down to mine my other hand slipping underneath her shirt. Slowly I work the shirt up finally reaching my other hand down, breaking the kiss and removing the offending article. I don't get time to ask why she has a bra on under her pyjamas because she is kissing me again.
Hermione's hands reach up and remove my tie completely and she begins to unbutton my shirt. I pull back suddenly.
"You sure?" I ask.
Hermione smiles back at me. "Never in my life -" I cut her off with a kiss. That's all I need to hear.