Unofficial Portkey Archive

A/N: Thanks so much for all the kind words and encouragement and thanks for reading!

Chapter Nineteen

Harry closed the drawing room door behind him, leaving Ron to himself. He began to go up the stairs but then stopped and turned back. He padded quietly back to the landing and down the next flight of stairs.

"Lumos!" Harry whispered after opening the door to the dining room. As the light illuminated the room, Harry saw the shiny black motorbike parked in the far corner of the room. With his heart pounding, he walked slowly over to it and reached out. He walked all the way around it tracing the curves and angles with his hand. Harry put his leg carefully over the middle and sat on the soft seat as he reached forward to grip the handlebars. A small sigh escaped his mouth as he leaned over to lay his head on the padded bar in between his hands.

He sat that way for a long while as memories flowed through his mind. Then, "I miss you, Sirius…" Harry whispered. "I wonder if you can see me sitting on your motorbike right now. I wish you were here to teach me how to ride it-any tips?" He paused for a bit then went on. "You may already know, but Hermione and I are together. I think it's the real thing, Sirius, but how do I know for sure? I really can't imagine any other girl being more to me than Hermione is. There's just one thing. We've hurt Ron, and that's weighing on me now. He acted like he would be okay with it but I know that really, he's not. I hope everything'll work out with the three of us. I don't know what else to do…"

Harry sighed. "The full moon's tomorrow night so the Weasley's have come to stay with me while Remus transforms. I've really learned a lot from him, Tonks, and Moody. I wish you could see…you'd be proud." Harry repositioned his face a bit and then continued. "Do y'know about the prophecy, Sirius? Remus said he did so I bet you do, too. I wish I didn't-I mean, I know that I needed to know about it-wanted to know about it…that is, before I actually heard it. Now, I know at least some of my future…or maybe all of it. I feel like I have all these expectations and responsibilities placed on me and no way to just be `Harry'."

Harry shifted his head a bit and mopped the tears that were gathering in his eyes with his sleeve. "I'm so sorry, Sirius, sorry that you died because of my stupidity…please forgive me." Harry's voice broke, feeling as though his sorrow was a live thing clawing its way out his chest. "I know you wouldn't want me to blame myself but you wouldn't've been there if it weren't for me. I would give almost anything to have you still here-I need you so much…I wish I could go back and do things differently. I wish…" Harry's body was now shaking with grief and he slid off the motorbike. The weight of his anguish took his legs out from under him. He sank down to his knees on the floor, dropped his face into his hands and wept. Wept for what was lost-all that he had lost and what could have been; should have been…

"Harry?" A voice said uncertainly.

Harry's head snapped up to see Ron standing in the doorway but then begin to approach him hesitantly. "You weren't in our room so I-"

Embarrassed, Harry quickly ducked his head wiping at his tears furiously and said almost harshly, "Go away, Ron. Please."

Harry heard Ron's footsteps stop for a moment but then continue toward him.

"I mean it, Ron! Go away!"

The footsteps stopped again and Harry heard Ron sit down quietly on the floor facing him.

"No."

"Ron…please…let me be alone." Harry tried desperately to collect himself.

"No…I'm not leaving unless y'want me to go and get someone else." Ron said firmly. "You don't have to tell me anything or talk at all but I'm staying."

"How long were you standing there?" Harry asked after a bit, his voice barely audible.

"For a little while…" Ron admitted.

Harry wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. The two sat in silence, Harry keeping his gaze toward the floor. After awhile, Harry began quietly, "Today was fantastic-I couldn't have asked for a better party." He swallowed. "And even though it was great to be with my friends, nothing'll ever be as happy as it could be, nothing'll ever be as wonderful as it might be, because the entire time, some part of me'll always know that my mum and dad aren't there to share it with me and now neither is Sirius. And to top it all off, I know they aren't here because of me." Harry stopped as he felt the tears stinging his eyes again.

"Harry…" Ron shook his head. "You can't help that you…"

"It doesn't matter, Ron." Harry's voice quivered as he lifted his eyes to Ron's. "Do you see that it doesn't matter whether or not I can help it? In fact, in some ways, it almost makes it worse! How would you feel if your future was determined for you regardless-and in the most awful way? How would you feel if you had the responsibility for people's lives? How would you feel if you knew you might not have much time left-"

Ron's hand shot out and grabbed Harry's arm. "Stop-just stop. Harry, listen…I know you feel like you're alone…I know the prophecy means that you're the one who has to deal with Voldemort. I can't really understand what you're going through about that and losing your parents and Sirius." Ron loosed his grip on Harry's arm and moved his hand to clasp Harry's shoulder. He said quietly, "I'm sorry, Harry…I don't know what to say to you that would help. I've said it before and I'll say it again as many times as it takes-I'll be here and you can depend on that."

Harry lowered his gaze again and nodded. "I know…thanks. And that does help. Just having some rough moments, I guess."

"Sure you were-having Sirius' motorbike would be wonderful and difficult at the same time." Ron got up and slowly went over to stand by the bike. "She's a beaut, eh?" He smiled, looking appraisingly at it.

Harry got up and stood by Ron. "Yeah…" he mustered a small smile.

Ron looked at Harry. "Mind if I sit on it?"

"`Course not," Harry shook his head.

Ron straddled the seat and put his hands on the grips. "Remember when we flew dad's car to Hogwarts?"

A wry smile crossed Harry's face. "Yeah…can you imagine us riding this thing to school?"

"We'd get chucked out for sure doing something like that a second time." Ron chuckled.

"Nah. I bet we'd get off somehow…wonder if my dad ever rode this?"

"Be surprised if he didn't, don't you think?"

"Yeah, you're right. Remus certainly knew how to ride it tonight-I'm sure my dad did, too."

"Wonder where Sirius got it?"

Harry shrugged. "Dunno. Remus said it's not entirely legal. I bet he knows where it came from but I'm not sure he'll tell me."

Ron snorted. "That's not surprising…"

"Yeah…Hey, I forgot to ask you-how was your trip to Romania?"

Ron's eyes lit up. "I had the best time! You should see some of the dragons Charlie's working with-you should see Norbert! He's huge now…would it sound too much like Hagrid to say, `magnificent'?" Ron grinned. "Mum almost fainted a few times watching Charlie deal with them. Gets a little dicey every now and then," he finished knowingly.

"Sounds like you had a good time," Harry smiled back. "Don't take this the wrong way but you seem a bit different from before."

"What d'you mean?"

"Well…the way you took the news that Hermione and I are together now," Harry saw what looked like pain flash briefly through Ron's eyes and hastily added, "And the way you acted just now-not leaving me alone and all."

Ron was silent for a moment then said, "I had some time to think on this trip. I roomed with Charlie. He let me work with him most of the time and we talked. A lot." Ron's eyes darted to the floor then came back up to regard Harry for a bit. "Charlie said things to me that I needed to hear-things no one's ever said before. Told me it was time to grow up, among other things." Ron stopped and took a long breath then continued, "Truth is, Harry, I've always felt like second fiddle to you."

Harry opened his mouth to argue but Ron held up a hand and said, "No, let me finish."

Harry nodded and waited quietly.

Ron unconsciously ran a hand through his hair, turned and began to pace. "It's my own fault-not anything you've ever done. All this time, I've been jealous. Wanting what you had-the money, the fame-and not really seeing the other side of having that and what you've lost in the process. Then you told me about the prophecy." Ron stopped his pacing and came to stand again in front of Harry. "Those words have been plowing through my mind ever since and, honestly, I don't know how you deal with it. How you deal with all the things that you've had in your life and what you'll eventually have to face. I hope you don't mind, but I talked with Charlie about all this. He helped me see what I was and what I have. He also helped me see what I could be if I put all the stupid stuff aside and decided to be "Ron Weasley" on my own terms-not trying to be someone else or have what someone else does, because what I have is pretty great." Ron ended with a small smile.

"I've always thought so," Harry returned Ron's smile. "Even when you were acting like a git."

Ron chuckled. "Yeah…I deserve that. I was just so bent on trying to measure up to others that I never got the full measure of myself. But I'm working on it. By the way, Charlie said to tell you hello. He's got a really cool job-just too far from home, as mum says."

"Any news on Percy?" Harry asked hesitantly.

Ron shook his head. "Not yet…although I thought I heard mum and dad talking about him with Dumbledore tonight."

"I'm sorry."

Ron nodded. "Thanks…I just wish…well, you'd think he'd've come to his senses after the Ministry had to admit Voldemort's back."

"Wait…did I hear you say, `Voldemort'?"

"Yeah…" Ron quirked the corners of his lips and lifted a shoulder. "I decided I wasn't going to make such a big deal of not saying his name anymore…it's just a name."

They were silent for a moment then Ron said, "It's getting late, Harry…ready to turn in?"

"I guess so…don't want to be too tired tomorrow because I think Mad Eye is coming to help us train in the morning."

"Really? Fantastic!"

"Yeah, he's cool but he's hell to duel with…" Harry smiled as he shook his head and they headed up the steps quietly.

~>^<~>^<~>^<~>^<~

The next morning, Harry woke early, dressed and slipped quietly downstairs to the dining room. After he had closed the door, he crossed the room and turned on the wireless then stopped for a moment to admire the motorbike again. His heart swelled as he remembered the conversation he had had with Ron last night. He turned his head as he heard the door to the dining room open and saw Hermione coming in.

"Morning," she said as she walked quickly to Harry, wrapped her arms around him and pressed her lips against his.

Harry put his arms around Hermione and returned her kisses.

"Good morning to you, too," Harry said with a slightly dazed grin when they had parted. "I could start every morning that way," he said gazing at her and keeping her in his arms.

Hermione smiled back up into his eyes but then she looked as though she just remembered something. "How did it go with Ron last night?" she asked anxiously.

"It went all right after a bit," Harry replied quietly, his grin fading. "I could tell that he didn't want to hear it-he was upset at first, but he really came through in the end. I think it'll be okay." Harry told Hermione about Ron finding him in the dining room with the motorbike and how he had acted along with the subsequent conversation.

"Sounds like he's starting to see things a little differently, then."

Harry nodded. "He surprised me last night-in a good way."

"I'm glad." Hermione said, relieved. She turned herself in Harry's arms and leaned back against him to look at the motorbike. "My dad used to have a motorbike when he was younger but he sold it a long time ago. I think he misses it from time to time. I never thought I'd say this about a machine, but it really is gorgeous."

"Yeah, it is. I can just see Sirius roaring around on it." Harry smiled a little. "When I sat on it last night, I felt like I could sense him and…I wondered if he could see me sitting on his bike. I started talking to him like he was there with me and…I guess I kind of lost it."

Hermione turned back around and pulled him close. "I wondered how much of a shock it was for you to see Sirius' bike. It's a wonderful present but there's so much attached to it…I'm glad Ron was there." She paused but then went on, "Did he say anything about what happened in the kitchen with Luna last night?"

"Not much…I could tell it was on his mind, though-really threw him. We'll have to wait and see what happens."

Hermione nodded and lifted her face to Harry's to give him another kiss. Then as she walked over to the trunk to get a set of weights, Ron walked in.

"Good morning," Hermione smiled tentatively at Ron.

"Morning, Ron," said Harry.

"Morning," Ron said, still a bit groggy. "Where's Ginny?"

"Still sleeping last I saw," Hermione replied.

Ron stood in place and stretched a bit then looked at Hermione, "I hear congratulations are in order…"

Hermione nodded. "Thanks, Ron," she said softly.

He hitched up a smile, gave Hermione a quick hug (to her surprise) then reached down and grabbed a set of weights. The three worked as the music from the wireless played in the background. Soon Remus came through the door.

"Guess I'm a little late," he said with a small smile.

Harry noticed that he looked a little pale and definitely tired.

"How did you sleep?" asked Hermione, concerned.

"All right, thanks." Remus picked up a set of weights and began lifting with what looked like more effort than usual.

Hermione shot a worried glance at Harry. He held her gaze. "Don't worry, I won't let us work too long."

"He probably shouldn't be working at all today with the full moon tonight."

"Okay…let me see what I can do."

Harry turned to Remus. "So…Tonks hasn't been over lately-have the Aurors been busy?

"She hasn't had much time to drop by lately because the Aurors have been working overtime trying to find the other three Death Eaters. No real luck so far and very few new leads. By the way, Moody owled that he won't be able to come this morning because he received a last-minute assignment. He's going to try and get by tomorrow, though."

Ron made a disappointed noise.

"Any word on Voldemort?"

"No," Remus replied as his arms stilled. "We don't have any idea where he is right now-or what he's doing. You haven't had any of those dreams or pain from your scar lately, have you?"

"Not since that night…this is the longest I've gone in a while without anything happening that way-wonder what he's up to?"

"We don't know…" Remus said uneasily. "Dumbledore has called a meeting of the Order tomorrow night and from what he said, Severus is supposed to be making a report at this one."

"Will you be well enough to attend the meeting by then?"

"I hope so…if not, someone will fill me in later."

Harry nodded then asked, "When will you have to go…?"

"A little after lunch." Remus started to lift again.

"So," Harry said, glancing around. "Have you gotten a chance to look at the motorbike in the light?" He sent a furtive glance Ron's way asking for help.

Ron's eyebrows lifted as if to ask, `What?' but then he caught on as Harry tilted his head slightly toward Remus and said, "Yeah, really great, isn't it?"

Remus paused and turned, then set his weights on the floor and walked slowly over toward the bike. "It's even better than I remembered it-I can't tell you how many memories came back to me when I was riding it last night," He reached out his hand to touch a handle grip. "Hagrid took very good care of it."

"Where'd Sirius get it?" Harry asked quietly, walking over to stand by Remus.

"Mundungus."

"No way," Ron said incredulously as Hermione eyes widened.

"That's kind of how it hit me, too. But," Remus continued with a shrug, his gaze still on the bike, "Sirius never had a problem with it. Probably the best deal anyone ever got from old Dung."

"Wonder whose it was before that?" Harry said with a smile.

"Ask Dung no questions…" Remus replied grinning and lifting a shoulder then turned to go back to his weights.

"Well, I think I'm done," Harry said looking meaningfully at Ron and Hermione, walking toward the trunk.

"Yeah, me too," chimed in Hermione as she walked over to put her weights back. "Let's all go up and have breakfast."

Remus turned with a surprised look and said, "How long have you been down here?"

"Long enough…" Ron said as he too walked over to the trunk with his weights.

"But…wait a minute…what's going on here?" Remus looked at them through slightly narrowed eyes. "I can tell you haven't been going at it that long. You've hardly broken a sweat."

Hermione looked at the others then stepped towards him. "Don't take this the wrong way, Remus but you don't look like you need to be working out today."

A small smile crossed Remus' face. "So that's what all that was about. Diversionary tactics, eh? Then full out dishonesty."

"Sorry." The three all looked sheepish.

"No need to apologize," Remus shook his head. "You're probably right anyway. Why don't we go see what Dobby's fixing for breakfast."

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