Unofficial Portkey Archive

A/N: Thanks for all the comments and kind words! Thanks for reading and double thanks for reviewing. I wish I could reply to all my reviewers but my internet access time is really limited--at least it's free.

Chapter Four

Hermione jerked awake in the darkness. `What was that…where am I?' She thought blearily, lifting her head.

Then from somewhere above her, Hermione heard a muffled voice cry out, "Hermione, no!"

`Was that Harry?' Hermione sat up suddenly realizing where she was and why. She scrambled out of her sleeping bag, flew up the steps and opened Harry's bedroom door. She saw his face screwed up with fear in the dim lamplight.

"Wake up, Hermione!" Harry moaned in his sleep.

"Oh, no!" Hermione whispered as she heard the tearful pleading in his voice and saw him struggling like a man drowning. She hurried across the room and sat on the edge of Harry's bed. Putting her hands on his shoulders, she shook him gently.

"Harry, wake up! I'm here…Harry!" She shook him a little harder as tears began to gather in her eyes.

Harry struggled a bit against her hold but then sat up suddenly; Hermione gasped and drew back. His breathing was fast and shallow-on the verge of becoming sobs. Tears were on his face and he was trembling. Harry looked wildly about then suddenly seemed to become aware of Hermione right in front of him.

"Hermione…" Harry threw his arms around her, nearly squeezing the breath out of her and choked out, "Oh, God, I thought you were…"

Hermione wrapped her arms around him, wincing slightly at the strength of his embrace. "Harry, I'm okay…I'm right here." Harry clung to Hermione like a life raft and she pressed her face against his damp cheek her tears mingling with his. "I'm all right, Harry," she whispered into his ear. "I'm fine."

Harry nodded and Hermione felt his chest still heaving a bit. He leaned back a little to face her. "Hermione…I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you. I'm sorry I didn't learn Occlumency and…I lied to you about it." Harry's guilty words were pouring out. "I stood there and yelled at you when you tried to stop me from going…I thought you were being…I was so wrong! Please forgive me…"

"Harry there's no need-"

"Yes, there is…you almost died because of me…please forgive me." Harry whispered looking pleadingly into Hermione's eyes and she knew he needed to hear the words.

"Harry, I forgive you." Hermione said gently.

Harry let out the breath he had been holding as he lowered his head. "Thanks, Hermione," he said brokenly.

Hermione shook her head. "Harry, I didn't almost die because of you, I almost died because of Dolohov and my own stupidity. I should've stunned him instead of silencing him."

Harry's head snapped up. "You wouldn't have even been there if weren't for my stupidity."

"Harry, you weren't being stupid, you were trying to save Sirius-" Hermione stopped with a sharp intake of breath as she saw the pain on Harry's face. "I'm sorry…" she whispered, her eyes welling again.

"And instead, he died because of me…" Harry closed his eyes, wanting to mentally slip away. "He's gone…" His voice broke. "I only had two years with him and now…Sirius is dead…" Harry covered his face with his hands and his body shook with sobs.

Hermione slid closer to Harry, surrounded him with her arms again and held on, tears streaming down her face. After a moment, his hands slid around her, clutching at the back of her shirt and buried his face in her neck.

"Why? " Harry ground out in anguish. "God…why?" Harry's body began to shake even harder.

Hermione tightened her arms. "I'm sorry, Harry," she cried. "I'm so sorry." They sat together for a long time and eventually Harry began to calm.

Hermione ran a hand up and down Harry's back then whispered, "You need to rest…"

"I don't want to...I don't want to see it all again."

"Harry…can you tell me what you see?"

Harry shifted his head on Hermione's shoulder, trying to stall for time. After a long moment, he sighed and whispered, "I see you. I see you falling on the ground beside me after Dolohov's curse. I don't know if you're alive or…you just lay there with your eyes closed and I couldn't wake you up." Harry wiped his eyes. "I see Ron being wrapped by the brain's tentacles. He's frightened-hurt-and he needs help. But I couldn't stay to help-I had to go on-get the Death Eaters away from everyone…" Harry's body tensed and he lifted his head and leaned back. His eyes were fixed on a point just above Hermione's right shoulder as his anxious words tumbled out. "They followed me…just like I hoped…I got to the room with the arch…they tried to get the prophecy…Neville came and they used the Cruciatus Curse on him trying to get me to give up the prophecy…" Hermione gasped but Harry seemed not to hear. "Then the Order got there and started fighting them…Tonks and Moody were hurt…the prophecy broke…I was scared we were going to lose but then Dumbledore was there. The Death Eaters stopped fighting and tried to run but Dumbledore got them…except Sirius and Bellatrix Lestrange were still fighting…on the dais in front of the arch. She tried to stun Sirius but he ducked. He taunted her and she…she didn't miss the second time…" Harry's body sagged and his eyes returned to Hermione's. "Sirius fell backward through the veil…the look on his face was…I thought I could get to him but Remus held me back…I thought Sirius might still be…might still be…"

Harry shook his head and lowered his eyes. He whispered, "I can't take this anymore…I'm lost, `Mione…I-I don't know what to do…I can't make sense of all this."

Hermione clasped Harry's hand in hers. "Harry…I don't know why all this had to happen…why Voldemort wanted that prophecy…why he went to such lengths to try and get it." Hermione flicked tears away angrily. "Oh, why did it have to break before we could hear it?"

There was a long moment of silence then Harry made a decision. "I've heard it," he said quietly.

"You…what?"

"I've heard it…Dumbledore let me hear it the morning after the battle in the Ministry. Trelawny made the prophecy sixteen years ago to Dumbledore. He's kept a record of it in his office."

"W-what did it say?"

"It said that, in the end, I either have to kill Voldemort or be killed by him. He chose me."

Hermione whispered, "No…" and clutched at his hand almost painfully. Tears began to well again in her eyes.

"Yes…" Harry recounted the other parts of the prophecy and the story of the eavesdropper. He was trembling now, his eyes flashing dangerously. "I lost my parents…my family…because of this prophecy. Spent ten years alone here in hell…watched my friends injured and killed because of this prophecy." Harry felt white-hot anger begin to roil inside him and his voice quivered with fury. "All to become a murderer or be murdered at the last of it."

"Harry…I-I'll help you-" Hermione began desperately, fear spilling from her eyes.

"What d'you mean, you'll `help' me? How can you `help' me?" He demanded harshly. "Did you not hear what I said? It's going to be me who has to do the thing in the end."

"I'll help you learn more to fight V-Voldemort-I'll…I'll do what ever it takes. Please let me help you…let us help you!"

Harry grabbed Hermione by the shoulders. "No! I couldn't stand to lose anyone else-if I lost you or Ron, what would I do? What if I lost Remus?" Harry asked his throat tightening as those ideas sent waves of panic washing over him. "Even if I defeat Voldemort, will I be left alone again at the end of all this? What good is my life then? …I can't do this…" Harry's voice broke and his arms fell back to his sides, tired of the struggle. "You aren't safe…I don't want you and Ron hanging `round me anymore. You'll just be…I want you to-"

"No! Harry what would you do in our place? We're with you and that's it."

Harry shook his head wearily and sagged in the dim light. "It's no use, Hermione…"

"Harry, you're a powerful wizard…I know you'll…you've been able to do things no other wizard has been able to do!"

"And I don't want that, Hermione…I just want to be `Harry'… just `Harry'. I don't want to mean anything to anybody. I want to be happy-I've trouble remembering what that feels like. I don't want this responsibility…I've had enough." Harry looked at Hermione desolately.

Hermione's heart broke at the look in his eyes. "Yes…you've had more than enough…" Hermione gathered him in her arms and he leaned against her. "I'm so sorry for all you've been through, Harry," she whispered through her tears. "Here, why don't you lie back down and rest?" Harry began to object and Hermione added quickly, "I'll stay here with you." Harry paused, then nodded and Hermione scooted back until she sat against the wall on the small bed to give him room to lie back down. When he was settled, Hermione smoothed his damp hair from his face and continued to stroke her hand through his hair. Harry let out a shuddering sigh and soon fell back asleep. Hermione stayed where she was and watched him, lost in her troubled thoughts.

~>^<~>^<~>^<~>^<~

Hermione thought she felt shaking. She squinted her swollen eyes in the morning light finally able to focus on Harry's haggard face sharing her pillow. His eyes were still closed in sleep and she could feel his warm steady breaths on her forehead. She smiled and let her eyes drift shut for a little longer, then let out a small gasp. Her eyes flew back open then grew large and round. `What am I doing in…?' She felt something shake her foot and lifted her head to see Lupin standing at the end of the bed. He pointed to his watch and mouthed, "Time to get up."

`Oh…right,' Hermione nodded, remembering the night, and began to sit up slowly so as not to disturb Harry. She was having some difficulty and looked down to realize that Harry had a hold of her hand. Hermione gently tried to disengage her hand but Harry tightened his grip and made a small noise of protest in his sleep. Hermione glanced at Lupin who shrugged, smiling slightly. She gingerly pulled her hand free and slowly scooted off the end of the bed. Hermione followed Remus quietly out in the hall and closed the door.

"I thought you might want to get back downstairs before Ron wakes up." Remus whispered.

"Thanks," Hermione nodded but felt as though she should explain. She repeated some of what had happened but didn't go into detail.

"Don't worry, Hermione, I figured as much. Dumbledore was worried that the Sleeping Draught wouldn't last the through the night."

"Thanks, Professor Lupin."

"You know, I think it's all right for you all to call me Remus. I doubt I'll ever be formally teaching you again," he smiled wryly.

"And that's unfortunate for us," Hermione shook her head. "You were the best Defense Against the Dark Arts professor that we've had. I'll try and get used to calling you Remus, but it may take a bit. Right now, I'm going to take a shower and get dressed."

Hermione showered quickly and tugged on some jeans and a pink shirt. She padded back in the living room to find Ron awake, propped on the couch watching the telly, still in his T-shirt and pajama bottoms. He looked up. "Sleep well?"

"Some," Hermione hedged. "How `bout you?"

"Well enough. When d'you suppose Dumbledore will come today?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if he came back this morning to check on Harry."

"Hmm." Ron's attention was back to the program on the telly.

Hermione walked back to the kitchen and found Remus at the table with a cup of coffee. Dobby was bringing a plate of toast and scrambled eggs when Dumbledore appeared in the kitchen doorway followed by Ron.

"Good morning. How is Harry?" Dumbledore asked Remus.

"He was sleeping well about thirty minutes ago but he had a rough time in the middle of the night."

Ron's eyebrows knitted. "What happened?"

"The Sleeping Draught wore off in the middle of the night just as you suspected it would," Remus looked at Dumbledore. "Apparently Harry had some more nightmares and woke up for a while. He was able to go back to sleep after a bit, though, and has been sleeping for a few hours."

Hermione silently thanked Remus for not telling everything he knew.

"I'm glad to hear that he has been able to get some rest. I'll talk with Poppy about sending some more Sleeping Draught and perhaps a Calming Draught as well," Dumbledore said. "I am going to check on him. Hopefully he will be awake as there are some things that I need to discuss with him." Ron stepped aside and Dumbledore turned and headed for the stairs.

"Thanks for breakfast, Dobby." Ron seated himself at the table and helped his plate. "You going to eat, Hermione?"

"I think I may just have some coffee and wait on Dumbledore to come back down." Dobby handed a cup to Hermione ("Thanks, Dobby.") and she headed back towards the living room.

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