Unofficial Portkey Archive

Chapter Twenty-Three

Harry let Ron take the lead as they headed down the stairs to the kitchen where Mrs. Weasley and Dobby were still cleaning up after the meeting. As they neared the landing that led to the entry hall, they heard heated voices speaking in low tones. Harry stopped in his tracks to avoid the arm Ron had flung out as he stopped short in the middle of the staircase. It was obviously Remus and Snape still having words. Ron glanced back at Harry who nodded and they continued slowly down the stairs, the voices growing more audible with every step. They stopped on the tread second from the bottom trying to stay out of sight.

"…yes, but you can't deny how irresponsible he is!" Snape hissed. "He put his friends and the members of the Order in danger all becau-"

"We've been over this, Severus!" Remus interjected sounding extremely frustrated. "All right, he acted impulsively but he did try to contact Sirius-he had no way of knowing that Kreacher was lying to him. Dumbledore wasn't available and neither was McGonagal or Hagrid. He couldn't be sure that you were helping him because you've never given him any reason to trust you!" Remus' voice lowered to a growl. "Talk about irresponsible-your stopping his Occlumency lessons just because you were embarrassed pretty much takes the cake. You better than anyone knew the importance of Harry learning those skills! And yet, you've been a less than helpful teacher the entire time from what I hear."

"He was and is a pitiful student," Snape spat back. "He had absolutely no desire to learn Occlumency! He wanted to see those visions-wanted to be the hero. And look where it got him and the rest of the students. He's a danger to his friends and to the Order unless he can control himself."

Harry leaned heavily on the wall beside him as Ron tensed and scowled in the general direction of the two men talking and moved as though to continue down the stairs. Harry put a restraining hand on Ron's shoulder trying not to get blood on Ron's jumper and gave a weary shake of his head. Ron's scowl turned briefly to Harry but he remained where he was.

"Severus, we created the danger by not telling Harry the truth about the prophecy," Remus returned fiercely. "If he had known, Voldemort would have never been able to trick him like that and that night at the Ministry never would have happened."

"Think what you like, Lupin," Snape's voice was filled with derision. "But I know what I've seen for the past five years. Potter's a fool who fancies himself above everything and everyone just like his father and Black-and look where it got them." Snape snorted. "I wouldn't be surprised if Potter ended up the same wa-"

Harry heard two quick steps and a muffled thud as something collided with the wall. He and Ron leaned forward slightly, peering around the corner into the entryway. Harry's eyes widened as he saw Remus snarling in Snape's face and holding him against the wall by his neck. Snape looked as if he was barely standing on the tips of his toes.

"You filthy…you pitiful…you…" the look on Remus' normally kind face was one Harry had never seen before and the voice Harry heard could have splintered steel. "I'm going to let go of you in just a moment…and when I do, if you're wise, you'll walk out that door and never return to this house again."

Remus held Snape for a second longer then released him roughly and stepped back, his breathing audible. Snape's expression was ugly and he seemed to want to carry on but Remus cut him off, his teeth bared as he suddenly pointed at the door. "Leave. Now."

After a long moment, Snape turned with a snap of his cloak, wrenched the front door open and strode out into the night. The door closed sharply behind him and Remus stood stiffly staring at it until he heard the floor creak as Ron and Harry stepped onto the landing.

"Are you all right, Remus?" Harry asked quietly as Remus turned quickly away from the door.

"Did you hear all that?" Remus asked almost harshly, still obviously very angry.

"Some…sorry," Harry said not meeting Remus' eyes.

Remus raked a shaking hand through his hair. "No…I'm sorry. Sorry you had to hear what he said and sorry for how I handled it."

"He deserved what he got," said Ron firmly with narrowed eyes.

Remus shook his head and strode stiffly past Ron as he said, "I need a moment…I'll talk with you later, Harry."

Harry nodded and stepped quickly aside so that Remus could continue up the stairs. He watched Remus' back retreat up the steps then turned slowly to meet Ron's uneasy gaze. A noise on the landing above made him look back up and he saw Tonks looking perplexedly up the second flight of stairs then she turned and looking down, saw Harry.

"What's going on?" She said barely loud enough for Harry to hear.

"Snape," Harry replied quietly. "He and Remus…"

Tonks cut him off with a nod and hurried up the stairs.

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Mrs. Weasley shook her head disapprovingly as she applied some salve to Harry's knuckles. "I know you have problems getting along with Professor Snape but you just can't…"

"Mum," Ron interrupted quietly, "You haven't seen the way he treats Harry. He's awful to all the Gryffindors but he's especially nasty to Harry and it started in our first class before he even knew him. Snape's always had it in for him for some reason and…" Ron looked at Harry as though he just remembered something. "What did you and Remus mean when you were talking about your father and Snape being enemies at Hogwarts?"

"They were in the same year at school…they pretty much hated each other," Harry said quietly then paused not wanting to say too much about the memory he had seen that still bothered him. "I don't know why but the Marauders and Snape never got along and Snape usually came out the worse for it."

Mrs. Weasley waved her wand over Harry's hand. He felt a warm tingly sensation spread through his fingers and palm and then the pain was gone and his hand looked normal again.

"There. That should do it," she said briskly examining his hand then looked up at Harry and her gaze softened. "Better now?"

Harry nodded. "Thanks, Mrs. Weasley," he said testing his hand by opening and closing his fist a few times.

She nodded back at Harry then turned to put the medicines away.

Harry and Ron made their way quietly back upstairs to Harry's room. They found Hermione sitting up against some pillows and talking earnestly with Luna. She stopped abruptly when she saw the boys and smiled. They walked over to the edge of the bed and Harry sat down by Hermione taking her hand gently in his while Ron stood next to Luna's chair.

"How're you feeling?" Harry asked softly.

"Loads better," Hermione responded with a smile. "So how did your talk with Dumbledore go?"

"Well enough…" he replied glancing at Ron who nodded. "Dumbledore's made sure we've both been allowed into Snape's N.E.W.T. Potions class even though we didn't achieve Outstanding O.W.L.s."

"I'm sure that made Snape happy," Hermione replied dryly.

"Yeah, real hap…" Ron started but was cut off by a look from Harry.

"What?" Hermione said looking sharply from Ron to Harry. "Did you see him?"

Harry scowled at Ron. "We saw him."

"And?" Hermione raised her eyebrows.

Harry bent his head slightly to study the patterns on the comforter. "We had words…and then he and Remus fought."

"Yeah, you should've heard what Harry said to him…and then Remus…" Ron began to gloat, but at Harry's look the smirk slid off his face but he continued lamely, "Well, it really-" Luna reached up and covered his mouth with her hand for a moment.

"I think we'd better go now," she said mildly as she stood up and then gently tugged Ron towards the door. "We'll see you in a bit." Ron glanced back and shrugged weakly as he let himself be pulled out into the hall and the door closed behind them.

Harry turned to see Hermione smiling slightly in the direction of the door. But when she turned her eyes back to him, her face was serious.

"Tell me what happened."

Harry glumly recounted the scene and everything that had happened afterward. To his surprise, Hermione didn't say anything for a bit. Then she sighed.

"What a day…I'm sorry Snape's so awful to you, Harry," she picked up his hand and examined it. "Looks as though Mrs. Weasley did a nice job patching you up." Hermione tugged his hand pulling him closer and wrapped her arms around him. He leaned in to her and put his arms around her, too, feeling a lovely comfort in her warmth, her touch. He rested in her embrace for a long while, gathering the peace she offered to him, hoping that she was feeling the same.

"Hermione," Harry said softly as he lifted his head a bit to look into her eyes.

"Mmhmm?"

"I lo-"

Their eyes snapped toward the door as a knock sounded and Harry heard a soft sigh behind him as he got up to open it. Remus and Tonks were standing in the hall. "Can I have a word with you?" Remus asked, looking a bit haggard.

Harry nodded and stepped back, silently inviting them into the room. Remus strode in, took hold of the other armchair and dragged it next to the one by the bed for Tonks and sat down beside her. Harry sat back down on the edge of the bed by Hermione.

"Harry," Remus began as Tonks reached across to cover his hand with hers. "I want to apologize for what you saw earlier tonight. I shouldn't have lost my temper like that."

"I heard what Snape said about my dad, Sirius, and me." Harry's expression hardened. "I don't think you were out of line at all. It's like he was gloating about them dying-and hoping the same for me. I know Dumbledore trusts him but I can't figure out why. Do you have any idea?"

Remus shook his head. "I have a guess but I'm not sure…I have my own doubts about Snape but I trust Dumbledore, too."

"Then maybe you can tell me why he hated my dad so much-still hates him to this day so much that he can't seem to stand to even look at me? I get the feeling there's something else besides how he was treated."

Remus sighed, glanced at Tonks who nodded slightly and then turned his gaze back to Harry. "Harry, Snape had feelings for your mother-maybe still does."

Harry went very still. "He…what?" he whispered in disbelief. "But I saw how he treated her…he said awful things to her. Called her a `Mudblood'…" He felt Hermione's hand slide into his.

"From what I've gathered, he hid his feelings as best he could. His Slytherin friends would've run him into the ground about it. He sent a few anonymous letters to Lily our fifth year and more in our sixth year. She finally caught him and he admitted his feelings to her. Of course, she didn't return them but let him down as easily as she could. Snape changed-became even worse-after that." Remus shook his head. "His hatred for James grew horribly after he learned that your dad and Lily were together in our seventh year and, as you can imagine, Sirius lost no chance to goad Severus about it. Every time Snape sees you, he sees Lily's eyes looking at him out of your father's face. At Hogwarts, you're probably a daily reminder to him of what he can never have and who took it from him."

Harry didn't know what to say. He felt almost nauseous with this new information swirling in his head. "So then," he finally managed, "what's your guess about why Dumbledore trusts Snape?"

"I can't be sure but I think he's the one who alerted Dumbledore that Voldemort was after you and your parents-that Voldemort had chosen to regard you as his possible downfall instead of Neville."

"Because of how he felt about my mum?"

"I think so. If it was Snape, he risked everything in telling Dumbledore. If he is true to the Order, he's still risking everything."

Harry sat for a moment taking this in. He turned to Hermione who was looking at him with a mixture of sadness and concern.

Harry turned back to Remus and said quietly, "Well, that would explain a lot."

Remus nodded solemnly.

"Did you bring this up when you were trying to talk with him tonight?"

"Yes…unfortunately. It only infuriated him. Said that it had nothing whatsoever to do with anything."

"Poor Professor Snape," said Hermione quietly.

Harry looked at her incredulously.

"Harry," Hermione began slowly, "imagine that the person you love with all your heart is just beyond your reach. And you're forced to watch the separation grow impossibly wider as time goes by but it's not that way in your heart. In your heart, you're still holding that person close. Maybe even closer than before but it doesn't make any difference. After awhile, sorrow and grief can turn into hate and then bitterness."

Harry struggled to come up with words. "But…he's been such a …nightmare-and not just when the Slytherins were watching." Harry looked at Remus. "Why would you want to mistreat the child of the person you loved? Especially knowing what he knows about my life…why would he act like he does toward me?"

Remus sighed and shook his head. "I hate to use a cliché for this but misery loves company. Snape doesn't exactly spread cheer to anyone. I'd think something was wrong with him if he acted happy. I've never seen him truly smile. Ever."

Harry had so many thoughts running through his head that he couldn't seem to grab a hold of just one. "But if he…why can't he just…I just want him to…" He realized he was jibbering and stopped to collect his thoughts then tried again. "Why couldn't he give me a chance? Just as `Harry' and not `James' son'," Harry asked quietly.

"Probably because of what I said before. You look so much like your father, Harry…" Remus smiled wryly. "Remember when Molly accused Sirius of losing sight that you weren't your father?" Harry nodded and Remus went on, "I think she got the wrong person."

"So it would seem," Harry replied. "Well, I'm not going to hold my breath that he'll change. I just hope that I can make it through his N.E.W.T. level Potions classes."

Remus nodded and Tonks changed the subject. "How are you, Hermione?"

"Still a bit tired but pretty much back to normal, thanks, Tonks," she responded. "Those spells seemed to take all my energy but I'm rested now and feeling better."

Remus nodded. "Good to hear. You gave us a bit of a fright when we couldn't revive you right at first."

"I can't remember anything after Harry yelled but I did see what happened in his memory of it."

"Well, the Death Eaters are back in Azkaban until the next time they escape." Tonks said with a wry smile then asked. "Harry, can you think of anyone outside your group who knew you were in Diagon Alley today?"

"Just the goblins at Gringott's…I had to show them my scar, remember?" Harry looked at Remus. "The first one didn't believe it was me until he saw it because of the blond hair and all."

Remus closed his eyes briefly and made a noise of frustration as he opened them again. "How could I have forgotten that? Alastor asked me about that earlier today but I didn't think of them." He started to rise and looked at Tonks. "We need to tell Dumbledore if he's still here. "They walked quickly to the door and then Remus turned back briefly. "Oh, and I need to let Luna know that her father sent word that he wants her to floo home by eight."

"We'll tell her." Hermione said quickly.

"Thanks." Remus closed the door behind them.

Harry turned to Hermione. "You feel like going downstairs?"

"I think so. I'd like to say goodbye to Luna before she has to go home."

"What were you talking about with her when Ron and I came in earlier? You looked pretty serious."

"Oh…just girl talk." Hermione lifted a shoulder and tilted her head slightly.

"Right." Harry smiled. "Looked a little more important than just `girl talk' from what I saw."

"Well, nosy," Hermione rolled her eyes. "I was trying to encourage her about Ron. She told me how he helped her this afternoon after…well after she got knocked down when you attacked the Death Eaters." Harry's eyes cast down and Hermione clasped his hands with hers saying hastily, "Now don't feel badly about that-you couldn't help it. You had no idea that was going to happen and it did stop the Death Eaters before they could hurt anybody else. The others just got bumps and bruises. They could have been injured far worse or even killed if you hadn't-"

"All right…thanks," Harry interrupted her gently, still not meeting her eyes. "Why don't we go on downstairs?"

"Oh, Harry, I'm sorry," Hermione said softly, squeezing his hand. "I shouldn't have said it like that…"

"No, it's okay," Harry lifted his eyes to hers. "This is probably the way it's going to be from here on out. The second war is getting ready to start like you said on the train ride home from Hogwarts. I expect we'll see more of what we saw this afternoon. More of our friends injured or... It's going to get worse…much worse. Maybe due to bad luck or even because of horrible choices that'll have to be made." Harry leaned forward resting his forehead against Hermione's. "I wish I could just stay right here with you…" he whispered joining his other hand with hers between them; feeling her tears fall on his fingers, "keep you-keep all of us safe."

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