Life Can Be So Funny
Where do I begin? The road has been a long one, and I'm glad to have it behind me. Do you ever feel like the kind of person that when you were born, fate took one look at you and laughed it up so hard that it got winded? Well, that person is definitely me. To think that the best years of my life have been plagued with nothing but spiteful teachers, evil plotters, vicious murderers, radical zealots and a dark lord. And that was all while going to school. The one good thing that came out of all of it? I'm a pretty darn good wizard. I had surpassed the highest expectations of even those who knew me best. Now, that part of my life is done and a bright and cheery future lie ahead of me. As a matter of fact my life is so wonderful that I decided to climb a tall mountain, simply so I could hurl myself off of it. Oh, yeah, things simply could not get any better than they are right now.
Ron decided to follow in his brother's footsteps and work with dragons at the Romania Dragon Reserve. I got all of one letter from my very bestest friend in the whole world. It went something like this:
Hi Harry,
I'm in Romania. It's great here. I'll write you again as soon as I get settled in. By the way, I met a really nice girl out here. She's been showing me around. Well, I gotta go!
Ron
That was eight months ago. Yep, yep, yep my bestest friend. What a great guy. Hermione decided to head out to Bulgaria to visit Krum. She wrote me once as well:
Harry,
This place is great. I've really enjoyed learning the history of Durmstrang from Viktor. Anyway, I've decided to stay a bit longer. He has been a wonderful host. He even invited me to travel with him to visit his family. I thought it would be a nice gesture for me to go. I'll write soon.
Hermione
She was doing a little better than Ron. Her letter came about five months ago. Unless you of course count the wedding announcement she had recently sent. She was getting married a week from Tuesday.
I also got some other good news. Dumbledore had decided to retire and McGonagall had been invited to be the new headmaster. I was happy for her. However, Dumbledore decided that retirement involved moving to Bermuda. I haven't heard from him at all. The last I heard was Lupin and Hagrid had decided Bermuda was a good idea as well. They left last month.
The only person who seemed to be deleriously happy about everything was Uncle Vernon. When I had come home from school at the end of the seventh year, he had packed everything that I owned, which fit nicely into an old toaster box. There was a note attached to it.
Harry,
Goodbye.
Vernon
I had finally convinced the Weasley's to share in my wealth, as I would never be able to use it all. It took a lot of talking, but in the end they agreed to take it. Two weeks later they moved to the south of France. How nice for them I thought; especially since I had been staying in Ron's old room up until then.
I also heard some wonderful news about Draco Malfoy. He apparently had met a family from northern Germany that had a beautiful daughter. They got married and already have a kid on the way. Did I mention that his new wife has more money than Hades? As if Draco wasn't filthy rich as it was, he more than doubled his net worth. There was another great rumor that Crabbe and Goyle had been cleared of all charges regarding their death-eater status. It was also rumored they both found true love; apparently it was with each other. At least they were happy, I thought.
I decided it was time to go buy a little place for myself. As I was looking for just the right house, I realized that I really didn't want to buy a little place for myself. The whole idea of a little place for myself made me want to spew my lunch, coming right down to the heart of the matter. So, instead of worrying about all that and letting it get me down, I decided to come up here.
Shortly before I began my trek, I wrote out my last will and testament. I left everything I have to Peeves. Pretty much because the idea made me laugh so hard I started to snort. I took one last look down and then closed my eyes. I took a deep breath, then exhaled and then did the world's most exquisite swan dive. If I was in the muggle-Olympics I have no doubt I would have gotten at least a 9.85, depending on the starting level difficulty. To bad I had not looked that up before I jumped.
Just to show you how funny life can be, at about a forty feet down I hit a large root that had somehow grown down and out. Well, I really didn't hit it, my pants did though. The funny thing is that they had somehow gotten caught on one of the belt loops. These were some well tailored pants, let me tell you. The odd part was that the front hook was not nearly as strong, so my pants quickly became unhooked and the zipper opened from all my weight pulling on it. I somehow flipped over and fell just far enough to where my pants were down around my ankles. The branch was still holding them quite nicely. I, of course, was fully upside-down, which gave me a bit of a head-rush.
So, we've come full circle and I am now looking down a cliff that I would estimate to be about two thousand feet to the ground below. It's a great day… fresh air, the birds are singing, the sun is shining and I'm pretty sure there is a seriously jagged canyon at the bottom of this wonderful cliff. It's going to be great.
I have been hanging here for about an hour now and it's starting to get a bit cold around the privates. I figured, heck, it's all just a part of the fun and games. I heard the sound of flapping wings. I did my best to look around, but I had a hard time concentrating as the wind was beginning to blow dirt into my eyes. I felt a quick nip. Well, for goodness sake, it was my faithful friend Hedwig. Found me all the way up here, just to bring me a letter. I have nothing better to do, so I grab the letter and unroll it. Let me tell you, it is quite the trick reading upside down like this. It took me a bit, but I finally read it all:
Harry,
Hi, I hope you're doing well. I just wanted you to know that I am getting an apartment in Germany. I've dropped out of school, because I wanted to live closer to Draco. Especially since we've started having an affair. I was wondering if you might come up and share my flat with me. It's a bit pricey, so I could use help with the rent. Plus, I could really, really use your help with plotting a way to kill off Brunhilde, Draco's wife.
Lots of love,
Ginny
Oooh, oooh, a reason to live! This is the best news I've gotten in the past hour. I pat myself down to see if I can find my wand. I look up at my pants and notice that they are the blue pants. Ahh crap! I left my wand in the black pants!