Unofficial Portkey Archive

We had gotten back on the Romanian Express. Apparently if you knew all the right stops you could hop from train to train to make it all the way to Bulgaria. Ginny was humming a happy tune to herself. She was genuinely smiling. Something she had not done much of in the past year or so. It made me realize we were doing the right thing. I had just come back from the man who was pushing the breakfast bakery cart down the corridors. I bought everything on the cart and brought it down with me. I was eating some lovely danishes while thinking about our next move.

I couldn't help but stare at Ron. He looked positively miserable. Fortunately for all of us, my plan had worked perfectly. Shortly, after all the dragons were completely zonkered, Ginny and I went around and unmanacled all the good people of the dragon reserve. They were very appreciative of our efforts, as they had been virtual slaves to the dragons for the past few months. For Ron's safety we left in quite a hurry afterwards. When we tried to pry into what exactly happened; Ron would quickly change the subject. I figured he would tell us when he was ready. The one thing that didn't add up was that Ron insisted that he had never sent me a letter by owl. He even became very defensive when we pressured him about the mysterious Romanian girl he had met. He said in no uncertain terms that there was no woman in his life and there hasn't been since he left The Burrow.

"Curioser and curioser," I said.

Ginny gave me a chesire grin. She then turned to Ron and asked the inevitable question for the eleventh time.

"Soooooo, Ron… what happened back there?"

"Shut up!" he replied grumpily. "It wasn't my fault. It was that stupid Pansy Parkinson."

"What?!" both Ginny and I exclaimed.

This was a new tidbit of information that he had failed to share with us before.

"Pansy took a job there a couple days after I did."

"I didn't see her there when we set everyone free," Ginny said.

"She had to return home awhile ago, because of a death in her family."

"When did she leave?" I asked.

"A couple days before… well, before it all happened."

"That does sound kind of suspicious, doesn't it?" Ginny mentioned.

"She said that she had prepared some special food for the dragons, because it was her turn to prepare their meals that week. After I gave the dragons the food that night, they all began talking to me, which for a creature that doesn't know the English language is pretty impressive. Then, they… well they tricked me into letting one of them out of their cage. Once they got out, I was forced to open up all the other cages and the rest you pretty much already know."

"So, Pansy was involved. That explains how the dragons knew the 'Weasley is our King' song," Ginny offered.

"But how did they trick you into opening one of the cages?" I asked.

Ron turned a bit red and sighed, "Well, to be honest, one of them said …"

His voice faded down to a few decibels below human hearing. However, Ginny seemed to hear him and started laughing so hard that she had to hold her sides to keep from bursting.

"Are you kidding?! And you fell for that?!" Ginny fell off her seat while she filled the room with giggling hysterics.

"What?" I said, "What happened?"

Ron looked at me. "The dragon said he had captured a veela and was keeping it hidden in his cage. He said I could have her if I would come in and give him a nice under the wing scratch and belly rub." He began to fidget while staring down at his feet.

Ginny started to roll around on the ground, with tears streaming down her face.

"Oh, shut up Ginny!" he muttered.

I had to admit it was all quite funny, but I couldn't shake the feeling that Pansy being involved in this was a bad thing. What was her game? Well, I'd have to save that until later. It was time to go and get my Hermione.

"Hey Ron! Look out the window! It's a veela!" Ginny practically screamed while gulping for air between bouts of laughter.

Ron slunk into his seat and pulled his shirt up over his head, while groaning in embarrassment. Ginny was going to get a whole lot of mileage out of this, I thought to myself. Personally, I was just glad to have Ron back.

"Oh, Ron, there's something important we need to talk about," I announced.

Ginny had finally composed herself and sat back down, but she still chuckled a few more times. I sat next to Ron and told him all about Luna and what she was going through. It was a long and difficult talk that gave a lot for Ron to think about. I could see the wheels turning his head. I knew he would have some tough questions for me. I just hoped I was ready to answer them.

"With that old lion head? Really? Screaming and everything, huh?"

"Yeah," I replied earnestly.

"Wow. So, what does she look like naked?"

"Well, it's like this…" I began.

Ginny had plugged her ears with her fingers and started loudly intoning the very famous, 'LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU' song.

Ron started to grin at Ginny. Ginny realizing she had just been had, started wrestling with Ron. I jumped up onto one of the seats to keep out of the way. It really warmed my heart to see them together like this. They were both on the floor trying to pin the other one down.

"Don't make me hurt you Ginny!"

"HA! You wish! Bring it on Ronald!"

It was all I could do to keep from crying tears of joy. I just hoped Hermione was going to wrestle me to the ground like that when I saw her. It was Monday already. She was getting married tomorrow. I was not about to let that happen. Unless, of course, she really loved him and didn't love me, in which case, I guess I'll have to gracefully accept that. I was still going to have to drop Krum down a deep, dark well and kidnap her, but I would try hard to be sensitive to Hermione's feelings about the whole matter. I owed her at least that.

After Ginny and Ron had worn themselves out, they both jumped back into their seats and panting heavily, smiled at each other. I slid down into a sitting position and started to eat the rest of the bakery cart I had bought. I pointed at the food and looked at the two Weasleys. They both shrugged their shoulders and dug in right alongside me. It was definitely a warm, fuzzy moment.

With a mouth full of sweetbread Ron asked, "Ginny, did you get more piercings?"

"Uh, huh," she managed with a croissant sticking half-way out of her mouth. "Do you like them?"

"No."

"Pbbbttttthhh."

I looked out at the scenery and began to wonder what the future held for me. Was it even going to be something I wanted? And if it was, how hard was I going to have to beat it down to get it to let go. I had a come a long way. I was no longer Mister let-it-happen-to-me Harry, I was now Mister controller-of-my-own-destiny Harry. I looked down at myself and also realized that I was Mister not-wearing-any-pants Harry.

I looked up and saw the Weasley siblings trying hard not to giggle the food out of their mouths. However, I did notice that Ginny had her wand out and there was a familiar looking pair of pants caught up by the wind and tumbling across the field outside. I watched as we quickly passed it by. Of course, I had packed my own clothes before the trip; which meant that my only pair of pants had just gotten launched out into the Romanian countryside.

I then proceeded to pull my wand out and could feel a very mischievous grin spread across my lips as I aimed it at her corduroy hot-pants.

Ginny's faced contorted into horror, "You wouldn't DARE!"

"Oh, but I would… I very much would."

I looked at Ron and he had his wand out as well. This was about to turn ugly. We all began to run around the train compartment screaming 'Accio' and throwing whatever we caught out the window. It was a clothing free-for-all. There was a whole lot of giggling and yelling going on, while shoes, shirts and whatever else we could aim at went outside. Both Ginny and I had lost all our clothes and Ron was desperately trying to avoid getting his boxers tossed out into the wind.

There was a polite knock on the door and an elderly couple walked in on us. Ginny and I both had our wands pointed right at Ron and Ron was doing his best to hang on tightly to his last article of clothing. Both of the couple's eyes were as wide as old people's eyes could possibly go.

"Ummm, hello Mr. and Mrs. Frethelbaum," Ginny said in a very embarrassed voice.

"Hello Ginevra, and you must be Ronald. It is… ahhh… most delightful to see you two again. We were on our way back from visiting some family here in Romania, and were going to meet up with your mother and father in France. I thought I recognized you and we decided to poke our heads in. We'll, uhhh… let them know we bumped into you."

The door closed behind them as they made as graceful an exit as was possible.

I looked at the two of them questioningly. "That's my dad's new boss," Ginny whimpered. "He took a job at the ministry of magic in France when they moved there. Mr. Frethelbaum is the head of the department."

"What do you think they're going to tell our parent's?" Ron asked.

"I have no idea," Ginny said with a mortified look on her face.

I pointed my wand at Ron's boxers and Accio'ed them out the window. Ginny and Ron both turned toward me and stared with mouths open. Then, we all burst out laughing and fell backwards onto our seats. It was one of those moments that you look back on years later and chuckle, when recounting it your therapist who starts writing furiously in their notebook while shaking their head.

After awhile Ron fell asleep and I had to admit it was getting hard to keep my eyes open as well. I looked over at Ginny and noticed that she was looking at me. If I wasn't completely in love with Hermione, I'm pretty sure that I would be over there next to her and we would be trying to make love without waking Ron up. She smiled with that wicked little smile that she only ever flashed at me and I knew she was thinking the same thing. That made me start to think about Ginny's love life. Now more than ever I hoped that she would forget all about Draco and give Neville a chance. He's about the only person in the whole world that I know of who would never take advantage of her. He would love her for who she was and never look back.

"I will give him a chance, I promise," Ginny said with a soft smile.

I checked the above paragraph, but I hadn't been thinking out loud.

"How did you…"

"Oh, Harry, I know and love you enough to know what you're thinking most of the time. Believe me, I've been thinking about the same thing."

"Which part?" I asked.

"Both parts," she said sweetly.

I laughed in spite of myself. What a very strange life I live. I keep forgetting how I got here. I've really needed Hermione. She's the only one who knows how to truly center me. It's like my life has been this huge series of awful jokes, since she's been gone. And to be honest, they were getting less and less funny as it went along.

My musings were interrupted by the thought of whether or not I should throw Krum down an existing well, or perhaps I might enjoy digging a new one just for the occasion. I really didn't want to kill Viktor, but I did think it would be enjoyable to give him the old 'heave ho' and listen for the pleasant splash of water at the end. Yeah, that was a nice thought.

"I'm bored, let's sing songs to pass the time." Ginny told me.

"What do you want to sing?" I asked.

At the same time we both looked down at Ron and started to chuckle. We simultaneously began a rousing round of 'Weasley is our King!' Ron woke up with a scowl on his face. However, after a minute or two he joined in with a goofy grin and it made all the time apart from one another just melt away.

I looked out the window and saw Hedwig in the distance. She was closing in fast. I wondered who would be sending me a letter. I just sat there and waited for her to come barreling in. At the last minute I noticed that Ron had closed the window. That glass sure was clean I thought.

WHAM!

There was a very flat owl stuck to the window. A second later she began to start sliding downward. I threw open the window and grabbed her just before she fell off.

I dusted her off and asked her if she was okay. She let out a little squawk, but the top and bottom of her beak went in separate directions.

"That's just about the saddest thing I've ever seen," Ginny said.

I looked at her and we both starting laughing. It was everything that Saturday morning cartoons promised it would be.

"What is wrong with you two?" Ron asked. He grabbed Hedwig and cast a quick-fix spell on her and set her down on the seat next to him. He took the letter and handed it to me with a disgusted look on his face.

"Oh, Ron. I love Hed. I would never want her to get seriously hurt. Now, let's open this letter and see what there is to see."

The letter was written with a regular ballpoint pen. How odd, I thought. I read it out loud:

Dear Harry,

Your cousin Dudley was caught beating up the son of a local barrister. He was arrested and thrown in prison. Was wondering if you could come and help get him out, using your unique abilities.

Sincerely,

Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia

"Wow, they must really be in a bind to send an owl, asking you to use magic to help them, eh Harry?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, it's terrible," I said, "I should get there right away to help Dudley out."

"You're such a good person Harry, to want to help your cousin out," Ron said.

Ginny rolled her eyes and groaned, "Here we go."

"Yes Ron!," I said, "In this time of desperate need, I will throw caution to the wind and put aside my own needs to offer my hand to the people who raised me, when my own parents could not."

"Harry, for me to be your friend and see this warm and giving side of you, brings a tear to my eye. For the great sacrifice that the Dursleys endured to care for you as if you were their own son, you will also sacrifice in turn for them."

"Anything less, would be an awful disgrace! I will go now and fly to their side and bring them comfort in this dark hour."

Ginny sighed and tried her best to ignore us.

"But first, first I must sit here for awhile. And then I must rearrange my sock drawer."

Ron replied seriously, "And then you must take a pleasant nap, and then perhaps eat a nice lunch, and then go shopping for a fine set of new flatware."

"Of course, then I will help Ginny learn to speak Flemish. For she cannot go another day without that. Then I shall sit down some more, for I might be tired by then."

"And then you must drink a sweet glass of pumpkin juice, and then give serious thought to all the history lessons from Professor Bins about the goblin wars. And then you must go for a nice swim."

"And only after I have done all these things, can I rush to Dudley's side. For I know his need is great."

We sat down quite formally.

Ginny shook her head, "So, are you going to go and help him?"

"No."

Ron grinned at me. I grinned back. This had turned out to be one of the best days of my life. Which, of course, meant that I was soon going to die a fiery and horrible death. Isn't that just the way it always is?

The town we were going to had a name which I couldn't pronounce, but it roughly translated to Krumville. Apparently the Krum family had been there a long time. Either that or they went around and gave everyone thirty galleons. That's the kind of trick that can work as many times as you're willing to play it out. Something that wizards and muggles always had in common was that everyone had their price. Mine was a dozen raspberry tartlets. Fortunately, none of the death-eaters ever offered me that. Good thing, it would have been awkward for me to have to tell everyone that the big showdown wasn't going to happen, because I was too busy eating baked goods. I can tell you right now, that would not have gone over nearly as well as the thirty galleons trick.

But indeed it did go well. As a matter of fact it was almost from that moment that my life began to become so confusing. Shortly after, all those who stood against the dark lord, left my life. Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville and Luna. Some left by simply leaving, some left by running away from themselves, and some simply left by losing their minds. In the end, they were all gone. That's when everything turned strange. Very strange. I knew that must be significant, but right now it didn't really matter.

We had finally arrived in downtown beautiful Krumville. The three of us practically fell out of the train. We had transfigured whatever we could find lying around the train into clothes for ourselves. So now there was nothing to stop us. We asked around about the Krum estate. The folks must have thought we were coming for the wedding. Without any hesitation they all pointed towards the top of the high hill in the center of town. There Krum Manor stood like a mysterious beacon of filthy lucre, broken hearts and expensive booze. At least it would have if this was a script for a film noir. Which it isn't. So, really it was just a big house on top of a hill.

We walked straight up and knocked on the front door. After a long wait the huge door slowly opened and a very strange man answered. He looked at the lot of us and asked if we were here with the party of the bride or the party of the groom. I was about to lay into this world class idiot right then and there, but Ginny interrupted me.

"We're here with the party of the bride."

The strange man invited us in. This was pretty easy so far I thought. While standing in the foyer the man asked us to wait and he would be right with us. After an uncomfortably long spell, he returned and said that she would be with us shortly. Which she was he talking about? I heard Ginny take in a sharp breath. Ron made a sound as if something had hit him square in the chest. I turned to look and saw Hermione coming down the stairs. Her hair had been styled to be held elegantly up. She wore a short, wispy, sleeveless black dress with matching stockings and a pair of crystal high heels. She had on a pair of black lace gloves and she was attired by a myriad of precious jewels. Emeralds dangled from her ears. She had a diamond tennis bracelet and a similar diamond anklet on her left leg. She was wearing a brilliant white gold necklace with a ruby the size of a child's hand at her breast. She was walking toward us as if she was born to be a queen adored by her people. She had a pleasant smile on her face as she saw us. She came to the bottom of the stairs and glided over. She held her hand out to me and then spoke with a casual flair and a hint of an accent.

"It is wonderful to see you. I am quite pleased you came. I am so glad that you have been able to attend my wedding."

"Do I know you?!" Ginny said with anger and hurt in her voice. I have never seen those two look as different from each other as they did right now. The princess and the gothic rocker chick were standing an arms length away, but it might as well have been a million miles.

Hermione looked confused for a brief moment and put her hand out to Ginny, "I'm sorry have we not met before? My name is Hermy-own-ninny. I am so pleased to meet you."

Ron looked at Ginny, Ginny looked at Ron and they both looked right at me. I should have known this wasn't going to be easy.

Crap.