Disclaimer, Comments, Etc.: Hey guys, this is only my second fanfic posted on Portkey, so don't be too hard on me!! Oh, and the disclaimer: none of this is mine it's all JKR's because that would be utterly freaky if it was mine, yada yada yada, how many times have we heard this now?
~*~
"Harry, for the seventeenth time this day, please stop humming the tune to the Hogwarts School Song!!!"
Harry blinked and registered the annoyed image of Hermione Granger and amused one of Ron Weasley. "W-was I?" he stammered. "B-but I'm j-j-just p-poor, st-stuttering p-professor, I-I m-m-mean, st-student H-Harry P-P-Potter!"
He and Ron dissolved into laughter as Hermione rolled her eyes. "Easily amused, honestly, goodness sakes," she muttered while making a start on her towering stack of bread and butter.
"Do my little ears deceive me?" came the incredulous voice of someone familiar. "Did I just hear Hermione say she was 'easily aroused'?"
Hermione rolled her eyes again. "Cut the Fred-and-George act, Neville, it's not working for you," she replied, buttering one of her slices.
Neville gave a sigh and flopped onto the bench next to Hermione. "My life is so, so pathetic," he said. "I mean, what can I do? Nothing. What can't I do? Everything. Does that seem heroic to you?"
Ron shook his head. "No, not really, Neville," he answered, helping himself to some buttered crumpets.
Neville buried his face in his hands. Hermione glared.
"Can I say, r-h-e-t-o-r-i-c-a-l?" she asked.
Harry let out a laugh and turned to Neville.
"Cheer up, Nevs," he said. "At least you've got a girl."
"Yes, I do have a girl, but Harry, every single girl in this entire school wants to go out with you!!" exclaimed Neville. "You have girls willing to pay you to date them!"
"But," said Harry, "why would I want to date one of them? That's the problem. I only want to date someone I actually like."
"Very sweet, Harry," said Hermione. "I suppose that's why you dated Marcia?"
"Can I say, f-l-i-n-g?" Harry asked.
Hermione grinned. "Cute," she said, "and clever. Points."
"Oh, shaddup," retorted Harry lazily, reaching for her Daily Prophet.
"My paper," replied Hermione, slapping at his hand.
"Bleh," Harry replied.
"You two," interjected Ron, "are starting to become like me and Luna."
Harry's mouth opened. "Luna's - your - girlfriend -" he stammered.
"Is she really," said Ron, giving Harry a patronizing glance. "I hadn't noticed."
"But- but-" stammered Harry again.
Ron rolled his eyes. "Yeah, when you're done stammering, Harry, come up to the common room and help me on that Potions homework. It's due tomorrow and I haven't got a clue what I'm supposed to do."
And with that, he picked up his bag and left the Great Hall.
Harry, completely bewildered, turned to Hermione.
"Wha-?" he asked. "What on earth did he mean by tha-"
His words were cut short by Hermione's face, which had turned bright red.
"Hey! You okay?" he asked her worriedly.
Hermione nodded quickly. "Yeah, yeah, fine," she said. "Just- er- um- we should um- we should go- go help Ron," she finished, now blushing furiously again.
Harry shrugged. "Sure," he said. "Yay. Potions. Who's not excited?"
Hermione grinned and gave him a playful shove on the arm. "Come on," she said. "You'll need the knowledge for your N.E.W.T. Potions class!!"
Harry snorted. "Yeah, me taking N.E.W.T. Potions is about as likely as Neville Longbottom becoming Minister of Magic tomorrow."
Hermione shrugged. "Hey, never know," she said. "I daresay it could happen, because I mea-"
Whatever she was saying next was cut off then by Harry's loud laughter.
*~*
They were on the fourth floor when it happened. The pair of them turned a corner, and-
"Oh my," gasped Hermione.
"Holy- fucking- shit," said Harry.
For down at the end of the corridor were Professors McGonagall and Snape, making out as if the world was going to end in the next few minutes. To say the very least, they both looked like they were trying to devour each other's - taste.
"Oh, my, God," breathed Hermione. "I think I'm going to be sick."
Harry nodded vehemently. "That is one of the single most grossest things I have ever seen in my life, and I live with the Dursleys."
The two stood there for a few seconds, transfixed, just watching Snape and McGonagall make out with a kind of passion and fervor that they had never seen from either of them in all the time that they had known them.
"Crap," whispered Hermione, "oh, bloody crap, they're going to turn this way-"
"Quick!" hissed Harry, and he grabbed Hermione and pulled her into a rather deep crevice set in the wall.
The two stood as still as they could, pressed up right against each other and breathing hard. For some reason, Harry found his heart beating very fast, and he seemed to get a rather cozy feeling, being pressed up right against Hermione and all.
Hermione suddenly looked up and stared Harry straight in the eye. Harry also stared back, somehow unable to take his eyes away from her gaze. The two were entranced in the other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity....
~*~
Harry lost all of his common sense at some point or another and suddenly found himself kissing Hermione. And what was even more surprising, he also found Hermione kissing him back! Snape and McGonagall were forgotten as the kiss grew deeper and more passionate. Indeed, they were so utterly wrapped up in each other that they didn't even notice when two shadows fell on them in their crevice.
"Potter. Granger," came the snarling, satisfied voice of Professor Snape. "Would you mind breaking apart for a moment so we can discuss your punishment?"
Hermione gasped into Harry's mouth and the two broke apart from each other, looking wide-eyed.
"Honeyyyy," cooed Professor McGonagall gently, and in a slightly whiny voice. The sound made both Harry and Hermione start and stare at their Transfiguration teacher, for they had certainly never, even in their wildest dreams, expected her to sound like that.
"Honeyyyy," McGonagall whined again. "Don't be so hard on them, lovey. They were just getting into the holiday spirit, as we are, marshmallow. Come along, let's go relax by the lake and eat buttered crumpets."
Snape's expression changed, and he smiled and pecked McGonagall gently on the lips. "Whatever you say, darling," he replied dreamily. "I'm yours forever, lovey bird."
And the two walked off together, gazing adoringly into the other's eyes.
Harry and Hermione stared at each other, open-mouthed and wide-eyed.
"Bloody hell," breathed Harry finally. "Did- did our world just kinda flip upside down? Snape and McGonagall have an affair going, er- you and me- er-"
He stopped, blushing, and Hermione looked down at her hands, her face also flushing bright red.
"-well," finished Harry in a slightly louder voice. "What do you say, now that two of our most feared teachers are gone, we do some more of what we were doing before in that little crevice?"
Hermione's head snapped up to see Harry's green eyes dancing mischievously. Her lips curved into a grin.
"Prat," she managed to murmur before Harry's lips reclaimed hers.