Author's Note: A long chapter! Hooray! I had so much fun writing this.
Dedications: She did insist...
Ricky: For essay reviewing. It was marvelous.
Chapter 11: Chatham
Lily found Chatham to be a gorgeous place. At least, the part of it in which the Potters' house resided was, anyway. James's family owned acres and acres of land. Lily wished she could have grown up in such a spacious environment, but Muggle families were usually forced to choose a home out of convenience (schools and shopping centers) rather than an actual desire to live there. Of course, Lily wasn't complaining about her house. It hadn't been cramped, animal infested, ugly, or adorned with knickknacks in bad taste. Though, she considered, it probably would be now, seeing as Petunia was the new lady of the house; knickknacks in bad taste were exactly her style.
But not the style of Erin Potter. Nothing about her house was in bad taste. A great deal of her possessions were exotic in appearance, giving the impression she had traveled world-wide. Lily didn't doubt it; she possessed enough gold, it appeared, to buy a country.
The house had eight bedrooms--Lily counted. Mr. and Mrs. Potter--if there was still a Mr. Potter; Lily hadn't yet seen him--shared one, James used another, and three were always kept ready for Sirius, Remus, and Peter, who the Potters probably entertained for the most. That left three bedrooms for Lily and Dinah to choose between. They ended up selecting one down the hall from James, garnished in the theme of sunflowers. Lily loved the yellow hues, muttering to Mrs. Potter, who had led a tour of her home, that sunflowers, along with lilies and petunias, obviously, had always been a favorite flower of her mother's, and staying in the room gave her a sense of comfort.
Dinah and Lily had barely begun unpacking their bags (at which they were making slow progress anyhow, because Max would periodically nick small things from their bags and tear off with them under the bed) when James and Sirius rapped on the door, inquiring as to whether they'd like to be shown around out back.
"But it's almost dark out," Lily pointed out, gesturing to her window as she removed a stack of shirts from her bag.
"Are you afraid, or something?" asked Sirius, half-smiling. "You don't have to be, you know. We'll be right there with you. I'm sure James could even hold your hand if you need him to."
"Aren't you a comedian?" said Lily sarcastically. "We can go out in the morning. Dinah needs to get to sleep."
"No I don't!" she said, and fell into a bounce on the bed. "I want to go outside!"
"You heard the kid," grinned James. "Come on, Lily."
Lily zipped up her empty bag and placed it at the foot of the bed. With a smile, she gave in.
"All right, all right. Lead the way."
- - -
A wrap around porch with beautiful cushioned furniture, woven Christmas-style lights, and a fan that would release snowflakes in light showers every so often laid at the back of the house's bottom story, and they had to pass through it to reach James's backyard. There was a plot of grass stretching about two-hundred feet in each direction directly behind the house, and a thick forest replaced the grass as it thinned. His backyard didn't appear to have any magical properties. It was just as dark there as anywhere else, save for the group of lit torches near the back porch's entrance. Lily couldn't spot anything of particular interest in the yard except for a garden to the side of the porch in which grew pumpkins half her height. She doubted, though, that they were the reason James and Sirius had insisted they come.
"Nice yard you've got," complimented Lily as filler. "Very big."
"Big." He grinned. "Big it is." He joined his arms behind his back and started slowly up the short path of square rocks that led to the garden. Something about his enthusiasm told Lily his plan was not good news for her. "You want to know another interesting thing about my house, Lily?"
Lily grinned, despite the incoming news. "Hmm?"
"It's loaded with Muggle-repelling charms." So it did have magical properties. "Want to know why?"
Sirius and he were both grinning now.
"Do I?" she asked.
"We play a lot of Quidditch, Lily," grinned James even wider.
Lily's suspicions had officially been confirmed. Back when James used Quidditch matches as an adhesive for their friendship, he would often try and persuade her to practice with him on the pitch. When it was him alone, of course; the other team members wouldn't have welcomed the hindrance. Vehemently, Lily had always refused. During her first--and, consequently, only--flying lesson, her take-off had thrown her into the branches of a nearby tree. Sliced, bruised, and bloody, Lily had clung to the tree trunk and refused to return to the ground. It took an hour, the jeers of her classmates, threats of detention from Madam Hooch, and an airborne Dungbomb (which was the main reason she fled the tree) before Lily would budge.
"No, James!" she protested, backing up several feet and waving her arms in the universal 'no' gesture. "There is no way you're getting me on one of those things!"
Sirius, who had left them for several moments to fetch three broomsticks, returned. Dinah looked positively mesmerized by the brooms. Her eyes flickered over every inch of them; she looked tempted to reach out and grab one.
"I'll go!" the child volunteered cheerfully. "I'm not afraid."
"No!" Lily said quickly, placing her hands on Dinah's shoulders. "I won't have her breaking bones."
"Breaking bones?" laughed James. "Lily, have I ever fallen from a broomstick?"
A fleeting image of James grasping his broom desperately by its handle, hanging upside-down sixty feet in the air passed through her mind. Scarily enough, it was a real memory.
"No," she said firmly.
"Lily!" whined Dinah. "I want to! It's not fair!" She tugged on James's sleeve. "Make her say yes!"
James bit his lip to hold back a bark of laughter. It struck him then that he was really in control. He could potentially overrule Lily. He was a parent.
'No...Lily wouldn't like that,' he considered. 'Most of the authority belongs to her. I can't tell Dinah yes if Lily says no. But I can attempt to change her mind...'
"Lily," he said in deal-making tones, "if she gets hurt, you can personally kick me in the crotch."
Lily smirked. "Why would it matter?"
Confused, James asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, it wouldn't hurt too much, would it? There's not a lot to kick."
Sirius burst into a fit of hysterical laughter; Dinah stayed silent, puzzled; and James, flushed like a Christmas bauble, snatched a broom away from Sirius, mounted it and mumbled, "That's how you want to play, is it?" before shooting into the air.
Lily squinted upward toward the darkening sky, curious as to his next move. It happened too quickly to give her time to run. James, who'd taken a lap around his backyard, pulled into a sharp dive. The sudden motion stunned Lily, and she watched desperately as he hurtled toward her, unable to speak, scream, or run. When he reached her he did not, as she'd feared, crash into her, but transferred her to his broom in a frightening movement. She ended up in front of him, he holding her securely around the waist while they soared above Sirius and Dinah.
She screamed incessantly.
"Lily!" he shouted over the noise of her screams mingled with the rushing wind. "Be quiet! I've got you."
She did stop and turned her head toward him. Surprisingly, she had tears on her cheeks.
"Lily," he repeated, though in gentle tones. Carefully, he brought the broom to a halt in mid-air, far out of view of the others. She buried her face into his jacket, sniffling. His arms encircled her.
"It wasn't that scary. I'm sorry about the dive...I was only playing around." He nudged her gently. "Come on--you have a go steering." She shook her head. "Please? I promise you won't fall. Or"--he tipped her head up by her chin and smiled at her--"get caught in a tree."
"That wasn't funny." She wiped her eyes.
He--badly--attempted to look serious. "No, of course it wasn't."
"So how do I work this thing?" she asked.
James brightened. "You're going to do it?"
"It doesn't seem like I have much of a choice," she smiled.
James kissed her. He'd been aiming for her cheek, but having a man come so close to her face frightened her and she'd turned her head. The first moment was terrifying. Lily pulled away and almost sent herself tumbling backward off the broom. But before she could even utter a gasp of surprise, James's arms were around her again and she found herself pressed into his snug jacket. She heard his quick heartbeats.
"My God, Lily," he whispered. "You scared the shit out of me."
"I'm--"
"Don't apologize. It was my fault. I shouldn't have...anyway, let's get back to the others."
Lily felt like crying again. She knew it was a childish way to deal with her problems, but it was her first instinct. She feared she might have scared James off for good now. He would probably never initiate anything anymore and she'd be left mourning his loss in the shadows, too afraid to speak up, to touch him....
'Why am I so afraid of being intimate with him? He's never hurt me.'
She concentrated on his arm around her waist, his chest pressed against her back, his chin brushing the back of her head occasionally--why didn't these things make her uncomfortable?
The worst part was, she really did want to be with him. She wanted him to hold her close like he was presently; she wanted him to kiss her; she wanted him to share her bed eventually, if only to keep her warm in the wintertime. She desperately desired all of these things, but her fear wouldn't allow her to have them.
They returned to the ground to find Mrs. Potter standing among Sirius and Dinah. She looked a mixture between cross and worried.
"I heard screaming!" she said. "What on earth happened?"
She took Lily by the shoulders and looked her over.
"Everything's fine, Mrs. Potter," she said. "I slipped a little on the broom, that's all."
James was relieved at her lie; his mother would have given him a throttling for his behavior.
"If you're all right, then...but why don't you three come inside? It's getting late."
Sirius volunteered to take the broomsticks back around to the shed. Lily offered to go with him, and dragged him around the corner as Mrs. Potter took Dinah inside. James stayed by the porch door.
"What'd you come for?" he asked.
"I need to ask a favor," she explained quietly.
"What's the favor?"
"Will you...help me act more comfortably around James?" She received a puzzled stare. "I mean, with my fear and all. He tried kissing me tonight"--Sirius's eyebrows shot up and he grinned--"but I was so frightened when it happened..." During her brief hiatus, James crept around the side of the house, hidden behind a large bush. He wondered why Lily had gone with Sirius. "I just need your help with the intimacy, really." Her wording didn't quite click in her mind; both Sirius and James were surprised at what they heard.
"Lily," started Sirius awkwardly, "I don't think that's such a good idea. Even if it were to help you, James wouldn't--"
The bushes rustled violently nearby, followed by running footsteps and the slam of the porch door. Sirius closed his eyes for a moment, kneading his temples.
"He's heard you."
"I...think he figured I was asking for...uh-oh."
"Uh-oh indeed," agreed Sirius. "You need to go talk to him. I would have thought the same had I been him."
"I really didn't mean--that," Lily hurried to amend. "I just meant talking to me about it. Saying things that might wan my fear. Like therapists do, you know."
"Well, why didn't you say that in the first place?" grumbled Sirius. "Go talk to him."
Lily nodded and sprinted around the corner, past the bushes, and through the porch door. She stopped before she entered the living room to slow her breathing.
Mrs. Potter sat on the couch holding a book she was trying to read. She didn't look like she was making much progress, as she glanced concernedly toward the staircase across the room every few seconds.
"Lily," said Mrs. Potter when she walked fully into the room. "Do you know what's the matter with James? He stormed through here a minute ago."
"Unfortunately, I do know. He's angry with me."
Mrs. Potter closed her book. "What happened?"
"It's a very long story," explained Lily. "You'd need to hear it all to understand."
Mrs. Potter sighed. "I suppose you'd better go patch things up, then."
"Do you know where he went?"
Mrs. Potter smiled. "His bedroom. Always his bedroom."
"Thanks, Mrs. Potter." Lily started for the stairs.
"Lily?"
She stopped walking, hand on the stair rail, and looked over her shoulder. "Yes?"
"You can call me Erin."
They smiled at each other. Lily liked Erin Potter. She was a very kind, agreeable person and she felt glad to be a guest in her home.
"Thanks, Erin."
The first striking feature of James's bedroom was its shape. She didn't know if it had been accidental, or if James's parents had it done special, but his room was oval-shaped, just like a Quidditch pitch. Other than that, there wasn't much else particularly different or interesting about his Quidditch-themed room, except for his mirror.
It could speak.
"Try the rope near his bed, dear. Give it a tug."
"W-What?" Lily did a double-take.
"The rope. Give it a tug," repeated the mirror. "Poor boy's dreadfully upset over something."
Lily, though a bit weirded out, did as the mirror said and tugged the thick, knotted rope in the corner by James's bed. Surprising her, a rope ladder tumbled from the opening in the ceiling. Tentatively, she climbed it. Upon reaching her destination, she discovered she'd entered a small, wooden room no more than the size of her old closet back on Privet Drive.
It was empty.
"What are you doing here?" called an unpleasant-sounding voice. She looked up to see James glaring down at her from a windowsill ten feet above her head. Vaguely, she wondered how he'd gotten up there.
"I came to talk to you," she called. "Will you please come down?"
"Finished with Sirius, have you?"
"James!" she shouted in frustration. "I've never done anything like that with Sirius! I've told you!"
"Why were you asking him for intimacy help, then?" he snapped.
"I didn't mean for him to touch me!" she yelled back. "I just wanted some verbal help."
"That's a load of dung. Why won't you just admit it? You'd rather have anyone than me."
"That's not true! I was asking for his help because of you!"
He looked at her. "Because of me?"
"Yes." She softened her tone. "Being so close frightens me sometimes. I thought he could help...."
"Why didn't you just ask me?" said James, and leapt from the windowsill. The floor shook as his feet made contact. "I can help you."
Lily stared at the ground. "I didn't want to put you through the trouble. I wanted to get over my fear before we got involved." She blushed. "If we get involved...."
"Trouble?" he echoed. "Helping you isn't a bother. Why wouldn't I want to help you?"
"I don't know," she whispered. "I wasn't thinking."
He moved nearer to her. "How am I supposed to help?"
She stared up at him, absorbing the closeness. "Just do anything that will ease my nerves about intimacy."
"Well...what do you feel when I do..."--he pulled her into a hug--"this?" He gave a lop-sided smile.
"Scared at first," she admitted, and his smile disappeared. "Not so scared as when...he was close to me, but having a man come toward me when we're alone still bothers me."
James let her go and said, "Isn't it different, though? I'm not trying to hurt you."
"I know that," she hastened to say, "but just imagine that the only experience you'd ever had with the opposite sex was forced. You'd never had the good stuff. A nice boyfriend."
"I'll be your nice boyfriend," James offered with a smile.
Lily returned the smile, blushing. "Finally you offer."
He cupped her cheek, still smiling. "Been waiting?" he teased.
She took the hand from her cheek, savoring its warmth, and kissed his palm.
"Longer than you know."
O O O