Dedications: ¡Dedicaré!
JKR--She created this wonderful series, did she not?
Chapter 1: Can't Stay Here
When Lily awoke for the second time that day, she received another shock. She was not in her own bed, on the floor where she had fallen, or even in her own house. The next surprise came shortly after she awoke. A small yapping dog hopped up on the bed, landed on her stomach, and began to lick her face. Lily shrieked and it bolted away, tearing from the room.
A heavyset, graying woman dressed in floral pajamas appeared in the doorway.
"Mrs. Manila?" said Lily, surprised. Mrs. Manila lived across the street from her. She had barely spoken to the woman in her life. "What am I doing here?"
The older woman sat down on the bed, wobbling it. Her expression was pitying.
"My dear, you had nowhere else to go." Lily's forehead crinkled in confusion. "After the fire department took care of the mess in your kitchen, the first thing your sister said to them was to get you out of her house. Not very sisterly at all," she added disapprovingly. "But I suppose it is her house now, and if she truly desires you gone, there's nothing anyone can do about it."
"Pardon," said Lily, taking on a defensive tone, "but what do you mean by 'it's her house now'? It's just as much my house as it is hers."
Again, she seemed to pity the young girl. "I'm afraid it isn't anymore. Your parents' will left the house to Petunia. It's all explained in that letter." She indicated a white envelope on the bedside table and rose to depart, rattling the mattress again.
In the doorway she stopped and turned back toward Lily. "I almost forgot. Your sister sent over a bag of your things and the box your parents left you in their will. Also"--her forehead crinkled--"an odd stick. She seemed rather frightened of it." Her neighbor steepled an eyebrow. Lily could tell she wanted an explanation.
"Oh, that old thing?" She forced a laugh. "It's the only bit I have left of our old tree house. It's very...special to me. Petunia fell from it once; that was probably why she seemed scared."
Mrs. Manila gave her a skeptical look. "Well, everything is by the closet," she said awkwardly, and left the room. Lily got the impression Mrs. Manila thought her to be a bit disturbed.
She seized the letter from the table the second after the door shut and tore open the envelope. She read:
Dear Lily,
If you are reading this, we are no longer with you. First and foremost we would like to say that we love you very much and hope that your future will be full of success and happiness.
I feel that we can keep this information from you no longer; your headmaster wrote us a week ago to tell us about what that boy, Lucius Malfoy, did to you. I know that as you read this it has been far longer than a week since its occurrence and you probably want to know why neither of us mentioned the incident to you earlier. When you come back to us in July, I know that discussing a subject such as rape, especially with your parents, will be the last thing on your mind. I don't want to upset or embarrass you further by forcing you to talk about it with either of us.
If you decide(d) to come to us this summer (which you will already have done by now) I'm glad you shared your experience with us and I hope whichever of us you shared it with was of help to you. If you decide(d) to keep your secret, I want you to know that I wouldn't have treated or looked at you any differently than I always have. I would have given you all of the advice and support that I could've.
Knowing you, my love, if you did not share it with us, there's a 90 percent chance that you are wishing you had. You are probably aching inside at the thought of your lost chance as I am even at this moment, when I have no knowledge of how the summer will turn out. I wish I could offer you more than I am about to, but without first speaking to you there is no way for me to know what the right things are to say. Enclosed in a cardboard box in the basement marked 'Lily' are all of the diaries I've ever written. I want you to have them, whether we've spoken about the incident by this time or not. I hope they provide you with all of the advice, insight and guidance you need. I also hope you get a few laughs out of parts of them. Heaven knows my adolescent ranting was amusing enough at times.
I've also enclosed the family photo albums in the box as well as some old family jewelry and trinkets I haven't touched for years. I also want you to have the rest of my personal jewelry and any of my other former possessions that interest you. No matter what happened between now and this very moment (my now and your very moment) everything precious of mine will be unharmed. The box I keep my things in is fire proof, combination protected and hidden behind a portrait in my bedroom. The one with the lake scene you always admired, and you may have it too if you wish. The combination to the safe is my birth date.
There is one more subject I wish to discuss before closing this letter. It refers to my previous topic of discussion and it is the only advice I'm going to force you to read. I understand and agree completely that Lucius Malfoy is a foul creature. There are plenty more scumbags like him out in the world and there's nothing anybody can do--except stop procreating altogether--to stop scum like them from infecting the planet. But believe me when I say that there are far more good men out there than bad. Not every man you will meet wants to harm you and cause you pain and humiliation. Somewhere out there is a man who will demonstrate this to you and I pray that you will find him. He will be kind and gentle to you and patient about your fear of men and eventually he will help you to overcome it.
Hopefully, you and I both will have already met this man by the time these words meet your eyes and I will have with me many memories of my beautiful grandchildren.
And if you're wondering why we left the house to your sister instead of you, it is because we know that you have higher aspirations than to be stuck in a home in a non-magical neighborhood and we don't want to burden you with the chore of having to sell it, when leaving it to Petunia is much simpler and more practical.
It seems my letter is winding to its close. There are probably a million other things I should be writing, but I feel that I have covered everything I intended. I'm sorry my letter might be a disappointment to you and that we didn't spend more time together. I'm sorry I can't be there for you now that you've read what you have and you need me the most. I wish there was somebody I could refer you to for similar advice and guidance as I would have given, but unfortunately no such person to whom I am acquainted exists. As I mentioned before, look to my diaries for any additional advice for which you may be looking. Especially the green one, as I was around your age when I wrote it. It will probably be of the most help to you, while the earlier ones will just make you laugh.
If you set this letter down and you don't remember anything else I've said to you, remember this: I love you and your dad loves you. We'll be with you always.
All of our love,
Your parents
"No," Lily whispered, and a large tear rolled down her cheek. "You won't be with me always. You're not now."
She let the letter and its torn envelope slip from her grasp and fall on to the floor. She wished she hadn't been alone on that sad morning, crying for her dead parents in a strange home. She wished she had a friend or a caring sibling nearby to comfort and console her and offer support and advice.
On a morning like the one on which she read her mother's letter, being alone was the last thing she needed. But she got it. And in her solitude, her mourning paused just long enough to allow her sleep.
- - -
When she awoke hours later, the bedroom was shrouded in darkness and she guessed it must have been around dinner time. Now that her slumber had calmed her, she felt her true hunger and decided it was time for her to leave the bedroom for a while.
She slipped out from underneath the covers and stood on the carpet, knees shaking at the awkwardness of being on her feet after such a long time in bed. She made it to the door and wrapped her fingers around the cool knob, but a voice stopped her from leaving the room.
"And you felt it was your responsibility to take her in?" said an annoyed sounding man, whom Lily guessed was Mr. Manila. A cold shiver trickled through Lily's body, the feeling she got whenever she heard herself being talked about. She opened the door a crack to hear the conversation better.
"She has nowhere else to live, Roger!" trilled Mrs. Manila. "What was I supposed to do? Let them send her off to an orphanage?"
"She is not our child," said Mr. Manila firmly. "That is precisely what you should have done; let someone else deal with her. We don't need to spend even more money monthly--we've already got your Home Shopping Network addiction to pay for--and have to deal with the drunken teenaged boys she'll undoubtedly bring to our home."
Even though she wasn't involved--directly--in the conflict and knew that Mr. Manila couldn't see her, Lily shook her head at his last comment. Bringing home boys was one of the last things on her mind.
"But she's away at boarding school for most of the year!" protested Mrs. Manila desperately. "You won't have to worry about--"
"She is not staying here," clipped Mr. Manila in such harsh tones that Lily, even from her position behind the door, felt frightened.
Apparently, he had frightened Mrs. Manila as well, or she had realized that her attempts at convincing her husband were futile, because she said nothing more.
Lily remained in her squat behind the door for a few minutes, during which the only sounds that could be heard in the house were the television set and the faint clicking of silverware and dishes being laid out on a table. When she was certain that the table was fully set, she rose to her feet and smoothed the creases in her pajama bottoms and T-shirt and made her way into the living room, making sure her face gave the impression she hadn't heard the quarrel.
Though the television was still on, nobody was seated in front of it. Both Mr. and Mrs. Manila were sifting through the kitchen cabinets, searching for something. Lily's eyes fell on the large table on her right and she felt even hungrier. There was a plump roasted chicken in the center of it surrounded by bowls of gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans and macaroni.
Mrs. Manila's head appeared from behind a cabinet door. In her hand was a tea bag.
"Ah, Lily! There you are. I was just about to fetch you." She dangled the tea bag by its string. "I just need a moment to whip up some tea for our supper." She swiped an empty plastic pitcher from the dish rack by the sink and filled it up with water.
"Do you like your tea hot or cold, dear?"
Lily glanced at grumpy-looking Mr. Manila. "H-however you like it. I don't mind."
"Rightio. Take a seat then, Lily."
Lily chose a seat on the side of the table, avoiding the heads because she assumed those were the Manilas' seats. She didn't want to be more of a burden than she was already thought to be. Once the tea was ready--hot--Mrs. Manila waddled with the pitcher over to the table and poured some into each of their glasses. Lily had been right about their seats; once she'd finished serving them, Mrs. Manila, like her husband, took a place at one of the heads of the table.
"Would you like me to fix your plate, Lily?" offered Mrs. Manila.
"Yes, please," she replied, and placed her empty plate in her host's outstretched hand. From over the rim of his mug of tea, Mr. Manila's eyes watched Lily with distrust.
"So where do you go to school?" he grunted. Lily's plate was handed back to her and she uttered a 'thank you' to Mrs. Manila. Lily racked her brain for a quick lie.
"A place called Durmstrang." She didn't want to slip up and accidentally incriminate Hogwarts in any way. Lily despised Durmstrang. She also didn't know the names of any secondary schools around Little Whinging.
"Durmstrang?" he parroted, brow furrowed. "Never heard of it. What do they teach there?"
"Oh, you know," she said, sounding to herself more fake by the second, "the usual. Reading. Writing. Arithmetic." The cold feeling traveled through her again. Her reply sounded unintentionally sarcastic.
He harrumphed into the mug he had raised to his lips. "You'll be headed back there in a couple of weeks, won't you?" he asked. "September first's flying toward us."
Lily cleared her throat and set her glass down. "Actually, I'm finished with Durmstrang. Last year was my seventh and final."
"You're going to college then?"
Lily's convincing expression faltered. "Actually, er..." Mr. Manila's eyes burned into hers. "At Durmstrang they...I'm taking some time off," she finished lamely, feeling embarrassed. How could she have explained that she was a witch and there were no colleges for witches? Though, she hadn't lied about wanting to take some time off before continuing her education. Lily wasn't quite sure what she wanted to do with her life.
"Time off, eh?" he mumbled, stabbing at his chicken. "What're you doing that for?" Mr. Manila made Lily nervous. She was already distraught enough over her parents; she didn't need someone criticizing her life choices.
"I just need some time to figure out what I want to do," said Lily, hoping to change the subject. Mrs. Manila obviously wanted a subject change as well, because she quickly spoke up.
"Does anybody need more potatoes? No?" She set the bowl back down. "So, Lily..." she began awkwardly, "do you have a boyfriend?"
"Oh, no!" Lily exclaimed, and instantly realized that she sounded prudish. "But, erm, it's only because"--halfway through her sentence she decided to keep her true reason to herself, and chose the most truthful substitution with which she could come up--"I'm not interested in boys anymore."
Mr. Manila's remark was rather blunt and offensive. "Are you a lesbian?"
"Roger!" shrieked Mrs. Manila.
"I'm just trying to make conversation," he said with a smile.
"That was no way to go about it!" She turned toward Lily, who was almost in tears. "I'm sorry, Lily dear. He didn't mean anything by it."
Lily only nodded, fearful that if she tried to speak, she'd break down. It wasn't only the remark that ensued such a reaction from her. Her recent experiences had left her in a delicate emotional state. They ate the rest of the meal in silence and Lily kept her head down to avoid Mr. Manila's stare.
As soon as she cleared her plate, Lily excused herself to the bedroom, wishing that she had never dared to leave it. Her plan had been to go straight back to sleep, but another angry conversation drifted in through the parted door.
"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" demanded Mrs. Manila, and Lily could almost picture her double chin wobbling in fury. "You just had to make her feel unwelcome!"
"At least she won't be too disappointed in the morning," he said carelessly, "when she leaves."
His wife growled in frustration. "I don't know why you have such an aversion to children!" she exclaimed. "We couldn't even have any of our own and now that one has come along, you've insulted her! Lily is a perfectly respectable, polite girl. Why can't we keep her?"
"She isn't the child you want," said Mr. Manila. "She's nearly a woman. I don't want you getting too attached. She'd be gone in a few months anyway, even if we let her stay."
"I'm never going to have a child," she puled, and Lily felt sorry for her. If Mr. Manila hadn't been so rude to her, she would have been happy to stay in their home.
Mr. Manila, on the other hand, would offer his heartbroken wife no sympathy. "She's going in the morning. You either find her another place to go or it's the city orphanage for her."
Lily's eyes grew wide and filled with tears. 'The city orphanage?' she thought fearfully, 'I can't go there! I'm an--no, I'm...not an adult in the Muggle world, am I?'
"I cannot believe you!" cried Mrs. Manila. "The city orphanage? How could you even dream of sending her there?"
"Have you got any better ideas?" he asked, then added, "Other than keeping her here?"
Lily prayed she did. Mrs. Manila paused to think before giving her answer. "No, I don't have any ideas." She sounded defeated. Lily felt her arms begin to tremble.
"Then tell her to pack her things. You can take her in the morning," he said.
Lily couldn't help the torrent of tears that overcame her. It was bad enough to be newly orphaned, with the grief still fresh and painful inside her, and to be thrown out of her house by her hateful older sister. But to have to go live at the city orphanage, a place Lily felt she definitely didn't belong, was simply unbearable. She realized that her sobs must have carried into the next room and she clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle the noise. She heard footsteps coming toward the bedroom and scrambled into bed.
As she tried to calm her breathing, the light flicked on overhead, its intensity making her squint.
"Lily?" said Mrs. Manila tentatively. She pushed the door shut behind her. Lily didn't move. "Stop pretending to be asleep. I heard you crying. What's the matter?"
Lily wiped her eyes and sat up, blinking rapidly to adjust to the glare. "I was thinking about my mother," she lied, not wanting to admit that she eavesdropped.
"At the exact moment Roger and I were arguing about you?" she said dubiously. "I know you heard us."
Lily hung her head, feeling another wave of tears coming on. Mrs. Manila wrapped her arm around Lily in a motherly manner.
"There was--" began Mrs. Manila.
Lily moved the woman's arm from her shoulders and tried with all her might not to sob. "Like you said; I heard you. I know you defended me." Her tone was harsher than she'd meant it, but because of the circumstances Mrs. Manila excused it. "I would like to leave now rather than in the morning," she continued. "I don't want to say why." Truthfully, she wanted to get it over with, much like an exam, or a dental appointment. Mr. Manila's words also weighed on her mind. She didn't want to be too disappointed in the morning. After a good sleep, going to the orphanage would be much worse than if she went while she was still feeling terrible. Why heal partially only to hurt yourself again? she thought.
Mrs. Manila, to say the least, had not been expecting this. "All...all right, Lily. If you're sure...."
Lily nodded and Mrs. Manila stood.
"Are you sure you don't have anywhere else to stay?"
"I'm sure." Her grandparents had died years ago and she'd lost contact with all of her formerly close Muggle friends. The orphanage was her only option.
Mrs. Manila nodded. "Pack your things then, dear."
O O O