History of a Sun God
Loony Lovegood
As you know, the Sun God in his earthly form is known as Draco Malfoy. Even uwois know that, and they tend to be rather dull… that means stupid. Anyway, the Sun God has a rainy history. I wish it would rain every other Monday; that way I could see a liddlederger. On the other hand, they would make a cosmic star fall on the Slytherin Common Room. You know what happens when cosmic stars land on top of you; you become extinct… you die. Then when he died, I would have nothing to report on, as non-sun gods tend to be rather boring.
Sun God's history definitely fits the saying, "The shadow proves the sunshine." Somebody made that into some song I think. I believe that I will say that five times fast. Well, I have procrastinated long enough to put you into a "vortex of suspense" as my daddy says. Not to offend him, but he is a bigot with a big, Grecian nose. I guess I can start with Sunnyboy's history now.
Lucius sired Draco, and his dam was Narcissa Malfoy. There I go talking… or I guess typing, like he is a stockellie, which is a mutant heifer with 3 different noses.
Anyway, his sire was quite strict. In rap lingo, it would be, "Yo yo, homey-G! Wazzap wit tat? Dragon Dude's papa is a putting the smack smack down. Dudes." In your people's sayings, that would be, "Malfoy's horrid father, who seemed to hold hostility to all mankind, would drag Draco down to the deepest depths of the dungeon to torture him with the most ferocious methods ever known to humans."
Since this is the smack-dab middle of the article, I will change fonts to confuse you further. Oh by the way, I got all this inside information on the Sun God from his steady girlfriend, Ginny Weasley. She told me that this information was very, very private, and to never reveal it to anyone. It was Topsy-Turvy night in Taiwan, so she meant, "Tell each and every person you know what I just revealed to you," except with much smaller words, as she is 1/8th uwoi on her grandmother's side, I believe. She just won't admit it.
Many people these days won't admit that they are part cat-zebra. I know tons of people, as the time I spend "hiding myself in a corner, doing nothing to benefit the British society" is actually people-watching time. Did you know that Josh Fungal picks his nose with his quill every 3.78546 minutes? I do; I know everything about the people I go to school with. I know tons of people, but very few speak with me. Maybe they are just shy, as I know I did nothing to offend them. So, I will write history of the Sun God down so it can be sent to the best newspaper ever, which is conveniently the paper I work for, the Quibbler.
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