Chapter Three-Suicidal Tendencies
"I would like everybody to introduce themselves for our new group member, Harry Potter." The group leader clapped her hands excitedly as she looked around the small group that consisted of 10 people. She had earlier introduced herself to Harry on the side as Patty Danes, and insisted that Harry call her Patty.
Harry's stomach did a flip flop as he saw everybody's eyes focus in on him, taking in every detail from his ruffled hair, to his wrinkled clothes that he had found in his dresser. Harry had been dreading his first group therapy session all morning and he even tried to fake being sick to miss it. However, they brought in a fully trained nurse that took his temperature and examined him in many ways to come to the conclusion that he was not really sick. They forced him out of bed and to change.
So, now he was sitting in a small room with folding chairs that were placed in a little circle. Around him were drawings and posters that were mainly about emotions and ways of expressing oneself. Harry could tell he was not going to be enjoying himself. He still didn't know exactly what was expected of him and whether or not he should be telling people about himself. He was assuming yes, since Steve already knew he guessed that Patty knew his history and would not let himself bullshit his way through the sessions.
The introductions began. He tried to remember names, but they were going so fast, there was no way to keep the name with the face. The only one he knew was Peter, who happened to be in his group. Along with the name, the people introduced why they were there and the reasons were as different as the people that were in the room, some were drug addicts, others eating disorders. Also, depression/suicidal tendencies were another reason some were there.
Finally the introductions stopped and the silence filled the room as everybody continued to stare at Harry, waiting for him to fill the silence and tell about himself. He didn't even know what he should say was his reasons for being here, delusional maybe?
"I'm Harry Potter," Harry mumbled weakly, wishing for the first time in his life somebody would recognize him and verify everything he said. "I don't know exactly why I'm here. I'm not delusional like they say."
A couple snorted and laughed, one or two muttered "denial' under their breath, which caused more people to snicker.
Patty glared at the rest of the group and reprimanded them, "I would like you to stop that right now. We are not here to judge. This is Harry's first day and you are all acting atrociously."
Harry didn't really mind that he was being laughed at that much. He wouldn't believe himself if he were them. There really was no proof that he was a wizard. For all he knew, he had made up everything that has happened to him and he really was having delusions.
The laughter subsided and Patty spoke up. "Now, I don't know what was told to you about these group sessions, but mainly what this is going to be is everybody talks about the reason why they are here and that they can get feedback and a new prospective on their problems. Now, since you are new we will start with you and let's start with why you are here. I want you to tell the group who you are?"
Harry was dreading this, but he saw no way out of it. He was just going to have to say everything. "I'm Harry Potter and I'm a wizard," Harry paused and waited for the laughter to be silenced by Patty's glares and then he continued on. "I am actually very famous where I am from. People thought I had killed this very evil wizard when I was just a baby, but it turned out he survived and resurfaced many years later and right now my life is devoted to fighting this wizard."
A stick thin blonde spoke up, "How can a baby kill an evil wizard?"
Harry sighed, "I don't know exactly, even now. But both of my parents were killed by this guy, his name is Voldemort, and my mom sacrificed herself for me, so it was my mothers love that saved me."
A boy couldn't keep himself from laughing, "ah, how sweet." Patty's glare would not silence his laughter. He kept going, "what? Are we supposed to believing this load of shit? How can love save anybody? If he still has the stupid notion that love is the greatest power in the world, than he has another thing coming." The guy now turned and glared at Harry. "I'm sorry to tell you this but love doesn't work like that, at least, not in our world."
Harry shook his head, not swayed by his words. "I don't care what you say. I know what to be true, and that is love can overcome everything. It is not always the solution, but it is the most powerful force in any world." The guy just rolled his eyes and didn't continue speaking, obviously seeing that neither were going to concede.
Patty watched this all, and waited for a few moments, as if the conversation was going to pick right back up. After no one responded, she spoke, "does anyone else have any comments or questions for Harry?"
A chubby girl with scars all over her body raised her hand and asked, "could you do some magic for us?"
Harry knew that this question was coming. How he wish he had his wand with him. He would give anything for it right
now. That way he could get out of here, no problem. "I can't. I need my wand to do magic. I know that sounds
like a really stupid reason, but it is true. I honestly don't know where it is."
The girl nodded solemnly, as if she believed the words he spoke. Her eyes did not leave Harry's as she watched his every movement. Harry shifted uncomfortably under her stare, as if he had something to hide, but there was nothing left. He spilled it all out.
"My story begins on my 11th birthday," Harry began the story of his life or rather where his life began. Hagrid visiting him in that shack on the tiny pile of rocks ended up being the turning point of his life. He told the group about his many adventures and the friendships he had gained along the way. He even broached the painful subject of the people that he had lost.
His story captivated the group. Even the snide boy kept his comments at bay as he listened to the magical tale that enchanted its audience. Its essence weaved its way into each and every one of their single thoughts and kept them in a sort of trance.
After Harry had finished his story, it took several moments for the group to gather their thoughts. They all felt like
they were waking from a dream.
The first comment came from the girl with all the scars all over her body. "Why did you go after Voldemort when you didn't have the last Horcrux?"
Harry's mouth dropped when he heard this question. He had to compliment the girl on her observation to detail. "The reason I went after Voldemort is because I think I am the last Horcrux. When he tried to kill me, he put himself into me and that is why I can talk to snakes and such."
"Then what were you going to do about that?" the girl continued on.
"The only thing I could, after I had finished off Voldemort in his present state I was going to kill myself."
"Did Hermione and Ron know about this?" the girl asked.
Harry shook his head. "If they did, they wouldn't have let me go through with it. I didn't tell them to make sure I followed through." Harry felt tears prick his eyes as his mind went down this road of morbid thoughts.
The girl continued to look at him, with sympathy in her eyes and for some reason Harry couldn't take his eyes away from hers. They were dark and mysterious, and they seemed to hold all the sadness in the world. However, there was something else that was brimming over from everything else and he couldn't quite place what it was.
Harry was brought out of his thoughts by the timid voice of Patty, "do you still have these suicidal thoughts Harry?"
Harry turned his eyes away from the girls and glanced at all the faces. Peter was subtly shaking his head no. Even the snide boy was giving him the signal to lie. But, Harry decided he told the truth this far, he might as well not stop now. "Well, I haven't finished killing Voldemort yet, so until then I will not be killing myself."
Patty didn't accept this answer. "But, you are going to follow through on this plan to kill yourself, just not for a while though."
Now, Peter was furiously shaking his head, hoping that Harry was going to get the hint.
"That's correct," Harry stated confidently.
Patty made a tsking sound and jotted something down on the notebook in her lap. She gave Harry a long calculating stare and then wrote a couple more things down before returning her attention back to the group session at hand.
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
"You shouldn't have done that," Peter said for the fourth time while he and Harry were sitting in their room that evening.
Harry set down his journal and looked up at Peter. "What shouldn't I have done?"
"Tell them you are suicidal."
"But, I was telling the truth."
"Never tell people the truth! Lesson number 1 to surviving this joint"
"Huh?" Harry was confused.
Before Peter could explain there was knock on the door. Peter got up and opened the door for snide boy.
"Hey, I just wanted to say something to Harry," he said in a friendly tone.
Peter shrugged his shoulders and stood aside to let the boy enter. He came in and stood in front of where Harry sat cross-legged on his bed. "I just wanted to say I am sorry for the way I acted earlier. Today wasn't a good day, and well, for some reason…I don't know. I guess I just wanted to say I respect what you have been through and whether it's true or not is something else. One way or the other you have probably been through some messed up shit."
Harry couldn't help but be shocked. This kid was the last person he would expect to be nice to him, let alone say that he respected him. Now, he didn't know what to do. He was thrown off his guard. He decided to do the only thing he really could. "I'm sorry what is your name again?"
The guy laughed. "Sorry about that, forgot to introduce myself. I'm Alex, Alex Hamilton. I'm an 18 year old, drug addicted, manic depressive, homeless person."
Harry now knew why the kid had been such a jerk earlier. Anyone who had that many problems had the right to be an ass, at least in Harry's opinion. "Well, nice to meet you Alex, I'm Harry." Harry put out his hand for Alex to shake.
Alex seemed surprise by this kind offer but he immediately put his hand out there to shake Harry's hand firmly.
Peter watched this whole thing, and had always been wary of Alex, but from his behavior now, maybe he wasn't so bad. "Do you want to join us? I was just going to explain to Harry why telling the truth is wrong and why he shouldn't have told Patty about his suicidal tendencies."
Alex nodded in agreement and then jumped up on top of Harry's bed, making himself comfortable. "He is right, you really shouldn't have said anything about that."
Harry looked incredulous. "What? I don't have suicidal tendencies?"
Alex nodded sadly. "You do now. Anytime anybody mentions remotely that they want to kill themselves or that they hurt themselves then they are put on the suicidal watch list."
"That doesn't sound good," Harry muttered.
"It's not. I was on it about a year ago because I was having one of my bad days and I cut myself. Nothing life threatening like a major artery, but just on my arm some small shallow cuts. Well, my roommate then, who was a sniveling, whiney brown noser, went and told Patty. I was on that list for months. I had to have the door open at all times, people came and randomly checked in on and me, and I couldn't have anything harmful in my vicinity. It took me around two months of saying everything they wanted to hear to get off that damn list," Alex told Harry.
Harry did not like how this was turning out. "Ok, so I am supposed to tell them everything they want to hear? But don't they know that I am just lying? And what exactly do they want to hear?" Harry questioned the other.
Peter looked up from the sketch he was currently working on. "Well, first of all they want to hear that you are adjusting, looking at life in a new light, you feel like there is something to live for…etc. As for them figuring it out, yeah, at first they don't believe you, but eventually they don't know whether you are telling the truth or not, so they just slowly start believing it."
"Yup, I told them that I would never cut myself again, that it was a horrible choice of mine, and I regretted all of my decisions."
Harry nodded, trying to slowly comprehend all of these instructions. He could tell that it would take him a while to pick up on all of these rules.
Peter understood this confused look and reiterated the information, "so just remember above all else that lying is the key to freedom."
And for some reason that struck him as funny, and for the first time since he had been there, Harry let out a true laugh which was contagious to the other two boys. They laughed uproariously over Peter's lame joke, and just like that, a friendship amongst those three had been struck.
A/N-Well, there is the next chapter, yay for it for me finally writing it. I knew what was going to happen for quite some time, I just got writers block in the middle of the group therapy session and so I didn't write for a while. Then I picked it back up and hit a break through. I purposefully stopped writing in a place that was kind of a cliffhanger so that I could pick it back up easily with my new idea. However, when I did pick the story back up a month later, I couldn't remember what my great idea was, and to this day I still don't know what I had planned. I know it was good though. So, I had to rethink everything and write again. The last bit came really easily. Anywho, I know what is happening in the next chapter, but once again I can't promise when I will get the next chapter out. Just so you know, I have yet to abandon a story and I have no plans to. The major thing that will delay me is classes and my other fan fiction plans. I do want to write a one-shot for Rent in which Mark and Roger are not gay, and I want to write a Battlestar Galactica fic, probably about Starbuck and Apollo. However, I will keep chugging on this piece and will eventually get it out there. Sorry, for the hellishly long authors note. I love all the positive reviews and I thank you all readers for sticking by me on this fic.
-->