Author's Note: -squeal- My favorite chapter EVER.
Dedications: Don't worry. On the bright side, these things'll stop when I die.
My wonderful reviewers: You make me and my inbox smile.
Chapter 6: Oops! Day Three
(5:23 a.m. Hallways. St. Mungos Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. London.)
Lily was wandering the expansive hallways of St. Mungos despite the fact that everyone else was in bed. It was lucky that James had made friends with Harry's Healer, because if it weren't for her, they wouldn't have been able to stay with him tonight. The ward he had been assigned to could board two people, but Harry was its only occupant so an extra bed was left unoccupied.
When visiting hours had ended, two Healers came into the room; one foreign to Lily and the one who had taken Harry's blood pressure and had given James the pamphlet. The first Healer had tried to tell them to leave--that visiting hours were over--but when the second one saw Lily's tearful expression--which, I might add, she'd been trying to hide--she had given them special permission to stay. Much to the displeasure of the first Healer, I'm sure.
James had been sleeping at the time and when he awakened, Lily told him what had happened. He said that he was glad that they could stay, and he would have made sure of it even if they hadn't been given permission.
Lily beamed with pride.
They'd been sharing the bed all night, but she'd excused herself--claiming that she needed to go to the bathroom--for a walk. She'd feel rather guilty for lying to James later, but right now, she only felt sick.
It was probably due to the fact that she had eaten hospital food for dinner. And hospital food never coped well with her system. Maybe it was because she greatly disliked the place and associated it with bad things. Who knew? Or it could have been the chunk of peanut brittle she'd been given for dessert.
`I really shouldn't push my luck,' she thought glumly as her stomach gave an uneasy lurch. `Ahh! Bathroom!'
She scampered down the hall and into the main lobby, where she knew the bathroom was. The door swung back and forth violently as she hurried through it and into the nearest cubicle where she retched up her dinner.
Letting out a moan of distress and wiping her mouth, she leaned against the cubicle wall and drew her legs in an bend toward her chest.
`I hate peanuts,' she griped mentally. `I never want to see those vile legumes again.'
Now back to the bit about being a whore. Lily was having very mixed feelings about her actions towards John and James during the last couple of days. First, she had made love to John before leaving. She didn't know why she had chosen to accept his `gift' but somehow it comforted her and it had hopefully comforted him. And let him know that she didn't hate him. Or whatever he thought.
Then there was James. Why had he kissed her? Why? They were supposed to be trying this week for Harry. Harry, not themselves.
`But John arranged this for me,' she thought, `mostly for me, anyway. And I…I…'
`Love him?' offered the nasty voice.
`Yes. So much.'
`What about John?' it questioned. `Don't you love him?'
`Well…yes, but, this is different. I care a lot for John. I want him to be happy. And he did make me happy, and he took me in when I needed him, but….'
`You love James more?'
`It's not really that I love James more,' she conceded. `It's just that I'm not in love with John. I love him, yes. But I'm not in love with him.'
`What about that kiss James gave you? What happened then?'
`It...er…brought a lot of memories back,' Lily admitted. `I felt a lot for him when we kissed. It was like I…'
`Wanted him back?'
`Yes.'
`Do you think it'll happen?'
`I hope so. I want it to.'
`You know he loves you. He said so yesterday.'
`So he'll take me back?'
`I'm certain of it.'
Lily checked her watch: 5:30 a.m. She scrambled to her feet and left the ladies' room. The tiles were cold against her feet and she hurried down the long, winding hall. Pictures of past Healers grinned at her as she passed, and the Fountain of Magical Brethren stood tall and proud near the information desk. She turned right down the 600 hallway and made her way to the end, taking her time, to where ward 615 lay.
Her hand closed around the cool, silver doorknob and she pushed the door open. Harry was still sleeping soundly in his bed, turned on his side with his little hands upon the pillow and bed sheets. She drew back the curtain that separated the two beds to reveal a very sleepy looking James. He squinted in the darkness at her and then mumbled,
"Where'd you go? There's a bathroom in Harry's section of the room, you know."
Lily was glad it was so dark; her cheeks were flushed bright pink. "Oh." `I thought that was a closet. Honestly, they should label the doors around here.'
"Is everything okay?" he whispered as she lifted the blanket and joined him in bed. "You were gone for a while."
"I just…got a little sick. It was the peanut brittle."
James sighed. "I told you not to eat it!"
"Well, it was good. For hospital food, that is."
"You think the negative reinforcement would have kicked in by now," he mumbled.
"Oi!" she swatted him on the chest, ensuing a grin from him. But she snuggled closer to him anyway and he put an arm around her back, giving her forehead a kiss.
"I love you, Lil," he whispered. Lily felt a warm feeling seep through her body and she nuzzled under his chin with her head. He gave a small laugh and looked down at her.
"You remind me so much of a kitten when you do that," he chuckled. "I used to have one that would do the same."
Lily smiled. "Well, I used to have a lot of cats. I suppose it rubbed off."
"And the cuddling part," he added. "Oh, and the long naps. The laziness too."
"James!" she warned him, and then added, "At least I'm not a stupid deer!"
"Oi! Deer are not stupid and neither are STAGS," he put an unnecessary emphasis on `stag'. It was part of their joke. The first time James had shown her his Animagus form, she had mistaken the beautiful stag for a deer. Since then, she has overused the term.
"Nah, it's just the stags."
He poked her. "I am not."
She poked him back. "Yes you are."
He poked again in retaliation. "Then you love a stupid stag. And a stupid stag's son."
Lily considered this. "I guess I do."
James uttered a satisfied laugh and cuddled her close. "I win."
Lily mumbled something in reply, but it was muffled by James's shirt. "Hmm?"
"I said"--she lifted her head so he'd be able to hear her--"`you do not.' You just made a point, that's all."
"A winning point!" He loved teasing her. It was his greatest pastime.
"Oh, stuff it," she surrendered. "I'm tired."
"Aww," he cooed in mock sympathy. "Does my little kitten want to sleep?"
Lily smacked him.
"Ow!" he moaned, rubbing his face. "Ferocious little kitten!" She raised her hand in warning. "Okay, okay!" She lowered it and snuggled under the blankets. Once he was certain that she was all tucked in and unexpecting, he did the move that ended up with Lily on her back and he proudly straddling her middle. He smirked at her.
"You like to play that way, huh?" she asked, a grin starting.
"Indeed."
They didn't spend the whole time exchanging sarcastic remarks, but they didn't spend it sleeping, either.
- - -
(7:41 a.m. Ward 615. St. Mungos Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. London.)
`I can't believe myself,' thought Lily angrily. `Not that that wasn't wonderful…but still…'
She looked down at James, who had cuddled himself close to her soon after they'd finished. For someone who acted so tough, he sure loved to be held. Her arms were around him and his head was rested just above her breasts. His silky hair tickled her chin as he shifted position, but his glasses, which were painful if they pressed against you, had been removed.
Closing her eyes and savoring the softness of her pillow, she thought about earlier that morning and the night before James had come to pick up Harry and her. Both times had been done for two different reasons, and meant two totally different things to Lily.
With John, she had been trying to comfort him. Admittedly, sex had been the last thing on her mind that night, but there was no way she could have refused John. He had wanted it and it was their last night together. She didn't want to hurt him more than she already had by agreeing to the week with James. More than being comforting to him, it also comforted her some. It showed her that he wasn't angry at her for missing James or wanting to be with him. It was his way of telling her that he loved her one last time.
But she and James had done it strictly out of love for each other. She hadn't wanted their first time as a couple again to be in a hospital bed. Or in the same room as their small son, for that matter. That thin polyester curtain was not enough to block out the noise. She silently thanked anyone who was listening for the fact that no hospital staff worked late on their floor. James had also learned a few things that not only physically pleased Lily, but mentally too. He had finally learned to be more considerate of what she wanted during sex, and Lily found it to be their best time yet.
Though despite her reasons for her actions, she still felt like a whore.
`Two men in three days,' she thought dismally. `Oh, what would my mother say?'
`I think it's time to compare John and James,' said the nasty voice, `you need to know who you want.'
`I know I do,' thought Lily, `but how do I compare them? I love them both for different reasons.'
`Decide which reasons are more important.'
`Well,' began Lily, `I love John because he was the only one who cared about me after I left James. Everyone else at my job and in Hogsmeade looked down in shame on the teenaged mother. But he didn't. He was my friend.'
`Friend?' asked the nasty voice curiously, `Is that all?'
`Yes,' admitted Lily heavily. `I don't really regret letting it go farther, but friendship was all that I wanted from him.'
`Then why did you let it go farther?'
`I don't know.'
`Yes you do,' it conceded.
`Because he--he made me feel loved.'
`Now we're getting somewhere.'
`And feeling loved was what I wanted.'
`And James?'
`James is my best friend. He's been my best friend since the end of 6th year. I'm always happy around him and he's the one I…well, you know. Then there's Harry. Harry is his son and he loves James.'
`But he loves John too.'
`Yeah, but I'm happier with James. It's just like the old days again. And John can still see him. Also, like I've told you before: I am not in love with John. I care for him and his happiness, but I'm not in love with him. James took my heart long before I met John.'
`So then do as I keep telling you to do: go with James.'
`I don't want to hurt John's feelings. How could I go with James and not hurt John?'
`You can't. You'll just have to hope that he'll get over it one day. And if you leave James, you'll be unhappy too. John wouldn't want you to abandon someone you really love. Your relationship would be tainted with his realitization that you do not love him.'
`But I do. It's just different love. Friendly love.'
`Lily,' sighed the voice. `Why don't you just rest for a while and think about it on your own?'
`Oh. That's nice,' she thought as she felt the voice slip away. Carefully, Lily unwrapped her arms from around James's shoulders and laid him gently on the pillow beside her. He shifted and pulled the blanket closer, but stayed otherwise asleep and still. She drew her legs up from under the blanket and hopped silently onto the white floor tiles. When she drew back the curtain, Harry squealed, surprising Lily, because she thought he'd been asleep. And that didn't at all wan her anxiety or her guilt.
"Ma!" Harry burbled as she sat down on the side of his bed. He waggled his arms at her.
"I still don't know if I'm supposed to pick you up, Harry," she said seriously to her son. "Look at all of this stuff." She gestured to the IV bag and the machines. Harry whined at her and gave her `soulful puppy dog eyes.'
"Oh, stop that," she admonished with a playful grin. "You and daddy overuse that." Lily gasped when she realized what she'd said; daddy. She had called James his daddy. That was John's term. James was just…James. A rush of cold made her tremble slightly. She sighed and looked down at Harry.
"Do you like James?" she asked him. Harry grinned at the sound of his name.
"Ames! Ames!"
Lily giggled. "I guess you do. What about daddy?"
"Ames!"
Was Harry trying to tell her something? Was she receiving some sort of sign from her baby? Does this mean that he liked James better than John? Was she free to stay with James now? Did she want James?
`Yes, you want James!' said the nasty voice. `Stop doubting your choices. Tell me why you cry yourself to sleep when John isn't around. Tell me.'
`B-because of James. I miss him.'
`Would you really want to go back to your old life? Now that you know James wants you and Harry back?'
`Not really.'
`Not really? What is that supposed to mean?'
`I just don't want to hurt John.'
`You're going to have to accept that you can't make both of them happy.'
`I know.'
She sighed. The ward door swung open and the healer from yesterday walked in, looking surprisingly cheery for someone up so early. Lily was barely awake; her eyes were drooping and she'd like to collapse onto the bed right now and sleep till noon. And she was sure she didn't look presentable, because her ponytail had stray bits of hair protruding from it and it had taken a slight lean to the right. She was also wearing the same outfit from yesterday and was in desperate need of a shower.
"Good morning!" sang the healer. "How's our little patient?" She strode over to the opposite side of the bed from Lily and looked him over, occasionally glancing at her clipboard.
"Well, Mrs. Potter"--Lily blushed at her assumption--"it seems that your son has recovered well and you may take him home anytime today!"
Lily smiled at her. "Thank you." After making a few more marks on her paper, she tore off a section of it and handed it to Lily. "Here's his release form. Have a nice day." Lily wished her the same and by the time she'd pocketed the paper, the healer and her shocking green robes had left the room.
In answer to her fatigue, she laid down on the bed beside Harry and snuggled into her pillow. Perhaps she could get in a bit of sleep before James woke up and they had to leave. She'd get no sleep done on a bumpy train with a toddler and probably wouldn't get much once they got home.
- - -
The trip home had definitely been exhausting. It was hard enough to get through the thick crowd in central London to ride the underground, but sneaking three people into a train was much more difficult. Both Lily and James had stupidly forgotten their money in their rushes to Mungo's, so they had to jump the turnstile (one at a time: James first, he got Harry, then Lily) and wear the invisibility cloak the entire time while squashed in the back of the train.
It was when the train stopped that they remembered James's car back at the downtown London garage. It was another three hours until the train's route brought it back to where they started. But they had to admit that sneaking out was much easier than in; some man had foolishly left his coat unattended while he went to the bathroom and James swiped his ticket stubs. (His wife was sitting next to his unoccupied seat). And babies didn't need tickets, so they were all set.
After the drive home, they were all tired and went almost immediately to sleep once they got back. Harry was still a little drowsy from the anti-biotics, so that helped his slumber along as well. He enjoyed his first night in his new bedroom, as did Lily. She and James shared a bed with no difficultly at all. It wasn't awkward and it wasn't strange. But what was strange was that Lily felt as if no time had gone by since they brought Harry home from the hospital. The first time, of course. It was as if nothing with John had ever happened. It felt so natural to her to be going to sleep next to James. She cuddled herself closer to him and in no time drifted off to sleep.
- - -
The rest of the week went by very well in comparison to the second day. She and James grew closer than they had been before and Harry grew to like James more than he did John. Not that he said that, or anything, but Lily could just tell. James was at home far more than John was and played with him more as well. And there seemed to be a connection between Harry and James. A connection that John and he didn't have. Lily couldn't quite explain it, but she knew it was there. And James was even helping Harry with his walking. Although it wasn't quite walking yet. It was more standing while supported and wobbling. But they were progressing, at least.
There was nothing that could have made her go back to Lorillard Avenue with John. She had made up her mind for sure; she was staying. Her mood had not been this good since before she had left this house and she had not cried, other than at the hospital for her son, at all this week.
The last two days of her stay did, however, bring about a few physical problems with Lily; she had been getting sick several times during the day. And she hadn't had any peanuts since the peanut brittle at St. Mungo's. This was beginning to frighten her.
Because there was a very good possibility of something Lily had hoped never to experience again. But last time she hadn't gotten sick. At all. Last time she didn't find out until--
She covered her mouth with her hand and ran to the bathroom as another rush of sick traveled up her throat. She just made it in time.
"That's it," she said aloud, "I'm going to find out. Whether I like it or not."
- - -
Meanwhile, back at the ranch--well, really in the downstairs living room, but was that relevant? Anyhow, down in the living room, James was pacing. Back and forth in front of the couch with his hand clasped behind his back. Harry's bright green eyes were fixed on him from his position in his playpen, following him as he walked.
James craned his neck over his shoulder to glance at him. "Harry?" he asked, "do you think I should do this?"
The toddler just burbled his name happily. "Ames!"
"Do you think it's too soon? But really, it isn't very soon. We've known each other for years, and--" James stopped and gave his son a curious look. "What are you doing?"
Harry had a stuffed raggedy Anne doll in his mouth and was chewing on her eyeball. He giggled as James took it away. "That's your mother's! Don't drool on it!" Harry reached for the toy, but James just ruffled his hair and smiled at him.
They both averted their eyes to the staircase as the slapping of Lily's bare feet on the steps echoed through the house. She walked shyly into the living room and joined her hands behind her back. James smiled inwardly; she looked very pretty. And his confidence was growing. He was going to do it.
"Lily? Could you come here for a moment?" James sat down on the couch and Lily walked over to take the empty space next to him. They shifted a bit to make it easier to face each other. He took her hands.
"I have something to ask you."
"And I have something to tell you."
"Well, you go first," said James nervously, relieved to have his question delayed for the moment.
"No, no, you."
"Me? Why me?" he warbled.
She sighed. "We'll go at the same time then."
"Okay."
"Ready?"
"Maybe we should count down from three."
"Yeah, okay."
"One."
"Two." In the space between `two' and the time they told each other what they needed to say, Lily and James became very, very nervous. For James, this was the most audacious thing he'd done in his entire life and there was a huge possibility of it ending in disappointment. And with Lily's news, she could either be squashed to death in a hug, or yelled at and rejected. But both decided to take their chances. There was no turning back now. Especially for her.
"Will you marry me?" "I'm pregnant."
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