Chapter 4
Harry awoke to find a woman standing over him in the darkness. "Teresa?" he asked.
"No, it's Hermione. The meeting is over and you can come have pudding if you'd like…"
"Hermione…" he breathed. She was struck by the fact that the way he said her name now with so much uncertainty sounded eerily similar to the way he'd said it when they'd made love.
She shook the thought from her head. "I'm here," she answered before taking his hand and leading him down the staircase. They again joined Luna, Ron and the others in the drawing room. Harry chose the squashy chair closest to the fire, while Hermione kneeled beside him.
Finally, Mr. Weasley spoke. "Harry, we have concerns that we need to address with you…"
Harry asked, "Why?"
Mr. Weasley was taken aback at the question. "Well…er…you can certainly understand that what we want is what's best for you…but we must also consider what is best for the entire wizarding world."
"What does that have to do with me?" he asked a bit more firmly.
"Harry…" Hermione took over. "You've suffered a major head injury…one that probably should have killed you. You have lasting repercussions from that…"
"So…" he shrugged like an insolent child.
The guests all looked at Remus, who was making a face as if to say, "This is what I was talking about…"
Mrs. Weasley handed him a plate of the tarts she'd brought. He took a bite and closed his eyes in ecstasy. "This is really good! Thank you…er…Ma'am."
Arthur continued again. "We need to ask you some questions…and a few might be a bit uncomfortable for you…but by law, we have to know…"
"Why," Harry asked again.
"Our world is kept hidden from the Muggle world. We have laws to enforce that…"
"What does that have to do with me?" he asked.
Ron said, "Let me try…Mate, it's like this…You were in the Muggle world for nearly two years…"
"So…" he shrugged.
The rest of the group looked at each other in helplessness.
"So, what Ron is getting at," began Tonks, "is that we need to know if you've done anything illegal according to our laws." When Harry, among several others made motions as if they were going to object, Tonks continued quickly, "Not on purpose, of course, but we need to know so that we can to take action to protect you, if we need to."
"Protect me from what?" Harry asked confused.
"Let's just worry about that if it comes to it…" said Remus in a calming voice. "This might sound strange, but you've said you spoke many times with a Muggle psychiatrist. Did you in any of those conversations mention magic or being a wizard?"
"No, I mean, how could I? I didn't know it existed until I was taken from there…"
"Good…good," stated Mr. Weasley. "Did you at any time use any magic, even if accidentally, in front of any Muggles?"
"I can't do magic. I keep waving the stick around and nothing happens…"
"Sometimes if you are really angry or scared, a wand isn't necessary to do magic…" said Hermione carefully. She noticed that he was getting agitated and laid a hand on his arm. He rapidly pulled his arm away.
"I don't remember," he said. His knees were bouncing up and down slightly as he looked from one person to another.
"That's fine," said Mr. Weasley. "We can find out in other ways…Now, Harry, you mentioned a nurse…a Teresa that spoke with you extensively. Is that correct?"
"So…" he shrugged as if he was buying time to avoid the question.
Remus took over. "Did…er…anything…occur…with her that might compromise our security to the point where we would need to take action?" Harry looked at Remus as if he were a complicated puzzle.
"What he's getting at, Boy," said Alastor Moody, "is did you go out with the nurse socially?"
"I had a few day passes with her, yes."
"What did you do on those dates?" Moody asked.
"I don't remember…" said Harry honestly. His knees were literally jumping by this time. He wrapped his arms around his stomach which made him look like a finely wound top.
Suddenly, he unwrapped his arms from his stomach and clutched his head, screaming in pain.
Moody cast 'Mobilus Corpus' after stunning him. "Let's get him back to St. Mungo's…" Moody grab Harry's floating still body and went outside to Apparate them both to the hospital.
Hermione had tears rolling down her cheeks as she confronted the others left in the drawing room. "He isn't ready for all of this…he's just barely getting by and we've just made it worse. Can you imagine how he'll be when they revive him? He's going to run…"
Mr. Weasley laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "We won't allow that to happen, Hermione. But maybe you should be there when they revive him in any case."
Even with Hermione talking to him, Harry was so agitated when he was revived; the Healer stunned him again right away. Hermione sat right beside him as he lay quietly. His eyes, wide and crazed, were the only sign that he was awake.
"I'm so sorry, Harry," she said as she stroked his hair. "I'm sure that felt like an inquisition to you. They just needed to know if more memory charms were needed to maintain secrecy. No one meant to hurt you…"
Ron stuck is head in the door. "How is he?" he asked.
"I don't know, really. The Healer didn't say much. He seems calm enough but take a look at his eyes. He must be going through his own private hell right now…" she answered.
"The Healer wants to talk to us in his office…" Hermione followed him out of the room.
The Healer ushered them into the office. "I know you have questions, but let me tell you what I see," he said. "Your friend had a very serious head injury. The fact that he was unconscious for so long indicates that the chance of a full recovery is very small. He is exhibiting some of the classic signs associated with an injury such as he had. While I don't think it will get worse, I'm not confident it will get much better. We have potions and charms to help his headaches, if you can get him here for them. His short term memory is spotty at best and his long term memory, semantic memory and episodic memory are difficult for him."
"Will they get any better?" asked Ron.
"We don't know that. We hope so, but giving you false hope is not going to be helpful for anyone involved. He's going to need constant supervision as soon as he is released. Miss Granger, you live with him, is that correct?"
"Yes," said Hermione.
"If it is within your means, I'd recommend a live-in nurse. While he seems healthiest while playing with your young child, we don't want him to forget he's an adult…"
"Is that likely?" asked Ron.
"Possible…" replied the Healer.
A few days later, Hermione was able to take Harry home. She'd taken another leave of absence from her job at the Ministry to take care of him. One morning after visiting her mum, Hermione arrived back to Grimmauld Place to find it empty. Frantic to find where Harry had gone, she Floo'd Ron to help her find him. After spending hours Floo-calling friends and searching on foot Ron decided to check the attic. There he found Harry staring out a window. "Harry!" he cried. "I'm so glad to see you! What are you doing up here?"
"I got lost…" Harry said quietly.
"You could've shouted at us. We would have found you."
"That makes sense…" Harry replied with a nod of agreement.
Ron led Harry back down to the drawing room, where Hermione threw her arms around him. "Where have you been?" she cried. "We were all worried…"
"He couldn't find his way," said Ron. "I found him staring out the window up there."
"Harry! That could have been dangerous for you!" said a shocked Hermione. "What if you'd gone out into the street?"
"I got a little disoriented. It's not that big of a deal…" replied Harry.
Remus came in and visibly relaxed when he saw Harry. Something shot out from the end of his wand and disappeared through the wall. "What happened?" he asked.
"Harry got lost and…" Ron looked over at Harry who was glaring at him. "…and we found him in the attic. It's no big deal…"
"Has this happened before, Harry?" Remus asked.
"I get a little disoriented sometimes, yeah, but this is a really big house. Who wouldn't lose their way a bit on occasion?" Harry looked at them all challengingly. "I don't need a minder…"
"No one is saying you do, but please shout for one of us next time, alright?" Hermione said as she released him.
"I'll try to remember…" he agreed resignedly. "I'm tired. I think I'll kip for a bit…"
Ron followed discreetly behind saying he had to use the loo. Once he returned, he joined Remus and Hermione in the kitchen. "He found his bed okay," he said.
"What are we going to do, Ron?" she asked. "His short-term memory is spotty at best. His retrograde amnesia isn't improving and it's like he's in complete denial that anything is wrong. Sometimes I can't even hold a conversation with him. He gets distracted or irritable with me. You saw him the other night. If he can't understand what you are saying, he just says, 'Why?' or 'What's that got to do with me?' It's so very frustrating."
"How is his magic coming? Anything yet?" he asked Remus.
Remus shook his head. "I don't know why, either. The magic is there, he just can't access it. I've seen him do accidental magic on occasion, but that's all. Hermione, I know you want to take care of him, but maybe we should think about another option…"
"I won't have him committed to St. Mungo's. It'll drive him mad. What if we hired another nurse for him?"
"That might work," replied Remus. "I'll check into it and get back to you…" Remus made his preparations to leave, while Hermione served tea.
"When you moved in here, did you expect all of this?" Ron asked concerned.
"Maybe not all of it, but I did my research and knew it wouldn't be the same as it was before…I just…"
"Didn't think you'd end up minding a grown man…" Ron finished for her.
"I love him, Ron. I'll do whatever it takes…" she swore.
"I know you do. I think I've known it since before you and I tried to make a go of it. Is there anything I can do to help you?"
Hermione shook her head. "He's safe. He's alive and we're going to help him get better."
Ron placed his hand on Hermione's. "You heard the Healer. He may not get any better. Can you handle him like he is, long-term?"
"I know he'll never be completely better, but I'm optimistic that we can help him get some improvement, possibly substantially. I've got the information the Healer gave us. Eventually I'll have him back in for treatments. Besides, he gets on so well with Andrew. Maybe that will give him enough incentive to not be as depressed…"
"Yeah, I can see that," said Ron with a warm smile. "Who can stand being depressed around him?"
Harry woke an hour later. Ron had gone home and Hermione was preparing dinner. "Something smells really
good…" he said as he entered the kitchen.
"Have a nice sleep?" Hermione asked.
"Yeah, I'm feeling loads better…Listen, I'm sorry if I was a bit out of sorts earlier…I just…"
"No matter," she answered. "If getting a bit turned around is the worst thing to happen today, then I'd suppose we could call it a good day…"
"There are so many things that are just out of my reach, Hermione. The harder I try to grasp them; the more confused I get…"
"Then don't try so hard," she stated evenly.
"Yeah, that's easy to say…"
"Well, why don't you go and get Andrew. He needs to wake up soon anyway. Then we'll have a nice dinner, alright?"
Harry brought Andrew down, while Hermione served plates. Harry tried to cut Andrew's meat into fine pieces. He found, however, that his fingers wouldn't cooperate. Hermione didn't say a word, but just took over the task as if she didn't notice. She cut Harry's into pieces as well.
"I could've done it…" Harry complained.
"I know you could have," she answered. "I'm just so used to doing it that it's just natural…instinct, even." She smiled at him, hoping he believed her. "I'd like for us to talk after Andrew goes to bed…if you want to..."
Harry beamed at her. "I'd like that…thanks"
Andrew took a bite of his ham, and said, "Mmmmmm…" before offering Harry a piece. Harry returned the favor with a bit of mushy peas. The two took turns feeding each other until Andrew's plate was empty. "Narwon?" he asked his mum.
"Another what, love?" she asked. Andrew pointed a chubby finger toward the mashed potatoes and then the ham. Finally when the boy was getting full, he played with his food more than ate it. "You ate so well tonight," she told her son. "I think you like being around Harry…" then to Harry she said, "He normally isn't a very good eater. It isn't a pleasant experience. You are a good influence on him."
"At least I'm good for something," stated Harry as he stood to move his dishes to the sink.
Hermione looked at him sympathetically. "You are good for loads of things. Don't be so hard on yourself…"
"Why?" he asked.
Knowing he was losing the conversation, she switched. "Did you want to help give Andrew his bath? Maybe he won't fuss so much if he has you there…"
Hermione joined Harry in the large drawing room and sat with him on the couch by the fire. "Do you have a headache?" she asked him.
"It's not bad," he answered. "I've had worse."
"Harry, our world has potions that can assist with those. We have charms and spells that may even make them go away. Would you like me to check on that?"
Harry shrugged. "If you want…" He looked in her eyes briefly before returning his gaze to the crackling fire.
She slid closer to him and wrapped his arm around her. He quickly pulled his arm away and attempted to surreptitiously move away from her. "What's wrong?" she asked trying hard not to feel hurt.
"I don't want to touch you," he answered honestly.
"May I ask why not? There's nothing wrong with comforting a fellow human being…"
"Do I have to remind you that I can't remember my past? No one has said much of anything about my personal life. All I hear about is what a brave soul I am and my life at school. What did I do for fun? Was I dating anyone? Was I married? Did I even want to be? Did I have a girlfriend? Was I a virgin? These are things I can't remember…and I must because I can't see myself moving on if I don't."
"Stay right here a minute…" she told him grinning. She rose from the sofa and ran up the stairs. Returning quickly, she sat back down by him holding a photo album. "These are wizarding pictures, so don't be alarmed if they move. These are pictures that could answer those very questions. I have to first ask if you want those answers…"
"Why wouldn't I? I mean if I can see myself I might possibly remember. I want so badly to remember."
"These pictures may reveal information that you aren't ready for. They may make you feel differently about a lot of things."
"That would be my problem, wouldn't it?"
She opened the cover of the book. "So, you never had a relationship with that nurse?"
Harry looked up from the picture of himself, Ron and Hermione apparently laughing at something out of the view of the lens. "Teresa? No. It's like I told you…and her, come to think of it, until I know about the past, the future doesn't matter."
"You mean that she wanted a relationship with you…"
"I don't know about that…" he said carefully not really sure why he needed to be careful. "She and I went out a handful of times. If she saw it as dates, I don't know. I saw it as supervised outings. I mean, I knew if I wanted to kiss her, it wouldn't be rejected, but…"
"You didn't…"
"No, I didn't. I'm not a cheat. Until I know I wasn't involved with anyone before I left…"
"You think you were?" she asked.
"I'm not sure, and I don't know how, but I feel like there was someone…"
Hermione turned the page and revealed a picture of an unguarded moment. In the picture Hermione appeared to be studying, however it was obvious she was daydreaming or reliving a glorious memory, while Harry was standing off to the side watching her with a small grin. The love he had for her shining in his eyes.
Harry snapped his head up from the book and looked at her. "It's you…" he said, his eyes wide with realization. She smiled as she faced him. He gently lowered his lips to hers.
Almost at once, the fire roared to life. The couple on the couch sprang apart as Ron stepped into the room. Hermione glared at him before tempering her expression.
"Hey, guys," Ron greeted. He looked from Hermione to Harry and back again. Seeing the photo album on Hermione's lap, he added, "Oh, pictures!" and sat down between them.
Hermione jumped up like a startled cat and ran to her room. Returning, she had a different photo album in her hand. "Let's look at this one…" she suggested.
Hours later, after Harry had long since gone to bed; Ron and Hermione were talking in the kitchen over a cup of hot chocolate. "So…er…did I interrupt anything earlier?"
Hermione got a glazed look in her eyes. "It was wonderful, Ron…" she sighed.
"He didn't…er…you know…" Ron sputtered.
"Not like that, silly," Hermione chided gently. "We were talking…just talking. He said he knew almost nothing about his personal life and that he can't think of a future until he knows more about his past. He never even kissed that nurse! He said he could feel that there was someone waiting for him. He doesn't remember who or how, but knew he'd be cheating if anything happened with her. Ron, don't you see what this means?"
"I know what I think it means. What do you think?"
"To me, it means the memories are still there. He just can't access them. Yes, I know it isn't much, but I'm feeling a bit more optimistic that his memory will return in time."
"He still has big problems, Hermione…"
"I know…the mood swings, irritability, disorientation and all that, but for the first time, I feel like he could remember me…that, in time…lots of time…we'll have him back!"
"I hope you are right. I want that more than anything, not only for you, but for Andrew. But if it doesn't happen, I don't want to see you hurt. Will you talk to me? I'll try to play devil's advocate…"
"You're truly a good friend, Ron."
"Just be careful, alright?"
"He kissed me, Ron…"
"I assumed that when I came in…"
Hermione gave him a quick glare before saying, "He was talking about how he felt there was someone in his life, so he wouldn't look at anyone else. He looked at a picture, said, 'It's you' and kissed me. I really think he's going to remember me…"
"For your sake, I hope so."