Chapter 5
The only sounds permeating the small kitchen was the subtle ticking of the wall clock and the occasional clinking of silverware as the occupants picked at their plates. Each made an attempt to make the other think they were actually eating, unaffected. Both failed.
"Do you regret it?" Harry asked, not lifting his eyes from the plate in front of him.
"I wouldn't say regret exactly…" Hermione replied. "I mean it was bound to happen sooner or later….What about you? Is it a repulsive thought that you and I were together?"
"No, not at all," he answered. "It makes my attraction to you make that much more sense. Not that it isn't logical…I mean look at you."
"You've found yourself attracted to me?" she asked flirtingly.
"Yes," he said with a sly grin.
"Maybe, we can explore that….later"
"I really have to have a minder…" he said with a sigh unaware he was changing the subject.
Hermione groaned. "Not a minder, a nurse. You won't go to St. Mungo's, so we're bringing it to you."
"This person is going to live here?" he asked. "And stay with me and Andrew while you work…"
"Yes, we talked about this," she said trying to keep from becoming irritated.
"I don't like it…" he grumbled.
"You don't have to like it," she replied. "It's just the way it's going to be."
"Shouldn't Andrew be up soon?" he asked.
"I took him to my mother's this morning."
"Why?" he asked.
She smiled knowing he was losing his concentration. She was surprised he'd stayed with it for so long.
The young nurse arrived promptly at noon. Hermione showed her around, leaving the introduction to Harry for last. As expected, Harry was polite, but yet not cordial.
"Mr. Potter, it is indeed a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I've heard so much about you…"
"Thank you," Harry responded. "I'm sure that will be an advantage for you…"
"I'll be home by five and if you need anything, just floo my office…"
The nurse left to accustom herself to the house. She knew of Harry's tendencies and needed to know where to look for him should he get confused.
"Please don't leave me," he begged Hermione. "I don't like her."
"Give her a chance, Harry," Hermione persuaded. "She's had experience in this kind of thing in the Muggle world. You'll be fine." Harry scowled. "Now give me a kiss and I'll be back soon."
"I could get used to this…." Harry said as he wrapped his arms around her.
"If you could remember it…" she teased.
"You never did say whether or not I've ever…" he said as he bent down to hover his lips enticingly close to hers.
"We'll have to discuss that later, if you're good."
"Yes, Mum," he said with a teasing pout before his face fell. "It seems like that doesn't it? Like you've got two children rather than one? I mean, you moved in here and I was supposed to watch Andrew while you worked and help you with him. Maybe you should rethink this…"
"I don't need to rethink anything," she said frankly. "Now kiss me before I have to go without one."
Harry soon adjusted to the nurse being around. She took him through some memory exercises, physical therapy and basic magic. She noticed that he was weaker on his right side, so she had him try his wand in the other hand.
"Look!" he shouted. The nurse looked up from her parchment and saw that he was able to elevate a feather a few centimeters off the table.
"Very good, Mr. Potter!" she said. "Now try to lift it higher…"
Harry tried again and still a few centimeters were all he could manage. He released the spell and threw his wand against the wall. Flinging himself on the sofa, he with a look dared her to speak.
"I've been a nurse for awhile, Mr. Potter. Temper tantrums don't faze me, nor does glaring. Go get your wand and start again…" Harry rose and walked across the room. By the time he'd gotten there, he'd forgotten why he'd come. He looked at the nurse. "Pick up your wand, please, Mr. Potter and bring it over here."
He did as she asked and returned to the chair. "What would you like me to do?" he asked.
"Levitate the feather, please. Do you know the spell?" Harry shook his head. She told him the spell and the wand movement. "Now try with your left hand…."
Again he was able to lift the feather by casting the spell with his left hand. "I did it!" he said excitedly.
"Yes, you did. Congratulations. Now try again and lift it higher…" After about fifteen minutes of practicing the levitating spell, Harry was exhausted and attempting to clutch his head without the nurse seeing. His sweat soaked shirt clung to his chest. "You've made excellent progress, Mr. Potter…"
"Please, call me Trey…"
"Alright, thanks, Harry. You've made excellent progress today and I'd like you to go and take a bath and then rest before Miss Granger comes home."
The nurse came up to check on Harry after a few minutes. He wasn't in the loo or his room, so she began her search for him. She found him on the fourth floor in a vacant bedroom with what looked like straw and droppings on the floor.
"Hello," he said casually. "May I help you?" He was crouched in a corner tugging on his hair.
"I think I can help you, Harry. Take this potion….there's a good boy…." Once he'd drained the glass, she offered him a hand up and sent him into the loo down the hall.
"This isn't my bathroom," he complained. "Whose house are we in?"
"This is your house, Harry. We're just on a different floor." She waved her wand at the large tub and when it had filled, tossed a powder in. "There, your bath is all ready and I've added a relaxant to help you sleep…I'll be back in about twenty minutes, if you aren't out by then."
"I don't have a watch…"
"Just do your best…" she smiled. At his surprised look, she said, "I'm only going to knock, Harry. Your virtue is safe with me."
"Am I?" he asked.
She responded, "Are you what? Virtuous or safe…"
"Virtuous…"
"Yes, I'd have to say you are…" She smiled at him and left the room.
Hermione arrived home to find the nurse preparing dinner. "Oh, you didn't have to do that, Kate…"
The nurse chuckled. "I find it easiest to think that if I want to eat, I have to cook. Anyway, your Harry had a good day today. I was hoping to discuss it with you before he awoke."
"Certainly," said Hermione. "And we can share cooking duties…"
"Excellent, Miss Granger," Kate smiled. "It seems the span of time that Mr. Potter can concentrate is ten minutes. After that, he tends to wander. He has pronounced weakness on his right side, so I had him try to cast spells with his left hand. He was able to levitate a feather a short distance briefly. Magic is very draining for him, so advanced spells are out of the question for the time being."
"Will that always be the case?" Hermione asked.
"That only time will tell. My theory is that his magic is overextending itself just with the healing process. There's not much left over for spells and charms. After approximately seven minutes, he loses his ability to concentrate and can't get it back until he's rested. He gets irritable, forgetful and disoriented. After completing the spell successfully a number of times, he addressed himself as Trey, became agitated when I asked him to try again and lost his way to the loo…"
"So in essence, we just need to limit questionings and exercises to five minutes and gradually increase as he's successful…correct?"
"Correct. However, I do caution you that there will be plateaus and regressing until such time as he is as good as he will ever be. I foresee a time when soon, while I'm here to supervise, Harry will be able to care for your son for limited time spans. As for the future, I can't say. It would depend on how much he improves."
"I understand. My mum has no trouble with watching him…"
"Yes, but Harry needs to be made to feel useful. He knows he can't work and feels he's being a burden on you. That is contributing to his depression. Besides, the boy will hit terrible twos soon and we can't have a tantrum contest…"
Hermione chuckled. "That's what it seems like sometimes, doesn't it?"
"He, also," said Kate, "seems to need reassurance that he was a good person. Have you noticed that?"
"Yes, I have," Hermione replied. "I think it stems from when he killed Voldemort. He struggled with the idea when he first learned of the prophecy, as we all did, but Harry...it affected him differently. He went a bit mad in our sixth year…in a kind of 'it's not real if I don't let it be' way." Harry came into the kitchen with a strange, dazed look on his face. "Are you alright?"
"I just had a strange dream, that's all. I'm fine," he said quietly.
"Tell me about the dream, Mr. Potter…" suggested the nurse.
"There were these fat people…they were shouting at me…" he began. "I don't know who they are but they absolutely loath me…"
Hermione gasped. "Describe them…"
"The older man had a bushy moustache, while the younger was almost piggish looking. The woman was slim and appeared almost regal in an 'I'm better than any of you' manner…I don't understand why I would dream about them."
Hermione walked over and touched his arm. "That was your mother's sister and her family. They raised you…"
Harry sighed and rubbed his head. "But why did I dream that they hated me? It makes no sense…"
Pulling his hand away, Hermione took over by running her fingers through his hair. "They were afraid of magic, Harry. They weren't very nice to you. The important thing is that you remembered something. It wasn't a pleasant memory, but at least it's something."
Kate nodded her agreement with a smile. "Your exercises seem to be working quickly, Mr. Potter. That's excellent news…"
"Call me Harry…please…" he told the nurse.
"Thanks, Harry. I'd like you to keep a journal with you at all times. Anything that might be a memory needs to written down. We can discuss it and decide if it truly is a memory. Then, you'll have a record to reference. Does that sound agreeable?"
"Yes, it makes sense to me…" Harry responded. "Where's Andrew?"
"He's still at Mum's. I was just about to go and get him."
"You just needed to get the report, first. I understand…" Harry said with an embarrassed smile.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "You know I worry about you. I know Andrew is fine at Mum's. I wasn't sure what I'd find here…"
"I was pleasant, wasn't I Kate?" Harry smirked.
"You were much better than I expected, Harry. In case like these a pattern is usually much more difficult to distinguish, however you seem to have a timetable about things. It makes my job a whole lot simpler…"
"Glad to oblige. Now, Hermione, if you would, please, go and get him. I've missed him today."
Hermione beamed at him. "I'll just do that…" She kissed his cheek and went out to Apparate to her childhood home.
"Harry," said Kate. "What we've learned today is that your limit for concentration is about ten minutes, and your magical limit is nearer to seven. How that helps us is it enables us to schedule your therapy in those increments, thereby maximizing our time. Tomorrow, we'll work on meditation so when you feel yourself losing track of a conversation, you can excuse yourself to prevent overload."
"You could tell all that from what we did today?" he asked.
"Yes and if my timing is correct, I've got less than a minute to finish, so try to stay with me…Once you've reached the end of concentration ability, you become either irritable, confused or lost. If you try to overcome that, you get a headache. The severity depends on you. I have potions to help with all but the worst of them, so let me know." She looked at her watch and back at Harry. She could see a spark of confusion beginning in his eyes, so she finished rapidly. "I can help you, Harry. You just have to let me."
"Why?" Harry asked.
"Because I said so, now let's head into the drawing room and rest our minds for a bit while I finish dinner."
"Why?" he asked as she led him over by the fire.
"Because I said so..."
Harry stared at the fire until Hermione and Andrew arrived through it in a whirl of emerald flame. The boy ran over to Harry, shrieking, "Da!" Harry scooped him up and began bouncing him on his knee. Hermione went down to the kitchen to help with dinner. When she returned, her son and his father were having a crawling race on the floor.
She watched them silently for a few minutes silently until it dawned on her the reason Harry liked to be around the tot so much. They had similar attention spans. It fit with what Kate had told her. The two on the floor quickly forgot about the race and began stacking blocks. "Hey, guys," she said. "Is anyone hungry?"
"Me!" giggled Andrew as Harry tickled him. The boy's flailing legs knocked over the small tower they'd quickly built.
Hermione picked up her son and left the room with Harry trailing behind. "Harry, you used to be a wonderful cook. Did you want to try it again sometime? Planning meals and things would give you something to do…"
"You aren't afraid I'll burn down the house?" he asked.
"You wouldn't on purpose, I know that, but Kate can help. It might be fun for you."
"I'd better decline for now, I think, maybe later when I'm better." Harry turned at the staircase and took a step to climb the stairs.
"Dinner is this way…" Hermione stated. "Or if you were going to wash up, you can do that in the kitchen as well…"
"Yeah, okay, thanks," Harry replied.
The meal was a pleasant event. Harry wasn't required to talk much. He busied himself with assisting Andrew. Hermione marveled at the way the two got along. It seemed like for the first time in quite awhile, she could enjoy her dinner without worrying about her son
Harry awoke with a massive migraine that no potion could relieve. His screams awoke everyone in the house, including Andrew, who was voicing his fright and displeasure loudly.
Kate attempted to talk Harry into returning to St Mungo's to no avail. His anxiety at the thought increased the pressure within his head until he was sure it would burst. Hermione had cast a silencing charm on Andrew's room and got the boy back to bed. She stayed with him as he slept. Her heart cried out for her to go back to Harry, but she knew her child must come first.
At long last, Harry quieted and fell into an exhausted sleep. Kate was sure he was still in agony, but too tired to react. She resolved to help him, whether he refused it or not. He needed to be in the hospital and she'd get him there, even if she had to stun him.
After a few nights of the same, Kate noticed that using magic was what was causing the migraines. She ended the magic lessons and everyone, except herself, slept peacefully.
The next morning, being Hermione's day off, Kate went to discuss her patient with her superiors at the hospital. Having grown up hearing about 'The-boy-who-lived' her heart ached at the realization of the prognosis should her instincts prove to be correct.
She returned back to Grimmauld Place with a heavy heart. She found Harry happily chasing the small boy. Hermione was watching and laughing. The tall, red-haired man and his girlfriend were visiting as well. Harry looked like he hadn't a care in the world.
"So this is what you get up to when I step out for a bit…" Kate teased.
Harry gave her a wide grin. "Can I help it if he's more fun than you are?" Kate stared at him as he resumed his fun with the boy before she retired to her room.
Hermione shared a smile with Ron, who whispered, "I'm starting to see Harry in him. He hasn't changed."
"He has," corrected Hermione, "but not as much as you and your dad thought."
"How is doing…really?" asked Luna.
"He has good days and bad days…" she answered. "His headaches are worse. His disorientation is about the same, but now we know what to watch for so that he doesn't get too far gone…"
"I'm so sorry, Hermione…" Luna uttered quietly.
Hermione smiled. "Don't be. I've got him back. That's what's important."
Ron lowered his voice even further. "Have you told him about…" He gave a subtle nod toward the boy. "Does he know?"
"No, it's just too hard, Ron. He's only got a limited time of coherence before he loses it. I can't just drop that on him and leave it. When he gets a bit better, I'll tell him."
After dinner Hermione took Andrew up to bed. Harry wrapped his arm around her as she sat next to him. When the
conversation proved too confusing for him to follow, he distracted himself by nuzzling Hermione's neck until he was
mentally ready to rejoin.
Ron looked at Hermione strangely. It was odd seeing his friend act so childishly. Before he could ask her about it, she gave a shake of her head, silently begging him not to. She mouthed toward Ron, "I'll tell you later…"
"Kate seems nice," said Luna.
"She's alright, I guess," Harry replied. "I'd feel better if I didn't know she was watching me all the time. I'm getting better though, so I can't complain."
"Hermione said that she's got you doing a bit of magic now. Congratulations," said Ron.
"Yeah," Harry grumbled. "It's really hard, but I can do a bit of it…Want to see?"
"NO!" shouted Hermione. "I mean…I'm so comfortable right like we are. I don't want you to get up…"
Harry smiled at her and kissed her temple. "Alright," he said. "I won't move then."
Harry lost track of the discussion soon after that and fell asleep on Hermione's shoulder. Ron levitated him up to his bed. Upon his return, he saw that Kate had joined the group. He sat back down by Luna, who leaned against him comfortably.
"I waited until Harry was asleep to come down," Kate began. "I've talked to the Healers and wanted to discuss our findings with the both of you."
"What's wrong?" asked Hermione immediately.
"Magic can cure many ailments in our world. I began to get concerned when the pattern showed that his using the slightest bit of magic caused him such horrendous headaches. We need to him at the hospital to know for sure, but we think his magic is what's keeping him alive. This coincides with the fact that such a powerful wizard can only perform the most elementary spells."
"What does this mean?" asked Luna. "What is going to happen to him?"
"I hate to speak without knowing for sure. I'll need to run some tests, but the Healers agree that at this point that he's like a Muggle time-bomb. The magic he redirects outwardly as in casting spells means less magic is holding him together. He is slowly regaining his memories bit by bit in his dreams. That's where the trouble lies. As his semantic memory is regained, he will know all of the magic he is capable of. His short term memory is about as good as it is going to get, so we are afraid he will cast spells that could kill him. He won't remember that he's not supposed to. That includes accidental magic, as well."
Hermione gasped. "Can't we have his magic bound so that he can't cast the more complex spells?"
"We've thought of that, but it would also bind the magic that is trying to heal his damaged brain. We haven't thought of any options yet, but our best guess is that he's got only a few more weeks before he regains the memories that will be dangerous for him."
"What do we do?" asked Ron. "Memory charm? Would that help?"
"That is what we are looking into and like I said, we need to run tests, but he's so against the hospital, we're afraid that the accidental magic will manifest itself and we are done before we ever get started. We'll lose him before we can figure out how to help him."
"That's unacceptable," Hermione stated. "I'm not losing him again. I won't!"
Tear stains were evident on every face as they talked. "What if we Confund him?" asked Luna. "He'd not be able to discern where we were taking him."
Hermione answered, "That's an excellent option, but temporary. He'll come out of it and we'll be back where we started, and with the added challenge that he'd feel betrayed. Right, Kate?"
"What about everyday activities?" asked Ron. "Will any of those prove dangerous for him, even without magic?"
"Most should be alright. Is there a specific activity that you are questioning?" inquired the nurse.
Ron's face turned a brilliant shade of red. "He and I were talking the other day. He admitted to having certain…er…dreams about…er…someone. He thinks they are a fantasy. I don't know. Since you say his memories are returning in his dreams, and if he were to…act on these memories…"
"He's had dreams about sex?" Hermione asked. "He told you that?"
"Actually, what he said was that he's been having dreams about you, Hermione. I read the sex part between the lines…"
"What did he say exactly?" Kate asked.
"He asked if I thought Hermione fancied him still. He said that he'd had dreams about her. He wouldn't say what happened in these dreams; he just got a goofy smile on his face…I could be reading more into it than there is, but, I got the distinct impression that he was trying to see where he stood with her and if a pass would be rejected." He looked at Hermione who was wearing a small dreamy-eyed smile.
"I can ask the Healers if it would cause him any harm. In the meantime, we have to assume it will because of the magical properties of sex," replied Kate.
"When did he talk to you about me?" Hermione asked.
"The other night, when you went to your mum's with Andrew. We had a few drinks and talked some guy-talk. Why?"
"It just seems odd, that's all," she replied. "He keeps asking me whether or not he's a virgin. Maybe he's just figured it out is all…"
"Speaking of strange, Ron's told me stories of how Harry used to wander the halls at night and stayed up so late. While I realize he's hurt, but isn't it odd that he sleeps so much?" asked Luna.
"When we were looking for the horcruxes, he'd take loads more watches than we did," observed Hermione. "I know he's always been a poor sleeper, but now you mention it…"
"Maybe he just needs it to heal…" offered Ron.
"Or maybe…" added Kate "…he's wanting his memory back so badly that he's trying his best to aid in that. I'll keep an eye on that and let you know."
The group talked a little more before calling it a night. After Ron and Luna left, Kate went up to her room across from Harry's. Hermione returned to her own room she shared with Andrew.