Chapter 7
In the early morning hours, Hermione arose to find Harry awake and staring into the now cold fireplace. "Are you alright, Harry?" she asked as she padded over toward him.
He shrugged. "I…can't…remember…"
"How are you feeling?"
"Tense…afraid….don't know why…"
She was unsure if it was better to leave him oblivious to the reason behind his discomfort or to tell him again of the plan. "I can understand that…" she said soothingly.
"Can you?" he asked plaintively.
"Yes, I can. You are tired of putting on this brave front when really you're frightened that you can't remember things. You can't remember any of us all of the time and are afraid to show it."
"I don't forget you…" he admitted. "At least not who you are…"
"I know that, love. Hermione is a really hard name and you remember it so much of the time. In fact, I can't remember a time when you've not remembered it…"
"Sometimes when I'm really messed up, I'll avoid saying any names. I can't get them wrong then…"
"Alright, here's a little test. I'll give you a name and you tell me who it is…alright?"
"Okay, but…"
"I know. You aren't able to do this for very long…I promise if you start having trouble, I'll stop…agreed? Okay, then Ron…"
"He's the tall, ginger-haired fellow. He was my friend in school?"
"Yes, he was. What else?"
Harry's face screwed up in concentration. "He's got a large family. He dates Luna and works at the Ministry?"
"Is that everything?"
"That's all."
"Nicely done. How about Remus?"
"He's my friend. He's a bit hairy and tired looking. He's a good teacher, too bad I was such a rotten student…"
"You weren't a bad student. Now, anything else?" Harry shook his head. "What about Andrew?"
Harry's eyes were losing their focus as he struggled to answer. "He's so sweet. He's your son. And…and…and…"
"You did fine," Hermione said as she ran her hand through his hair. He rested his head against her palm. "Don't worry about anything; I'll be there for you…" Harry reclined back against the cushions and fell asleep. Hermione covered him with a blanket before she padded back up the stairs to her own room.
The next morning, Harry awoke in a terrible mood. His head was throbbing and he was tired. He was having trouble remembering the slightest things. Kate and Hermione had posted signs on all of the doors. He found the loo alright for once, but lost his way back to the kitchen. He did remember to shout, however. "Where the bloody hell did you move the kitchen?"
Ron came barreling up the stairs. "Easy, mate," he said. "You'll wake the ghouls in the attic…"
"Very funny, Ron," Harry chided.
"No," Ron corrected. "I was serious…" Harry followed Ron down to the kitchen. He went straight to the coffeepot and started to pour a cup, when he read the note: 'Harry, you don't like this. Try the yellow pot…'
He poured a cup from the yellow pot and drank, closing his eyes against the soothing taste. "That's really good," he said. "Thanks."
Kate was making bacon, sausages and toast for breakfast. She set out an extra plate for Ron, who going to assist with Harry, leaving Kate and Hermione free to look over the features of the house. They neglected to remind Harry of the visit to the hospital, which was Ron's real reason for joining them.
"Why is everything so small?" asked Ron, who received a glare from Kate in response.
"Because the invalid can't cut his own food without making a mess," grumbled Harry as he served himself some eggs.
"You are not an invalid, Harry," Ron replied. "Do I smell scones?"
"Learn to keep your gob shut and you just may get some…" complained Kate.
"Sorry," mumbled Ron. He looked at Harry who was still scowling. "Where's Hermione? I thought she was coming with us…"
"She took Andrew over to her mum's," replied Kate. "She'll be back shortly, and then we can go."
Harry pushed the food around on his plate, not eating a bite. He almost smiled as Ron snuck sausages onto his own plate from Harry's. He liked Ron he decided. He couldn't remember why he was supposed to be leery of him, so he decided to not worry about it.
Hermione raced back into the kitchen panting. "Are you ready to go, Harry?"
"Where are we going?" he asked.
"To look at a house…"
"Don't we have one?" Harry asked.
"We might like a bit of a smaller house. So… that…Andrew doesn't get lost…"
Harry's face showed panic. "Don't leave me…" He jumped up and threw his arms around her.
"I'm not," she smiled. "If we decide to move, you are coming as well…"
Harry looked at her in a distrustful manner. "Why?"
Hermione smiled sweetly at him. "Because I said so…"
"Alright," he replied as he followed her out of the house. When they got into the car, Ron helped Harry with his seatbelt, as he'd nearly strangled himself with it. He then cast a Disillusionment charm on Harry. Harry spent the entire trip staring at different parts of his body as they took on the look of various parts of the car.
Soon they had arrived. Ron unbuckled Harry as Kate and Hermione exited the car. Hermione looked at the quaint bungalow and grinned. Kate returned her smile as she unlocked the door. The house had only one floor and the exterior made it look much smaller than it actually was. The entrance hall was painted a bright sunny yellow and opened into a cozy drawing room. The sunlight shone through the windows and brightened the entire room. Hermione loved it already, even though she'd been there mere minutes. Every room had sunlight streaming in the windows, aided by magic, Hermione supposed.
She liked how the bedrooms were clustered together at the back of the house. Each room was a sort of wedge shape and was connected by a keyhole-shaped hallway. "This is perfect!" Hermione exclaimed. "Harry will love it!" It was then she noticed that Harry had not followed them inside. "Ron!" she called as she hurried back out of the house. She found Ron standing over Harry who was fast asleep in the grass by a small pond.
"Is he alright?" she asked.
"Yeah, he's fine. I hit him with an Impediment Jinx. He dropped and went to sleep…He's mental…"
"He didn't sleep very well last night. I found him still awake at five this morning. He must have only slept a couple of hours…."
"That's the Harry I used to know!" cried Ron. "Maybe he's getting back to normal…"
"That's just wishful thinking, Ron," she stated mournfully. "He's different than he was. He might not get any better than he is right at this very minute…I've come to terms with that and I believe you should, too. We'll know more after his tests, but this could be as normal as it gets…"
"But he's…"
"Shush!" Hermione admonished not wanting Harry to hear. "Let's take a walk…" The pair walked around the garden. Hermione let Ron vent and just listened passively. When he was finished, she laid a hand on his arm. "I know it's very hard. He's stubborn and prideful. Being so weak is killing him as sure as him using magic is. You need to learn to fake it, Ron. Pretend that it's normal for him to drink a cup of coffee every morning then complain that he doesn't like it. Pretend that everyone forgets how to get to the loo. He can't get any better if he is so depressed. You did a good thing that night you came over to talk guy-talk with him. It made him feel normal and that's exactly what can help him now. He's going to be very upset once we get to the hospital. He doesn't remember he's supposed to go. He's going to feel betrayed and frightened. I need you to be the one on his side. He needs an advocate. Be the loyal friend that you've always been to him.
"Even if I have to fake it…" Ron finished for her.
"Now you've got it," she smiled. "Let's wake him up and show him the house."
When they got back to the pond, Harry had decided to go in the water fully dressed. Ron waded in after him and brought him to the shore. Luckily, the water was only chest deep. Ron cast a drying charm on them both, which Harry pronounced, 'cool' and led him into the house.
"What do you think, Harry?" Hermione asked expectantly. "Could you be comfortable here?"
"If you like it," Harry answered evenly. "Whatever you and Andrew want is fine…"
"Andrew and I want you to be happy," she answered him. "Which bedroom did you want?"
"It doesn't matter. I won't be living here for long…"
Hermione was used to his gloomy proclamations by this time. "Well, while you are here, which do you prefer?"
Harry chose the red painted bedroom. "See?" Ron said. "Once a Gryffindor, Always a Gryffindor!" Harry hadn't the foggiest what he was talking about, so he smiled at the tone Ron used. The room had its own bath and French doors opened out onto a terrace overlooking the garden.
Hermione and Kate agreed readily on a price before signing papers to buy it. Kate had placed several butterbeers in the fridge, just in case. She gave them each one. "I like this stuff!" Harry pronounced upon tasting it.
"You always have, mate…" said Ron. Harry smiled at him.
Soon all of their business had been concluded. Hermione was a bit disappointed that Harry hadn't shown more enthusiasm about their new home. She hid her frustration and decided to deal with it later. She justified to herself that in his current mood, his reaction to butterbeer was surprising.
They arrived at St. Mungo's quickly. Ron grabbed Harry's arm and tugged him from the car. Fortunately for them, Harry was drawing a blank on what this building was. Harry followed along quietly. Hermione thought he was a bit too quiet given his reaction to suggestions of coming here before.
"What is this place?" Harry asked.
Hermione answered matter-of-factly, "It's a hospital. Remember? We talked about some tests the Healers were going to run? Kate worked here before she came to live with us…"
"What tests?" Harry asked in a panic. "Who is getting tested?"
"The Healers want to see if they can help you, Harry. We talked about it last night. I promised you then and I promise you now, that I'll stay with you. I won't let them tie you down unless absolutely necessary…"
"Who gets to decide what's necessary?" Harry's voice cracked in sheer terror.
"I will," stated Hermione firmly. "If they suggest it, and if I agree, I will talk to you and tell you why. Is that fair?"
"Fair?" Harry nearly screamed. "You're just trying to get rid of me! You lied!" He began clutching his head in agony.
Hermione spoke in a firm yet soft voice. "Harry, please settle down. I didn't lie to you. I told you all about this, remember?"
"Liar!"
Ron stepped between Harry and Hermione. "Harry? Trey? Hermione isn't lying, mate."
"And why should I believe you?" Harry panted. "Who are you people?" Harry slid down the wall, still grasping his head. Kate hit him with the Petrificus Totalis jinx. Harry stiffened as Kate levitated him and started down the hall. Ron held Hermione back.
"Are you alright?" he asked her.
She wiped her face and nodded. "I've got to go with him. I promised."
She and Ron followed Kate into the lift. When they arrived at Ward Forty-nine, Kate lowered Harry onto the bed. "Are you going to be good?" she asked him. Harry shot daggers at her in return. He fought against drinking the calming draught she offered, however being petrified made his struggle useless. Soon he looked very relaxed, though still holding his head. Hermione, Kate and Ron worked together to remove his clothes and get him into a gown.
The Healer came in and examined him thoroughly. He called Kate into the hall to discuss her findings and compare them with his. Hermione went to Harry's side and stroked his hair. He leaned into her palm and gave a little moan of pain. She whispered in his ear that she was there and wouldn't leave. He closed his eyes and leaned against her stomach. Ron brought her a chair which she sat on and pulled him into her arms.
"Is he calm now?" the healer asked as he preceded Kate into the room.
"I think so," Kate answered. "I gave him a calming draught. He was hysterical…"
"I don't blame him," the Healer answered. He took Harry's face in his hands and spoke directly to him, looking him in the eye. "Mr. Potter, when you were here before, we were under the impression that you may have been cursed. When those tests came back normal, we allowed you to leave. Now we know that your behavior is caused by head trauma, we can maybe help you with that. Do you understand what I am telling you?"
Harry looked at him blankly. The Healer released Harry, who promptly fell asleep, and ordered Kate to write down what he was saying in order for Harry to read it later. Kate got out a Quick-Quotes Quill and set it to write as the Healer spoke. "Now, I've examined you magically and your magic is taxed to the limit. It's taking every gram of your magic to keep you alive, like Kate suggested. What we need to do is help that along. I'd feel better if you were admitted, but I know that isn't an option. I'm ordering you a very strong analgesic potion for your headaches."
"What side effects should we watch for?" asked Hermione.
The Healer grinned. "You'll know. As the headache lessens, he'll feel as high as a kite…almost giddy even, for a few hours. I can't do anything about his memory, but Kate tells me it is returning bit by bit. What worries me is his short-term memory. I can't heal it without damaging some other part of his brain. With luck, it may get better on its own; I doubt it, but look who we are talking about…."
"So, what you are saying is that he'll likely remember his past in time, but the present will be shaky for him…" Ron summarized.
"Exactly, Mr. Weasley, it won't get any worse, but I don't think it'll get much better. I'm going to curse him before you go. It's an experimental use of nearly a dark curse." Hermione and Ron gasped. Kate laid a hand on Hermione's arm. "What it is designed to do is not exactly bind his magic, but prevent his magic from manifesting outwardly. In other words, he'll still have his magic, but he won't be able to cast spells or even perform accidental magic. All of his considerable magic will be used within to aid in healing. But like I said, the short term memory is about as good as it is going to get…"
"Will he be able to lead a productive life?" asked Hermione.
"If you are asking if he'll be able to work, the answer is no. However, if you are asking if he can lead a normal life and do normal things, then the answer is probably."
"Will this curse affect his sexuality?" Kate asked with a wink toward Hermione. Ron made himself busy by studying his shoes.
"In a way, yes, but it's not a bad thing. He can experience sex without the magical exchange…like a Muggle, perhaps."
"But it wouldn't be dangerous for him…" asked Hermione.
"No, not at all," the Healer answered. "It won't be as fulfilling as magical sex, but Muggles don't seem to mind and Harry, here, won't know any difference for quite awhile, if ever.
"What about the depression? Isn't this news going to make things worse for him?"
"It depends, really," answered the Healer. "I'm sure you lot can find enough things to keep him occupied? He can be trusted alone with your son for no longer than ten minutes at a time. The notes you've thought of is an excellent idea. Each little step toward independence is a step away from depression. You've noticed that he sleeps more…that is to be expected. If he can't sleep, give him a mild sleeping draught. We don't want to use the Dreamless Sleep Potion, since that is the very way his memories are returning."
"So, in time, he'll remember everything from his past?" asked Ron excitedly.
"I hesitate to say everything," the Healer responded. "I don't think he'll remember the days before and after the final battle with You-know-who, but from what I've heard, that isn't exactly a negative. Now, I've got more patients to see. Kate has my notes and can answer most of your questions. If not, send me an owl. For now, take this man home…Kate has all of the potions you'll need. I'd like for you all to step right outside for a minute while I administer the curse…"
"I promised him I'd stay with him…: Hermione objected.
"Kate will be with him. He won't be awake."
Hermione ruefully left behind Ron and waited in the hall. After a few minutes, Kate retrieved them to assist in getting Harry dressed and ready to go. They returned to find an extremely groggy Harry. Ron hoisted him over his shoulder with a shrug, ('it's faster this way…') and carried him out to the car.
Once back at Grimmauld Place, Ron once again carried him. Hermione followed as Ron deposited Harry on his bed. Hermione motioned Ron toward the desk and showed him Harry's journal. Even though it was an invasion of Harry's privacy, she felt that Ron should read it in order to understand what his friend was dealing with. Ron picked up the book and sat by Harry's bed to read it. Tears coursed down his cheeks as he read. Seeing it in print made him realize how very hard Harry was trying to get better and more importantly, how badly he was struggling.
Hermione retrieved her son and arrived back before dinner. Harry was still sleeping. Ron met her in the drawing room after she had put Andrew down for his nap. "Tell him…" Ron stated almost angrily. "Give him something to cling to."
"I will, Ron, soon, I promise."
"Why have you kept it from him all this time? I never thought you to be possessive…"
"It's not that, really!" she argued. "It's just…" Hermione sighed deeply. "What if it backfires? What if it makes him feel worse that he can't care for his own son? I don't want to add to the things he feels depressed about."
"Hermione, you have his dream…the same dream he's had since we met him…you've made it come true. He has a family. Andrew already calls him, 'Da'. How long before he figures it out on his own. He's probably figured it out quite a few times, come to think of it…" Ron chuckled.
"That's not funny!" Hermione complained through giggles of her own. "I can't believe we are laughing about this…"
"You know…" smirked Ron. "We could take the mickey out of him constantly and he'd never realize…Think about it. He'd get angry, then forget five minutes later…"
"You wouldn't!" Hermione said astonished.
Ron grinned, "No, probably not, but it's quite the intriguing thought…."
Ron left for a bit to fill his parents in on Harry's latest saga. Mrs. Weasley made him another treacle tart for Ron to bring back. He was almost back in time for dinner.
It was taking all of Harry's energy to not fall back to sleep with his face planted in his stew. Hermione was insistent that he needed to eat. He propped his head on one arm and stared at the bowl in front of him.
"He should be in bed…that curse is very powerful…"
"He needs to keep his strength up," Hermione replied. "He hasn't eaten all day."
"He's not eating now," observed Ron. "He's just kind of looking at it…"
"Da eat, too…" coaxed Andrew.
Harry smiled at the boy before attempting to pick up his spoon. After two near misses, he abandoned the effort and stared some more. Hermione offered him a bite of her stew. He knew he should do something, but couldn't think of what that might be…
"Open your mouth, Harry," Hermione requested. He complied. After a few more bites, his eyes closed more until they could have used floss as a blindfold. Ron levitated him back upstairs and into bed fully dressed.
Harry awoke early the next morning and immediately began writing in his journal. He read the previous entries and finally began putting the pieces of his own personal puzzle together. He dressed and found the door marked, 'Loo' and went in to ready himself for the day.
He surprised Kate upon entering the kitchen. "I wasn't expecting you up and about today, Harry," she mentioned.
"I'm fine," he said. "Feeling much better..." He looked at the notes on the two pots and poured himself some tea. Kate poured him a glass of pumpkin juice, which he downed quickly. Helping himself to bacon and toast, he ate quietly.
Hermione came in and kissed him on the top of his head. "Good morning," she called as she poured herself some tea. Harry smiled back at her and continued eating.
"Are we going to be doing lessons today, Kate?" he asked.
"For a bit," Kate responded. "We need to start deciding what you'll want to pack as well."
"Pack?" Harry asked.
"We bought a smaller house, remember?" prompted Hermione.
"No, but I'm sure it is fine. When can I see it?"
"We'll take you there later today, if that's alright?" Kate suggested.
"That's fine, of course. I'll be in my room until you are ready to start lessons, alright?"
Kate nodded her assent. Harry kissed Hermione's cheek on his way out. "Did you get the rest of the signs up?" Kate asked. "He seems to be in a better mood this morning and I don't want to lose it. His success rate is highly dependant on his disposition…"
"No, I…" Her words were cut off by the sound of her name being called by Harry. She raced out to find him looking around. He appeared more to be in deep thought than confused.
"Which way is my room?" he asked. Hermione showed him and while she was there she conjured a note for his door. It said, 'Harry's Room'. When she was finished she heard Andrew waking as well. "Want me to dress him?" Harry asked.
"That would be helpful, thanks," Hermione beamed as she started back down the steps.
Harry brought a still yawning Andrew into the kitchen and put him in his chair. "Oh, good, bacon and toast!" Harry said as he poured himself a cup of tea. He served himself another plate and began to eat. "This is really good. Thanks, Kate." He pronounced as Kate served him another glass of pumpkin juice.
Kate and Hermione shared a smile, but didn't dare say anything as they sipped their coffee.
Harry was getting frustrated. Kate was working with him on his fine motor skills. She'd conjured a series of Muggle washers, bolts and wing nuts. He was supposed to pick up a bolt, add a washer and then put on the nut. He was concentrating as hard as he could, but he never really managed to get one correct. "Bolt, washer, nut…you can do this…bolt, washer, nut…" he told himself aloud.
"That's right, Harry…bolt, washer, nut…" Kate repeated. He tried again and forgot the nut this time. "Let's move on to something different and come back to this…" Kate suggested.
"NO, I want to get it!" Harry protested. After several more minutes, Harry's concentration faltered. He growled in frustration after trying to pick up a bolt to chuck it across the room and not being able to.
"Harry, let's move onto something else, please…" Kate said again. "But first I want you to clear your mind….that's it…think of a time when you are happy. It doesn't have to be real….you just need to escape into that time" Harry's face relaxed into a complete picture of peace. "Tell me what you see…"
"I see me and I'm flying…I seem to be riding…something…it looks like a broom? That can't be right…"
"Don't worry about what is right or wrong, Harry….just escape…now tell me more…"
"I feel the wind in my face. I'm smiling. Hermione is in the stands cheering and…Ron is on another broom grinning at me…we seem to be wearing some sort of uniform and there are others dressed like us, only some are wearing a different color."
"Okay, are you ready to come back and work some more?"
Harry nodded, opened his eyes, and smiled. "What was that?" he asked.
"I believe you were thinking of quidditch. It's a sport in the magical world. You were very good at it…"
Harry's smile turned into a wide, almost cocky, grin. "I'm good!" he said with pride.
Kate chuckled. "Back to work, Mr. Quidditch Star…I'm going to show you some pictures and I want you to tell me who it is. If you know more about it, tell me that, too. What we are trying to accomplish is to train your mind to look for things in alternate ways. For example, you remember where the kitchen is, but you've forgotten how to get there, you follow Hermione's notes, right?"
"Right," Harry answered.
"You learned another way to reach your destination. What we need to do is to get your mind to operate the same way…we'll leave mental notes for your brain to follow to reach your memories. That way, once you've healed as much as possible, you'll have a new way already established to go around the damaged area and scar tissue to access your thoughts. What we hope to gain by this is to lessen or possibly eliminate your inability to concentrate. Are you ready?"
"Just a second, please," Harry said. He closed his eyes and let her words sink in. He, then, saw himself flying again. When he was prepared he opened his eyes. "Ready," he said and received a wide smile in return.
Kate wanted to praise him on his capacity to realize he was losing concentration and taking steps himself. She didn't say anything, though. She'd wait until he was finished. She held up a photograph.
"That's…er…just a second…it's a wand. It's used to channel magic. I've got one."
"Correct," Kate stated before holding up another picture.
"That's an owl…." Harry said.
"Whose owl?"
"Ron's?" Kate shook her head. "Hermione's? Yours? Errrrr….Mine?"
Kate nodded. "Know anything about it?"
"Well, if I can't even remember I've got one, how can I remember anything about her?"
"Oh, so she's a girl, is she?" Kate replied with a grin.
"Yes, and her name is…her name is…her name is…She'd be right put out with me if she knew I couldn't remember her name. I mean I've only had her…" Harry's eyes lit up. "…since Hagrid bought her for my eleventh birthday!"
"That's enough for now, Harry. You did really well today!"
"No, you can't stop now! I remembered something!" Harry protested.
"We are taking this slowly, Harry."
Harry laid a hand to his temple. "I don't want to go slowly! I want to remember everything!"
"No, we'll go at the pace I set, just don't expect to make this kind of progress every day, alright? Now how bad is your headache?"
"It is fine," he answered removing his hand self-consciously.
"I'll put it another way, Mr. Macho, if I were to put the analgesic potion on the table in front of you, would you drink it?"
Harry lowered his eyes to the floor and mumbled, "In a bloody heartbeat…"
"You don't have to be so stoical with me, Harry. I won't judge you," Kate said as she went to get the potion.
When she returned, Harry was looking through the pictures intently. She could see by the perspiration beading on his face that she should have taken them with her. He was overdoing things and was suffering for it. She placed the potion in front of him, which he grabbed and drank immediately. He made a face as he swallowed the bitter liquid before letting his head drop onto the table. He didn't move until he was called for lunch.
Hermione stopped home on her lunch break to drop off Andrew. "Should I take him back to Mum's?" she asked Kate.
"No, I can help watch him, just like we discussed…."
"Shush!" Harry said from his spot which he hadn't moved from.
Kate pointed a thumb toward Harry. "Someone tried to overdo while my back was turned…He'll be fine in a bit. I gave him his potion a while ago."
"Da seepin'…" Andrew said softly, "Shhhhhh!" He put his little index finger to his lips.
Hermione and Kate smiled at him. "Why don't you lie down for a bit, Harry," Hermione whispered. "When your feeling better I'm sure Andrew will still want to play…"
Once Harry left, Kate called Hermione over to talk softly. Hermione put Andrew in his highchair and gave him some vegetables to eat while they talked. "You would have been so proud of him, Hermione…." Kate began. "I was just amazed. If I explain why we are doing an exercise, he picks up on it quicker. He recognized when he was getting distracted…PLUS, he remembered a bit from his first year!"