A/N: The title of this story comes from a song by GUSTER that I really like.
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Two Points for Honesty
Marissa stared at the gouge in the table. She heard the rain pounding against the windows and the thunder in the distance.
It was lunch time and since it was a Saturday, the Great Hall wasn't as crowded as it was during the week. Arnold and Claudia had just left the table. Calvin had gone to play Gobstones with a friend from Slytherin and after a brief visit from Amy, who asked after Brian, it was just Janet and Marissa at the end of the table. Marissa had just told Janet her two major pieces of news.
The first one, her mother being pregnant, caused Janet to choke on a grape then break into laughter. At this moment,
Devon and the triplets were being told somewhere in Hogsmeade having lunch with their parents. When Devon had asked
Marissa that morning why their father wanted to take them to lunch, she could only shrug, then made the excuse she
needed to go study so she could see Brian later.
When Marissa told Janet her feelings about Brian she received a long stare, Janet's forkful of rice hanging in the air.
"You're abso-bloody-lutely sure?" Janet said in a loud whisper and Marissa nodded slightly, still a bit dazed.
"I mean…I've never felt like this, and I don't know if I could even describe it if you asked me too. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure it's the "L" word."
"Are you going to tell him…you know…when he wakes up?" Janet asked and Marissa shrugged, wrapping a piece of her strawberry blond hair around her finger, staring absentmindedly at the entrance to the hall. "Are you going to go see him after lunch? How is he anyway?"
"I don't know…which worries me a bit," Marissa admitted. She had been a bit disappointed she didn't get a letter at breakfast from her mother about how he was fairing. But, deep inside she knew she wasn't owed an explanation of how he was. She was free to go visit…so that's what she was going to do. Finishing her homework in four hours during the morning had freed up her whole weekend, except for Quidditch practice on Sunday afternoon the rest of her weekend was free.
"Speaking of that, I'm going to head over now. I'll owl you or something okay?" Marissa stood up and Janet nodded, swallowed then looked up at her friend.
"Good luck…with him and `you know'."
"Thanks, Janet." And with a wave she turned and walked to the fireplace in the hospital wing to floo to St. Mungo's. She could do it from her common room, but wasn't in the mood to climb all those steps again, or take a chance on running into certain people. Arnold kept asking her to go to Hogsmeade with him at the end of the month and she kept politely saying "No thank you," knowing if Brian went, she'd go with him. She didn't want to assume though so she wouldn't say who she was going with when he asked. He knew she hadn't said yes to anyone yet and was wondering why, but she refused to say anything else about it. Hogsmeade wasn't on her mind at the moment; St.Mungo's was.
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Five minutes later she was standing at Brian's hospital door staring at him in the bed. Hermione was flipping through his chart, Harry wasn't even in there…for the moment.
Brian.
There was some kind of tube down his throat. She saw Hermione's parents off to the side, getting their coats on. Marissa must've made a noise as she stared at this contraption that seemed to cover most of his face, causing Hermione to turn around. Seeing the confused and worried expression on Marissa's face, Hermione rushed over and settled an arm around her shoulders.
"Marissa…it's alright…here…sit." Hermione led her to the sofa and Marissa's eyes flicked towards the Drs. Granger who greeted her and she nodded at them, unable to speak. Hermione said she'd be right back and to not move as she took her parents out of the hospital. Marissa nodded again and stared at the opaque tube that went down his throat and was hooked to a machine to the side, making hissing noises. She saw his chest rise and fall, artificially it seemed and then it dawned on her what it was. Devon and Brian had described the machine to her in detail…she had been on it when she had trouble breathing.
Burying her face in her hands she tried to calm her racing heart. `Mum said this might happen…it happened to you and you're healthy,' she told herself over and over until she felt a hand on her shoulder.
"Marissa…I know it's scary; he just needed some help breathing that's all. Probably won't be in there for much longer either." Hermione sat next to her and rubbed her back.
"When?" Marissa whispered watching his chest rise and fall.
"He showed signs of breathing trouble around midnight, but by eight this morning he seemed to be doing better. His blood pressure was back up, his temperature is going down. We're talking about taking him off the ventilator in the next few hours. You were on it for a full twelve hours too…he'll be alright. I promise," Hermione stilled her hand, feeling Marissa shake underneath her hand.
"I just didn't expect to see this…," Marissa's throat closed up and she was surprised to feel tears prickling in her eyes. Here was Brian, someone she had survived through a terrible ordeal with, someone who was strong and sweet at the same time and was now lying so helpless, he couldn't even breathe on his own.
"Go to him, Marissa," Hermione urged and Marissa stood up slowly, her hands clasped around her arms gripping them tightly. Shuffling over to his bed she looked down, found his hand and reached out touching the top calling his name softly. She thought she felt him jerk his hand under hers but with all the movement going on with the machine and the noises she couldn't confirm it.
"Hi," Marissa said quietly, not sure if she was speaking loud enough to be heard over the machine sitting on the other side. This time she felt it, a sure squeeze…not very strong but he actually moved his fingers between hers causing her to gasp.
"What?" Hermione jumped up and came over seeing Marissa nod to her hand.
"He's holding it…he moved it. Maybe he's waking up?" Marissa said excitedly meeting Hermione's tired eyes.
"He could be…with his fever down and everything he could very well be." Hermione moved to the other side of Marissa and got down near his face calling his name, saying his first name, then adding his middle name to it, quietly and with a mother's tenderness.
Marissa heard a beep and looked up at Hermione who was glancing up at his stat board.
"What beeped?" Marissa asked looking for the source of the noise.
"Just another alarm, letting us know he's trying to breath on his own…fighting the machine," and no sooner were the words out of her mouth than two healers came in, saying basically the same thing Hermione did.
Marissa let go of his hand and backed up as Hermione bent over Brian again, while one Healer fiddled with the machine and another took a spot near his head.
"Brian we need you to take a deep breath then try and blow it out on the count of three…we'll get this tube out," Marissa heard Hermione say. She sat on the couch and watched on the count of three a healer pull it out while the machine was turned off. Brian began coughing and she could see his legs move a bit under the covers. One of the healers handed Hermione some water with a straw. Being behind Hermione and part of the curtain she couldn't tell if he took any, but a few seconds passed before Hermione passed the water back again. She heard Hermione's quiet voice but not much else as the Healers were waving their wands over him, talking to each other while a blue quill was making notes on a piece of parchment hanging above Brian.
Marissa began to feel a bit nervous and excited all at once as she heard Brian's low voice murmur something, hoarsely…but he talked! Feeling a huge sense of relief she sagged back against the couch and rubbed her hands over her face then back through her hair. It wasn't until she heard the door close that she heard Hermione call her name.
"Come say "Hi"," Hermione moved down towards his hand making room for Marissa. Standing up slowly on what felt like weak legs she walked over until she was right next to him, his eyes were still closed but he gave a weak smile.
"Malfoy," he said weakly and Marissa touched his shoulder seeing a bit of color return to his face.
"I'm going to go find Harry…be right back," Hermione said patting Brian's hand as he gave a small nod. Watching Brian's mother leave until the door was shut Marissa waited a minute to turn back to Brian. She wasn't feeling very composed and the sound of his voice made her feel like she was about to cry.
"How're you feeling besides achy and tired?" she whispered. It took him awhile to answer, so long she thought he fell asleep, then he cracked his eyes at her for a moment then shut them again.
"Weak. To tired to open my eyes," he said haltingly.
"Sleep some more," Marissa said not really wanting him to, but knowing he needed it.
"'Kay," he whispered and within seconds she saw him fall into a deep sleep. She stood there quietly watching him until Harry walked in, Hermione at his heels.
"Did he fall back asleep?" Harry asked touching Brian's hand and looking at him.
"He said he was weak, achy and tired, then fell back asleep," Marissa summed up, removing her hand from his shoulder and stepping back, giving his parents some privacy around him. She wondered if she should leave for a bit and let them talk and catch up…and as if reading her mind, Hermione turned around watching Marissa sit down and tie her shoe.
"Can you stay here for a bit, Marissa? I want to go get his sisters and bring them over," Hermione asked.
"They have Quidditch practice out in the rain right now," Marissa told her and saw Harry nod in agreement.
"Well…," Hermione sighed and Marissa could tell she was thinking of pulling them out of practice, but Harry stepped in.
"They need to practice, Hermione. Another hour or so won't hurt," Harry explained. "He's sleeping now anyway. You know they'll get all mad if they come in and find him sleeping. Interrupting their social schedule is scandalous," Harry teased, giving Marissa a wink. She smiled at him and nodded, seeing Hermione roll her eyes.
"Fine. We can wait."
"Why don't you go watch them?" Marissa proposed.
Hermione looked at Harry who just looked at her evenly, smart enough not to make the decision for her, then looked down at Brian who was actually snoring softly.
"I don't want to leave him," Hermione said at last and quickly and with some kind of strange verbal/silent/animated conversation, Hermione decided to have Harry go talk to the girls and give them the option of coming now or after practice and Hermione would leave in 45 minutes, just in time to catch the last 15 minutes of practice.
And so, for the next three quarters of an hour, the two of them sat by Brian's side. Marissa read a magazine for
the first time in months and Hermione generating paperwork since she had missed two days of work being with Brian.
Hearing the shuffling of papers, Marissa looked up and saw Hermione putting them back into a folder.
"I'm going to go meet Harry. We'll be back after they clean-up."
"No problem."
"Thank you Marissa," Hermione smiled then crossed the room, bent down and gave her a hug.
"Sure," Marissa said awkwardly and watched her kiss Brian's forehead, whisper she loved him then left.
Not being able to read the gossip about the Witch and Wizarding World anymore, Marissa moved to the chair next to Brian, crossed her arms on the mattress near his shoulder and looked at him. His stat board said his fever was only 99F now, pretty much normal, his blood pressure was perfect. As her eyes moved over his weight she heard him let out a low moan.
"Brian?"
"So sore," he said tiredly, this time squinting his eyes at her and blinking against the bright light.
"That's the flu for you. Do you need anything? Want me to get a healer or someone? Your parents went to get your sisters," Marissa said in a rush, a smile coming over her face as she met his gaze for the first time in days.
"No." He continued to look at her as if processing what he was going to say. Marissa remembered the fog you were in waking up from the flu and waited patiently for him to say something.
"Mum said it's Saturday?" he finally asked, eyes still on her face.
"It is, early afternoon. You're missing Quidditch practice," she kept her eyes connected with his until she felt something at her elbow. Looking down he had raised his hand and was touching her arm. Gently pushing it back down she grasped his hand and held it tight.
"I heard you, you know," he said once she looked at him again and proceeded to explain in greater detail when she looked confused.
"When you'd talk to me. Though, now…seems like I feel asleep, heard you talking then just woke up…like only an hour has passed."
"I think I did a lot of talking…sorry," Marissa apologized looking away for a second.
"No, it was good. It kind of kept me anchored," he explained squeezing her hand slightly. "How long were you here for?"
Marissa closed her eyes thinking of the past few days and when she opened them she found Brian's eyes were closed.
"You awake?"
"Yes."
"Maybe I should let you sleep some more," Marissa started to move and he gave a small tug on her hand.
"Stay…answer my question. Then I'll sleep if you'll stay," he opened his eyes and looked right at her when he said this. Feeling her breath catch in her throat she could only nod. The look in his eyes was unlike one she had never seen emanate from him. His eyes seemed darker and very intense and with the slight squint against the light, he looked almost possessive.
"Okay," Marissa shifted in her chair, pretending to look up at the ceiling to answer not being able to keep his stare. "You came here Thursday after Potions with your dad and I guess I came shortly after and stayed til eight or so. Came back yesterday after my classes were over and stayed til eight thirty and then came here right after I finished my homework and lunch today."
"All your free time," Brian said matter of factly, his eyes closed again and Marissa nodded forgetting he couldn't see her.
"Thanks," he added squeezing her hand.
"It wasn't a problem. I wanted to," she whispered.
"Embarassing moment?" he asked in a sleepy voice.
"When you wake up next, and if we're alone," Marissa promised.
"Uh-oh," he said then gave a small smile, feeling Marissa stroke his arm and hand.
"Go back to sleep," she said and he gave a small nod and did as he was told.
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St. Mungo's
After dinner
By the time dinner rolled around, Marissa's Uncle Ron accompanied by James and Jeremy paid a visit. Laura, Taryn and Kirstin came back for an hour until they said they were bored and wanted to go back. As Hermione escorted them back, Marissa's parents stopped in with Devon and their younger siblings. Devon and Marissa just stared at each other communicating silently that the news of their mother's pregnancy unnerved them a bit. Derek, Dixon and Erin seemed oblivious to the fact and Marissa was surprised no one said anything.
She didn't get much time with Brian as he napped and when he was awake he'd talk to his family and friends. Finally, when everyone left for dinner (Marissa having eaten while his grandparents came back) Marissa was left alone again with Brian who had just napped through his Aunt Samantha's visit. Now he was sitting up a bit, his face a healthy pink and some pain medicine in him for his headache that was lingering.
The door hadn't even clicked shut behind his parents when he patted the bed next to him. Rising up off the sofa and
settling herself down next to him he moved over enabling her to lean back against the bed, her side pressed up against
his. He had managed a short visit to the bathroom while she was at dinner and with his father's help had washed up
and made it back to bed without falling over.
"So…what's been going on since I decided to lapse into oblivion?" Brian asked watching her carefully. He had noticed she was quiet and pretty much stayed at the perimeter of everyone when they stopped by. Now, she was sitting next to him on top of the covers, idly picking at the blanket that covered him up to his stomach. Placing his hand over hers to still her fingers he leaned forward managing to catch her eye. "Everything okay?" he asked sincerely and Marissa turned her head to look at him, knowing she was going to tell him about her mother but was wondering what she'd say about her other life altering moment she had the previous night. She was actually scared to tell him that; the "L" word. It laid out all her feelings on the table and left them there for him to do what he pleased with them. Pick them up and keep them, squash them, ignore them…she wasn't used to losing that sort of control.
"Ahhh…well…I had a talk with my parents last night," she started then her eyes moved to his mouth as he lifted one side in a Hermione-like moment.
"Go on…," he urged squeezing her hand supportively.
"Apparently my mother is pregnant and due in early January," Marissa said flatly and she felt his hand freeze, squeezing hers constantly until she felt her fingers begin to hurt. Wiggling them a bit he released the pressure but not her hand.
"Wow…yeah, that is a bit embarrassing…being how old you are and…that they…," Brian faltered and Marissa nodded murmuring in agreement.
For a moment they sat there in silence, Marissa refusing to meet his eyes, but she did look at his hand holding hers…she thought his long fingers would be perfect for playing the piano. But, he said he wasn't musical at all; couldn't sing or play anything he had told her one night at Nott's.
"Marissa," Brian said and she looked up at him, seeing his eyes which still looked a bit tired, searching her face. "What is it?"
"Nothing," Marissa smiled at him. "I guess I just talked myself out before."
"You talked longer when we were at Nott's…is Arnold bothering you?"
Marissa shook her head. "No, he's made some smart comments but nothing else. Classes are going, I have my next
fifth year exam next week…this one for Herbology actually."
"If you need any help, let me know. And, speaking of Herbology did you hear about the internship I was offered?"
"I did! Your father told me. You're going to do it aren't you?" she saw him nod, then touch his head as if moving it in that way, hurt.
"From July 5th through August 20th. Go to Ireland and learn all I can."
"I wish I could do something like that. I'm not really excited about my vacation to America anymore with the experience we just had."
"Look into some internships or something. You can do them if you successfully complete your fourth year and up."
"I could talk to dad, he'd know. Still can't look him in the face though," Marissa sighed and Brian gave a quick laugh.
"Yeah…that's a tough one…knowing that they…do that stuff when you're asleep or not around."
"I should've known something was up between them when he kissed her in the restaurant…they don't usually do stuff like that in public."
"Really? Mine do…hold hands, kiss…can be pretty annoying actually," he said glanced at the clock noticing it had been about twenty minutes since his parents had left. They had told him they'd be about forty five minutes, which left him twenty five minutes to try and get to the bottom of whatever was bothering Marissa, if he could think that hard without hurting his head.
"Hey," he nudged her shoulder and she looked up at him. "You kissed me plenty when I was sleeping, but not while I'm awake."
Her mouth dropped a bit in surprise and he smiled at her.
"You were aware of that? Well, I couldn't really do that with everyone here could I?"
"No one is here now," he whispered and he watched her eyes, those unique-shade-of-blue eyes search his face for a moment then she smiled.
"I suppose not," and with that she leaned forward a bit and touched her lips to his and even though she knew he'd respond it still surprised her a bit. The way his hand ran up her leg from where she was holding it, then lightly cupped her head, gently urging her closer. Marissa found herself full of that falling sensation, conscious of only him and the fact that his lips were moving under hers. With a little sigh he pulled away and looked at her.
"So," he said seriously not removing his hand which was now on her neck. "What sort of things did you do when you sat there for hours?"
"I um…studied, talked with your parents, read, took notes, stared at you willing you to wake up," Marissa said feeling his hand slide back down to her leg as he reclined his head back against the pillow. "Now I am thinking maybe you should go to sleep." Marissa shifted onto her side and saw him shake his head a bit.
"Just sore and still weak which is annoying," Brian complained.
"I remember that. Take it easy," Marissa felt him pull her hand up towards his chest and she let it lay there, splaying her fingers across his hospital gown feeling the faint thumping of his heart. For some reason she felt as if she was about to cry, but the tears weren't in her eyes, they were deep in her heart and seemed to take over her chest and throat so she couldn't answer his question. She heard him ask her what was wrong, again and she could only stare at her hand seeing her Garnet birthstone in a silver band on her hand. The bracelet the Potter's gave her on her wrist…and she could only shrug and shake her head in response to his question. She felt so scared to tell him…from the thought of: `What if I'm was wrong and this wasn't love?' To: `What if he says something other than the "L" word back to me?' It was a strong word and represented, in her mind, the giving of her soul and spirit to him. From that moment on he'd have the power to hold it and cherish it to throwing it aside whenever he felt like it and crushing her. She truly believed he wouldn't do the latter, but who is to say that he might not feel the same now…or three years from now?
"Marissa, if you don't tell me what's wrong I'm just going to wonder all night," Brian finally said, reaching over to his dinner tray and picking up a cracker and popping it into his mouth.
"I---I want to…but…I'd like to wait," she tried to stall and he shook his head, accepting the glass of water she handed him, took a sip then gave it back to her to set down. She stood up, taking the moment to think, and pushed his tray away from the bed since he finished most of his soup and crackers.
"Why? What can you not tell me here that you can somewhere else?" he demanded watching her pace with her arms crossed in front of her.
"It's not like that…," Marissa started and he made a motion with his hand.
"What are you afraid of? I'm going to laugh or…get angry or something? I honestly have no idea what is bothering you, but can tell something is and I want to know…please." His voice went from firm to quiet and as Marissa turned near the head of his bed to begin her pacing back towards the foot of his bed, his hand shot out and he hooked a finger into her back jeans pocket. Marissa stopped and they stayed in that position for a moment, Brian watching her and Marissa staring at her arms.
With ten minutes left until his parents most likely returned she began talking.
"Something hit me last night when I was here, saying goodbye to you. I didn't want to leave but knew I had to get back to school before curfew. I toyed with…this thought in my head, looking at it from all different angels trying to makes sense of what was going on. Then, I walk in here and see you on a ventilator and practically lose it." Marissa now felt the rest of his fingers work their way into her pocket and pull her back, gently. She took a step back and slowly sat down next to him, her back to his face. She could feel his hand on the small of her back silently urging her to continue. "I had all day to think about it, then you woke up and as you started getting better the feeling was still there." His hand was now settling on her hip and straightening her back she took a deep breath, hands clenched together between her thighs a ball of nerves winding its way from her stomach to her throat. She felt she owed him to turn around, so he could see her and she could see his face when she said those three words. Spinning around his hand followed and his arm encircled her lower back. Letting her eyes travel up his chest, his neck and finally to his face she looked at him for a second, seeing him watching her just as intently, his eyes seeming to do a slow dance over her face.
"Merlin, you're trembling Marissa…it can't be that bad or hard to tell me can it?"
Marissa thought she had imagined her trembling but apparently her trembling on the inside was being matched on the outside.
"Just something big and…hard and…scary for me to say," she whispered thickly.
"Just say whatever it is," he whispered back and finally she locked eyes with him. And for that moment he saw pure, naked emotion swimming in her eyes and he didn't know the name of it right then. It made him, if he had the energy, want to leap up, grab her and spin her around, then kiss her senseless.
He didn't know what it was, except that the emotion was for him because he had never seen her look like that in all the years he had known her. He felt something stir deep inside him as she began to talk, her voice shaking making him want to reach out and hold her. But he held back, sensing that was the wrong thing to do at that particular moment.
"I realized…that," she paused for a moment, blinked slowly then opened her eyes again seeing him still looking at her, his hand gripping her hip pretty tightly for someone who was on a ventilator seven hours ago. "That…I…that I love you, Brian."
Brian blinked in surprise, clearly not expecting that news to come out of her mouth. His arm even went slack for a
moment and Marissa swore she saw a slight blush rise to his cheeks. He opened his mouth to say something, but as luck
would have it, the door to his room opened and Harry walked in followed by Hermione.
"Hey," Harry said and stopped at the look on Brian's face, which he quickly covered with a small smile, letting his arm fall to his side. Marissa turned around and faced his parents, managing to push everything down beneath her neutral façade she slipped into place.
"Anything wrong?" he asked and Hermione moved around him, looking worriedly at Brian and Marissa.
"No," Marissa said shaking her head.
"No, everything is…," Brian's eyes flicked to Marissa but she couldn't see him, "exceptional," he said causing Hermione to cock and eyebrow and Harry to make a noise not quite sure what to make of that statement.
"We're just talking, but I should get going," Marissa stood up and found her sweater on the chair. Slipping her arms into it, she buttoned it up then turned to Brian.
"Get a good sleep," she said seeing him nod, still looking a bit dazed by what she had just said.
"See you tomorrow?" he asked and after a second she nodded.
"I'll stop by after breakfast; I have practice after lunch," and with that she touched his foot, painfully aware of a pair of green and dark brown eyes on her, then turned and left with a quiet "goodbye" to Harry and Hermione. She pulled the door shut quietly behind her, mentally cursing the Potter's for their lack of timing…or maybe she should thank them since she had no idea what the look on Brian's face meant.
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