Push
"Brian! Is everything alright? You should be at the dance," Marissa sat on the edge of her bed, calming her nerves. He had scared her, suddenly appearing silently at her doorway and she wondered if something was wrong.
"Everything is fine and I didn't go. I figured I would stop by, but it was so quiet when I floo'd in I thought you might be asleep," he leaned against the doorjamb and waited for her to invite him in.
"Why didn't you go? And everyone's gone. Mum had some type of emergency and dad is at the dance," she waved him in and he walked over to the chair next to her bed and sat down diagonal from her.
"I saw your brother all dressed up, cousins too. The first and second years are wreaking havoc so I figured it would probably be safer here than in my own Common Room," he sidestepped the question about why he wasn't at the dance.
Marissa scooted back onto her bed and crossed her bare legs. She was only in shorts and a t-shirt, not thinking she was going to have company in her room on Valentine's Day, let alone a "friend that was a boy".
While Brian recounted an incident in DADA where a third year accidentally let a boggart out, she was hit with the thought that she was alone in her house, in her room with Brian Potter and briefly wondered how many girls would give their right arm to be in her position right now.
She realized she was daydreaming when he stopped talking and she found she had no clue what he was just saying. She
quickly covered it by smiling and asking how his classes were going.
"Fine…a lot of homework for OWLs but tonight was pretty light because of the dance," he glanced around her room as it had been a year or so since he had seen it. Marissa watched his fingers tap a beat to the music coming from the wireless on her desk and saw him looking around her room. She noticed his gaze settling on her dresser with her jewelry box, some pictures of her family and friends, then move to her desk and table with a pile of books and parchment. Her bookcase was overflowing with numerous novels, textbooks and few of them lay on the floor. She had repainted from the pink she had when she was little to a light blue color and as her gaze roamed the room she saw her laundry basket tucked in the corner and cursed herself for not sticking it in her closet.
"You know," Marissa began her nerves all of a sudden firing in every direction, "you don't have to be here. I'm fine…you should be at the dance dancing with the many girls who are missing you right now."
He looked at her and smiled. "I'm not much of a dance person," was all he offered and she wondered why he was avoiding it. "Anyway, you look much better than you did days ago."
"I feel better. I still get winded doing simple things like a shower, but other than that I'm feeling almost back to normal. Mum won't let me go back until the 16th though. She wants me to have a day at home, feeling normal so I don't relapse or something."
Brian nodded his head in understanding and Marissa sat there wondering what to say next. She was quite unused to having a boy in her room and she wasn't sure what to talk to Brian about since she hadn't been in school for awhile. She heard the voice on the wireless talking about Valentine's Day and how he was going to play a mix of music from the Magical and Muggle World of love songs.
"I'm sorry you missed the dance," Brian said suddenly and she shrugged, stretching out her legs and flexing her feet.
"I wasn't sure I was going to go anyway. I'm not big on dances either, after the Yule Ball everything
fails in comparison," Marissa stood up and walked over to her dresser to grab a few biscuits she left there. She
tossed one to Brian who caught it expertly, stood up and walked over to a picture she had on the wall of her Quidditch
team.
He stood close to her as he munched on the biscuit. Pushing the long sleeves of his shirt up a bit he pointed to her in the photograph.
"I can't believe your hair was that long."
"Much easier this way," Marissa said taking a sip of water and setting the glass down she leaned forward a bit accidentally brushing his arm. She felt his bare skin on hers for a moment and neither made a move to back away.
Taking a deep, quiet breath she pointed at a figure in the picture.
"I think Shelby might have longer hair than I did," she gestured to their other chaser and Brian squinted at the picture.
"I can't tell," he said and moved to the side a bit looking at a picture of her father's team from many years ago and as he studied the picture, Marissa was plainly aware of a clip of a song emanating from the radio. One she had never heard before, so it must be a Muggle one and for a moment, she thought it would be interesting to say the least to dance with him.
And as if he read her mind he turned to her, his elbow casually resting on the dresser while Marissa hoped that her face wasn't betraying all the emotions that were flying around inside her.
"Do you want to dance?"
"Here?" Marissa squeaked and she saw him extend his hand to her.
"Well, unless you want to floo into Hogwarts with you wearing that and me in jeans and a long sleeve shirt…I'm sure we'd be the talk of the school, then yes, here," he gave her an amused smile so Marissa took his hand and they walked to the other side of her room.
He slipped his arm around her waist and brought her hand up near his shoulder. She lightly rested her left hand on his shoulder and wondered if he grew another few inches since she saw him before she got sick. They began moving slowly and Marissa realized she had never danced with him. At the Yule Ball a few months ago she went with Calvin and had a fun time, but they had both made it clear they were just friends. Since then, Calvin had decided he was interested in Janet and Marissa had been amused to see them play off one another, and was happy that he had finally asked her to the Valentine's Dance. She did wish she could see them dancing…which brought her back to the present and the music.
Marissa's brain could not believe she was dancing with Brian Potter.
In her room.
It was like one of the Muggle Romance novels she had read.
She wondered if he was here because he felt sorry for her; that she missed the dance and had been so sick. As she struggled to think straight over the hammering of her heart she heard a new slow song start up on the radio and she realized he had never answered her question from earlier. Fully aware of the words crooning out of the radio she asked her question.
"Why aren't you at the dance? You never answered me," Marissa felt the need to whisper the question.
Every time I look at you
The world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears
Dissolve in your affections
You've seen me at my weakest
But you take me as I am
When I fall you offer me a softer place to land
`Oh so true,' Marissa thought about Brian seeing her so sick. She noticed he didn't answer right away and she pulled back a bit to look up at him and saw he was looking at something over her shoulder and didn't look down at her.
"Well," he began slowly. "The day I was going to ask someone, I found out she got sick."
Marissa felt her heart stutter for second before she realized she wasn't the only girl who had become sick. Three of the other students who contracted the flu were females and one was a sixth year Gryffindor.
"I'm sorry," Marissa said simply. "There wasn't anyone else you wanted to go with?"
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire
You save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
Brian shook his head slightly and she noticed he had an amused expression on his face. His hand tightened around hers and she felt him tug her closer and for the first time she was truly aware of him in the physical sense. She felt the strength in his shoulders as he moved and the small of her back was covered with the gentle pressure of his hand.
"Is she feeling better, do you know?" Marissa asked hesitantly and she could hear the smile in his voice as he answered.
"She is," he said. Marissa was wondering why he wasn't more talkative about this girl and she wondered if she should ask who it was.
I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do
'Cause you're too good to fight about it
Even when I have to push
"Who is she, can you tell me?" Marissa whispered wondering when they got so close. She could smell the soap he used and turning her head slightly she could see the stubble on his cheeks where he had shaved early that morning.
Just to see how far you'll go
You won't stoop down to battle
But you never turn to go
"You really want to know?"
Marissa swore he sounded nervous. Her mind was racing as she went through all her thoughts of him, trying to figure out who she could have seen him talking or walking with, wondering why he was so nervous, wondering why SHE was so nervous being this close to him.
`Maybe it's because I'm still not one hundred percent,' she tried rationalizing but her brain knew better.
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire
You save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
"If you don't want to tell me, that's fine," Marissa answered proud of her the way
she sounded confident even when every part of her was aware of him. Her arm was now hooked around the back of his arm
and her cheek was inches from his shoulder. Not being able to help herself, she ran her hand over his shoulder, feeling
his muscle twitch as she did so then she blushed furiously wondering why she just performed an intimate gesture.
Love is just the antidote
When nothing else can cure me
There are times I can't decide
When I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy
Otherwise I'd drown
"You would have found out anyway, Marissa," he said, then cleared his throat.
"Being a Ravenclaw you should have figured it out by now," he whispered and when he said that Marissa felt her left brain kick in as she analyzed everything he had said or done leading up to this moment.
But you pick me up and brush me off
And tell me I'm okay
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day
But she didn't want to believe it and wanted him to say it; so she wouldn't feel stupid if she was thinking one person and he said another.
She realized her hand was gripping his as hard as his was holding hers; her cheek now lay on his shoulder and she swore she felt his cheek against the side of her head.
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire
"Tell me," she whispered, closing her eyes, feeling him turn his head a bit and she felt his breath against her ear.
`Oh Merlin…he's going to say it…oh, Merlin..,' Marissa was screaming in her head, glad his arm was tight around her because she felt very weak as the silence drew longer.
You save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
"You," he breathed in her ear and Marissa felt chills go down her spine and for a moment they stood still, not noticing the song had faded into another one.
As if her body had a mind of its own, she moved her head until her forehead laid on his shoulder and simultaneously she began to notice small irrelevant things.
Like the feeling of his soft green shirt under her forehead.
Like the slightly musky smell of what she thought might be Brian, and just Brian.
She felt his chest rising and falling against hers and somehow as she was noticing the small details they had let go of each other's hands and now had their arms wrapped around each other.
Marissa realized no one ever told her you can't control your emotions. She had no idea what to say or do next and so she stayed there, her arms wrapped around his back and she noticed he had one wrapped around her shoulders.
"I would have said "yes"", Marissa said into his shoulder, now realizing that she had very little control over her actions. She never meant to say that aloud.
"Good," was his only response and he slowly loosened his hold on her so she felt she should probably follow his lead. She couldn't stand there all day in his arms, especially since her father was due home at any moment.
She took a small step back and looked at him hardly daring to breathe.
Seeing Brian in front of her, that close was a bit unnerving, but feeling like she was just beginning to get to know a totally different Brian Potter. His hands had slid to her waist and flustered, Marissa lightly set her hands under his elbows, not sure where to put them.
He was looking at her, with eyes that were so deep, she couldn't tell if they were brown or black and with a look that was so intense she thought maybe she did something wrong. Her body was screaming, every nerve was attuned to just how his hands felt on her waist; how his dark lashes framed his eyes…and her mind was void of any comment. She parted her lips as if she was going to say something then it happened. What her body had been screaming for.
He was kissing her. His lips touched hers so softly she thought that it was going to be a quick, almost friendly like kiss. But he didn't pull away and somewhere her instincts kicked in and were telling her to kiss him back. All it took was for her hands to slid up his arms and she felt his mouth move against hers and soon she was lost as she kissed him gently, copying his movements not wanting to stop but knowing that they probably should. Brian must have heard that thought in the back, very back, of her mind because he pulled away and they both opened their eyes at the same time.
His dark brown eyes had green flecks in them she noticed. And for the first time she was looking at him in a different light and she realized how attractive he really was. How most of the feelings he had could be read through his eyes and she lowered hers, not quite sure if her brain could handle anything else at the moment.
"Umm…my father," Marissa whispered, slowly bringing her arms down to her sides, then crossing them over her stomach. She was cold all of a sudden and already missed his warmth.
"Yeah, I should go," Brian stepped back and Marissa wanted to tell him not to.
"I…you…thanks for coming over," Marissa stuttered.
`I have never stuttered in my life…why now?' she moaned to herself and she finally raised her eyes to meet Brian's.
"You're welcome," he said simply and made a move towards her door. She followed him out of her room, down the hall and down the staircase at the end of the hall. Silently they made their way to her living room and her eyes saw the gold dish with the floo powder on the mantel.
"I'll be back on Sunday," Marissa ran her fingers lightly over the leather arm chair watching him grab a handful of floo powder. They were only a couple of feet apart, but she could feel something radiating off of him, and it made her almost dizzy, and left an aching feeling in the pit of her stomach.
"I'll see you then…and, Happy Valentine's Day."
Marissa nodded, not being able to find her voice so she took a step towards him, leaned up and kissed his cheek softly, then stepped back slowly.
He looked momentarily speechless then decided nothing needed to be said at the moment. He touched her arm softly and a few seconds later he had disappeared from her fireplace.
Marissa collapsed in the armchair, burying her face in her hands wondering about everything.
And that is where her father found her, curled up in the black leather chair, a blanket over her legs, staring into the fire she had conjured up.
After making sure she was fine, but noticing she seemed still a bit "off" he insisted that she go up to rest.
It didn't take her long in getting herself ready for bed. But, it did take her a long time to finally relax and fall asleep; she staid awake in her bed until midnight. Playing the dance and kiss over and over in her head, never getting tired of reliving it. She found she remembered every word to that song and made a mental note to find out who sang it.
Finally, sleep took Marissa's mind over and she slept deeply until late the next morning.
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A/N: the song was "Push" by Sarah McLachlan. I had a hard time trying to figure out what song would work for them, so I hope this one does! Also, I have no idea why I write in my stories about the characters getting sick. I guess it helps me, help them to develop. Those of you who read Dragon Tears know what I am talking about. Thanks!
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