Ch.3 Shattered Dreams
"Be still my heart; thou hast known worse than this."-Homer
The thick oak doors opened. Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Mastering up as much courage as she possibly could, she took the first step.
She was wearing a very extravagant white dress that she sort of despised. The lace was rather itchy and the veil was so long that it touched the ground. For a moment, she worried she would trip over it. But, she had bigger things to worry about than her veil.
She walked slowly down the aisle and surveyed her surroundings. Everybody was dressed in the same black cloak, and all eyes were trained on her as they watched her every movement. She gulped.
Now, she realized they weren't wearing some random black attired, it was something a dark wizard would wear. A Death Eater.
Lily gasped. She had to warn James.
Lily ran the rest of the way up the aisle and stopped at the alter. Lily saw him. He was dressed in a black suit, and his hair was still untidy even though it was, in fact, their wedding day. He smiled at her, and Lily completely forgot what she had to warn him about. Instead, his smile mirrored her own. He grabbed the end of her veil and lifted it over her head, so he could see her more clearly.
They starred at each other, losing themselves in each others eyes. Suddenly, he leaned towards her, and Lily's breath caught in her throat. But before his lips could touch her own, he transformed. He was no longer James Potter, but a Death Eater.
Lily struggled to break free of his grasp. And as if on cue, all the Death Eaters began closing in around her. After a long struggle, she finally broke free of the Death Eater, and pushed her way out of the chapel.
I have to warn James, Lily kept repeating to herself. I have to warn him. But, where is he?
Suddenly, Lily saw him.
He stood across the street smiling and waving at her, as if he had been in front of her all along and she had just never realized it. Relief flooded through her veins. He was okay. He was still here.
She ran across the street, and let her emotions take control. She jumped into his arms, and he caught her encircling his arms around her waist. They clung to each other tightly, and Lily prayed this moment would never have to end.
Lily pressed her cheek against his and sighed. "Where were you?" she whispered in his ear.
He pulled away from her slightly, so that he was facing her. His face was no longer smiling. Instead, his eyes squinted in concentration as they searched her face.
"Lily, don't you know?" he asked, pulling her closer to him. "I was waiting for you."
Lily didn't know why, but she started crying. Her heart ached with longing and regret. All this time, he had been standing right in front of her, and she had never known. How could she have never realized that he had been waiting for her?
Well, she thought, I'm not going to make the same mistake again. She placed either hand on the side of his face and kissed him passionantly. He responded with the same urgency and ran his hands up her back and into her hair. Lily shivered. Life had never tasted sweeter.
Lily broke apart for air and noticed they were surrounded by a blur of black. Startled, Lily stepped away from James, and saw that they were surrounded by Death Eaters. James noticed this too. He grabbed her and shoved her behind him. She clung to him frightened for his life and hers.
They were closing in on them. Lily stood shaking behind James. She didn't want to die; she didn't want James to die.
James turned and grabbed her arms roughly. "Lily get out of here, run for it."
She was shaking uncontrollably now. "W-what?"
"I'll hold them of, " he said, squeezing her arms even tighter. "Just save yourself."
Lily shook her head. There was no way she could leave him--not now, not ever.
"I'm not leaving you!"
He glanced at the faces around them in worry. They were getting closer. "Lily, please! They'll tear us apart if you stay here. I want you to live."
Tears were soaking her chin, and she saw the slight trace of tears in his eyes. This nearly broke her heart. She placed her hand softly on his cheek, and he closed his eyes at her touch.
"But I can't leave you. I-I just found you."
He opened his eyes and smiled lovingly at her. And for a moment, the world disappeared, and they were together again. Just them. Alone. In pure bliss.
He opened his mouth to speak, but she didn't get a chance to hear his words.
Hands grabbed both of them and pulled them apart. Lily struggled to get away, but she knew there was no hope. There were too many of them.
She saw that a group of Death Eaters had formed a small circle around James. He didn't fight. He just stood before them, with his shoulders back and his head held up high. Lily tried to scream at him to swallow his pride and run for it, but he couldn't hear her.
She watched as one Death Eater entered the circle and pointed his wand straight at James. She couldn't hear what they were saying. But in an instant, a strand of green light exited the wand, and James fell face first on the ground.
Lily screamed. She didn't know what else to do but scream. Her scream pierced through the cold night, and several Death Eaters had to cover their ears.
"Shut up, you silly girl!"
Lily turned around and met the most frightening pair of red eyes she had ever seen.
"Avada Kedavra!"
A burst of green light filled Lily's vision, and--
"Lily!"
Lily sat straight up in bed, coaxed with sweat.
"Hey, hey calm down. It's alright. It was just a dream."
Lily leaned against the headboard and placed her hand over her heart. It was beating rapidly, and Lily took several deep breaths to steady it.
She felt a light touch on her arm, and Lily looked up to see her mother leaning over her worried.
"What on earth were you dreaming about? It took me forever to wake you."
Lily pulled her arm away from her mother and shrugged. Truthfully, Lily couldn't really remember what she had been dreaming about. All she remembered were the mass of people in black, a green light, and James. Everything else had faded from her memory.
"You didn't sleep in that did you?" Lily's mother asked.
Lily looked up at her mothers scolding expression and then looked down at her own clothes. Oops. She had fallen asleep in the dress she had worn last night. She hadn't meant to do it. She had just been so upset that she cried herself to sleep. Lily leaned over to see the clock on the wall. It was around nine.
"Where's Dad?" Lily asked, in hopes of changing the subject. She wasn't in the mood to argue with her mother.
Lady Sophia sighed and sat down on the bed next to her. "He's downstairs talking with Lord Godfrey at the moment. They have some matters to discuss."
Lily grabbed one of the pillows on her bed and hugged it tightly to her chest. "About James and I?"
Lady Sophia nodded and smoothed down her skirt. Lily fought back the urge to roll her eyes. It wasn't even ten yet, and her mother was already dressed and made up like a Barbie doll.
"Actually," Lady Sophia said clasping her hands together, "we need to talk for a minute."
Lily groaned and buried her face in the pillow. It was too early to talk about this.
"Hey you can moan and groan all you want, but it's not going to do you any good."
Lily lifted her head and narrowed her eyes at her mother. Why couldn't she just give her a few minutes of peace? She was sick of talking. Who ever said talking about your feelings made you feel better was a complete moron.
"Now, about this marriage contract..."
Lily shoved her pillow aside and stood up angrily. "Why do we have to talk about this now?!"
"Lily, calm down! It's not as bad as you think it is!"
Lily threw her hands up in the air, clearly annoyed. "Of course it's bad! Your taking my life away with a stupid sheet of paper! I think I have a right to be a little pissed!"
Lady Sophia rolled her eyes. "Lily, stop being such a drama queen. Jeez, your sister never gave us this much trouble when she was getting married."
"Huh," Lily said, sarcastically, "maybe it was because she wanted to marry Vernon."
"Lily!" Lady Sophia stood up angrily and narrowed her eyes at her daughter. "Will your mouth for five damn minutes! God, you can be so annoying sometimes..."
Lily sat down on the bed and threw daggers at her mother with her eyes.
"Anyways, there are some things we need take care of before the wedding-"
Lily winced at the mention of her so-called wedding.
"We will be contacting you quite frequently when you are at Hogwarts."
"Oh, goody," Lily mocked. Her mother scowled at her but choose to ignore her comment.
"But for now, you don't have to worry about anything."
"Good," Lily folded her arms firmly across her chest, "because I want nothing to do with this wedding."
"Fine."
"Fine."
Lily and her mother stared at each other for several minutes. Her mother was smirking as if she had won this battle. However, for Lily, the war hadn't even started.
"Well, now that we've gotten that taken care of, your train leaves in about an hour. Get dressed and meet us downstairs. Your father and I will see you off."
Lady Sophia shut the door behind her. Lily waited till she heard the click of the door and quickly started gathering up her things. She couldn't wait to get back to Hogwarts and see her friends. It would be nice to be around people who would feel the same way about this wedding as she did. And who knows, maybe they would be able to help her sort out this horrible mistake.
Lily grabbed all of her necessities and started heading towards the bathroom. Halfway across the room, a realization hit her. In an hour, she would have to face James.
Immediately, Lily's heart started beating rapidly. She couldn't face him, not after last night. What was she supposed to do when she saw him? What was she supposed to say?
Lily took a deep breath and came up with a solution. A solution she had once heard when she had been forced to attend Madame Simone's Charm and Beauty School. When in doubt, ignore him. This way the next action between the two of you will totally be up to him.
***
James Potter sat at the dining room table trying to hear what his parents were saying, but he quickly gave up. He
couldn't hear anything because he was having the worst hangover ever.
After he had retired to his room last night, James had downed almost a full bottle of firewhiskey. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea to drown all his sorrows. But now, on top of having to deal with the thought of marrying Lily, he had to deal with a skull splitting headache. Life really was cruel.
Just then, one of the maids came in carrying their breakfast plates. The plate clanged against the dining room table when she placed it in front of him. She moved around the table and did the same thing to his parents' plates. James winced. The sound really wasn't helping his hangover any.
"James," his mother asked from across the table. "Are you alright?"
"Huh?" he mumbled, sort of taken off guard.
"I asked if you were alright. You don't look like you feel very well."
"Oh," James said, shrugging, "I"m just...tired."
"Oh, okay." replied Mrs. Potter while eyeing her son suspiciously.
James had been rudely awakened about half an hour earlier by his mother shaking him. James had fallen asleep--well, past out to be more precise--in an arm chair. So when he woke up, his mother had bombarded him with questions. Luckily, James had pitched the firewhiskey bottle, so she had no evidence as to what he had been up to the night before.
James avoided her gaze, knowing that if she saw his blood-shot eyes, it would give him away. Although, James wouldn't be surprised if his mother knew exactly why he wasn't feeling very well. She had caught him and Sirius drunk enough times to recognize his symptoms.
If Sirius had been here, they would have snuck into the kitchen by now. They would of fixed themselves a hangover potion and not worry about his parents finding out. More than once though, James and Sirius had needed Lily to make one for them. They had found out the hard way that they could only fix the potion when they were semi-sober. So, they usually barged into Lily's room in the morning bribing her into making one for them. She always gave in, eventually.
But this time, James didn't think it would be appropriate to knock on Lily's door and ask for a hangover potion the morning after their parents had announced their engagement.
James almost started choking on his food. It was the first time he had ever really thought of him and Lily as being engaged.
"James, are you okay?"
James nodded his head, still gagging slightly.
Just then, the door to the dining area opened. The Potters turned in their seats as the Evans entered. James's stomach jumped into his throat. He knew he was going to be nervous about seeing Lily, but he had no idea he was going to be this nervous.
Lily was the last one to enter. Her hair was wavy and slightly frizzy, like it always looked when she had just gotten out of the shower. She was wearing a plain long-sleeved white shirt with her favorite pair of faded jeans, but there was an aura of sadness surrounding her. James tried to catch her eye and shoot her a look of sympathy, but she deliberately avoided his gaze. Instead, her face remained blank and impassive, a look James had seen several times when she didn't want people to know what she was thinking or feeling. But never, in all the time he had known Lily, had the look ever been intended for him.
The Evans took their seats, and Lily was forced to sit next to James. James continued eating his eggs, but his gaze kept traveling over towards Lily. She sat perfectly straight with one hand in her lap, while the other held a half-eaten piece of bacon.
James continued to stare at Lily, but she kept her gaze down and her face blank. James looked closer at her and noticed her tiniest flaw. She was shaking; he could feel it.
"James? Lily?"
They both looked up at their parents. They had their hands clasped together and their expressions serious. James felt his stomach drop. He wondered what 'announcement' they had for them this time. For all he knew, they were going to announce that they had to conceive a child within next year. If that was the case, James was sure he was going to throw up his breakfast.
"We have another proposition for you two."
James's face paled. Oh, great.
Mr. Potter chuckled. "The both of you look like you have just been petrified. Don't worry. It's better news, I promise."
James eyed his father cautiously. After his dad's little announcement last night, James didn't think he could ever trust his dad's good news again.
"Now," Lord Godfrey began in his business like tone, "obviously you two are having difficulty accepting this marriage."
James's heart began to beat more rapidly, and Lily was shaking more violently than ever. He resisted the urge to comfort her, knowing that she would only push him away.
"So after some talk this morning, we have decided that you both will not be signing the contract today."
James held his breath hopefully, and Lily stopped shaking momentarily.
"However, you will sign it on December 24."
James blinked several times, floored. "B-but that's Christmas Eve!" he blurted out.
Lord Godfrey nodded slowly. "Yes, at our annual Christmas Eve party you will sign the contract. It is also when we will be announcing your engagement to the public."
James felt his stomach drop again. He knew it had been too good to be true, but apart of him had hoped they had canceled the engagement.
"So, you both will have a little over two months to get used to the engagement. You will be officially engaged on December 24, and you will be married on June 21."
James snapped his gaze towards Lily, whose eyes were as wide as saucers. She glanced in his direction, but quickly looked away. Even though it had been quick, he knew Lily was thinking the same thing he was.
"You've already set a date for our wedding?" James asked bewildered.
Lord Godfrey shook his head, "Yes, June 21."
Immediately, James and Lily began to protest, but Lord Godfrey Potter held up his hand to silence them.
"We don't have time to argue about it. We will discuss it later, but not today. For now, you both need to catch the train back to Hogwarts."
For the first time in about two days anticipation filled his body. He couldn't wait to get back and forget about this weekend. He would go back to Hogwarts and bury himself in quidditch, the Marauders, and school, and forget about Lily's icy attitude, the engagement, and gaining the courage to confess it all to Olivia.
They finished their breakfast in almost total silence. The maid came in and announced that their ride to the train station was here. James and Lily practically ran to the door. Their parents said goodbye to them, and told them they will be in contact with them soon. James and Lily both choose to ignore this statement.
They both walked towards the car that would take them to the train station. James opened the car door for Lily, and sort of stood in front of it so she would be forced to acknowledge his presence.
James pretended to pick a piece of fuzz off his shirt, while he waited for Lily to tell him to piss off or something of that nature. She did no such thing. For a few minutes, she stood in front of him with her arms crossed, and her expression blank--No glare, no sneer, nothing. For Lily, this was considered an insult. She quietly turned on her heel and walked to the other side of the car and got in without saying a word.
James's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe she had just blown him off. Normally, she would have been glaring, stomping her feet, calling him a prat, anything to get him to move. Instead, she turned a cold shoulder and walked away.
James got in the car, but kept his gaze out the window. They were turning out onto the street when the anger began boiling up inside him.
What in the hell was her problem anyway? They were both in the exact same situation. He knew how she was feeling, so why was she acting so cold towards him? Wouldn't he understand more than anymore else what she was feeling?
"Lily?" he asked. For whatever reason, James really wanted to talk to her. It was probably the hangover talking.
"Lily?" he asked again. She kept looking out the window and pretended not to hear him, even though he knew she could.
James rolled his eyes and gave up. Fine, he thought, if she wanted to be an ice queen, let her be an ice queen. He was sick of always trying to melt her.
***
Lily was about to burst. She needed to talk to someone. She couldn't keep all of this inside of her much
longer.
If anyone would have stopped to talk to her on the way to the Gryffindor Tower, they would have thought somebody had died. Her face was unusually pale and pasty, and her cheeks were flustered to make it look like she had been crying. Her eyes were rimmed in red out of sleep depravation, and she neither smiled nor frowned. Which for Lily, meant something was terribly wrong.
Lily jogged her way toward to the tower, and reached the dormitories without any trouble. She opened the door and starred at her fellow classmates, who starred back in shock and worry.
Her two best friends, Madeline Cross and Deidre Vishicio, sat on their beds paralyzed. They had been giggling only moments before, but now they were consumed with worry at the sight of Lily.
"Whoa, you look like shit." Deidre said, walking towards Lily, "What happened to you?"
Lily almost cracked a smile. Leave it to Deidre to point out the obvious without any regards for other peoples feelings. But any trace of smile Lily might have shown quickly vanished when she saw the one person she really didn't want to see: Olivia Davenport.
Olivia and Lily glared at each other from across the room, the same loathing radiating from their gaze. Olivia and Lily had never been great friends, but they had lived civilly for several years without ever really fighting. But a months before Olivia started dating James, the tension between them, that had never really existed, snapped. Now, they could hardly be in the same room without screaming at each other.
Olivia was basically the exact opposite of Lily. She was skinny with straight, light brown hair that matched her eyes, while Lily was voluptuous with wavy dark red hair and emerald green eyes. Lily was studious and independent, while Olivia was flirtatious and clingy. Lily was muggle-born; Olivia was purelood, and the list went on and on. How they had ended up in the same house was still a huge mystery to her.
Lily had been glaring at Olivia for awhile before she spoke. "Do you mind giving us some privacy?"
It had come out a little ruder than Lily had intended, but Lily really didn't make an effort to apologize. Olivia slammed down the nail filer she had been using, and glared at Lily, a little miffed.
"What?"
"I need to talk privately with Dee and Madeline, and I don't want your ears to 'accidently' hear what I'm going to say."
Olivia pushed her chair back roughly and started gathering things into her make-up bag.
"Don't flatter yourself Evans. Nothing you could possibly say would be of any interest to me."
Lily had to bite her tongue to keep from saying that her and James were now betrothed.
Olivia finished filling up her make-up bag and turned to face them, her nose practically scraping the ceiling. Olivia eyed Lily's clothing with a smirk. Olivia was wearing a mid-thigh wool skirt with a tight red shirt. She looked phenomenal, while Lily looked like she had just rolled out of bed. She mentally scolded herself for her choice of clothing in front of Olivia. She had just made herself bait on Olivia's fishing hook.
"What's the matter Evans?" Olivia asked mockingly. "Did you eat too much this weekend? Had to wear the fat jeans?"
It was Olivia's favorite slam. Making sure Lily was aware of how much skinnier Olivia was than her. Normally Lily would have retorted, but she was so exhausted that she didn't have it in her.
"Didn't Lily ask you to leave Olivia?" Deidre said in her defense.
Olivia shrugged unfazed. "Don't get your panties in a twist Dee. I was just leaving."
She shoved her way past Deidre and Lily. Olivia was just out the door when she turned to Lily.
"So, if you are back, that means James is back too. Right?"
Lily's jaw clenched at his name. Olivia didn't wait for Lily to respond. Instead, she continued to talk about James.
"Oh, I'm so glad he is back! He must have been so bored in that big house without anyone to talk to--no offense Lily. And look at my outfit! I picked it out especially for his return."
Olivia did a little runway turn for Lily. Lily's glare intensified. She knew exactly what Olivia was up to. She was trying to rub it in Lily's face that James was her boyfriend, not Lily's. Not that Lily particularly cared or anything.
"See how this skirt shows off my legs? James loves it when I saw off my legs!"
Lily threw a glance at Deidre, asking her to shut Olivia's mouth for her.
"Olivia!" Diedre hollered. Olivia stopped strutting around the hallway to acknowledge Deidre. "Here's an idea. Why don't you go down to the fifth year boys dormitories and show off your outfit there? I'm sure they could give you plenty of compliments about your skirt and...your legs."
Olivia's cheeks began to glow red at Deidre's comment. Olivia spun around, flicking her straight brown hair, and continued down the stairs in a huff.
Once Olivia was out of sight, Deidre shut the door and faced Lily. "What's the deal Lily? You wouldn't even stick up for yourself in front of Olivia."
Lily's throat quickly began to close up, and her body filled with heat. She couldn't hold it back any longer. Slowly, Lily lowered her head in her hands and let out a sob.
Deidre looked at Madeline in alarm, and Madeline quickly got off her bed and rushed towards Lily's side.
"Sweetie, what's wrong?" Madeline asked in her soothing voice that she was famous for.
Lily struggled to speak, but it was proving to be impossible. Madeline and Deidre wrapped their arms around her and guided her towards her bed. They sat down on either side of Lily, trying their best to calm her down. Eventually, Lily's sobs began to subside.
"Lily, tell us what's wrong."
"Yeah," Deidre said, pulling a piece of hair out of Lily's face, "talk to us."
Lily sighed and began fiddling with her hands nervously. She knew she had to tell them, but she really didn't want to admit it out loud.
Lily closed her eyes and sighed, "You know how I went to James's house this weekend?"
They nodded their hands waiting for her to continue.
"Well, did I tell you about our invitations."
Deidre and Madeline shook their heads in response, eager to see where she was going with this.
"Well, we both received rather peculiar invitations."
Madeline's face crinkled in confustion. "What do you mean peculiar?"
"It was just that both the invitations had really odd requests. And later that night, we were all having drinks after dinner, when our parents announced...when our parents announced." God, she couldn't say it outloud. It would make it too real.
"Well, what did they say?" Deidre asked impatiently.
Lily got off the bed and began pacing. She had to be standing for this.
"Our parents announced that they had arranged for James and I to be married."
Neither Madeline or Deidre made any sound for several minutes. They sat with mouths slightly open, their minds trying to comprehend exactly what Lily had just said.
"Merlin, you can't be serious!" Deidre finally remarked. "You can't be someones wife!"
Lily began pacing around the room again. "I know, I--wait. What's that supposed to mean?"
Deidre nervously shifted her eyes toward Madeline who just shook her head in disbelief.
"I-I just meant that your not...well, your not exactly-"
"I'm not exactly what?" Lily asked impatiently.
Deidre let out a deep sigh, "It's just that--and this is nothing bad--but your not exactly the marrying type."
Lily's face began to heat up, and her stomach dropped. Deidre's statement had stung a little more than Lily had expected.
"Well thanks a lot for your support Dee." The anger was rising in her voice, but so was saddness. "It's good to know that James and I are going to get married, and our marriage is going to be horrible because I'm not the marrying type."
Lily laid down on Deidre's bed and let out a small sob. She hated how sensitive she was. She knew Deidre hadn't meant any harm, she had just been stating a fact. That was the part that kind of got to Lily. James would probably be a wonderful husband and father, while Lily would be the horrible wife and mother who drove her husband to drink and her kids to hate her.
Madeline and Deidre had moved over to where Lily layed sniffling. "Lily don't take what Deidre said personally. You know she can't control what comes out of her mouth."
"Hey!" Deidre said, firmly placing her hands on her hips and narrowing her eyes and Madeline.
"Don't 'hey' me. It's true!"
Lily let out a little chuckle and whipped her cheeks with the back of her hand. It was good to be around people who listened to her, unlike her mother.
"So, how did James take it?" Deidre asked.
Lily didn't respond at first. She adjusted the pillow under her head and after awhile she shrugged in response.
Deidre widened her eyes in disbelief. "What does," she mimicked her shrugg, "mean?"
Lily rolled her eyes, kind of annoyed that she was pressing the subject. "Exactly what shrugging means Dee. I.. Don't. Know!"
Madeline looked at Lily skeptically. "What do you mean you don't know? Didn't you at least talk to him?"
Lily ran her hands threw her hair. She really didn't want to talk about James, but her friends clearly weren't going to drop it. "No Maddie, I haven't talked to James since our parents made the stupid announcement."
"So, you don't even know how he feels about all this?"
Lily shook her head, trying to avoid their gaze.
"Lily..."
"What Maddie?! No I haven't talked to him because I don't want to, okay! Now can we please stop talking about this!"
She sat up and wrapped her arms around her legs, trying to comfort herself. She didn't want to talk about this. She was sick of talking. She just wanted someone to comfort her and tell her everything was going to be okay. She wanted those someone's to be her friends.
Deidre sensed what Lily needed and wrapped her arms around her protectively. Madeline reached over and hugged Lily as well, and Lily clung to her friends as if her life depended on it.
"Lily, you really need to talk to James, " Madeline said.
Lily didn't reply. She didn't want to hear any of this right now. She wasn't ready to listen.
"Lily, you need-"
Deidre gave Madeline a pointed look, "Madeline, shush."
Madeline snapped her mouth shut and said nothing more. They didn't speak for a long time as Lily's mind swarmed with thoughts. She wondered how different her life was going to be now that she knew she was engaged. She wondered how James was taking it all. Was he hurting like her? Did his whole future change? Did he feel helpless and not in control of his life anymore? She even wondered if he was worried about telling Olivia.
She really wanted to ask him all these questions, but she was afraid. She was afraid and she didn't even know why. Lily couldn't hold it back any longer. She let out another heart-wrenching sob, one filled with nothing but despair and longing. Her friends held on tighter, not able to find any words of comfort.
"I-I had my whole life planned," she sobbed. "I had dreams."
"We know Lily, " Madeline said stroking her hair.
"I wanted to do so many things before I ever got married. I wanted to live in Paris for a few years. I was going to work at the Ministrey when I graduated from Hogwarts. Did I ever tell you that?"
"Yeah, "Deidre replied sadly, "You told us."
"I wanted to live in a studio apartment and paint my room purple. My mother never let me paint my room any color besides ivory. All my life I wanted a purple room with The Starry Night hanging above my bed. I love that painting." She sighed remorsely. "It's silly to be thinking about all this."
Lily lifted her head and looked between her friends. Their eyes were filled with pity, and Lily knew exactly why they were pitying her.
Lily began fiddling with her hands again, "None of my dreams are ever going to come true, are they?"
Madeline and Deidre glanced at each other solumnly, but they didn't speak a word. They didn't have to; Lily already knew they answer. It was just the answer that was killing her heart.
***
When James Potter walked into the seventh year boy dormitories, the first thing that greeted him was a snitch hitting him square in the forehead. Normally, James would have found this amusing, but James was not himself today. Instead, he grabbed the snitch, stomped over to the window, and threw it out.
Sirius's jaw dropped. "Hey! What'd you do that for?"
James didn't respond. He slammed the window shut and sat down on the window seal groveling.
Sirius shot a look at Remus and Peter. Remus shrugged, obviously just as puzzled by James's attitude as Sirius was.
Sirius moved across the room and stood in front of James. "Hey Prongs, what's up mate? You act like you are PMSing or something."
James looked at his hands and started fiddling with them nervously. Remus moved from the desk where him and Peter had been working to the bed next to the window seal.
"Hey!" Peter protested. "I thought you were going to help me with Transfiguration!"
"Later Wormtail," Remus replied, turning his attention towards James. "What's the matter Prongs? Did you have a fight with Lily or your parents or something?"
James let out a long sigh. He was trying to figure out exactly how to word this. James stopped messing with his hands and looked up at his freinds. Oh well, he thought, might as well get straight to the point.
"Lily and I are supposeviely e-engaged."
Sirius started making some sort of gagging noise, while Peter dropped his quill, and Remus sat with his mouth hung wide open.
"You've got to be joking! James, what were you thinking?!" Sirius yelled, slightly in shock. "Were you drunk, mentally insane, WHAT?!"
James stood up at his accusation. "I didn't propose to her!"
"WELL, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT GIVING WOMEN JEWLERY! NOTHING GOOD COULD EVER COME OF GETTING WOMEN JEWLERY!"
"I didn't give her anything, not even a ring!" James replied defensively.
"Wait, wait," Remus said waving his arms in the air, trying to get their attention. "What do you mean you guys are 'supposively' engaged?"
James sighed and ran his hands threw his hair. "Our parents are arranging our marriage."
Sirius's jaw dropped again. "What?! That's insane! They can't do that!" He looked over at Remus. "Can they?"
James sat back down on the window seal and leaned up against the window pane. "Looks like they can," he grumbled.
He still felt like he was in some sort of shock. None of what he had just said seemed real, but it was. And it scarred the living shit out of him.
Peter slammed his Transfiguration book and joined the rest of the group. "Prongs, what are you going to do?"
James shrugged. He had done nothing on the train except ponder different types of scenarios that would get him out of marrying Lily. So far, none of them seemed possible, except running away to New Zealand.
"I have no clue. I honestly have no fucking clue." He slammed his fist down on the window seal out of frustration. His friends flenched at his outburst, but James welcomed the pain.
"Well, how does Lily feel?" asked Remus.
Immediately James felt anger boil up inside him. He was so mad at her he could hardly see straight. All threw the train ride, she had sat perfectly still in the compartment with the same icy exterior she had worn all morning. A part of James had hoped that she would break once they were a good distance from their parents, but she kept on ignoring him. And it really pissed him off.
"I don't know what she is feeling or thinking because she won't speak a damn word to me." He stood up angerily and ran his hands threw his hair again.
"Why won't she talk to you?" asked Remus.
"Because she's so damn annoying!" At this point, James was fuming. "SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ANYTHING OR ANYONE SO SHE IGNORES THEM FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT REASON! I MEAN WE WERE ON THAT TRAIN FOR THREE DAMN HOURS, AND SHE JUST SAT THERE MOONEY! SHE SAT THERE AND FUCKING IGNORED ME!"
"Prongs," Remus said sympathetically, "cut Lily some slack. I mean, she's being forced to marry someone she doesn't want to."
"You think I want to marry her Remus!" James replied angerily. "WE ARE IN THE EXACT SAME SITUATION, BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME IGNORING HER!"
"Yeah. But Prongs, it's Lily," said Sirius.
"So..." James had no idea what Sirius meant.
"So," Sirius continued, "she'll crack eventually. Just give her time to deal with it on her own."
Remus eyed Sirius skeptically, "Since when did you understand the inner workings of Lily Evans."
Sirius laughed. "After she hits you on the head a couple of times, you learn to pay attention to her mood swings."
"Oh, so that explains why you're such a headcase," said Remus. " I just figured you had fallen off your broom one too many times."
"You'll pay for that one Mooney." Sirius quickly grabbed a pillow and attacked Remus. "Pillow fight!"
James and Peter both grabbed a pillow and joined in. It was so childish, but James actually was beginning to feel a little better. He was laughing so hard that he was fighting poorly, but he didn't care. It felt good just to laugh.
After several minutes, one of the pillows busted, signaling that it was time to stop. They all collapsed on the bed, as the remains of the pillow fell around them.
"Nothing like a pillow fight to make you feel better, aiy Prongs?"
"Yeah," James replied sarcastically, "And maybe after I hex Snivellus, I'll actually want to marry Evans."
"That can be arranged. I've got the trusty Marauder's Map," Sirius said, pulling it out of his back pocket.
"Yeah," remarked Remus, "then all you would have to do is convince Lily."
Sirius shrugged, unfolding his map, "They've got potions for that."
They all broke out into hystericals again, even though it wasn't even that funny. James was just glad to be back at Hogwarts, and not stuck at Hilsenvand Mand with the Ice Queen. James ran his hand through his hair again, trying not to let his mind wonder again.
"You alright mate?" Sirius asked studying the map.
"Yeah, I'm just trying not to think about Evans."
Sirius scoffed. "Damn women! Always poisioning mens minds!"
They all chuckled.
"Hey Prongs, I hate to keep bringing this up, " said Remus, "but I'm still confused about this whole engagement thing. I mean when exactly did they decide that you guys should have an arranged marriage."
James sat up and leaned against the headboard. "Apparently they've had this little idea in mind since we were eleven."
Sirius sat the map down and looked at James, "You're kidding?"
"Nope," he replied.
"Huh," Sirius pondered for a second before he continued. "Well, I guess it sort of makes sense."
James narrowed his eyes, "What? What makes sense?"
"Well," Sirius said putting the map back in his pocket. "why else would a pureblood family be close friends with a muggle family?"
James closed his eyes and sighed. "I know. I feel like I should have known something like this was going on. I mean our parents were always throwing us together. You would think we would have caught on or something."
"Don't blame yourself mate," said Remus. "Arranged marriages aren't that common these days."
"Yeah," James scoffed. "That's because they are not common at all."
"Well just look on the bright side," said Remus.
James and Sirius exchanged glances.
"There's a bright side to having the best years of your life taken away to get married?" asked Sirius.
Remus gave Sirius a pointed look. "Well, it could be worse. I mean, James isn't marrying some random girl. He's marrying Lily."
James sat back, his mind pondering what Remus was saying. "I suppose you're right..."
"I mean at least you are marrying someone who you care about and who cares about you in return."
James snorted. "Well, she has a funny way of showing that she cares."
Remus sighed, "Come on James. Deep down you know it's true."
James knew Remus was right. No matter how much him and Lily tried to deny it, the truth was they both cared a lot about each other.
Suddenly Sirius jumped off the bed and pulled out the Marauder Map. "Personally, I think there's too much of a girl vibe in this room. So , I think we should do something manly, like playing a little game I like to call Hexing Snivellus."
James smiled. He liked the sound of this game.
Remus, on the other hand, didn't look to thrilled. "You know you're just asking for trouble Padfoot."
"Really? I had no idea," Sirius replied sarcastically. "I Solumnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good. Now, where are you Snivel-"
Just then, the door to their dormitory opened, and Olivia stood in the doorway smiling. Sirius quickly muttered 'Mishchief Managed' and shoved the map back in his back pocket, all the while glaring at Olivia.
"Hey guys. What's going on?"
"Nothing, now that you showed up," Sirius muttered.
Olivia's smile faded, and James quickly got off the bed and headed towards Olivia.
"Hey," he greeted her.
"Hey," she replied kissing him. "What's his problem?"
James threw a glare at Sirius, but he was too busy pouting in the corner to notice.
"Oh, nothing. Sirius is just drunk again."
Olivia looked down at her watch. "It's not even three o'clock yet."
James quickly shooed her back into the hallway and shut the door behind them, giving them some privacy.
Once the door was shut, Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his jaw.
"So, did you miss me?" She asked trailing kisses down his neck.
Truthfully, James hadn't missed her at all, but he wasn't about to tell her that.
"Of course I did."
"Good," she said kissing the corners of his mouth. Without even thinking about what he was doing, James pushed her away. Olivia stepped back slightly hurt.
"What was that about?" She asked upset.
"Sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't mean anything by it."
"Well, obviously you did. What's with you today?"
James felt really bad about pushing her away, but he really just wanted to be with his friends. He knew Olivia would never understand that.
"Look, I'm sorry. I had a really tough weekend. That's all."
Olivia's expression softened. She wrapped her arms around his neck again and pressed her body up agianst his suggestively. James couldn't help but feel slightly aroused.
"I can make you feel better, " she whispered in his ear. "Let's go come place more private."
Her tongue was tickling his ear, and James gave in. He knew she would never let him live it down if he ditched her to
be with his friends. So, he decided a heated make-out session--and if he was lucky something more--would be enough to
get his mind off Lily. Olivia grabbed his hand and lead the way, while the last image of Lily slipped his mind.
A/N Hey thanks for all the amazing reviews. I try to reply to everyone of them. So if you asked me a question, most likely I replied to it. If you give me feedback, the least I could do is give you feedback. Anyways, thanks again.