Ch. 4 Blinded By Anger
"Because in this deep joy to see and hear thee
And breathe within thy shadow a new air,
I do not think of thee-I am too near thee."
- Sonnet XXIX
James Potter took pride in the fact that he was a risk taker. A daredevil-a rebel. He broke school rules, challenged adults, and broke all limitations. He didn't wait for adventure, he found it.
But, like all great wizards, he had one great fear. A fear that was always present in the back of his mind, whether he wanted it there or not. It wasn't anything physical, nor could it ever be touched, but above all things in this world, James Potter feared being alone.
He loathed the feeling of loneliness more than anything in this world. He hated it when his father was on a business trip, and his mother was off with a friend and being alone in Hilsenvand Manor. He hated how lonely that big house made him feel. He hated having no one to talk to or to touch. He hated being at a lavish party full of people but still have that feeling of loneliness. He hated being close to a woman, but still feel nothing between them but emptiness.
He knew on the outside, it looked like he had everything: money, good looks, no brothers or sisters to share anything with, a high status in society.. But just as he had grown up with all those things, he had learned to despise them just the same. No amount of money, toys, or any other materialistic items could have replaced the fact that James had been alone most of his life.
For as long as he could remember, his father had worked long hours at the Ministry, and was often gone on business trips for several months at a time. His mother was so involved with charity work and political rights that she hardly ever made it home to dinner. James sometimes felt that the reason his parents never had any more children was because they didn't even have time for one child they had.
For the first eleven years of his life, James's only source of entertainment was his backyard and his imaginary friend, Woodrick, who wasn't very fun, considering he only liked to eat ants. But then, James's whole world changed when he received his Hogwarts letter.
Suddenly, he found himself thrown into another world. It was here that he met Sirius, Remus, and Peter and became a member of the infamous Marauders. The Marauders was a bond of friendship between the four of them that guaranteed companionship and loyalty that James had never experienced before. James cherished his relationship with them more than any other. But while his friends filled a big part of his life, James always felt there was something missing-a void that could only be filled by a woman.
James wasn't talking about anything physical, although it was a tiny portion of it. He was talking, for the most part, about being in love, and sharing that special bond where you both become one. Most people, especially Sirius, would call him a romantic, but he didn't care. He wanted, craved that type of closeness with someone. It was also one of the reasons this whole arranged marriage thing freaked him out.
He had always thought he would meet someone, fall in love, get married, have kids, and live a happy life. Never, in a million years, did he think his parents would meet someone, they would get married, they would have kids, and their marriage would be based on nothing but fake emotion. He worried that was how his marriage to Lily was going to be like, completely void of anything real.
The thought sickened him and had kept him up most of the night. Now, it was four-thirty in the morning, and James had given up on going back to sleep. He laid in bed, and let his mind wonder back to what Remus had said earlier. You're not marrying some random girl; you're marrying Lily.
And it was true. He wasn't marrying some girl he had never met before or didn't like very much. He was marrying Lily Evans. The Lily Evans. The girl he'd known for seven years. The girl who knew almost all his secrets and knew him as well as his friends. She was the first major crush James ever had, and the first girl to ever turn him down.
He almost laughed at the irony of it all. He had fallen for Lily back in fifth year. It hadn't been a gradual crush that had developed overtime. Nope. This one had hit him like a cement block falling from the sky. He hated to admit it, but he had fallen for Lily. Hard.
At first, James had thought it was just a pure physical attraction. He had been at her house the summer before fifth year, when spontaneously, they had decided to spend the day at the beach. While they had been building a mock-Hogwarts in the sand, James had decided that Lily looked a little hot and splashed a bucket full of sea water in her face.
Lily, of course, had been a little peeved, mainly because he had made her mess up the Astronomy Tower. She retaliated, and they had spent a good five minutes chasing each other with buckets of water.
James had been dodging being slammed by sea water, when unknowing, he ran straight into the sand Hogwarts castle and fell face-first in the sand. They had both doubled over in laughter. Lily couldn't even stand properly because her body was convulsing so hard from laughter. She fell to her knees, tears pouring down her cheeks, and her hair bright and vibrant in the sunlight.
At that moment, James realized how truly beautiful Lily was. Not just for obvious reasons, like her eyes and her body, but for reasons that only James seemed to notice. Like when she laughed, her face would break out into a huge toothy grin before she would throw her head back and let out a deep throaty laugh. Or how she tried to be fair with everyone, even if she didn't like them very much. Or how her eyes revealed every emotion she was feeling, regardless if she wanted them to or not.
So here sat James-his body covered in sand, and his legs tangled in the now destroyed sand castle-with his heart pounding like it never had before. The pounding heart of a boy with one severe crush.
For the rest of the day, James had been in a daze. He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that he had a crush on Lily. It all seemed so absurd. She was a know-it-all, stubborn, pain in his ass, goody-two-shoes, that never left him alone. There was no way in hell he could like someone who he usually ended up pulling his hair out over.
Finally, he had reasoned, that it wasn't technically a real crush, but a physical crush. They had been at the beach. Lily had been in a bikini, and James wasn't blind. He could tell that Lily had umm...developed a lot over the past few years. James was a male; Lily was a female. It all made perfect sense. It was purely and solely a sexual attraction.
James had made it through the summer with this conclusion in his mind. He had never acted on it, thankfully, only occasionally letting his glaze linger on her a little longer than necessary. But other than that, everything had gone back to normal. That is, until fifth year began.
James sat up in bed and looked at the clock. Six o'clock on the dot. A little earlier-okay, a lot earlier--than what James was used to, but a shower seemed oddly refreshing at the moment. He was getting a dull headache from thinking too much.
He headed towards the head bathroom and stepped in the shower. He turned the water on ice cold, and let it shock every nerve in his system. But despite the wake-up call, his mind refused to settle down.
***
Lily sat in the center of her bed Indian style, while she watched her friends get ready for breakfast. Lily was still in her pajamas, refusing to go down stairs.
"Lily, come on. Breakfast won't be that bad," Her friend, Deidre Vishicio, whispered, casting a weary eye at Olivia and her sidekick, Lori Tao. They were too busy giggling about something to notice them whispering.
Lily hugged her knees to her chest and starred at her chipped toenail polish, trying to avoid the subject of breakfast.
"Lily...," Deidre whined, sitting next to her friend and squeezing her arm reassuringly, "you're going to have to face him at some point. Better sooner than never, right?"
Lily shrugged, but continued to star at her toes. She knew Dee was right, but she really, really did not want to see James. She was just now able to think about their engagement without crying. However, she was afraid that if she saw James it would be like opening a flood gate.
"Lily, look at me."
Lily lifted her eyes and met Diedre's coal black eyes. It was strange. Her eyes didn't seem like they would fit her appearance at all. Deidre was slender and barely reached 5'4". Her skin was rather pale without being pinkish, and her ash-blonde hair fell just bellow her shoulder blades. She looked like your typical blonde, except when you looked at her eyes. Her eyes were exotically dark. So dark, that you could barely distinct her pupil from her eye color. Lily always thought her eyes made her stand out among the other students at their school. That, and her pessimistic point of view.
"You can't leave me down there alone," Deidre whimpered dramatically. "I mean, who else am I supposed to make obnoxious comments to?"
Lily gave Deidre a weak smile. True, she was going to miss Deidre criticizing every couple that passed their table, but Lily really wasn't up to facing James just yet.
"I'll be with you in spirit, Dee,"she reasoned.
Deidre rolled her eyes and muttered, "Sure, a lot of good that will do. My grandmother told me that exact same thing, and I haven't seen or heard from her since her funeral."
Madeline gasped, "Dee, that's not very nice!" but Lily and Deidre doubled over in laughter.
Suddenly, the door to their dormitory opened, and Lily watched as Olivia and Lori slipped through the door, side by side.
Madeline put the mascara back in its tube and turned away from the vanity to face Lily.
"Lily, seriously, just come down to breakfast with us. You'll feel better once you see him."
Lily hugged her knees tighter to her chest. She highly doubted seeing James would make her feel better. Actually, just thinking about him made her rather ill.
"Lily," Madeline assured, pushing a dark brown wave out of her face, "James won't bite. In fact, I think he'll--"
Deidre started snickering.
"What?" Madeline asked, clearly annoyed by the interruption.
"Nothing," Deidre muttered, waving Madeline's comment off. But she couldn't control hersel and erupted in full-blown laughter.
Madeline and Lily glanced at each other confused. Madeline's nostril began to flare, signaling that she was either annoyed or frustrated.
"What is your problem?"
It took Deidre a moment to catch her breath, but then she responded, "Nothing. It's just..." She broke off into hysterics again. Lily watched Madeline's nostrils flare in and out, as she tried to restrain herself from strangling it out of Deidre.
"I was just thinking," Deidre began, snickering, "what Olivia would do if you just marched down to breakfast and told her to get her hands off your fiancé." Deidre started laughing hysterically again. "I mean, can't you just picture her face."
To be honest, Lily didn't really think it was all that funny. Even though half the time her and Olivia were at each other's throats, Lily knew how much Olivia liked James. Olivia would be heartbroken when she found out that her and James were engaged.
Madeline's jaw dropped at Deidre's comment. "Dee, that's not very funny at all. Olivia would be devastated."
Deidre grinned. "I know. That's what makes it so great."
Lily chuckled at her friends amusement, but Lily stopped when she began to question Deidre's real motive.
"You're not going to say anything to Olivia, are you Dee?"
Deidre instantly stopped laughing and furrowed her eyebrows, clearly hurt by Lily's accusation. "Lily, I would never say anything to Olivia. I was only joking around."
Lily sighed in relief.
Madeline turned around and looked at the clock. "Time for breakfast," she announced, getting off the bed. "Sure, you're not going to come?"
Lily nodded and folded her arms in her lap. The corners of Lily's mouth twitched when she saw Deidre pouting on the edge of her bed.
"Come on, Dee. Don't mope,"she said, playfully shoving Deidre's arm.
"Yeah, Dee," Madeline injected. "You act like you're the only one going down to breakfast. I'll be there too you know."
"Yeah, I know." Deidre muttered. "But you'll be too damn busy starring at Black to notice me."
Immediately, Madeline's face began to glow red. Lily and Deidre burst into hysterics at their friend's embarrassment.
Deidre sighed and joined Madeline on the other side o f the room. "Sure there's no way we can get you to go?"
Lily shook her head.
Deidre nodded, understandingly. "Alright. Well, you snooze you lose sister!"
She grabbed Madeline's arm and dragged her out the dorm. Still slightly flustered, Madeline waved goodbye to Lily as they exited the room.
Once her friends had left, Lily collapsed back onto the bed, letting the morning rays warm her face. Lily rolled over and hugged her chest. She really did not to see James or even think about seeing James. But she knew it was inevitable. She had been able to avoid breakfast, but they both had Potions after breakfast. She could go to Madame Pomfrey and fake sick, but she would only end up feeling like a coward female afterwards. Plus, she would be behind on her school work.
Lily sat straight up in bed. She was sick of moping around and worrying about James and their engagement. She was going to have to see him and talk to him eventually, so she should just suck it up and accept it. There was no way out of the situation. She was just going to have to deal.
Lily grabbed her uniform and a towel and headed towards the Heads' bathroom, ready to cleanse herself of last weekend and move on with her life.
***
"James, you've hardly touched your plate. Aren't you hungry?"
James looked down at his half eaten eggs and slices of bacon. "Nope," he sighed, pushing the plate away.
Deidre sat up eyeing James and his plate. "So, does that mean you're not going to eat your bacon?"
James shook his head, offering it to her. Deidre went to grab the bacon, but Sirius snaked it out from underneath her.
"Black!" she shouted.
Sirius shook his head, a smug grin on his face. "To slow Viseeco."
Deidre scoffed. "You're not even saying my last name right. It's V-see-she-o. Not V-see-co."
Sirius shrugged taking a bit of the bacon. "Whatever."
Deidre's dark eyes flashed daggers at Sirius. He took no notice and continued to grin at her as he ate his bacon. Angered, she slammed her fist on the table, causing Madeline to drop her fork. Deidre grabbed her plate and scooted over a couple of seats so that she was sitting in front of Remus and Peter, rather than James and Sirius. Sirius rolled his eyes and continued to eat his bacon.
James folded his arms across his chest and starred blankly and the commotion going on around him. Lily hadn't shown up at breakfast. Big Surprise. Knowing her, she would probably miss potions just to avoid him. He snorted bitterly, annoyed with her already.
"James, are you listening to me?"
James slammed back into reality and focused on what was going on around him. Remus was reading a book a couple of seats down, and Peter sat next to him, trying to balance a spoon on his nose. Deidre was stabbing her eggs with her fork, obviously still pissed at Sirius. Sirius sat next to him and leaned across the table to pick food off of Madeline's plate. Madeline was blushing furiously, her big baby blue eyes trained on Sirius. James turned ninety degrees and addressed Olivia.
"What?" he asked.
She sighed, slightly irritated. "I asked you what they did?"
James narrowed his eyes at her confused. "Who's they?"
Olivia chuckled, shaking her head from side to side. " The Slytherins, who else?"
James glanced back and forth between Olivia and the Slytherin table, still having no idea what she was talking about. "Nothing. What makes you think they did?"
She surveyed him slowly, wondering for a moment if he was joking. "Well, you were glaring at them."
Oops. There was no way he was going to tell Olivia that he was actually mentally glaring at Lily, not the Slytherins.
"Oh, umm..." James stammered. "Snape has a big nose. Don't you think?"
She started to laugh, but stopped and tilted her head toward him, smiling teasingly. "I don't know. I think your nose kind of resembles his."
He narrowed his eyes at her, and she laughed. The sides of James's mouth twitched deviously, as each hand grabbed either side of her waist, digging his hands into her flesh, tickling her.
She half-squealed, half-laughed and started thrashing around in her seat. But James refused to let go. Her back bumped against Peter, causing his spoon to fall on the ground.
"Hey!" Peter exclaimed, picking up the spoon.
James let go of Olivia's waist and put his arm around her. "Sorry Pete," he replied, running his fingers through Olivia's soft brown hair.
For the first time, Peter noticed that other people were at the table. He glanced around the table, looking from Olivia to Deidre to Madeline. James knew that confused look on Peter's face. James closed his eyes and willed Peter not to say it.
Peter clearly didn't have ESP. "Hey," he asked, "where's Lily?"
Immediately, Olivia stiffened at the mention of her name, and lifted her head off his chest. And, to make matters worse, everyone was looking at him, expecting him to answer Peter's question. James narrowed his eyes at them and mentally scolded them. Way to be discreet guys.
Olivia was the last person to look at him. Her eyes were wide and searching his face for any trace of unfaithfulness, which he was guilty of. Sort of. Well, more like indirectly.
James shrugged trying to act casual. "Don't know where she is."
He tried to pretend that he wasn't interested in Lily's whereabouts, or that he was hiding something from Olivia. He tried to be passive, but apparently, he was failing miserably.
Olivia glared at him intensely. She tore he gaze away from him and grabbed her books, storming off.
Sirius let out a low whistle. "Touchy."
"Not now Padfoot."
He had enough to worry about with Lily. He didn't need Sirius sarcastic comments on top of it. He grabbed his book bag and followed Olivia out of the great hall and into the courtyard.
"Liv!" she continued through the courtyard, ignoring him.
"Olivia! Stop!" He finally caught up to her and grabbed her arm. She whirled around and yanked her arm out of his grasp.
"What?!"
A couple of third years were watching them. James took a hold of her wrist and guided her away from their probing eyes. Olivia folded her arms across her chest and scowled at the ground.
"Why are you acting like this?" he whispered harshly. He had a pretty good idea why. It was just her accusation that angered him.
She looked at him crossly, her mouth forming a tight thin line. "Do you really think I'm that stupid James?"
James fought back a frustrated sigh. He knew getting angry with her would just infuriate her more. It had taken him a long time to learn that lesson.
"Liv, come on."
Olivia threw her arms up in the air, gesturing at him wildly. "No, you come on! Give up the act!"
"What act!"
Olivia let out a bitter laugh and starred at him through her mass of sleek brown hair. Her expression was devious and somewhat menacing as she continued to sneer at him.
"This whole Lily-and-I-are-just-friends. Or my personal favorite, our-parents-force-us-on-each-other. Honestly James, how dense do you think I am?"
James was practically seething now. He clenched his fist unintentionally and let out a staggered sigh.
"You're being rash Olivia."
Her jaw dropped. "I-I'm being rash! Merlin James! I'm not blind!"
James let his hands drop loosely by his sides. He was so worn out, so exhausted. He didn't know if he had the strength in him to prove his faithfulness to her. James sat down on a nearby bench and rubbed his eyes, thinking how much better it had been when certain females hadn't deprived him of his sleep.
Olivia now stood in front of him, fiddling nervously with a lose string on her uniform. Her face paled and she now looked vulnerable.
"James...just tell me what happened between you two."
James leaned his head back on the bench and looked out on the Hogwarts grounds. He debated whether he should really tell her the truth, that he was legally bound to Lily now, and there was no way he could possibly be with another woman after December 24. Their relationship as he knew it, was over.
Yet, James couldn't bring his mouth to form the words. He couldn't tell her about it all, not until he figured it all out for himself. Plus, before he told Olivia, before anybody else knew, James really wanted to talk to Lily. They needed a plan of some kind. Something to get them through this year and the rest of their lives. It was weird to think of their lives as being fused together from here on out. They would be together, experiencing good times and bad times, seeing each other day-after-day, year-after-year, basically being in each others presence until their deaths.
James shook the thoughts out of his head, forcing himself to focus on the present and Olivia.
"Olivia, nothing is going on between Lily and I.."
Olivia dropped her head and let out a sob. She furiously brushed the tears away, but her hands couldn't keep up with her tears. "Please stop lying to me James."
"I'm not lying Olivia."
"Oh, really? Then how come Lily didn't come down to breakfast this morning. Or, how come you looked so distracted this morning and last night. Or why Lily was a mess when she got back last night?"
James shook his head, trying to think of an excuse to tell Olivia. This hadn't been the first time she'd accused him of cheating on her. And technically, something was going on between them. It just wasn't quite what she was thinking. Actually, it was probably ten times worse than cheating on her.
"Lily and I are...fighting," he decided to tell her. He couldn't spill the complete truth, but he could explain their bizarre behavior. And in all honesty, they really were fighting.
"Oh." Olivia's tears stopped momentarily, and he could almost see the wheels turning in her head. She was thinking about their current situation and all the facts he had given her. Eventually, she surveyed him slowly and decided his explanation to be genuine.
"Oh, well if you guys are fighting, why don't you...try talking to her?"
James almost laughed at her attempt to give him advice, especially when it concerned someone she didn't like very much. He held out his hand and Olivia reached out and squeezed it back. He gave her hand a tug and guided her to the spot next to him on the bench. She laid her head on his shoulder lazily and sighed blissfully. James wrapped an arms around her and kissed her forehead.
They both sat like this for several minutes, eyes closed, enjoying the morning the sun on their bodies.
"So...what are you guys fighting about?"
Talk about a mood killer. James's eyes snapped open, alarmed. "Oh...you know stupid things."
"Like..."
"Like...stuff."
Olivia sat up and James dropped his arm back to his side.
"Why won't you tell me what you two are arguing about?"
James sighed, trying to think of the best way to answer. "It's between us Olivia."
Wrong answer. Olivia huffed and ran her fingers through her hair, trying not to let her anger get the better of her.
She stood up suddenly, tears glistening in the corner of her eyes. "I don't get you." she burst. "I mean, first you say nothing is going on between you and Lily. Okay, fine. I believe you. But then, you guys are fighting about something that you refuse to tell about. Why do you always leave me out of these things?"
James leaned forward on the bench and starred at his hands, contemplating. "I don't leave you out of things."
Olivia shook her head at his response. "Yes, you do James. Everybody at that table knew that you and Lily were in a fight, except me. Why?"
James shook his head, finding no words. He couldn't tell her that the situation was a lot more complicated than a stupid fight. He didn't know what to tell her without either setting her off or confusing the truth. So instead, he decided on telling her his feelings.
"Listen, Olivia. I know you hate to hear it, but what's going on between Lily and I is personal. And if I am not mistaken, you and Lily don't get along very well."
Olivia opened her mouth, but James cut her off before she could utter a word.
"Plus, look Liv. I've had a long, well down-right, horrible weekend. I haven't had more than four hours of sleep this entire weekend. I'm so emotionally drained that I can't really feel anything right now. So, all I'm asking is that we drop this. I'm already fighting with Lily. I don't want to fight with you too."
Olivia dropped her arms to her sides and sighed, defeated. "Alright," she whispered, entwining her fingers with his and sitting down on the bench next to him. "I'm sorry you had a bad weekend." She kissed him slowly and rested her head on his chest, showing her acceptance of his terms.
James sighed grateful for once that someone was listening to him. But somehow, he sensed that Olivia was not completely satisfied.
***
Lily was the first one to arrive in potions that morning. Professor Slughorn smiled when she came through the door and muttered something about always being on time. Lily situated herself in the front of the classroom as usual, and opened her potions book. She pretended to read, while she mentally prepped herself.
Be calm, she told herself repeatedly. Just be calm, and no one will notice a thing.
Slowly, people started arriving. First, it was the occasional Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. But then, Slytherins and Gryffindors started arriving. Finally, her friends walked through the door. Madeline and Deidre sat on either side of her, acting as if they were her body guards.
"How do I look?" she asked Madeline, who was more obsessed with appearances than either Lily or Deidre ever was. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the Marauders enter, except James. For a brief moment she wondered where he was, but refused to think of it beyond that.
"You look fine Lily, really," Madeline reassured.
"I don't look pale or sick or anything?"
"No, but you do look a little tired. But it's Monday, everybody's tired."
Lily turned to Deidre and began asking her opinion. "Do I look calm? Do I look like my usual self?"
Deidre sat back and eyed her. "Well yes and no. You look like yourself, except you usually have more of a scowl on your face."
Lily narrowed her eyes at Deidre and stuck out her tongue.
"There you go!" Deidre gasped. "There's the Lily we know and love!"
Lily rolled her eyes and chuckled as Professor Slughorn shut the dungeon door, signaling the beginning of class.
"Okay, today class." The class continued to chatter lightly. He cleared his throat loudly and the rest of class began to settle down. Lily's leg began bouncing up and down wildly as she wondered where James had gone to.
"Today, we will be learning a very strong healing potion, designed to..."
Th door to the dungeon opened, and James stepped through the door. Lily's breath caught in her throat and her stomach lurched, making her glad that she hadn't eaten breakfast. She snuck a glance in his direction, but quickly looked away when she realized Olivia was standing next to him. Of course, he had been with Olivia. She should have known. She scoffed and Madeline nudged her arm. Apparently, she had done it a little louder than necessary.
Professor Slughorn motioned for them to go to their seats. The class had started chattering again, and Professor Slughorn clapped his hands together to get their attention.
"My, you all are a little chatty this morning. As I was saying, we will be working on a very strong healing potion, used in several hospitals for mending deep wounds and severed body parts."
The class erupted in disgust.
"Hey, you may find it disgusting now, but you'll be glad you know it when you find yourself without a finger."
He laughed at his joke, but the class continued to make disgusted faces.
"Okay, now I'm going to split you in pairs because we have limited supplies. So, for starters, why don't we have Wilbert Defoy and Damaris George partnered."
He went around the room, splitting the class into pairs. Finally, he came to them.
"Okay, Madeline Cross, why don't you go to back with Sirius Black." Lily heard Madeline take a sharp intake of breath, her face turning a slight pink.
"And Miss Vishicio, why don't you and Mis Tao work together."
"Yay, somebody smart," Deidre muttered to Lily. Lily smirked.
"And Miss Evans, why don't you pair with Olivia Davenport."
Lily's blood ran cold. Deidre clapped her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Lily glared at her. This couldn't be happening. Her and Olivia would kill each other for sure.
"Okay, you all have partners, so get your supplies and follow the instructions. I have speak with a fellow professor for a moment, but I trust you will all behave like well-mannered adults."
Everybody began scurrying around the room. Lily remained in her seat, repeating to herself to stay calm. Olivia slammed her books down on the table, obviously pissed about the arrangement, probably more so than Lily was.
"I'll go get the supplies," Lily muttered.
Olivia gave no response and opened her book, reading over the instructions. Lily rolled her eyes and stood in line at the supply area. She looked around the classroom and saw Deidre snoozing on her potions book, while her partner, Lori Tao, mixed ingredients. Lily looked over at Madeline, who was trying her hardest not to make herself look like a fool in front of Sirius. Madeline noticed Lily and tried to give her smile. Lily was about to give her a reassuring smile, but somebody backed up and onto her foot.
Lily jumped back and the person in front of her turned around, muttering apologies. Lily's breath became staggered and her gaze quickly dropped, when she realized that James was standing in front of her. Lily was finding it hard to breath.
"Oh...uh hey." He nervously ruffled his hair. Lily smirked at the stupid gesture that he had done since he made the Gryffindor Quidditch team.
"Um, look," he nervously looked away from her. "I haven't said anything to Olivia about..."
She looked up and glared at him intensely. She was suddenly overcome with anger. She was mad that he was bringing this up in the middle of potions class. She was mad that he cared mor efor Olivia's feelings than hers. She was mad that he couldn't even say the word engagement.
"Yeah, I get it," she cut him off, deciding to spare him the humiliation of saying the word engagement.
"Uh, well, I was just going to say-"
"Potter, I said I get it. You don't have to spell it out for me.
He sort of flinched at being called Potter and eyed her skeptically. A small portion of her felt bad for being so harsh, but and even bigger portion was blinded by anger.
His gaze quickly hardened at her. "Whatever. Forget I said anything," he said, brushing past her.
Lily quickly grabbed the supplies and walked back to her table, avoiding Madeline's gaze as she past her.
Lily reached her table and sat down with the ingredients. She opened the book and started looking over the instructions, trying to forget that James existed. She could feel Olivia's gaze on her and could tell she was fixing to start something.
"What was that all about?"
Lily flipped the page and continued to read. "What was what all about?"
She scoffed. "Don't play innocent with me. What went down between you and James back there?"
"Nothing 'went down.'" If Lily hadn't been mocking her, Olivia probably would have dropped the subject. But Lily was too riled up to back down now.
"It didn't look like nothing."
"Well maybe you need to get your eyes checked, "Lily retorted. She scooted her chair back and put some of the ingredients in the cauldron.
"You don't have to get all huffy with me Lily. I was merely asking a question, which seemed to affect you in some way. So, therefore, means something went on between you and James."
Lily snorted. "Congratulations Olivia. You now have the reasoning skills of a two year old."
Lily could feel Olivia burning holes in the back of her head, but she didn't care how much she pissing Olivia off. Lily wasn't about to sit back and be attacked.
Olivia stood up and grabbed a few bottle of ingredients. She eyed each of them closely before choosing one and dumping it's entire content into the potion.
Lily jumped back as the potion began to bubble over the sides of the cauldron.
"What was that for!"
Olivia had sickeningly satisfied smile on her face and shrugged in response to Lily outburst. She wanted nothing mroe than to slap that stupid smirk off her face.
"Thanks to you, I am now going to have a failing grad in here," Lily scolded, "all because somebody is feeling insecure about their relationship with their boyfriend."
A chorus of oh's erupted in the classroom. Everybody's eyes were trained on what they were going to do next. Olivia stood up to meet Lily's glare. If Olivia was going to hit her or punch her, she didn't know, because James was tugging her arm and dragging her out of the classroom before she could find out.
James shut the door behind them and he dragged her a little ways down the hall, making sure they were out of ear shot.
James let go of her arm and spun around, his eyes blazing. "What in the hell is the matter with you?"
Lily was taken aback. She couldn't believe he was siding with Olivia over her. "Excuse me?"
He took a deep breath, trying to control his anger. "Look, I tried to be understanding. I tried to give you space because I get that you're upset. But I am just as upset as you are and I don't feel the need to take my anger out on other people."
Lily gapped at him, completely thrown off. "Is that what you thought I was doing? Taking my anger out on Olivia? I can't believe you! Were you not just in that room? You're little girlfriend started it all!"
"Well, knowing you, you probably provoked her!" he spat.
Lily threw her arms up in the air. "I can't believe this! She was the one being impossible!"
"No, you're being impossible! Ever since we found out you have been completely ignoring me! I've tried to talk to you about it, but I guess you figure that you can just blame me for it all and get on with your life!"
Lily's eyes were being blinded by tears. She didn't want to think about the engagement. Not now, not ever.
"I don't blame you for it James! If anything, you're the one with the problem! You can't even say the word engagement! I think you're the one who is ashamed to be engaged to me!"
James snorted, slightly offended. "Oh, don't pull that crap on me Evans! You know that it is not true! I'm not the one being selfish!"
"Selfish!"
"Yes, selfish. You seem to think that you're the only one who was affected by the engagement .But guess what Evans! You don't want to marry me, just as much as I don't want to marry you!"
He spun around and stomped off back to the classroom, leaving Lily out in the hallway. She slumped against the wall and tried to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill over. She was mad at so many people. Olivia, for making her cause a scene. James, for making her feel like a jerk. But mostly, she was mad at herself.
Lily couldn't go back in the classroom and face the class. They would all be starring at her as she walked in. She would have to go back to her table, Olivia, and her ruined potion. She would constantly have to be aware of James's presence behind her.
Lily walked down the hall and headed for the Gryffindor tower. She couldn't face it all. All she wanted to face was the pillow waiting for her on her bed. So much for seizing the day.
A/N: Sorry if there are any grammatical/spelling errors. I only have time to look over it once, and I didn't think you all wanted to wait until Monday for the update. So, I hope you can overlook any errors. Now about updates, this is the last of pre-written chapters, so my updates will be once a week (most likely Sunday night) or every other week, depending on my schedule. This chapter would have been up sooner, but I have been sick. Luckily I am semi-cured and got some work done on chapter 5. Yay! Anyways, I don't know about you, but I'm sick of James and Lily fighting and not speaking to each other. So next chapter, they will make up and the story will get a little more light-hearted ( but not completely because drama is always fun to read). Anyways thanks, so much to all of you that have reviewed. You have no idea how much I appreciate it, so keep it up! Until next update!
- Ungraceful