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Chapter Five: Sometimes It's Not So Lovely
Three Saturdays from the 'Hogsmeade Avoidance' as I called it, I was sitting on the Heads' couch writing in my little notebook. Homework, things to do, etc, when I put my quill on the notebook, it slid off and fell to the floor. As I stood up, my foot accidentally kicked it underneath the sofa. With my left index finger saving my page, I stooped down and peered under the sofa. It was too far back to reach from my spot, so I walked around to the back of it, in between the back and the wall and tried to grab it. I heard the portrait door wising open, and two loud voices.
"James, it's not fair! He can't be doing that!" Lily yelled at him.
"Lils, it's not his fault! He can't help how he feels! You act like it's his fault!" James yelled back.
I decided not to make myself known. I should've, I know, but I was witness to plenty of their fights before and I knew from experience that it was best to stay out of the way for fear of being hit by flying objects.
"JAMES! I can't believe you're defending him!"
"He's my best mate!"
"But his behavior is childish! Going about getting a girl all wrong! Again! And you were ENCOURAGING HIM! Of all things!"
"What do you expect!?"
"Something better than that! Bri's my best friend! She's happy with Matt! You could at least TRY to talk Sirius out of sabotaging their relationship instead of making plans with him!" Lily yelled.
My stomach was in knots. What was Sirius trying to do?
"I HAVE TO HELP HIM LILY!"
"NO YOU DON'T JAMES POTTER!"
"Yes I do! You know it too."
"James!
"Lily!"
"Tell him to stop!"
"Lils, I can't! He will never listen to me!"
"You're the only one that can get through to him if anyone is able to!" Lily yelled, throwing her hands up in the air. "Just like you! So stubborn and thick-headed."
"Me? Stubborn? Look who's talking now," James fired back at her.
Lily narrowed her eyes, "What do you mean?"
"You're the most stubborn person I know!"
"ME?! YOU ARE!" Lily yelled back at him.
"Lily he really likes her! You can't blame him for that," James said, quieter than he had been and took a step towards her.
Lily lowered her voice, "Does he really? Why now all of a sudden?"
"He did before. He just didn't know it," James told her.
"That's his fault then!"
"Lily she needs to give him a chance!" James argued. "Like you did with me," he said quietly.
"James," Lily said softly, "that was different."
"How?" he asked her, sitting on the couch.
"I liked you back for the longest time, and I was single when you asked me out," she said sitting next to him on the couch. I saw James wrap his arm around Lily and she rested her head on his shoulder. They were so cute together.
"I feel bad for him, he really likes her," James said. "Can't you talk to her? Find out what's going on?"
"James, I really don't think that's very fai-"
"-please Lily?" James pleaded.
"Fine," she agreed.
"Thank you," James said, kissing Lily on her forehead.
I rested my head against the back of the sofa. I couldn't very well just walk out. I managed to fall asleep there with only a few tears escaping.
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"Bri, he's really beating himself up over this," Lily told me as she sat down next to me on my bed.
"So? And this is my fault? Like I haven't all these years? Now he realizes that I was there. That I'm the one he should be with," I fought back.
"Would you give Sirius a chance?" Lily asked me.
"Not while I'm with Matt. I owe him that. He's been nothing but lovely to me ever since we met. And Sirius hasn't, you know that Lily," I said.
"I know, I know," Lily replied patting me on my arm.
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It wasn't the same. Not since I found out that Sirius liked me. I wasn't sure if Matt knew. I never asked him, and he never said a word. It was unusual, because we usually told each other everything. I found him not looking me in the eye as much, not talking as much as we used to. I felt wounded, like I had done something wrong. Was it really my fault Sirius liked me? How was I supposed to control that? I felt that Matt had been keeping me a safe distance away from his heart now, and was slowly pushing me away. But why? Because he didn't want to get hurt. I felt for him, I didn't want to hurt him. I loved Matt, plain and simple. He was always there, no matter what. And what had Sirius done to help me? To console me at all hours of the night when some boy rejected me? Off with his girlfriend. Matt had done so many things for me. The choice should've been obvious. But if it were, why was I still debating it?
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I watched James and Lily snuggle together on one of the Gryffindor couches as I had taken to doing lately. It was growing late and the fire was dulling. I was trying to finish up my work, but my eyes kept finding their way to the two figures. They were talking, what about I couldn't hear, but it was nice. Every so often James would kiss Lily on her forehead or cheek. Sometimes Lily turned her head so that he caught her mouth which took him by surprise. She nuzzled into him and laid down. I saw him stroke her hair as she fell asleep, lying on his lap. As another half-hour passed, I was still working and wondered when James would wake Lily up so he could fall asleep because I could tell he was still awake and was just watching her sleep. When I left for my dorm he was still there.
In the morning I was one of the first people awake and made my way down to the common room. James was sleeping with Lily on his lap in the same position they had been in earlier. He hadn't woken her up. They were adorable together, as if they were made for one another. They had a certain beauty that hung about them whenever they were together, something that everyone wanted.
And I had that. With Matt.
But the question was.
Did I want it with Sirius more?
A/N: Late late late as usual. My bad. But now here's the part that you guys come in:
Who should Brina choose? Matt or Sirius? Whoever you guys decide is who she picks in the next chapter, as it and the last chapter have not been written as of yet because it rests upon your decision. Now go and cast your vote and be sure to see which one Brina chooses once chapter six the next-to-last chapter is up!