Chapter 6 - No Work, No Play.
The Hogwarts library was never the most welcoming of places during term time. Chilly and serene with an air of stillness created by the prowling Madam Pince, the place was usually about as much fun as History of Magic. But there was something different about it in these circumstances. Harry was starting to appreciate the veritable mine of knowledge and information here, all of which was available without having to worry about the strict Librarian screeching at you for bending the pages of an ancient book.
Harry and Hermione had been sat there for several hours. Dobby had been overjoyed to learn that Harry had come to Hogwarts for the day and he and the other house elves bustled about to and fro bringing them everything they could want. They brought a tray of coffee, pumpkin juice and a plate of sweet cakes barely ten minutes after they had arrived. Though Hermione looked shocked and pityingly at the elves (Harry thought he could see the words SPEW etched across her eyes) she found that either she fancied a cup of coffee or all the research they had to do demanded it and so she accepted their service. They, to an elf, bowed to the floor when they left, some so shocked that Hermione had said `thank you' that they squeaked loudly and banged their long snouts against the hard floor.
Hermione only complained about the elf-enslavement for a few minutes, much to Harry's relief. The thought of her getting distracted and using the extra library time to look up new ways of freeing house-elves would, Harry decided, be a colossal waste of time. It wasn't long, however, before Hermione turned back to her task and had so many books tottering in front of her that Harry could only just see her eyes. She seemed to think being in the library without Madam Pince was wrong and chastised Harry for using a Summoning Charm to pull books down from a shelf.
`Harry, that is so irresponsible,' she hissed as Wizarding Archaeology flew down from the fourth shelf behind them, nudging the two books either side precariously to the edge of the shelf.
`Oh, relax. Hermione,' said Harry. `You're too wound up in here. You should try it, you might find it quite liberating.'
`Ho ho, very funny.'
`Who's joking? Go on, I dare you.'
A cheeky sort of grin crept into the corners of Hermione's eyes, a look Harry had found strangely disarming several times recently. She seemed to be debating it, much as though someone was considering how naughty it would be to have a second cream cake. Slowly, as though a fierce battle were raging in her mind, she drew her wand and pointed it.
`Accio Hogwarts: A History!'
The book flew to her, much more cleanly, Harry noticed, than his had. Hermione looked around guiltily as though expecting to be rapped around the head by a lurking Madam Pince at any moment.
`Do I have to remind you again that you can't Apparate inside the walls of Hogwarts?' Harry said sardonically. `If you read that book you'd know that.'
Hermione took a swipe at Harry with the heavy book and he backed away in his chair to avoid it. She had another go; Harry chuckling at her efforts must have incensed her. She giggled as he dodged another blow then backed away as the book came back at him. The problem was he'd forgotten that he was already leaning his chair back onto two legs. As he swerved to avoid Hermione's attempt to clobber him the chair toppled back and Harry hit the floor. Hermione's giggles stopped immediately.
`Oh Harry!' Hermione yelped. `I'm so sorry! I didn't mean that!'
Harry barely heard her. He was too busy laughing. `That's what I get for making fun of you, I suppose. Help me up, will you?'
Harry grabbed Hermione's outstretched hand and she pulled him to his feet. The momentum carried him right up to her face and he caught his balance just before he hit her. They stood stock still for a couple of seconds and in that time Harry experienced two of the most bizarre and unsettling experiences of his life. They both happened in a fraction of a second when he caught Hermione's eye. The first was a chill, a nerve-jangling shiver, which shot through every part of his body and tickled his skin. The second was an electric charge which ignited along his old scar. It was this feeling which unsettled him the most as it was the only time he'd felt anything there apart from the burning pain associated with Lord Voldemort.
Shaking off a creeping awkwardness Harry sat down and pulled the nearest book towards him. Hermione stayed standing for a few moments longer and Harry wondered what she was thinking. She soon sat down and buried her nose in a book. After some minutes during which neither spoke, Harry got up to go to the bathroom. Once inside he looked in the mirror and considered his startled reflection.
What had that been, he thought. His scar looked normal; whatever had surged along it certainly hadn't changed its appearance. But why would his scar hurt when looking at Hermione? A terrible thought came to him - was she possessed? Had Voldemort somehow managed to get to her? Then he considered the event again and dispelled these thoughts; when he'd looked at Hermione his scar hadn't hurt. It had done something but it wasn't painful. Harry sighed in relief.
That didn't solve the other puzzles though. Something had happened there and Harry didn't know what to make of it. Only one part of it was certain - Hermione had felt it too. Whatever it was that had thrown him for a loop had done the same to her. She'd stayed where she was when he sat down, perhaps to think over it as he was now. What did it mean? Harry chuckled to himself; the one person he'd want to ask for advice on something like this would have been Hermione but the thought of bringing it up with her now was quite unnerving. He decided to just push it from his mind and ignore it.
Returning to the library with his determination to press on at the front of his mind, Harry hurried back to his seat. He saw Hermione glance from the corners of her eyes as he returned but she didn't look up at him. Harry decided to break the ice before it formed.
`A-any luck?' he asked.
`Oh! No, not really,' she said, he voice higher than usual. `You've been gone long. I thought you'd fallen in, or something.'
`Oh, was I?' said Harry, finding his voice oddly different also. `Oh, it was Peeves, you know. He always likes playing jokes on me and I had him all to myself on the way back.'
`Ah, I thought it might be something like that,' said Hermione. There was an odd hint of smile at the corners of her eyes and mouth, as though she'd been expecting him to use an excuse like Peeves. This did little to settle Harry who was suffering a strange feeling of exposure in the soft light of the library.
The rest of the day was a bit of a waste of time. Harry was reading book after book and not really taking any of it in. Words swam before his eyes making unrecognisable patterns. Not only that but he suspected Hermione was having just as little success. Several times he chanced a glance at her only to find her eyes glazed, much unlike the focused reading gaze he was so used to seeing in her face. One time he thought he saw her catching him looking at her and pulled his eyes away quickly, but not before he saw her smile to herself.
It was when Harry found himself reading Muggle Glues and Electricity Explained that he realised the futility of the situation. He slammed the book shut and gathered the other dusty volumes nearby to return to the shelves.
`Are we stopping?' said Hermione, looking up.
`Yeah, my head's turned to clay,' Harry said.
`Mine too,' Hermione replied. `Perhaps we should take a few of these books with us, just in case we get a brainwave.'
`Should we leave a note?'
`No-one's going to be here for a couple of weeks. That's plenty of time to bring them back before anyone knows they're gone.'
`Okay but you pick the books,' said Harry.
Hermione busied herself choosing a few thick books and piled them on the desk as Harry played basketball with bits of scrap parchment and the wastepaper bin. When he heard Hermione magicking the books into thin air he knew it was time to go and swept the rest of the discarded parchment into the bin with one wave of his wand.
`Hey, Harry, that's really good!' said Hermione. `You really have got the hang of non-verbals now.'
`Yeah, I've spent enough time on them,' said Harry. `I was just going to vanish them completely but it was too much effort.'
They left the library discussing Harry's advancement in more difficult magic. Hermione already knew that he was getting better at Legillimency as she had helped him practice at the Burrow but she was impressed to learn about all the new defensive spells he'd learned and how just a bit of effort had wrought a general improvement in all areas of his magic.
`I always told you that all you needed was to try a bit harder,' said Hermione. `You've got all the power in the world but you've always lacked a bit of focus. You're easily the most powerful wizard in our year.'
`Er, I don't think that's right,' said Harry reddening.
`Why not?'
`Um, have you forgotten yourself?' said Harry. `You're miles better than I could ever be.'
`Me?' Hermione said, turning a shade of scarlet herself. `Well, I won't deny that I'm good but half of that is hard work. I bet that if you were buried in books as much as I was and spent all your time working like I do that you'd be above me in all our subjects. But that'd just make you too dull and you'd never be able to beat Voldemort. Millions of hours of reading would make you too predictable.'
`But I don't think you're dull and predictable,' Harry said. `And all that work and reading means you know tons more than me. How many exams did you beat me in again? All but one, I think.'
`What have exams got to do with power?' said Hermione. `Some people just don't do well in an exam situation. But you've beaten me in every important test. I'd have never had the nerve to stand up to Voldemort, and you didn't get knocked down when we went to the Ministry of Magic, you went looking for Voldemort again. I failed y- … failed there.'
Hermione looked away and Harry swallowed hard. This was the first time she had spoken about that fateful night. Harry had often felt such guilt at the whole thing that he banished it from his mind. Not only was he ashamed of nearly getting all his friends killed he was also wracked with guilt for ignoring what they went through and focusing only on his own grief over Sirius. Now, here was Hermione bringing it up at last.
`I've never said sorry for that,' Harry said quietly. To his surprise, Hermione stopped walking and turned to face him. Harry couldn't meet her eye and looked towards Hagrid's cabin over her shoulder.
`What?' said Hermione briskly.
`What?' Harry repeated.
`What do you mean `you've never said sorry'?'
`Which part don't you understand?' asked Harry.
`Harry - Harry, look at me,' said Hermione firmly. `Why do you think you have to say sorry?'
Harry considered his next words carefully. `Well, I nearly got you killed - all of you,' he added swiftly. `If that doesn't merit an apology I don't know what does. You - you don't know what it was like.'
`What, what was like?'
`When… when I thought you'd died.'
Harry turned away from her. He knew she was going to ask for an explanation and he felt he couldn't look at her if he had to give one. Then it came.
`Harry?' Her tone did all the asking.
`When I saw it happen it was kind of in slow motion,' Harry began. `I can still see it now; the purple flame, you falling to the ground, me cursing the Death Eater before I could even think what was going on. The worst part was the little `oh' you gave as it hit you. It cut to me like you wouldn't believe. The thoughts that went through my head still haunt my dreams, not that I had much sense at the time. I couldn't think, ask Neville, he was there. If one of the Death Eaters had come in then I couldn't have fought them off, I wouldn't have had the will. If you'd had died I would have followed you soon from the guilt.'
Harry heard a little sob and turned to see silent tears streaming down Hermione's face. Then, without warning, she threw her arms around him and hugged him so hard he struggled to breathe. He hugged her back, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from him. It was a while before either spoke.
`Oh, Harry, I can't believe you,' said Hermione eventually. `Why didn't you ever say anything? Why don't you ever talk to me?'
`I don't know,' said Harry. `I thought you blamed me for it. I thought that was why you were being so weird with me last year. There didn't seem much point talking to you about it when I thought you were so angry with me because of it.'
Hermione let out another impassioned groan and Harry thought this was probably the wrong thing to have said. Unsure of what to do he just waited for Hermione to speak again, half wondering how long they would be stood hugging in the Hogwarts grounds before this happened.
Hermione did disengage herself after a while. She set to wiping her eyes, muttering things to herself like `pull yourself together' and trying to regain her composure. After watching her like this for a few minutes Harry thought he should say something.
`Are you alright?' he asked. The words felt dumb before they'd even left his mouth.
`No,' said Hermione. `I think I'm quite far from alright.'
`Anything I can do?'
Hermione smiled. `Stop being such a recluse, maybe? It might stop misunderstanding like this.'
`Like what?'
`I thought you were being funny with me because of what happened at the Ministry,' said Hermione.
`Um, why would that be, exactly?' asked Harry, confused.
`I thought that you were angry at me that … that I'd failed you. I know I was.'
Harry just stared at her, goggled actually. `Hermione…' Harry didn't know what to say to this. Hermione took over.
`I know you were angry at the end of the year, I didn't know what to say to you,' she said. `I wanted to help you but you were pushing everyone away. I thought you were mad at me for being too weak to fight until the end. I thought you might b…blame me for not being able to help Sirius.'
`Hermione!' Harry cried. `Why would you think that? You were brilliant. You knew it was a trap by Voldemort and I was too pig-headed to listen to you. Then you got rid of Umbridge and you flew the Thestrals even though you don't like it. You were amazing. The best fighter I had, why do you think I pulled you to me when we got away from the Death Eaters the first time? Of all the people there I wanted you to be at my side. It was me that failed you, not the other way around. I wasn't good enough for you; wasn't good enough to work out that trap, not good enough to keep you all from harm, not good enough to save… I can't believe you blamed yourself for those things. It was my fault. I feel awful now.'
`Oh, don't!' Hermione pleaded. `I don't want to make you feel bad. Oh dear, I've never been very good at this sort of thing.'
`Look, before we get too emotional lets just make up and move on,' said Harry. `I'm sorry, really sorry, that you got hurt at the Ministry. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you in the first place - you're advice had never gotten me in trouble before so I should have remembered that then. You don't have to be sorry about anything because you did nothing wrong. I wasn't mad at you, I was mad at me. And Dumbledore a little, but lets forget that now. Let's shake hands and get over it.'
`Harry, when has a handshake ever been good enough for us?' Hermione asked, and then drew Harry into another hug. This one wasn't the bone-shattering bear hugs he was used to from her. This one was tender and intimate and then came the third shocking feeling Harry had experienced that day. For a second, a little longer than the feelings in the library, Harry felt a surge of jealously. Jealousy of Ron. He broke the hug quickly.
`Ok, that's done,' he said awkwardly. `Let's go. Everyone will be wondering where you've got to.'
They walked out of the grounds and stopped outside, preparing to Apparate.
`What are you going to tell them?' Harry asked.
`Tell who?' Hermione replied.
`Ron and the others, when you get back to the Burrow,' said Harry. `Where are you going to tell them you've been?'
`I'm not going back to the Burrow.'
`Then where are you going?'
`I'm coming with you to Grimmauld Place,' said Hermione simply.
`No, you're not,' said Harry. `I don't think that's a good idea at all.'
`Why not?' asked Hermione.
`Where should I start?' said Harry incredulously. `Firstly, everyone at the Burrow will be worrying about you. Secondly, I don't think Ron would be too impressed with you. Thirdly, Grimmauld Place is horrible- '
`Which is why you shouldn't be there alone,' Hermione interrupted. `And points one and two apply to you as well.'
`I don't think Ron would have the same reaction to me staying at Grimmauld Place as he would to you.'
`Why not?'
`Hermione, seriously!' said Harry. `You and me, alone, in an empty house. You think Ron would be pleased with that, do you? You are his girlfriend, in case you've forgotten.'
`And you're his best friend. Surely you don't think he'd think anything would happen?'
`This is Ron we're talking about,' said Harry. `Suspicion and jealousy are his middle names.'
`Ron Suspicion Jealousy Weasley,' said Hermione. `What were his mother and father thinking?'
`Hermione, I'm being serious,' said Harry sternly. `I don't think this is a good idea.'
`Look, Harry, there is absolutely no way I'm letting you stay in that house alone, so don't argue. If Ron wants to be jealous then let him be jealous. There are more important things right now. I'm staying with you and that's final.'
`Fine,' said Harry admitting defeat. He smirked as he added, `But no funny business!'
`No promises, Harry,' said Hermione suppressing a giggle.
They both Disapparated, reappearing outside Grimmauld Place. Harry led the way into the house, Hermione close behind. They made their way into the living room on the first floor where the books from Hogwarts were already neatly stacked. The sight of them jerked Harry into the realisation that Hermione had planned to return here all the time. He felt uneasy; for the first time since he'd known Hermione he didn't know what to expect from her. One thing was for sure, he didn't like the uncertainty one little bit.
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